It was all in my (alcoholic) mind
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
It was all in my (alcoholic) mind
I just had a wedding shower yesterday for my daughter's best friend. It was so much fun preparing for it and seeing everyone enjoy it - a great day all around.
A little surprise, though: The bride-to-be showed up with two large bottles of wine. I had a flashback to holding a glass of wine and tasting it..... and was bracing myself..... but then, nothing....... no urge or desire. As the girls all socialized, it was like observing something foreign..... why did they want to drink? We're all having a great time......Who wants to feel fuzzy and out of it?
It was interesting to see myself react this way, and it dawned on me that all the crazy urges, the "need" to escape, the thought that alcohol was my reward, the fear of getting sober, the fear of people, the fear of life...... it was all in my mind. But it wasn't really MY mind at all. It was my mind on alcohol.
When I was drinking, I thought I was thinking pretty clearly and sanely. I usually didn't drink until evening or at least late afternoon, so I considered myself "sober" for much of the day. I figured my life was OK - not great, but I was making it. I had no idea how much I was living under the control of the alcoholic mind.
Have you all noticed a big change in how you think today as opposed to when you were drinking? I'd love to hear about it!
A little surprise, though: The bride-to-be showed up with two large bottles of wine. I had a flashback to holding a glass of wine and tasting it..... and was bracing myself..... but then, nothing....... no urge or desire. As the girls all socialized, it was like observing something foreign..... why did they want to drink? We're all having a great time......Who wants to feel fuzzy and out of it?
It was interesting to see myself react this way, and it dawned on me that all the crazy urges, the "need" to escape, the thought that alcohol was my reward, the fear of getting sober, the fear of people, the fear of life...... it was all in my mind. But it wasn't really MY mind at all. It was my mind on alcohol.
When I was drinking, I thought I was thinking pretty clearly and sanely. I usually didn't drink until evening or at least late afternoon, so I considered myself "sober" for much of the day. I figured my life was OK - not great, but I was making it. I had no idea how much I was living under the control of the alcoholic mind.
Have you all noticed a big change in how you think today as opposed to when you were drinking? I'd love to hear about it!
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
I went to help a freind today lift something, he was drinking a beer when I got there.
When we were done he twisted off a top to another, it bring back memories, he asked at that moment "you still stopped", yep, I could drink 1 , I could drink more next week but sooner or later I'd be back to where I was. He accepted that.
I think a lot different, clear headed, the biggest thing I notice is my ability to think before getting mad at something so simple. I hit my toe last night on a cart that my wife was pushing and normally I would blame anyone that was near me, but it was my fault, it hurt but I just smiled and shook my head, I have dismissed those type thoughts a lot lately.
I even cleaned behind my computer today, I found a lot of beer cans, I guess they were the ones that overflowed when the trash was full of beer cans.
I am a lot neater and more organized, so yea I've noticed,
Life is getting so much better.
When we were done he twisted off a top to another, it bring back memories, he asked at that moment "you still stopped", yep, I could drink 1 , I could drink more next week but sooner or later I'd be back to where I was. He accepted that.
I think a lot different, clear headed, the biggest thing I notice is my ability to think before getting mad at something so simple. I hit my toe last night on a cart that my wife was pushing and normally I would blame anyone that was near me, but it was my fault, it hurt but I just smiled and shook my head, I have dismissed those type thoughts a lot lately.
I even cleaned behind my computer today, I found a lot of beer cans, I guess they were the ones that overflowed when the trash was full of beer cans.
I am a lot neater and more organized, so yea I've noticed,
Life is getting so much better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
When I was drinking everything in my life was geared towards the next drink. The reason I went places was to drink, and really the only outcome I was ever looking for was to be drunk....for 27 years.
It has been such an eye opening transition for me seeing that now. Seeing that there is truly other purposes in life. I was not living life when I was drinking, I was ignoring it. So many good things have come to since I stopped, and everyday endless possibilities arise as opposed to only one possibilty when I was drinking.
It has truly brightened my outlook and I am seeing life through sober eyes now that used to be blinded by alcohol.
