I just had a wedding shower yesterday for my daughter's best friend. It was so much fun preparing for it and seeing everyone enjoy it - a great day all around.
A little surprise, though: The bride-to-be showed up with two large bottles of wine. I had a flashback to holding a glass of wine and tasting it..... and was bracing myself..... but then, nothing....... no urge or desire. As the girls all socialized, it was like observing something foreign..... why did they want to drink? We're all having a great time......Who wants to feel fuzzy and out of it?
It was interesting to see myself react this way, and it dawned on me that all the crazy urges, the "need" to escape, the thought that alcohol was my reward, the fear of getting sober, the fear of people, the fear of life...... it was all in my mind. But it wasn't really MY mind at all. It was my mind on alcohol.
When I was drinking, I thought I was thinking pretty clearly and sanely. I usually didn't drink until evening or at least late afternoon, so I considered myself "sober" for much of the day. I figured my life was OK - not great, but I was making it. I had no idea how much I was living under the control of the alcoholic mind.
Have you all noticed a big change in how you think today as opposed to when you were drinking? I'd love to hear about it!
