Advice/Suggestions Please!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 162
Advice/Suggestions Please!
Hello all. I am new to the discussion and have been sober for 6 months. I've been in and out of the program for a decade, but have never actually wanted it bad enough to try anything before. Well, this time I have hit what I hope is rock bottom and am willing to go to any length to stay sober and have a good, productive, serene life. I'm 35 yrs old, male, chronic alcoholic, multiple DUI convictions, educated, and confused. Within the last year I was arrested for 2 felony DUI's, lost my professional license, lost my business, income, house, self respect, respect of others, vehicles, all material possessions, etc. Went into a treatment center for 3.5 months. I've been attending AA since i left treatment 2.5 months ago, staying with family, etc. My legal issues have worked out to where I will plea to two misdemeanor DUI's to prevent a felony conviction and serve 180 days in county jail, starting early June 2011. I obviously dont want to go to jail, but have been in the past (10 yrs ago) and know that I can get through 6 months. I am honestly very lucky that this misdemeanor offer is even on the table considering what punishment I could be facing. Now, my question for all of you:
I have no idea what I should do after I am released from jail in early December 2011? I cannot go back to my former profession due to license suspension. I will not have a valid drivers license for at least 3 years. I cannot continue to live with family even though they would allow it. I have been depressed, isolating, etc the entire time I've been here. I need to be around other people with the same issues that I have to feel comfortable currently, so I've been considering a sober living home, half-way house, or even a work-based residential long-term treatment center if I could find any? I will either have to be at a center that provides transportation to and from work, or live somewhere near decent public transportation (half-way house). I'm bankrupt and cant afford anything expensive. I believe that I will be able to get a job at entry level but would love to have some form of support services offered by a treatment center/half-way house. Basically, I'm worried about the future and know that I should just wait and see, but its hard. Also, you throw into the mix that I am going to have probation requirements for 2 years when I get out and that makes things more complicated, i.e likely have to stay in the area for that period, thereby cutting down on options.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, has any suggestions, or has any advice at all, I would greatly appreciate it.
I have no idea what I should do after I am released from jail in early December 2011? I cannot go back to my former profession due to license suspension. I will not have a valid drivers license for at least 3 years. I cannot continue to live with family even though they would allow it. I have been depressed, isolating, etc the entire time I've been here. I need to be around other people with the same issues that I have to feel comfortable currently, so I've been considering a sober living home, half-way house, or even a work-based residential long-term treatment center if I could find any? I will either have to be at a center that provides transportation to and from work, or live somewhere near decent public transportation (half-way house). I'm bankrupt and cant afford anything expensive. I believe that I will be able to get a job at entry level but would love to have some form of support services offered by a treatment center/half-way house. Basically, I'm worried about the future and know that I should just wait and see, but its hard. Also, you throw into the mix that I am going to have probation requirements for 2 years when I get out and that makes things more complicated, i.e likely have to stay in the area for that period, thereby cutting down on options.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, has any suggestions, or has any advice at all, I would greatly appreciate it.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
It sounds as though you're doing well with acceptance, but I'd suggest not putting the cart before the horse. Of course, it's important to think about options, though planning your life six months, a year, or more from now can be shutting the door to options that you think are no longer available--but you may be surprised at what doors open back up to you.
You don't mention what professional license you've lost. I know nurses, doctors, pharmacists, and attorneys who've re-entered their professions. And though I didn't have the qualifications to do it, I always wanted to teach. I am qualified now I can't teach K-12, but I've been teaching at the college level for the past three years (where background checks either aren't as stringent or are nonexistent--I have a pile of involuntary commitments).
Also, if your family situation isn't toxic, I'd urge you not to cut off the option of staying with them. It might be a good opportunity to make some living amends.
Either way, keep up the AA meetings. Maybe you can find a correspondent while you're in jail. Many, but not all jails have AA meetings for inmates, but if they don't, it's good to keep connected. If you can't find someone in your local group to correspond with you, write to the address in the back of your Big Book. The corrections committee will match you up with a pen pal.
Good luck to you. Regardless of what your material future looks like, if you're sober, you have a good life ahead of you.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
You don't mention what professional license you've lost. I know nurses, doctors, pharmacists, and attorneys who've re-entered their professions. And though I didn't have the qualifications to do it, I always wanted to teach. I am qualified now I can't teach K-12, but I've been teaching at the college level for the past three years (where background checks either aren't as stringent or are nonexistent--I have a pile of involuntary commitments).
Also, if your family situation isn't toxic, I'd urge you not to cut off the option of staying with them. It might be a good opportunity to make some living amends.
Either way, keep up the AA meetings. Maybe you can find a correspondent while you're in jail. Many, but not all jails have AA meetings for inmates, but if they don't, it's good to keep connected. If you can't find someone in your local group to correspond with you, write to the address in the back of your Big Book. The corrections committee will match you up with a pen pal.
