4 weeks and my biggest test and anger came today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 335
4 weeks and my biggest test and anger came today
My old man tried to tell me what I should be doing with my life in terms of trying to give me interests I don't give a shi* about.
Said that you spent your time drinking everyday why did you do that for? This made me so angry and when I said I was doing this for me in regards to being sober he shook his head and said your doing it for the family.
I told him when I tried to do it for the family I lasted 2 months because i didn't really want to quit and he didn't get it. I said it's one thing to give me advice but telling me what I should be doing is another.
I'm trying to take his lack of knowledge about alcoholism and not to take it personally but he really pissed me off. I still don't think he got it.
Said that you spent your time drinking everyday why did you do that for? This made me so angry and when I said I was doing this for me in regards to being sober he shook his head and said your doing it for the family.
I told him when I tried to do it for the family I lasted 2 months because i didn't really want to quit and he didn't get it. I said it's one thing to give me advice but telling me what I should be doing is another.
I'm trying to take his lack of knowledge about alcoholism and not to take it personally but he really pissed me off. I still don't think he got it.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Medicine Lodge Kansas
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by checkmate1 
My old man tried to tell me what I should be doing with my life in terms of trying to give me interests I don't give a shi* about.
Said that you spent your time drinking everyday why did you do that for? This made me so angry and when I said I was doing this for me in regards to being sober he shook his head and said your doing it for the family.
I told him when I tried to do it for the family I lasted 2 months because i didn't really want to quit and he didn't get it. I said it's one thing to give me advice but telling me what I should be doing is another.
I'm trying to take his lack of knowledge about alcoholism and not to take it personally but he really pissed me off. I still don't think he got it.
Said that you spent your time drinking everyday why did you do that for? This made me so angry and when I said I was doing this for me in regards to being sober he shook his head and said your doing it for the family.
I told him when I tried to do it for the family I lasted 2 months because i didn't really want to quit and he didn't get it. I said it's one thing to give me advice but telling me what I should be doing is another.
I'm trying to take his lack of knowledge about alcoholism and not to take it personally but he really pissed me off. I still don't think he got it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
You might want to suggest your Dad check out Al Anon and get some insight about Alcoholism. It might help him understand what your going through.
Congratulations on 4 weeks, that's fantastic!
Best Wishes To You!
Congratulations on 4 weeks, that's fantastic!
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Dad ain't gonna change.
At least he cares enough to come up with his dumb "shoulds".
Reminds me of my father insisting on calling his 40 something-year olds, "his babies".
Barfarama!
My sister compares alcoholism to her desire to keep eating potatoe chips. Go figure.
Get angry and get sober!
At least he cares enough to come up with his dumb "shoulds".
Reminds me of my father insisting on calling his 40 something-year olds, "his babies".
Barfarama!
My sister compares alcoholism to her desire to keep eating potatoe chips. Go figure.
Get angry and get sober!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
When I revealed to my mom that I'd been sober for 90 days she was pretty upset - upset to find out that I'd sullied the family name for so long.
It upset me too - however, she acted just as I should have expected her to act. I'm the one who changed, not her.
I'll be working through this issue on my 4th step for sure.
It upset me too - however, she acted just as I should have expected her to act. I'm the one who changed, not her.
I'll be working through this issue on my 4th step for sure.
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
Dad ain't gonna change.
At least he cares enough to come up with his dumb "shoulds".
At least he cares enough to come up with his dumb "shoulds".
It upset me too - however, she acted just as I should have expected her to act. I'm the one who changed, not her.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
I hope you can remember this....you can't change "people, places or things"
You are not responsible for changing other people - you can only change yourself, and how you react.
Your reasons for getting sober are your reasons. On the flip side, family harping on me at the time did nothing to get me sober. I didn't feel their fire, but when they turned their back on me, I felt their ice. They cared about me very, very much.
Without a doubt, family is affected by this disease as well. To those who don't suffer directly from the disease, it is hard to understand the powerlessness and lack of control we experience. To some family members, it bring up their own feelings of powerlessness, and they may wonder what they did wrong in our raising that made you this way. This could be a reason for the unsolicited guidance. Not saying that is the case for your Dad, but it is food for thought. Try to think about it from the other side. If you can understand it, that is fantastic, but if not, just pray for the day they do understand, and move on with achieving sobriety. Don't dwell on it.
Addiction is a misunderstood disease. My experience in dealing with family tells me that my words didn't count, but my deeds did.
Living well and productively is what changes attitudes toward addiction in ways that mere words can do little for. Be patient and move past the conflict.
Stay sober, work a program, keep a big toe in that great big world out there, and you will discover possiblities you never dreamed existed before. Sail your own ship and surround yourself with people who DO understand.
Keep posting..................
You are not responsible for changing other people - you can only change yourself, and how you react.
Your reasons for getting sober are your reasons. On the flip side, family harping on me at the time did nothing to get me sober. I didn't feel their fire, but when they turned their back on me, I felt their ice. They cared about me very, very much.
Without a doubt, family is affected by this disease as well. To those who don't suffer directly from the disease, it is hard to understand the powerlessness and lack of control we experience. To some family members, it bring up their own feelings of powerlessness, and they may wonder what they did wrong in our raising that made you this way. This could be a reason for the unsolicited guidance. Not saying that is the case for your Dad, but it is food for thought. Try to think about it from the other side. If you can understand it, that is fantastic, but if not, just pray for the day they do understand, and move on with achieving sobriety. Don't dwell on it.
Addiction is a misunderstood disease. My experience in dealing with family tells me that my words didn't count, but my deeds did.
Living well and productively is what changes attitudes toward addiction in ways that mere words can do little for. Be patient and move past the conflict.
Stay sober, work a program, keep a big toe in that great big world out there, and you will discover possiblities you never dreamed existed before. Sail your own ship and surround yourself with people who DO understand.
Keep posting..................
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