UniqueNewYork

I have a two part question

1. Have you sworn off bars entirely since your choice to live without alcohol or do you still go for legitimate reasons sometimes such as to hear live music and be with friends?

2. Assuming you do occasionally go to bars, would you ever feel the need to try to intervene with an active alcoholic? I did go to a bar tonight, didn't drink didn't have any desire to drink, and sat next to an alcoholic. I heard him tell the bartender he thought he was going to lose his job because he's always coming into work messed up. I looked at him as a practicing alcoholic and didn't really see an opportunity to jump in with him (he was drunk and I didn't think anything I said would stick, especially when he said "I think i'm fired.. lets do shots" to the bartender).

I feel like these are individual choices and I'm reluctant to even start this thread since most of us should not be in bars at all. Its an unnecessary risk to sobriety. When I'm in one I know I am doing something wrong but its my choice and personally I can go in, order a red bull, light up some smokes (I don't smoke at all unless im in a bar and have never been addicted to nicotine no matter if I smoke an entire pack at once even). None the less even though this is a taboo topic I bet some of us are going to these places and I'd like to hear the positive and the negative.

Dee74

I have sometimes been to bars when I was still a gigging musician, but I no longer feel comfortable in them. They're just not my favorite place.

I've never approached a stranger who's actively drinking, about their drinking.

I think about how I would have responded.
I think that's dangerous UNY.

D

Latte

I do go into the bowling alley bar when we go bowling as a family. I have to get my coffee there. If there is a legitimate reason for me to be there I don't worry about it.

I've been sober for a few 24 hours and am not worried about ordering a drink by accident.

Unless someone specifically asked for help with their drinking inside a bar, it is not my practice to speak to them about stopping drinking. To be honest, I don't talk to most people about my alcoholism or my recovery, I don't have a need to. My husband has blown my cover a few times when he felt it would help someone. At first I felt this was not appropriate but honestly my sobriety and drinking is as much a part of him as it is a part of me so I figure if he speaks to people about it, he has a good reason.

MsCooterBrown

Here is the entire scoop..my take on it, if you will.
I will go if a situation arises like a few months back. A friend blew through town and he called everyone to gather at the local watering hole. I went..stuck with club soda w/a splash of cranberry. Arrived fashionably late and left early. Had a good time..BUT any more I can only last thru 3 or 4 rounds...after that the drunk speak kicks in and I don't keep up with it like I used to. I no longer like bars. They stink of stale cigarettes (go figure..I smoke so not sure why it gags me) other than it is blended in with stale alcohol. I will NEVER be with another hard core drinker..not only no but HELL no (I married a man that was Rambos son and liked to play the part after he got a little alcohol in him) ..and I live in an area where bands are few and far between so no need to listen to the blare of George Thorogoods rendition of One Burbon One Scotch and One Beer although I can belt that song out and have been known to get a helluva lot of people to chair dance to it. Nothing about it is appealing to me any more. AND I never could imagine that would happen. My whole life is changed and I am still amazed. And UNY..I don't think you asked me..but I don't think it is a good place to meet positive people..and that is who I like to surround myself with these days! That is all I got to say about that!

gravity

For the first two years of my sobriety I didn't go to bars because of fear and I really didn't see any reason to (the only reason I used to go was to get wasted). I did go to a lot of places where alcohol is served though - concerts, sporting events, etc.

After a while, I found it kind of silly to keep saying no to my friends because I no longer had that fear that I would be tempted. Plus I like socializing, meeting new people.

So yeah, I go to bars quite often - for music, to watch the big game, to be with good friends etc. If I'm not having fun, I leave but most of the time it's all good. There is usually others not drinking and many people just having a drink or two. No worries.

But I really have no use for really hammered people (unless I'm DD'ing of course). No use talking too them (gotta love drunk talk!) If someone is serious about straightening up, I will do what I can.

You gotta have really solid sobriety though.

