Two voices
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 104
Two voices
Today is my eighth day sober. I went to bed last night looking forward to it because I had nothing scheduled, nobody counting on me to do anything, a totally free day. The weather's been beautiful here for weeks and my garden is really coming along and making me smile. There's a whole lot more work to be done out there, so I planned to tackle a chunk of it this morning, then go shopping, then catch a meeting, then cook for next week...
Problem was, even after two cups of coffee and a bowl of granola, I felt pretty low energy and headachy... very similar to how I would feel if I'd drank the night before. I didn't feel like doing anything and by 10 was in bed for my first nap of the day. I did manage to go grocery shopping when I woke up and thought about yardwork, but decided instead to take my second nap of the day.
When I woke up it was after 4 and the meeting I planned to attend was at 5. The voice in my head was loudly berating me for being lazy and not getting anything done and I was feeling pretty crummy and thinkin' I really didn't feel like being around people. Then, outa the blue, I noticed another voice... a very calm and quiet voice... that was saying something like, "Nancy, you're only eight days into recovery. Don't you think this low energy state may have something to do with your body adjusting to the extreme change in what you've been feeding it? Maybe your body needs to rest today... it's not like the garden can't wait. I think you're taking care of yourself by sleeping and I think you'll be taking care of yourself by going to the meeting."
At this point, the first voice got more and more insistent, but it was too late. Sanity had taken hold. I went to the meeting, came home and cooked, and now I'm fixin' to go to bed sober for the eighth time in a row.
I have a sneaking suspicion that had I continued to listen to that first voice, it would have said something like, "C'mon, Nance, you know you want it. Let's go get a sixpack or two. You already suck for being lazy today... what's a little more suckiness gonna hurt?"
Today I define my higher power as whatever it is that made me hear that second voice. I never would have if I were drinking and I'm pretty sure that spending quality time in here and in meetings also had something to with that voice getting through. I'm convinced that the first voice was my disease talking and the second was me talking and whatever power it was that enabled me to hear the second is the power I want running my life.
Problem was, even after two cups of coffee and a bowl of granola, I felt pretty low energy and headachy... very similar to how I would feel if I'd drank the night before. I didn't feel like doing anything and by 10 was in bed for my first nap of the day. I did manage to go grocery shopping when I woke up and thought about yardwork, but decided instead to take my second nap of the day.
When I woke up it was after 4 and the meeting I planned to attend was at 5. The voice in my head was loudly berating me for being lazy and not getting anything done and I was feeling pretty crummy and thinkin' I really didn't feel like being around people. Then, outa the blue, I noticed another voice... a very calm and quiet voice... that was saying something like, "Nancy, you're only eight days into recovery. Don't you think this low energy state may have something to do with your body adjusting to the extreme change in what you've been feeding it? Maybe your body needs to rest today... it's not like the garden can't wait. I think you're taking care of yourself by sleeping and I think you'll be taking care of yourself by going to the meeting."
At this point, the first voice got more and more insistent, but it was too late. Sanity had taken hold. I went to the meeting, came home and cooked, and now I'm fixin' to go to bed sober for the eighth time in a row.
I have a sneaking suspicion that had I continued to listen to that first voice, it would have said something like, "C'mon, Nance, you know you want it. Let's go get a sixpack or two. You already suck for being lazy today... what's a little more suckiness gonna hurt?"
Today I define my higher power as whatever it is that made me hear that second voice. I never would have if I were drinking and I'm pretty sure that spending quality time in here and in meetings also had something to with that voice getting through. I'm convinced that the first voice was my disease talking and the second was me talking and whatever power it was that enabled me to hear the second is the power I want running my life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 273
AWESOME You kicked that other voice's Booty!!!!
I'm in day 6 and couldnt believe how tired I was all day...yesterday was the same, just tired...I have SOOO much to get done around here but have decided that resting is A OK....but trust me I've been down on myself some as well...I feel ya.
So here's to you kicking those thoughts out of your head =)
I'm in day 6 and couldnt believe how tired I was all day...yesterday was the same, just tired...I have SOOO much to get done around here but have decided that resting is A OK....but trust me I've been down on myself some as well...I feel ya.
So here's to you kicking those thoughts out of your head =)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Nancy, you probably have no idea how RIGHT ON THE MONEY YOU ARE RIGHT NOW! AWESOME JOB!!!!! You did everything right. During my first 2 weeks in sobriety I slept all the time. I would get up to go to meetings and then come back home and sleep. That voice inside your head is your soul waking up. It's pretty cool stuff isn't it. You then followed up the thought with action.
You just cracked the code on what it takes to maintain sobriety. Focus on your actions and your feelings will follow. Also, pay close attention to HALT (which you did today). I went through that many times in early sobriety. I can tell you that after about 30 days I had pretty stable energy levels. The good news is it keeps getting better.
For me recovery had to be first priority. I remember feeling guilty early on because I would nap a lot during the day and my wife had to take care of the kids. All I can say is THANK GOD I did that. By being a little "less productive" during my first few weeks it's allowed me to 100 times more productive from that point on. I'm sure that will happen to you as well.
Keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're doing great!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just cracked the code on what it takes to maintain sobriety. Focus on your actions and your feelings will follow. Also, pay close attention to HALT (which you did today). I went through that many times in early sobriety. I can tell you that after about 30 days I had pretty stable energy levels. The good news is it keeps getting better.
For me recovery had to be first priority. I remember feeling guilty early on because I would nap a lot during the day and my wife had to take care of the kids. All I can say is THANK GOD I did that. By being a little "less productive" during my first few weeks it's allowed me to 100 times more productive from that point on. I'm sure that will happen to you as well.
Keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're doing great!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
With my doctors ok...I followed the eating plan for hypoglycemia
+ the supplements I found in "Under The Influence" by
Milam & Ketcham.
I credit those actions for getting me in balance mentally and
physically rather quickly.
Good job Nancy...forward is the correct direction...
+ the supplements I found in "Under The Influence" by
Milam & Ketcham.
I credit those actions for getting me in balance mentally and
physically rather quickly.
Good job Nancy...forward is the correct direction...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 223
Yeah its 3 weeks for me today, I'm still tired but its getting better. I have no thoughts of that being laziness, I view it as my body starting to repair itself.
Lots of early nights with a good book, have been enjoying reading autobiographies from alcoholics from the list folks suggested when I asked for suggestions
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...endations.html
Lots of early nights with a good book, have been enjoying reading autobiographies from alcoholics from the list folks suggested when I asked for suggestions
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...endations.html
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
Beautiful story and I can relate to many elements. I usually have two sides of thought as well. The one is intensely negative and wants me to lose at life, and the other is very positive and wants me to succeed. Its amazing how in religion these concepts are sometimes explored i.e. Yin and Yang.. the devil and God.. I don't know what the next life holds.. but I wonder if this part will be revealed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
When I first decided to quit drinking, I kept relapsing after 10 days or so because I figured I didn't have that much time under my belt so I thought having a drink (relapse) wasn't a huge let down as say drinking after a year or two of sobriety. We have to be careful in early sobriety as that "One Day at a Time" thing works both ways. I can drink just one more day and then I will quit. How much more could my health deteriorate with one additional day of drinking?.....I'll just quit the day after tomorrow and so on and so on.
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