UniqueNewYork

I don't understand why I do this. Its like I think theres something romantic about it being just me versus the world. Its the stupidest thing. Then when my friends don't hear from me for a month they assume I don't care about them when I'm thinking about them every day and smiling.

Dee74

I used to isolate too...it's much better for me to stay connected with other people...I'd wager it is for you too UNY.

No man is an island...
D

sunrise1

UniqueNY, in the last stages of my drinking, I found myself isolating; and yes, I think part of it was me vs. the world. Like no one understood, like I'd have to be a loner because my current lifestyle wasn't something that could be shared with anyone.

Today when I catch myself isolating I make a point of getting to a meeting, or picking up the phone and saying "hi" to someone.

Reset

I do it too. In my case, my shrink diagnosed it as a personality disorder. Most of the time I just don't want to deal with people.

yeahgr8

All alcoholics i have met have to be careful of isolating, it is a lot easier for us to rationalise drinking when we spend significant time by ourselves...even if we don't think about drinking or old behaviour will rear up and before we know it we are in emotional turmoil again and, more than likely, some sort of consequence...

It isn't cool, it's actually very sad to hear...an inability to connect with other people stems from not knowing oneself..

BullDog777

i isolate sometimes too, but i'm not sure it's always a bad thing. sometimes i just need some quiet space to gather my thoughts....that might go on for a week or 2. then, my friends will notice i'm MIA and then start knocking. i was sorta that way last week when i was in a funk.

sometimes i think some alone time is good, but if you're still craving, it's better to surround yourself with as much support as you can.

starlight40

Hello UniqueNY,

I am the spouse of an A, and I know from experience, the more he isolates, the worse he gets. Until he gets to a point where the only one he feels he can trust is me, so then he tries to keep me isolated too.
It's helpful to hear first hand the why's for the isolation. I never quite understood it.

Try to get out and surround yourself with healthy people. That's what I do as a codie. It keeps things in perspective for me.:ghug3

sleepie

I don't think the you vs. the world is a good philosophy- your other posts seem to paint you as down trodden and always fighting upstream as well (your boss, your job. etc.)... Personally I don't think it's a healthy thing to romanticize- it's just a form of escapism. One can carve out their own space without the use of intoxicants. We all navigate our way through life with all it's challenges.

eddie73

Very common with us alkies. Isolation even in crowds. Square peg syndrome. Apparently the square peg gets a bit rounder at the edges over time. This can only happen with patience and time.

nancyj

That's me. The more I drink, the better it describes me, the more I drink... I'm having to fight the I-don-wanna-go's every day to get to AA meetings, but guess what? Once they're over, I'm energized and glad I went. Has surprised me every day so far.

Ranger

It's worse than that for us alcoholics, friend. Isolationism is dangerous. Though your alcoholic mind might romanticize being alone, this is likely just a way for your selfish, cunning illness to keep you removed from those who might hold you accountable.

DayTrader

UNY

I've tried to take a look at EVERY "habit" I've had in my life with the idea that what I think is ok, what I think is right, what I think is acceptable......... all that stuff led to an unmanageable life and to drinking.

It's kinda that "my best thinking got me here" deal.

I see MY isolation (or the tendancy to want to do it) in the same light as drinking. I drank to forget the "me" I thought I was and to assume a new "me" role. I was hiding parts of me because I didn't think they measured up, would be accepted, or even just because I personally didn't like big chunks of myself.

In sobriety, when I don't drink to escape......the tendency to want to hide (or escape) is still there.......and it was something I had to look at. Alcoholic behaviors are, in my mind, the first step to going back to active alcoholism so I wanna keep as far away from that stuff as I can....and ask for help to stay truly "sober" (mentally, physically and spiritually).

Over time, I've finally learned to start letting go of ALL my "why do I do this.....or that" questions and just accept THAT I do them (or tend to do them) and search for a solution instead. Finding out "why" hasn't been as much of a help in changing the behavior as I hoped it would be even WHEN I figured out "why." (and honestly, most of those "why questions" are still unanswered.....but I'm ok with it).

......as an analogy: imagine yourself as a hockey player (heh, I'm from Michigan.....what can I say). Let's say you're a defense-man. Now.....there you are..the play is going on in front of you. Suddenly someone from the other team steals the puck, breaks free and is bearing down on the net. You realize the goalie isn't paying attention and this guy's gonna score unless YOU stop him. Now......... you can sit and think about WHY he was able to steal the puck, WHY he got around the other ppl on your team, WHY the goalie is not doing his job, even WHY it's fair that you have to cover for all these folks.......... but if you do that they'll score for sure because you'll be sitting there thinking rather than taking action. The solution to the problem (them scoring on your team) isn't in figuring out how or why it's happening......it's in recognizing that it IS happening and doing something about it.

we alkies though.......we all seem to fancy ourselves big-time thinkers. ( I, of course, would neeeeeeeeever do such a thing..........LOLOLOLOL.......not)

I'm absolutely NOT saying to stop asking questions......... but understand that a lot of stuff you'll just won't get an answer to right away. And my experience has been that a LOT of the questions I had......didn't get answered for many many months.......and by the time I got my answer, I didn't really care about it anymore. hehehe.

currygod

I do this to a ridiculous level, it makes for a pretty lonely life. Also, I think that it sends my thoughts 'awry'. I mean, when you talk to nobody, sometimes for days at a time, it is easy to get lost in your thoughts and nobody to tell you 'hey, thats freaking crazy thinking' if that makes sense?

On the plus side this last week or so I have kinda been relearning on how to have conversations with people, I'm still not very fluent but I suppose it is nice doing it without being under the influence...