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denial-venting

Old 04-08-2011, 03:30 PM
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denial-venting

I moved back to this area last year, and finally ventured out to socialize. As I said in my past posts, my mother suffers from dementia due to alcohol. this is a small town, eveyone knows. So I am at this party and of course I got made fun of when I told them no thanks, I no longer drink. I expected it.
What annoyed me: my mother used to be a very popular person in this area. Its now known she suffers from dementia (at age 56). She is regularly seen talking to people who aren't there and had a couple of scary incident that got her Baker acted.
So I am at this party and someone asks about my mother. I explain she is going through alcoholic dementia. Talk about an uproar. They all tell me alcohol cannot do that and ask if its something else. The fact she was alone too much or maybe she's just at the age where dementia sets in (she's only in her 50's!!!). What can I say? No sorry, it was the alcohol, she's had extensive neurological tests. Sorry if that makes that bottle of tequila being passed around less attractive.
I remember when her boyfriend died from a rare, acute form for cirrohsis, it was the same thing. Everyone speculated "Well maybe he did drugs or something else". It was undeniably alcohol.
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Old 04-08-2011, 04:00 PM
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can you find non drinkers to hang with?
that is one of the strong points of AA
we do understand and support each other.

Prayers continue for you and your Mom
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Old 04-08-2011, 05:54 PM
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Bubble that is just an awful and hurtful experience. People just don't understand, and you are probably dead on with your tequila bottle comment. Some folks think alcohol is so innocent, lest they have to take a good look at themselves. Why else would they be so defensive at your mother's diagnosis?! I am so sorry you had to go through that.
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Old 04-08-2011, 06:22 PM
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I'm really sorry about your other is going through. That must be hard for you.

I agree with Carol, and I'd find other people to hang out with.

Prayers for you and your Mom.
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Old 04-09-2011, 08:34 AM
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Thanks guys. Carol, I have looked up AA meetings. Im really far out, I live in the middle of the woods now. With the price of gas, I will only be able to afford to go once or twice a week, but I plan on starting to go tommorow. I went to AA for a short time before I moved, and I miss being around other people that understand. I don't feel the step work is for me, but I do read the big book every day as a part of my recovery plan and I know I also benefitted from the time I went to AA listening to everyone's stories.
Writing, I think it irritated me more than it hurt me. The last thing I ever wantd to become was a self righteous former drinker but I think I am well on my way. I knew they'd make fun of me for not drinking, that part didn't bother me. It just ticks me off they deny why my mother is the way she is. Its the truth and I have to deal with it every day (oh but let her flip out and cuss or threaten them and then my phone rings off the hook, like I can do anything about it).
These same people drank with her for years and laughed at how much she loved her vodka.I am now at the point where I am going to attempt to have her instutionalized. I hate doing it, but at this point she is never lucid, maybe even dangerous. She is still drinking as well.
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Old 04-09-2011, 12:58 PM
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Hi bubble - just wanted to send some prayers and hugs for you and your mom. Other people don't realize all the different ways alcohol can affect the body and brain. I'm just sorry they treated you and your mom that way - I'll bet, though, that you made one or two of them think...... and that's a good thing.

This is a difficult time..... but it sounds like you're doing the right thing, especially if she's still drinking. (Has she been tested for liver disease/encepalopathy?) I hope that with people who know how to deal with dementia, she can still have some positive experiences that make her life worthwhile.

On another level, she would be very proud of you for getting sober.
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Old 04-16-2011, 04:02 AM
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Originally Posted by artsoul View Post
Hi bubble - just wanted to send some prayers and hugs for you and your mom. Other people don't realize all the different ways alcohol can affect the body and brain. I'm just sorry they treated you and your mom that way - I'll bet, though, that you made one or two of them think...... and that's a good thing.

This is a difficult time..... but it sounds like you're doing the right thing, especially if she's still drinking. (Has she been tested for liver disease/encepalopathy?) I hope that with people who know how to deal with dementia, she can still have some positive experiences that make her life worthwhile.

