hibou

here I am again. I have had a week and a half of not drinking and doing so well. Really feeling good about myself. My family, husband and kids, were with me and then what happens? I find an old stash, hidden in the bathroom. I knew I had to get rid of it but I could not seem to help myself from having a few sips first. Of course I was caught. they left.
What is the matter with me? why can I not seem to learn?
I feel sick about the drinking and the lying. I just want my family back. I know they want me back. It all depends upon me...

Dee74

I'm sorry hibou - that must be rough for you...especially as this is not the first time.

Support really made the difference for me - I had to make changes to have change in my life.

I'm not up on your recent story - have you thought of face to face support like AA or some other recovery group?

We can and do put things back together - but we have to make the first real tangible steps towards doing that.

Get some help

D

CarolD

Here is your first post with us....lot's of people shared there
perhaps that will refresh your memory

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2928696

I do hope this will be your last go round with drinking
and it certainly can be....

endlesspatience

Dear Hibou

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I can very much relate to what happened to you and the situation you find yourself in now. The pain must be very real.

Reading back through your earlier posts, I notice that you said last year: "I am struggling and cannot find any spirituality. I know this is the only way forward but I am just having such a hard time believing myself. How did you get there?"

Speaking personally, it was acceptance of a spiritual programme that has been central to my recovery. It meant I was not dependent on my own will power, which was too weak to deal with an acute addiction.

Since you asked "how do you get there?" let me share a few things which helped me spiritually.

1. The meeting rooms of AA. I listened especially carefully and with an open mind to people who were talking about their experience of God and/or a Higher Power. I didn't understand or agree with everything people said but parts of their stories began to resonante with me after a while.

2. Prayer. I prayed each morning and evening. Sometimes I didn't know who I was praying to or whether it would work but the more I did it, the more I felt I was receiving help in dealing with negative, self-destructive feelings.

3. Church. A lot of people have issues with church but speaking personally, spending time with other people who are focussed on spiritual matters has made a big difference.

4. Music. I changed the playlist! Instead of listening to songs about pain and longing, I chose to listen to music with an uplifting or spiritual message. That doesn't mean I left behind cool bands for rubbish! I chose carefully and found a great deal of wonderful music in many different genres that pointed me towards recovery rather than self-pity and self obsession.

I very much hope that you will soon be in better spirits. Do please keep coming back here as often as you wish and hopefully we can share our experiences with you in a way which may be helpful.

Eddiebuckle

What is the matter? You're an alcoholic. When I finally quit at 44, after 30 years of drinking, I admitted myself into 6 weeks inpatient treatment. I thought that I understood what "alcoholism" meant, but in my heart of hearts I wanted to remain the person I was, just without alcohol. I told my counselor that I wanted to be able to be the "fun" person in the crowd, be the designated driver, etc. It took a LONG time for me to finally accept that when I said the "fun" person, what I really meant was to remain "me, minus negative emotions and dealing with them." That's one of the primary things I used alcohol for - to avoid confronting things that made me uncomfortable.

That is what the term "dry drunk" has come to mean for me. There are people who have through sheer will and lots of pain managed to stop drinking without confronting the non-physiological aspects of the disease. They seem to go through life like they are walking on thin ice, always a step away from disaster. Functional, but broken. And frequently miserable.

You CAN do this. But I found that I could not do this alone. I needed the help of others who had made that journey, who could guide me on mine. No two alcoholics are the same, so no single path to sobriety works for everyone. But most people who have successfully quit drinking and gotten back to living life happily and freely did it with the help of others. I found that help in AA. There are other options, such as SMART, psychologists, group therapy, etc. But NONE those options are going to magically appear at your doorstep, to save you from yourself. You have to make the commitment to sobriety, find out about the options that make sense to you. I've been sober for 16 months now and I still go to AA meetings, belong to a mens group for recovering alcoholics and addicts, read and meditate daily.

You can do this. Check out all the forums on SR - you'll find information on a slew of options here. But none of the tools are worth a damn if you don't avail yourself of them and fully commit yourself to using the ones you choose, especially when life throws you curveballs like the old stash you found the other day.

Zencat

There's not much to learn about when it comes to drinking. Yes sure there are recovery programs that have a lot of instruction. But the crux of it is to practice new behaviors. It is the practicing of new ways to live alcohol free that can take time. Support of ones peers in recovery can really help at the start of recovery. Then I think learning to keep on going with sober living helps to keep the practicing for a better life alive. Anywho, keep finding better ways to live and continue with your activity here at SR, life will get better for you.