Good luck to you. Regardless of what your material future looks like, if you're sober, you have a good life ahead of you.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 162
Thanks for the advice Sugah. It is a law license and its currently temporarily suspended until a hearing, but I expect a 2-4 year suspension. I agree that I may very well go back to it, but not for a while, and like you said...who knows what doors may open in the meantime.
The family thing just wouldnt work as of now. Not only that it causes stress/hardship on them, but I really feel that I need to be around other alcoholic/addicts for the time being in order to feel comfortable? Never felt that way before, I usually ran from them while denying that I was one of them.
Thanks for the information about the possibility of a pen-pal through the AA central office. I hadn't considered that possibility.
The family thing just wouldnt work as of now. Not only that it causes stress/hardship on them, but I really feel that I need to be around other alcoholic/addicts for the time being in order to feel comfortable? Never felt that way before, I usually ran from them while denying that I was one of them.
Thanks for the information about the possibility of a pen-pal through the AA central office. I hadn't considered that possibility.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR.....
Sugah got you off to a good start...
I have no exppierence about legal issues or
possible professional problems.
Never lived in group houseing either or with my parents as an adult.
I did live in D.C. so public transportation is what I used.
I can absolutely share that when I began working my AA Steps
I felt a shift from shakey sobriety into solid recovery....
Please keep posting we are here to support you
All my best
Sugah got you off to a good start...
I have no exppierence about legal issues or
possible professional problems.
Never lived in group houseing either or with my parents as an adult.
I did live in D.C. so public transportation is what I used.
I can absolutely share that when I began working my AA Steps
I felt a shift from shakey sobriety into solid recovery....
Please keep posting we are here to support you
All my best
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
BHF,
Does your State Bar Association have a lawyer's assistance program for attorneys who have a problem with drugs and alcohol? I don't know if you are in a formal program, but it not, you may be able to find resources and assistance there. It is worth looking into. You might do some searching on the web.
Susan
Does your State Bar Association have a lawyer's assistance program for attorneys who have a problem with drugs and alcohol? I don't know if you are in a formal program, but it not, you may be able to find resources and assistance there. It is worth looking into. You might do some searching on the web.
Susan
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome BHF - sorry to hear of your circumstances, but glad you're here. I'm sure it seems like you have a mountain of problems to solve - I think a lot of us go through that when we get sober.
I'm not sure about the financial assistance available for long term sober living, but it can't hurt to check out state and federal programs. The Salvation Army is another possibility - they might put you up if you volunteered to help in their recovery program(?) Kind of a far out idea, but who knows? I like what Sugah said about being surprised at what doors might just open up for you in the next months/years. Things seem to "happen" when we get serious about this business.......
Maybe you could even go back to school for a year or two. At the age of 35, you've got time to make whatever changes you want to (of course, it's easy to say that since I'm older haha!) - but it's true. I didn't start my dream career until I was 40.......
Just remember to take it one step/day at a time, and do what you're doing now - get all the support and information you can. Something's going to come your way if you keep at it.
I'm not sure about the financial assistance available for long term sober living, but it can't hurt to check out state and federal programs. The Salvation Army is another possibility - they might put you up if you volunteered to help in their recovery program(?) Kind of a far out idea, but who knows? I like what Sugah said about being surprised at what doors might just open up for you in the next months/years. Things seem to "happen" when we get serious about this business.......
Maybe you could even go back to school for a year or two. At the age of 35, you've got time to make whatever changes you want to (of course, it's easy to say that since I'm older haha!) - but it's true. I didn't start my dream career until I was 40.......
Just remember to take it one step/day at a time, and do what you're doing now - get all the support and information you can. Something's going to come your way if you keep at it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I have an attorney friend who got disbarred for a few years. In that time he did have clients that he gave legal advice to..but he could not set foot in the court room. After his years were up he got reinstated. I am not sure of the time but I think it was a good 5 yrs befor he got back in. The best advice I ever got was...try not to project the woulda shoulda couldas. I have found that sobriety makes life ALOT easier. I wish you the best! Good job on six months!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 162
Yes, TN Lawyers Assistance Program. I am currently under contract with them and have been since entering law school over 6 years ago. Haven't always been successful with it though, obviously. But, yes, if I can get it right this time, and comply with the monitoring contract, they will be able to be an immense help when petitioning to have my license reinstated.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Omaha
Posts: 75
Putting the cart before the horse, I like that.
I'd make some connections while in jail, write letters, and pursue actually how the licensing board will limit you, what restrictions, etc. It may, or may not turn out how you expect.
School. I know community colleges will let you take courses toward education certification. Basically since you are a professional, a degree, you'd only need about 1 1/2 years.
There are programs available for "cons" who are trying to turn life around, etc.
Stay at a half way home, work part time, go to college.