On another level, she would be very proud of you for getting sober.
Thank you.She is been in both psychiatric and regular hospitals. I was very surprised they did not find anything wrong with her liver at all in the regular hospitals. I honestly wonder if its something to do with her insurance not paying for it if its substance abuse related. I've had a number of issues with getting her help that seem to be related to her insurance. I do know her face now gets VERY red when she drinks and that is a sign of liver problems.
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Old 04-16-2011, 05:00 AM
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Not giving medical advice, but would like to ask who diagnosed your mom? And have you had more than one opinion?

Even though she has and is still drinking, there is also a form of Alzheimers that is 'early onset' as in hitting the person in their late 40's to early 50's.

If no second or third opinions have been checked out, it might be a good thing to do, as then you could apply for SSI or SSDI if she worked in her earlier years. And with a diagnosis of Alzheimers you would be able to get her placed in a home that has a section for Alzheimer patients (very secure). And SS would pay for the home.

Just a thought. It might ease a lot of the stress you are feeling at this time.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-16-2011, 06:16 AM
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Originally Posted by laurie6781 View Post
Not giving medical advice, but would like to ask who diagnosed your mom? And have you had more than one opinion?

Even though she has and is still drinking, there is also a form of Alzheimers that is 'early onset' as in hitting the person in their late 40's to early 50's.

If no second or third opinions have been checked out, it might be a good thing to do, as then you could apply for SSI or SSDI if she worked in her earlier years. And with a diagnosis of Alzheimers you would be able to get her placed in a home that has a section for Alzheimer patients (very secure). And SS would pay for the home.

Just a thought. It might ease a lot of the stress you are feeling at this time.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
I'm nervous about saying who, just because giving my location and stuff could give away my identity, but what are the odds anyone will go looking? So I'll tell you.

On the brain tissue thing, she was diagnosed by the neurological unit in Shands hospital in Gainesville in 2007. A blood vessel burst in her brain. I had discussed the alcohol use (it was a bottle of vodka a day) with the dr's while she was unconcious to see if she could maybe get some help while there.They told me there findings as far as the brain tissue being damaged and aged. They directly said it was due to the alcohol. She got out 3 weeks later and told me she quit drinking. I believed her.
Everything was fine until June 2009. She went to Flagler hopsital in st augustine for extremely high blood pressure as well as severe anxiety and paranoia. That was my first clue something was really wrong, as she confessed she believed her dead boyfriends and husband were "haunting her". I voiced my concerns to the hopsital staff and was dismissed.
They kept her for a week, was able to get her blood pressure down, ran extensive tests. No mention of her liver, they diagnosed it as being high blood pressure. She was released. I was living in another area at the time and went home. There were a lot of odd phone calls and behavior after that, then other times she seemed normal.
In February 2010 she was Baker acted. I recieved calls from several of her friends who swore she had not been drinking and the police just took her because she would not answer her door. This time I was never able to get any information and had to get an attorney to even find out where she was. They kept her for a month. This time I also called DCF and they conducted an investigation, of course wouldn't tell me anything but advised me that she would do better living closer to me. Once released, my mother swore she had not been drinking but did sign power of attorney and preselected guardian papers to me so if anything like that ever happened again, I'd be able to find her.
I started visiting her frequently and bringing her to the town where I lived for visits. No sign anything was wrong, until July 2010. Very odd behavior and I swore I smelled alcohol on her. She denied it, and I believed her. I took her home. 2 days later, my phone was ringing off the hook. She had been wandering down the road during the day, wandering through the woods at night, gone to the bar and had conversations with people who weren't there, etc. At that point one of her friends confessed to me she had been drinking all along and they lied to cover her. I called the sheriff's office and she was Baker acted again. She was sent to a psychiatric facility but fainted a short time later. She was then sent to Shands, where they found her blood pressure was at stroke level. They also told me she was hallucinating. This time, I knew she was drinking, and told them. I also told them about her 2007 incident and the damage they found to her brain tissue. They told me they doubted the alcohol caused it (even though this is the SAME hospital that told me about the tissue damage). They said her blood alcohol level was "almost nothing". Clearly if it was "almost", she had some. By this time I had been struggling with my own drinking, had found this forum and knew about acute alcohol withdrawal. I asked about it and was waved off. She was kept for a week and released.
I moved back down into my house across the street from her about 2 months later. I found then, she was drinking all the time and she stopped trying to hide it. She went through weird phases of hallucination, making weird accusations, etc. Then in December, she went through a phase of threatening and harassing people. I finally called the sheriff's office and 6 people gave statements. She was Baker acted again and got into a physical fight with the police when they took her. 24 hours later she was home. I got no info this time either. When she got home, she seemed not not remember anything that happened. Just told me the police had hurt her and she was going to the bar to get some vodka to help with the aches and pains.
The first couple of months after she was released, she went on and off acting weird then acting normal.Now she is never normal. She hears voices, talks to people who aren't there (and acts like she does not see people who are). I can't get her to go to a doctor at all. I am going back to an attorney to see what can be done.
Money is not the problem. She has insurance, and a VA check every month from her 2nd husband. The problem is getting her into somewhere and correctly diagnosed. Clearly they have not been right thus far, this cannot all be her blood pressure. I think the insurance would pay for a nursing home, but I need to get her diagnosed as NEEDING a nursing home.
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Old 04-16-2011, 06:48 AM
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I'm so sorry you are going through this but you sound like a remarkable person! I am sire if she weren't so ill she would be grateful for what you At doing.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, LaFemme
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Old 04-16-2011, 11:02 AM
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but I need to get her diagnosed as NEEDING a nursing home.
Ah yes, dear dear Florida, yuk.

