My Husband is Being A jerk, Blames Me For It?
Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Your home life and relationship are so messed up because of your drinking. No doubt about that.
My fiance and I went throught the same thing while I was active. His trust and understanding slowly turned into resentment with every lie and broken promise. Every time he'd see me at my lowest, it would chip away at the respect he had for me. Everytime I tried to control my drinking by just having a little, it would make him angrier because he knew it was just an excuse and he'd eventually walk into to me being passed out again. My 'I'm just having a little and doing really well' just meant that I was no where near changing. I was still in denial.
Just as you are...
He waited, pleaded, cried, threaten, and eventually, gave up and just became bitter and angry. He started talking down to me and calling me names. I felt I deserved it. Some, I'm sure I did. Its not like we're happy drunks. And I dished out my share of name calling and arguing.
But it's never ok to go through any kind of abuse. Especially physical! One time is one too many. Your relationship has been unhealthy for as long as you have been. But throw in domestic violence and you've reached a higher, more dangerous level of unhealthy.
W/ the verbal abuse we put ourselves through, its one of the more serious issues we're working on. It's true that there is a thin line between love and hate and i pushed that line towards him. And..
while its difficult to see while you're on a rollercoaster of emotions, at the end of the day....it was still a choice to stay. He had the choice to walk away at any time. He (just like your husband and everybody else) is responsible for his own happiness. "You made me do this or that" is a cowards excuse. People will do to you and make you feel only what you allow them to.
But as both of you are adults, your children aren't. And just as we did, your kids are taking a back seat in your priorities. We too focused on what we were doing to eachother and not the kids. And you should really take a look at what your doing to them. I have to live everyday w/ what my children went through. Its my number one regret. I can never erase the confusion they felt.
So, you and your drinking and your husband are to blame for what your family is going through. You may not know this now, but your also changing (changed) the way your kids are supposed to be.
I hope you take a hard look at how your life is. You need to stop drinking, as of yesterday and the day before that and the day before that! Your life is spiraling deeper, out of control.
Wishing you the strength to a sober tomorrow...
My fiance and I went throught the same thing while I was active. His trust and understanding slowly turned into resentment with every lie and broken promise. Every time he'd see me at my lowest, it would chip away at the respect he had for me. Everytime I tried to control my drinking by just having a little, it would make him angrier because he knew it was just an excuse and he'd eventually walk into to me being passed out again. My 'I'm just having a little and doing really well' just meant that I was no where near changing. I was still in denial.
Just as you are...
He waited, pleaded, cried, threaten, and eventually, gave up and just became bitter and angry. He started talking down to me and calling me names. I felt I deserved it. Some, I'm sure I did. Its not like we're happy drunks. And I dished out my share of name calling and arguing.
But it's never ok to go through any kind of abuse. Especially physical! One time is one too many. Your relationship has been unhealthy for as long as you have been. But throw in domestic violence and you've reached a higher, more dangerous level of unhealthy.
W/ the verbal abuse we put ourselves through, its one of the more serious issues we're working on. It's true that there is a thin line between love and hate and i pushed that line towards him. And..
while its difficult to see while you're on a rollercoaster of emotions, at the end of the day....it was still a choice to stay. He had the choice to walk away at any time. He (just like your husband and everybody else) is responsible for his own happiness. "You made me do this or that" is a cowards excuse. People will do to you and make you feel only what you allow them to.
But as both of you are adults, your children aren't. And just as we did, your kids are taking a back seat in your priorities. We too focused on what we were doing to eachother and not the kids. And you should really take a look at what your doing to them. I have to live everyday w/ what my children went through. Its my number one regret. I can never erase the confusion they felt.
So, you and your drinking and your husband are to blame for what your family is going through. You may not know this now, but your also changing (changed) the way your kids are supposed to be.
I hope you take a hard look at how your life is. You need to stop drinking, as of yesterday and the day before that and the day before that! Your life is spiraling deeper, out of control.
Wishing you the strength to a sober tomorrow...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your drinking and his abuse are two separate issues, even though they may seem related.
It is never ok for someone to push you or hit you, no matter how (justifiably or not) angry they are.
But you are never going to be able to make healthy choices for yourself as long as you continue to drink. What you are doing to YOURSELF is far more damaging to you than the push was.
It isn't OK for him to push you. It isn't OK for you to drink.
If you want to get a restraining order, you can. If you want to report the push to the police, you can.
Regardless what decision you make about being with him or not, though, you are going to be stuck with YOU, the DRINKING you, until you decide to stop.
It is never ok for someone to push you or hit you, no matter how (justifiably or not) angry they are.
But you are never going to be able to make healthy choices for yourself as long as you continue to drink. What you are doing to YOURSELF is far more damaging to you than the push was.
It isn't OK for him to push you. It isn't OK for you to drink.
If you want to get a restraining order, you can. If you want to report the push to the police, you can.
Regardless what decision you make about being with him or not, though, you are going to be stuck with YOU, the DRINKING you, until you decide to stop.
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