Being Honest...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Being Honest...
I was raised honest, so I can't come here and "not" be honest with you guys.
My sober date was feb 2 2010...I was about 14 months sober, till Tuesday of this past week.
I was on a fishing trip with three buddies from canada the past week. They all are drinkers. Not 'hard drinkers" just "good time" drinkers.
First night I told them I didn't want to drink and it was fine, have a good time. Second night....I stared at a fitth of Vodka on the counter telling myself "what the f*** is wrong with you, your a man!". I told myself "it's been over a year, one is fine". After 4-5hrs...I finished the entire fifth myself.
I just got back home from the trip last night....and I could lie and not tell anyone about it. But I feel so ashamed and worthless about it that I can't even say...
I know I didn't "waste" 14 months because I had 14 months sober and good life, so it was not wasted.. My bottom was 14 months ago, and I have lived well since then sober...but right now I feel useless, worthless, weak, ashamed,and stupid about that ignorant decision I made a few days ago.
I could come back here and act like nothing happened, but I was not raised that way and can't be dishonest. I blew 14 months for no reason and feel like total crap tonight. Just want to be honest with you guys.
Steve
My sober date was feb 2 2010...I was about 14 months sober, till Tuesday of this past week.
I was on a fishing trip with three buddies from canada the past week. They all are drinkers. Not 'hard drinkers" just "good time" drinkers.
First night I told them I didn't want to drink and it was fine, have a good time. Second night....I stared at a fitth of Vodka on the counter telling myself "what the f*** is wrong with you, your a man!". I told myself "it's been over a year, one is fine". After 4-5hrs...I finished the entire fifth myself.
I just got back home from the trip last night....and I could lie and not tell anyone about it. But I feel so ashamed and worthless about it that I can't even say...
I know I didn't "waste" 14 months because I had 14 months sober and good life, so it was not wasted.. My bottom was 14 months ago, and I have lived well since then sober...but right now I feel useless, worthless, weak, ashamed,and stupid about that ignorant decision I made a few days ago.
I could come back here and act like nothing happened, but I was not raised that way and can't be dishonest. I blew 14 months for no reason and feel like total crap tonight. Just want to be honest with you guys.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Hanford CA
Posts: 14
Dear Being honest.... You deserve more credit then you give yourself I mean you are honest with us and is coming with an open heart. We all make mistakes we are only human one foot in front of the other. Keep your head up you stay sober once you will again. Remember you said yourself you had a good life in those 14 months. One day at a time and you will feel like that again.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
I am sorry that happened. What is done is done however. Hopefully you will not continue to drink.
It sounds like you caved to the temptation with the trip and the bottle being right there. Maybe a part of you just wanted to drink again. We lose that memory of how it was...or think it won't be that bad.
Someone I listened to the other day said, "We don't really believe that to drink is to die...we just think we will feel bad."
Maybe this experience will be helpful to you to fully concede to your innermost self of your truth both before and after drinking.
Thanks for being honest. That takes some courage.
There is much support here. Start over.
It sounds like you caved to the temptation with the trip and the bottle being right there. Maybe a part of you just wanted to drink again. We lose that memory of how it was...or think it won't be that bad.
Someone I listened to the other day said, "We don't really believe that to drink is to die...we just think we will feel bad."
Maybe this experience will be helpful to you to fully concede to your innermost self of your truth both before and after drinking.
Thanks for being honest. That takes some courage.
There is much support here. Start over.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 331
Daywalker, You have been doing a great job, and you had a slip up. Learn from this relapse, sometimes these things happen for a reason, and you can grow from this. Don't beat yourself up, and there is no reason to be ashamed, you are human, and we make mistakes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome back Steve
I'm really thankful it was a short lived episode and that you're back here and being honest.
And yeah the things you've learnt in the last 14 months still count - but...only if you keep putting them into practice.
One won't hurt is one of the two greatest lies we can ever tell ourselves.
The other lie is that we can get through the rough times ourselves...believe me I still struggle with that myself....but I know now if I reach out before it's too late, I can steady myself and not have to risk another relapse.
I'm really not sure I have another on in me.
I'm glad you did make it - but Steve this was a long time coming man - you may not be so lucky next time.
I hope you understand why I'm being a little inflexible here.
Think about what happened and what you need to do now, mate.
D
I'm really thankful it was a short lived episode and that you're back here and being honest.
And yeah the things you've learnt in the last 14 months still count - but...only if you keep putting them into practice.
One won't hurt is one of the two greatest lies we can ever tell ourselves.
The other lie is that we can get through the rough times ourselves...believe me I still struggle with that myself....but I know now if I reach out before it's too late, I can steady myself and not have to risk another relapse.
I'm really not sure I have another on in me.
I'm glad you did make it - but Steve this was a long time coming man - you may not be so lucky next time.
I hope you understand why I'm being a little inflexible here.
Think about what happened and what you need to do now, mate.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
I'm glad you did make it - but Steve this was a long time coming man - you may not be so lucky next time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
((Daywalker))
Love the honestly, tells alot about a person.