You are correct and you may have to find a different neurologist and since you have 'power of attorney' can give the Dr all information before visit or during the visit and see what new Dr says, or if new Dr would recommend an 'Alzheimer' type unit in a Nursing Home facility.

I say this only because I know the 'stress' of "the child being turned into the parent" and I had a lot more time in recovery when it happened to me, and yes both my parents were in Florida at the time, lol

I honestly lost track of the number of different doctors I took each too to finally get a 'confirmed' diagnosis and then finding a 'suitable' facility started, and I am an RN. I think the only way that helped me, is that I did NOT take any B.S. from the different Drs.

PM me if I can help in anyway and we will talk.

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-16-2011, 07:18 PM
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I really wouldn't worry about what a bunch of drunk people think, especially when they're opining on medical matters.
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Old 04-16-2011, 07:39 PM
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For me pretty much all of my friends here are drinkers and do it for the most part of there free time. With that said my other friends are all people I met through AA and I can almost always find something to do with them.. Whether it's meeting up to get a coffee and hit a meeting or just doing whatever.
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Old 04-16-2011, 08:39 PM
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Re:denial-venting

There is no need to explain yourself for anything, let alone your mother’s condition. These people have not experienced the mind altering effects of prolonged alcoholism, so trying to explain yourself to anyone who hasn't experienced those symptoms -just yet- will most likely be in vain.

These people need a serious 'wakeup call' and a tour at the local psyche ward at any VA hospital would be a good start. You can find a vast array of characters from all walks of life, at those institutions, and with some very interesting stories -as well. The one unifying theme that binds them all, despite their differences, is their alcoholic disposition. You will see people who don't remember their name, because they suffer from " Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome" or "wet brain"; a deliberating form of "confabulation or retrograde amnesia” caused by alcoholism. There are those too, whom have lost most if not all their motor skills, making ordinary body functions such as the senses, perception, speech, and judgment more difficult to navigate; and The list goes on and on.

The point is rather mute, especially for anyone that doesn't fully understand the profound impact prolonged alcoholism can have on anyone's life. My understanding of this disease can best be defined in how it affected my life, since sobering up over 9 years ago. Every day is a reminder that active alcoholics do suffer serious consequences as a result of their drinking and anyone who has ever toured a hospital psyche ward, worked with newcomers or did a twelve step call can testify to that.

I've personally witnessed the struggles of many "last gaspers" and what the implications could be for anyone, who still clings to the idea that alcohol can never have any serious repercussions. What these people really need is an awakening of sorts; an epiphany, that would open up their eyes instead of their mouth and witness for themselves the residual effects this disease can cause, and a good dose of 'alcoholic dementia' might be the wakeup call they so desperately need.

~God bless~



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