MrDavid

Bars...do not serve any useful purpose in my sober routine, but recovery platforms do. I'd rather spend some quality time in a setting that promotes healing and wholeness, not ones that implore drinking. I suggest...you think twice before making that sacrifice. I wouldn't...either should anyone else.

~God bless~

LaFemme

I Have been a couple times for work related networking where I thought it would be detrimental to business not to go for a little bit. Most of my friends are no longer interested in bars so there aren't many reasons to go and I didn't drink in bars when I drank so I'm not overly worried about them.

As for confronting an active alcoholic....I think Dees point about it being a physical risk to you should be kept in mind

reggiewayne

I go to bars if it's lunch time and I legitimately am going to eat (BW3's comes to mind) but I sit in the family section. The only other time I've gone to a bar in the past 4 months is to pick up carry out and leave immediately. Before I go in I say many prayers and make sure I'm in a good place.

I've heard the expression "If you hang out in a barber shop long enough, eventually you'll get a haircut". Same applies to a bar. It's just not a place that I need to be.

Taking5

I have gone in to make a financial amends (paid a bar tab I owed) but that is it. The bar owner actually knew of my decision to stop drinking and was very supportive.

Reset

I don't avoid bars but I also don't go into them most of the time. I never did much even when I was drinking since booze is cheaper by the bottle.

That's a sad story though. If the bartender has a conscience it should present a moral dilemma. I'd probably mind my own business though unless the drunk guy engaged me.

bananagrrrl

I don't go to bars now and I really didn't hang out in them when I was drinking.

I think it would get on my nerves to sit at a bar with drunk people and/or alcoholics. I would not say anything to them about their situation, NOYB in my opinion.

I do go to concerts though and I really enjoy them. I get A LOT more out of the experience being sober.

AmericanGirl

When I was drinking there was one bar I hung out in once or twice a week, and some others I went to occasion. And I had a regular crowd I hung out with there. So, bars were a big part of my life. But, I stopped going to them when I quit.

I've only been in a real "bar" -- a place where the only purpose is drinking -- once since quitting, to be around some friends, but I didn't have a good time and found it really boring and upsetting to be around drunk people. I do still go to see live music at places where the emphasis is the music, not the drinking, and I do go to restaurants were there is a mix of a bar/food. But yeah, Unique, I completely understand how upsetting it would be to see that man.

bmwcycle

Funny that this topic came up today, I am going to a concert at club tonight and was having some mixed feelings about attending, also going on vacation this week at an all-inclusive resort.

In the past with these are two events I would be planning to getting my "Drink" on and get ready for a week long bender. I have already started with the justification to drink, "need to get my monies worth out of the Trip" and "it is a week away from the daily grind, why not take a vacation from reality?" or "What is a wrong with having a few rum on the rocks with a cigar to the end the day".

But now I look at it as a challenge and a new opportunity to further explore the world I used to enjoy drunk as a non-drinker. I look forward to spending more time with my kids and actually exploring the area we are visiting rather than giving them money to play at the arcade while I nurse my hang over(s).

As to the bar thing, I differ from many here and still go to bars on occasion, most often it is to see a concert or watch a sporting event with my friends. It took me a while to get over the temptation of drinking and a while longer to get over the paranoia that everyone is looking at me not drink, talking about me etc.. Now I find it to be more fun than it used to, granted I spend much less time in bars now and I am not drinking like it was my job, I still have a great time. My friends are still my friends and although I don't laugh at the joke the third time I heard it that night, or tell the same joke or story over and over again hoping to get the same laughs I did the first time. I look forward to these times as I look forward to the show tonight, and yes sure it is challenging to remain sober, it is part of who I am and I like that guy!! I know this will not work for everyone keeps me happy and I continue to look forward to every new day sober.

I would never tell anyone who has not asked anything about their drinking. Nor would I tell a vegetarian how good bacon is, or a democrat that they do not need save everyone. Some lessons must be learned through life not taught by others,

Best of luck to everyone and please wish me a safe and sober trip!!