We can never go back to drinking, we are alcoholic.
Been there, had over 5 years and thought I could drink like a normal; pretty much experienced what you did, shame and remorse.
Get back on the horse and apply what you know that works.
Love the honestly, tells alot about a person.
We can never go back to drinking, we are alcoholic.
Been there, had over 5 years and thought I could drink like a normal; pretty much experienced what you did, shame and remorse.
Get back on the horse and apply what you know that works.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Re:Being Honest...
Thanks...Steve for your honesty.
We can all learn from your experience and how sacred it is to safeguard our sobriety, especially when we struggle with the unhealthy desire to drink.
Your 14 months were certainly not in vain and with the help of AA and this forum, can turn your simple indiscretion into a wonderful procession -once again.
This may actually be a blessing in disguise, so to say. Call it a blueprint for progress or even a springboard towards future successes; which can help accelerate your sobriety for many years to come.
Don't chalk it up as 'just another failure', though, even though our fleshly desires may fail us from time to time. Get back in the business of getting connected, once again, and start enjoying the bountiful life-one day at a time.
~God Bless~
We can all learn from your experience and how sacred it is to safeguard our sobriety, especially when we struggle with the unhealthy desire to drink.
Your 14 months were certainly not in vain and with the help of AA and this forum, can turn your simple indiscretion into a wonderful procession -once again.
This may actually be a blessing in disguise, so to say. Call it a blueprint for progress or even a springboard towards future successes; which can help accelerate your sobriety for many years to come.
Don't chalk it up as 'just another failure', though, even though our fleshly desires may fail us from time to time. Get back in the business of getting connected, once again, and start enjoying the bountiful life-one day at a time.
~God Bless~
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 145
In 2000, I had two years sobriety and relapsed. It happens. You are human.......I know it's hard to accept but just learn from it and move on. Write down exactly how you feel at this moment and keep it close for the tough moments. It helps 
Thank you for your honesty. Don't beat yourself up.
Thank you for your honesty. Don't beat yourself up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hi DayWalker,
I am sorry that you fell into a bottle of vodka!
Well, you said yourself and Dee too, this was coming.
You had a rough time with your friend passing away and there you are with your buddies on a lad's weekend. Jeeze, what a setup!
I am beginning to think that there is always going to be that feeling of "one more for the road" in a lot of us. We just can't go there. I have been feeling that urge lately. Holy crap! Not going to now. I will take your word for it.
Did your friends know about your 14mths and about Bob and all that? Tell them, the next time you are in that situation, to try and dissuade you.
I honestly think, you just wanted to do it, so move on now. It doesn't take much figuring out. You guys are SOOOOOO good at expressing your feelings and all.
Wow, lost your main man, away with good buddies, and a bottle of bloody vodka in your face!
Welcome back Day, and do what Dee tells you.
Hugs.
I am sorry that you fell into a bottle of vodka!
Well, you said yourself and Dee too, this was coming.
You had a rough time with your friend passing away and there you are with your buddies on a lad's weekend. Jeeze, what a setup!
I am beginning to think that there is always going to be that feeling of "one more for the road" in a lot of us. We just can't go there. I have been feeling that urge lately. Holy crap! Not going to now. I will take your word for it.
Did your friends know about your 14mths and about Bob and all that? Tell them, the next time you are in that situation, to try and dissuade you.
I honestly think, you just wanted to do it, so move on now. It doesn't take much figuring out. You guys are SOOOOOO good at expressing your feelings and all.
Wow, lost your main man, away with good buddies, and a bottle of bloody vodka in your face!
Welcome back Day, and do what Dee tells you.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
You are one of the strong ones to make it back
into these sites/rooms to share your experience
of what happened. Those that are new to recovery
can learn from your ESH of what it was like before
during and after drinking.
What so awesome about recovery is is that we have
so many to follow. So many to learn from. We all
have a reason to live. A purpose in life. In recovery
our purpose is to help those who are still suffering
with addiction.
Using your own experiences strengths and hopes to
help the newcomers and grow from it now that you
have knowledge of recovery under ur belt.
Stay strong with each sober passing day and remain
humble and honest in all you actions.
into these sites/rooms to share your experience
of what happened. Those that are new to recovery
can learn from your ESH of what it was like before
during and after drinking.
What so awesome about recovery is is that we have
so many to follow. So many to learn from. We all
have a reason to live. A purpose in life. In recovery
our purpose is to help those who are still suffering
with addiction.
Using your own experiences strengths and hopes to
help the newcomers and grow from it now that you
have knowledge of recovery under ur belt.
Stay strong with each sober passing day and remain
humble and honest in all you actions.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Rather than the actual relapse, put your focus on this....
I really think I have been "waiting" to have this relapse to be honest.
Glad you are back and are willing to share your experience with us. You want this thing, recovery, sobriety, that's clear.
Originally Posted by DayWalker 
I really think I have been "waiting" to have this relapse to be honest.
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