RecoveringChris

Hello everyone. I have some unfortunate news over the last month. As you all know, I lost one of my grandfathers. Then, on Easter Sunday, my other grandfather passed. On May 9th, I went out with some friends, had a few drinks and ended up urinating on myself when I got home. Then today, I bought a few drinks on my day off, and I ended up getting called in. I apparently impersonating my sister told them I wasn't in. Then I ended up calling them back. They didn't need me at that point. I'm scared for my life at the moment. Not sure how I'll explain this. I don't know, it's been a tough month to say the least.

Kjell

Hi Chris-

My dad died when I was two months sober. It was tough and he died a slow painful death from prostate cancer (it wasn't pretty).

I stayed sober, but probably only b/c I was LOCKED INTO the program of AA. I went to meetings even when I was down in FL to see his last days and then again to go to his funeral.

We can stay sober no matter what.

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but just the opposite. I want you to know it can be done and you can do it too.

Kjell~

CarolD

Yes..it's sad when our loved ones leave this planet...
Since I quit drinking....my parents and only sibling died.
Many former friends and acquaintanxes died too.
However...I did not drink over their leaving.

are you planning to get back on track soon? If so...how?

RecoveringChris

I don't know. I'm planning on getting on track but I'm worried about my job and how many close friends are going to take this at the moment. I don't want to be a turn off.

Brette

Kjell- you bring tremendous thought to your posts. Thank you for your contributions.

MsCooterBrown

I don't want to be a turn off

I don't understand..how would you be a turn off? I found "friends" that are not supportive of a major lifechange such as sobriety do not support me..then they are not friends. I hope your job is still in tact and I am sorry for your losses.

RecoveringChris

A turn off as in "Oh he's a drunk. Stay away from him."

Dee74

Welcome back Chris.
I'm sorry for your loss.

I think your main priority needs to be stopping right now - without stopping drinking, your job and your friends are in jeopardy anyway.

Have you got any plans of what to do? AA or some other group? rehab?
What you've been doing doesn't seem to be working so well ?

D

aussieblue

Hi Chris sorry for your loss. I hope you can get yourself back on track.
Take care.

verity29

Hi Chris. People who will be "turned off" by your sobriety are not people you need in your life right now. When I was drinking I used to think "God - what would people think if they knew I was an alcoholic" turns out it wasn't the "secret" I thought. It's a pretty hard 1 to hide

These sorts of incidents and worse is what you can expect while drinking when you have problems with alcohol. It just never gets better. I am sorry for your losses but I know that drinking to help you cope only leads to more losses and a bigger mess to sort out.

Let us know how you get on.

RecoveringChris

Sorry about my words being all over the place, everyone. When I was writing this last night I was hungover and felt horrible. I feel horrible this morning and feel like I've let myself down. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I go into work today and explain this situation to my friends if asked. It's so strange how two bottles of tvarsky vodka can screw things up for me. I'm a good person and I hope everyone gives me a chance. I know I've had a ton and have thrown many away but I won't screw this one up.

verity29

I believe you are a good person just drink makes us do the most f***** up things. You will sort it out maybe explain to people the truth and now you are willing to do something about it?

OklaBH

Oh man...Ive pulled some real stunts with my job in the past--all from drinking and/or being hungover. I know you are in a fragile state right now. You need support. Not friends or co-workers. Check out an AA meeting. Tell them whats been going on. You will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders when you do.

Im very sorry about your grandfathers. I have gone through it more times than I would like to remember. Its never easy. The bottle makes it 10x worse though.

When are you scheduled to go back to work?

RecoveringChris

12:00 today. I'm dreading it.

OklaBH

It will be fine. Trust me I have stressed like crazy over going back to work after BS I pulled when drinking. The alcohol has you more stressed than you realize and anxious. I know the feeling and it isnt fun at all.

If you are called to the office/confronted...be honest. People are human. We all mess up. Tell them you are still reeling over the RECENT losses in your life.

Move forward my friend....dont continue in the cycle. I did and it just got worse everytime.

verity29

Take a deep breath and just face it. Tell them you have had a rough time lately but now your dealing with it.
Just remember whatever happens you will survive. let us know how it goes. Will be thinking of you.

FBL

I actually had a panic attack at work that put me in the emergency room, questioning my own sanity. That was my "Day One" (June 22, 2009) and it was just the wake-up call I needed to turn my life around after 30 years of drinking. I thought that day was the worst day of my life, turns out it was one of the best. The sober life is even better than I ever thought possible, it can be for you too.

Zebra1275

You won't have to go through times like this if you don't drink anymore.

Kjell

Hi Chris-

Maybe today, even though all this guilt, shame, and remorse, can be the turning point in your life.

It might not work out as you expect or even want, but if you get sober for good, maybe you can look back on today as a very important day in your life.

If I were you, I'd be going to a AA meeting, or making a appointment to see a counselor, or joining an outpatient group regardless.

Kjell~

RecoveringChris

Thanks everyone. I've been sitting here the past few hours worried and shaking. Im hoping nothing will be said today. This will be a wake up call for sure but I'm hoping I haven't lost anything important like my job or my friends.