hibou

I need some support. I have lost everything my partner and kids have moved out because of my drinking. I am trying but I am so miserable at home on my own. Thing is, he says that everything will come back together when I pull myself together. I do really well for a week or two and then I screw it all up again and drink. I know what all the 12 steppers say that it is not about will power. But for me, I think, it is. I give in and take what I perceive as the easy way out. I am so confused. I am desparate to be sober but then I throw this spanner in the works. anyone else been through this

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community....

Sorry to know of your difficulties..
Do you have a plan in mind for lasting sobriety?
There are various ways to win over alcohol.

Yes..I do use AA...and here is a good link about meetings
in case you decide to check us out

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html

Hope you find your way

Lipitor

Welcome to the forum. I really mean that by the way

I found something that really helped me , being alone and not liking it.

For what it is worth from a new comer.

1 During the evenings, I tried to focus and remember what my MORNING thoughts were.
Those days I would wake up with regret , anxiety and pain.
I try to extrapolate those thougts to the evenings ,IE I try to adopt the same thought process at 6pm 7 pm and throughout the evening ..

It works for me.

The memory of the next day agony , is a powerful , personal tool that reminds me of how many countless times I woke with the dread.

I decided that feeling lonely (which is only a temporary thought) is a much better option that feeling sick, anxious, confused, lethargic and all the other emotions that go along with it .

Hang in there, I sometimes call a community help line , like a crisis counselling line, and just chat for 20mins or so. Not about anything catastrophic, just about feeling lonely .
The other night I drove into the city (1 1/2 hours away ) and looked at people doing stuff, I went to a cafe, walked along the harbour and got in my car and came home feeling quite connected with the human race in a strange way .

Movies are good. Love actually , Notting Hill, any romantic comedy works for me.

Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts about yourself

L

hibou

thanks for your kind words. What you say makes a lot of sense. I am so tired of the guilt, shame, disgust with myself and the continuing disappointment and anger I cause others. I know I have to get out htere and live life, but at the moment I am stuck in the feelinng sorry for myself and I need to cut it out.

Lipitor

I hope this helps too....

I allow myself to feel sorry for myself..but only for 15 mins per day ... I think that my mistake was trying to push that feeling away ..The antidepressants did not help either.

I just allowed (and may I remind you Im pretty much brand new here ) myself to do it but gave it a time limit.
Usually when having a shower.

Dialogue goes "Ok L , Ill feel sorry for myself while im having a shower, it is private time anyway , and then Ill get on with living "... It is a great way to save hot water (im just joking there)

You are in my thoughts tonight...

L

OklaBH

I'm sorry this haPpened to you. Nothing good came of my drinking. I lost and lost people, jobs, respect, tons of money and time. My suggestion is go to a meeting. Being around people in the same boat will turn things around for you.

totfit

I really feel for you. I too lost everything, more than once. Today however I live a life that I could never have even imagined I would have. Getting ready to go out for a 10 mile training run with a great group of folks getting ready for a Half Marathon. I will then spend the rest of the weekend watching my 9yo in a soccer tournament. I have been working for the past 3.5 years in the perfect career fit in which I excel. I did AA, steps, treatment,prayed, cried, pouted, did treatment everything and nothing seemed to work. Finally, I just accepted the fact that drinking did absolutely nothing for me and instead of concentrating on not drinking, began to concentrate on the things I could do and started doing them. Exercise, a healthy diet, and healthy relationships were key for me. I also did an anti-depressant for a year at one point which helped. I kept waiting to be saved, till I figured out that nothing or no one else was going to save me. I agree that will power will not save you, that is unless your name happens to be "Will".

LaFemme

I used to use being lonely as one of my excuses to drink...I am single with no family of my own....something I always wanted. So I drank. When I got sober I realized that the reason being lonely was difficult for me was I didn't much care for my own company. To stay sober I had to change that. With therapy and hard work I have come to like myself and my own company. Would I prefer to be married with children...yes, definitely. But I will no longer use being lonely as a reason to drink.

artsoul

Welcome hibou - sorry for what brought you here, but I'm really glad you posted.

Aside from the fact that you don't have your husband/kids around, alcohol itself causes depression/anxiety - it's a pretty lonely existence. Until I got sober, I didn't even see how much I struggled just to get through the day mentally/emotionally.

I thought alcohol was the only thing that helped, when it was really robbing me of any joy in my life. Since you have this time to yourself, try to see it as an opportunity to get some support (like you're doing now!), become your own best friend, and take the next positive step towards the life you really want.

You can do it - and we'll be behind you all the way!

stacylove

YES YES and YES!!!

I am so lonely and nights are the worst! It is the worst feeling, and I don't like feeling sorry for myself, I put myself here and now I need to get myself out!

I am also a chronic relapser. Coming on SR is very helpful, and a little less lonesome. I don't know what timezone you are in but if you ever feel like talking let me know, we can be lonely together.

Try to enjoy the solitude to work on yourself, it is a time to grow and change.

Things will get better, just soldier through each day and wait for the moment, it will come. This will pass and you will grow from the experience.

Hang in there,

<3 Stacy

Hevyn

Hi hibou. It's great you've joined us. You never have to be alone again. No one understands better than we do.

The good news is - your partner has said things can still be healed if you get well. Some people aren't willing to be patient & understanding. You have something to look forward to when you get yourself feeling better.

After falling back on alcohol to comfort us, we can't imagine how to live without it. I stayed in the same miserable condition for decades, because the road ahead looked very scary without my "friend". What I needed to do was learn to face life and handle problems as they came up, without numbing myself. Things became so complicated and impossible to deal with while I was in lala land.

I finally stopped after a lifetime of drinking, and it was like coming out of a fog into the sunshine. Yes, it was hard to get used to facing life sober - but only in the beginning. I don't attend AA meetings, but it sounds like maybe that would be a good answer for you.

Keep talking to us and let us know how it's going. We care about you.

EmeraldRose

It can be very 'disconnecting' when family member shy away from you. It makes it easier for us to absorb into our heads and always think negative thoughts. Alot of people feel alone because they know they should change but the question is How? It is a lonely disease but funny now that I'm sober I have a wealth of new people in my life who are in the same boat.
I was always being told to stop drinking, fix the problem, get help, go to a doctor...yeah right. First of all, I didn't have a problem...then when I realized I may have a problem it was hard to reconnect with people in my life.
I've spent most of my adult life drinking while the kids were growing up. Now I'm separated and my youngest is 18 and basically lives at her boyfriends...so the cheese stands alone. But this gives me a chance to be the person I want to be and hope that people will appreciate me for me.
I did 6 wks of rehab and now attend AA meetings...I hope you find support that works for you to remove those negative feelings and get you on the right track. That first corner is a tough one...but after you've started it only gets easier. Things will start to fall into place if you let them happen. Life becomes more managable when sober.
I'm glad you are here, there is alot of good advice here and when ever you feel lonely just post or read. That's what I do!