duqld1717

Do any of you ever feel any remorse for the things you've done or said to hurt the people that you loved or the people that loved you? (Sometimes I question if the love goes both ways) Anyway, my XABF hurt me with his actions and words so many times and I never even got an I'm Sorry. We broke up a few months ago and I am hurting now more than when the abuse was actually happening. I guess I'm just realizing now that he never actually cared if he could hurt me like he did with no conscience. Sorry for the rant, not trying to be rude but I'm just hurt and angry and have questions...

CarolD

I'm sure glad you are no longer in a toxic relationship.

enjoy your future..let go of this period of your life.

doggonecarl

You may never get the answers you seek. My sister is getting out of a very hurtful relationship, finally. She still wants to know why her boyfriend acted the way he did, why he lied, why he failed to respond in a manner she expected. She wants closure. Who doesn't. But she isn't going to get any answers, especially from him.

I hope you can move on without all the questions answered.

sailorjohn

Looking for 'closure' on the outside doesn't work, Ime.

Something you have to do for yourself. Inside out.

Krang

I feel remorse every day for some of the things that I've done, but there's no turning back. I can't change the past but I can change the future and treat people better.

I'm sorry about your ex, and I know how much a relationship can hurt when it ends. I wish you the best for the future and I hope you will feel better soon.

sailorjohn

What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.

I have actually found this helpful at times, it's posted as a sticky in the F&F Of Substance Abusers Forum, "What Addicts Do"

For an active addict/alcoholic, to acknowledge wrongdoing would be to attack their own denial, impossible to do. And if those odd feelings of guilt about their behavior manage to trouble them, they can always take a drink/drug to blot it out.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, the healthy thing to do is keep my entire focus on my end, something I can do something about.

LoftyIdeals

Thank you, Sailor...I needed that.