K
I'd make some connections while in jail, write letters, and pursue actually how the licensing board will limit you, what restrictions, etc. It may, or may not turn out how you expect.
School. I know community colleges will let you take courses toward education certification. Basically since you are a professional, a degree, you'd only need about 1 1/2 years.
There are programs available for "cons" who are trying to turn life around, etc.
Stay at a half way home, work part time, go to college.
K
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
BHF, instead of looking at the negatives of your situation stop and consider how blessed you are to even have the possibility of a professional career to go back to. Many people who have been through the living hell of addiction don't have that option. It may not seem like much consolation now but it's something to consider.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome BHF to SR!!!
First you don't know, and won't know for sure how many days in county jail you will have to do until the judge says how many.
Now since you do not go to court for another month yet, you have time to do some things now. You have already been in rehab and that will be in your favor. If you have a sponsor, ask your sponsor to attend court with you, not to testify just to be support.
You can start looking for Sober Living facilities now .......... even get into one now if possible. With that also before the judge, judge may just give you some 'weekends.'
To help you look for said facilities in your area, here's a google list to start with:
Google
If you do still like your profession you may want to check and see if you can do research and such for the law office you worked for or others until you get everything straightened out with the bar assn of the state.
If you do feel like changing professions and are not sure what you would like to get into or what you are best suited for, you can again use your state services to test you and make recommendations:
Tennessee Department of Human Services
I was an executive asst for years and did production inventory control. Once sober I went back to being an executive asst and before too long I absolutely could NOT tolerate the office politics and the 8 to 5 scene. I went back to school and finally got a degree, in of all things ...... Nursing. Took me 18 months when the college said it would take 2 years. Worked those months at a job that was not much above minimum wage but was with a home health care agency.
Got my degree, got my nursing license and a business license and started my own business doing private home health care and prospered for years until my own health got in the way.
You have so much ahead of you, please, it is alright to look at the future but stay in the now. Stay in today. Be the best you can be today, even if that means going to meetings, meetings, meetings. IF you don't have a sponsor, get one. If you do, meet with your sponsor as often as possible and WORK the steps.
You will be amazed at how quick the Promises on page 84 start to come true.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so much.
Love and hugs,
First you don't know, and won't know for sure how many days in county jail you will have to do until the judge says how many.
Now since you do not go to court for another month yet, you have time to do some things now. You have already been in rehab and that will be in your favor. If you have a sponsor, ask your sponsor to attend court with you, not to testify just to be support.
You can start looking for Sober Living facilities now .......... even get into one now if possible. With that also before the judge, judge may just give you some 'weekends.'
To help you look for said facilities in your area, here's a google list to start with:
If you do still like your profession you may want to check and see if you can do research and such for the law office you worked for or others until you get everything straightened out with the bar assn of the state.
If you do feel like changing professions and are not sure what you would like to get into or what you are best suited for, you can again use your state services to test you and make recommendations:
Tennessee Department of Human Services
I was an executive asst for years and did production inventory control. Once sober I went back to being an executive asst and before too long I absolutely could NOT tolerate the office politics and the 8 to 5 scene. I went back to school and finally got a degree, in of all things ...... Nursing. Took me 18 months when the college said it would take 2 years. Worked those months at a job that was not much above minimum wage but was with a home health care agency.
Got my degree, got my nursing license and a business license and started my own business doing private home health care and prospered for years until my own health got in the way.
You have so much ahead of you, please, it is alright to look at the future but stay in the now. Stay in today. Be the best you can be today, even if that means going to meetings, meetings, meetings. IF you don't have a sponsor, get one. If you do, meet with your sponsor as often as possible and WORK the steps.
You will be amazed at how quick the Promises on page 84 start to come true.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: TN
Posts: 162
Laurie6781 & everyone else:
Thank you all for the encouraging responses. Thank you also for the tiem and effort to include the links to helpful sites. I agree that I cannot be sure of what will happen in the future and that when I attempt to do so, I automatically come to the worst case scenario. What will happen will happen and I need to accept that. At this point in time, I think that my only role in the situation is to not make it worse by drinking.
I went to a meeting today which I didnt really feel like attending, but I did, and as usual, it was exactly what I needed to hear. The topic was fear and I came away with the understanding that when you are living in fear then you are living in the future, because that is the only thing to fear - what might happen.
Again, thanks for the support.
Thank you all for the encouraging responses. Thank you also for the tiem and effort to include the links to helpful sites. I agree that I cannot be sure of what will happen in the future and that when I attempt to do so, I automatically come to the worst case scenario. What will happen will happen and I need to accept that. At this point in time, I think that my only role in the situation is to not make it worse by drinking.
I went to a meeting today which I didnt really feel like attending, but I did, and as usual, it was exactly what I needed to hear. The topic was fear and I came away with the understanding that when you are living in fear then you are living in the future, because that is the only thing to fear - what might happen.
Again, thanks for the support.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