It has been such an eye opening transition for me seeing that now. Seeing that there is truly other purposes in life. I was not living life when I was drinking, I was ignoring it. So many good things have come to since I stopped, and everyday endless possibilities arise as opposed to only one possibilty when I was drinking.
It has truly brightened my outlook and I am seeing life through sober eyes now that used to be blinded by alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
I took my son and his buddy to see Rush in concert tonight. In the past I would have felt stymied: I need to only have one, or at the most, 2 drinks...wait, I'd better have one glass of wine early, at least 90 minutes before I am supposed to drive us. Then I can have only one wine or beer at the concert. But no more.
Tonight was so easy it was a different life. I don't drink. No worries. At one point I went and got a diet pepsi. Yawn. And...no long lines to suffer through at the concert...no alcohol making me have to run and wee.
Totally different experience. And I blissed out at the concert and enjoyed every thing about it. Alcohol free. So nice.
Thanks for the topic! Great topic.
Tonight was so easy it was a different life. I don't drink. No worries. At one point I went and got a diet pepsi. Yawn. And...no long lines to suffer through at the concert...no alcohol making me have to run and wee.
Totally different experience. And I blissed out at the concert and enjoyed every thing about it. Alcohol free. So nice.
Thanks for the topic! Great topic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Thanks Supercrew and Soph - I wish I knew how much time I spent thinking about alcohol (and dealing with the effects)..... I'm sure it would be a real eye-opener.
Even more, wouldn't it be great if we could give practicing alcoholics a glimpse of the other side......
I really didn't think it could be like this.......
Even more, wouldn't it be great if we could give practicing alcoholics a glimpse of the other side......
I really didn't think it could be like this.......
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
I have to face some people at work who are assholes today. None of them can whip my ass.. well a couple would have a decent shot. But they are too cowardly to meet me in the parking lot. Without alcohol, I find I do not have to let them get to me. I don't have to avoid eye contact and get away from them. I can stand close to them, look them in the eye, and conduct necessary conversation for work without it bothering me. If I was drinking, I'd be a nutcase, mind going 150 mph, anxiety through the roof, unable to focus.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: long beach ca
Posts: 1
Today while out enjoying the sun i was around people at a resturant who where ordering shots and drinking beer on a hot day outside.. i was thinking wow i dont miss that feeling of drinking and then right after being soo tired and drained. Sun,and drinking= horrible mess for me 
i sure dont miss that feeling at all!!!!!! Thankyou higer power..ill order a diet coke please 
ps: im totaly new to this site and newly sober w my husband too..newly sober..theres no f pink cloud...its alot of work and tears and sweat! Love to meet new peoplettyl
i sure dont miss that feeling at all!!!!!! Thankyou higer power..ill order a diet coke please ps: im totaly new to this site and newly sober w my husband too..newly sober..theres no f pink cloud...its alot of work and tears and sweat! Love to meet new people
ttyl
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
Hi, So So much has changed. I could not catch the bus as I would think people could smell the drink from the night before and I would also be anxious - if I did not get a seat I would be mortified and shaking.
I used to hope no one noticed me in the office and did not come into say Hi, now I hope people do come in and say Hi.
I used to run for the lift hoping I would be the only one in it as I would shake if too many people were in it, now I have a chat with who ever, share a smile.
It helps though (vain part now) that I am back to how I looked in my late 20"s I am serious, I always was told I was very pretty, and now I get it again every day! Maybe sounds superficial but WOW it is better than the way I was living, so emotionally and physically I am on the up and up. Who would have thought that I was under the impression that drinking was what I needed to survive when in fact it was stopping me from really living. (got to make sure my head does not get too big though ;-)
I used to hope no one noticed me in the office and did not come into say Hi, now I hope people do come in and say Hi.
I used to run for the lift hoping I would be the only one in it as I would shake if too many people were in it, now I have a chat with who ever, share a smile.
It helps though (vain part now) that I am back to how I looked in my late 20"s I am serious, I always was told I was very pretty, and now I get it again every day! Maybe sounds superficial but WOW it is better than the way I was living, so emotionally and physically I am on the up and up. Who would have thought that I was under the impression that drinking was what I needed to survive when in fact it was stopping me from really living. (got to make sure my head does not get too big though ;-)
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