Day 8
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 112
Day 8
Hi Everyone!
I have been struggling for years to get rid of alcohol. I knew I had a problem since I was 18, but I am not sure why...what I was drinking to hide from or escape. All I knew was that it seemed to work. Alcohol temporarily freed me from loneliness, disappointment in myself, anxiety of all types, basically anything I didn't want to feel.
I am by many accounts still young. I guess I used that as a reason not to prioritize quitting up until this point. But then a week ago I had what I cautiously call an "epiphany." It started out as a health scare. I was experiencing symptoms that could be signs of a very serious disease. The thought of dying from that disease woke me up to how messed up and empty my life was, revolving around alcohol. All of the things that I think I want, sig. other, great group of friends, successful career, healthy body, were being taken away from me by an addiction to alcohol.
My health seems to be fine and I misinterpretted the symptoms because of withdrawal-related anxiety. But I made a decision on the spot that alcohol had to go if i EVER want to be happy and make something of my life. Also, it turns out that alcoholism is a much worse disease than the one I thought I had. The only difference is that I can prevent alcoholism from taking my life in an untimely manner and the other disease I would have little control over. so I decided I need to take control and surrender to my powerlessness. In the wake of all of these thoughts, I just want to be healthy in every way.
I am heading into day 8 at (starts in an hour) without booze. The past week has been interesting. I have all the normal withdrawal symptoms...especially muscle aches and insomnia. I have made it a positive week by being insanely productive in getting my life back together: paying bills, getting my apartment in a livable state, playing with my dog and showing her the care she deserves, writing back to emails, etc. I've also been trying to sleep, get out for walks, take pictures, go to the grocery store and stock up the fridge with food, do laundry. All the things normal people do regularly without a hangover. I can't believe my life had become so unmanageable.
The main thing I am struggling with now is my lack of connection to people. Thanks to my drinking, I drove away all dating prospects. My best friend is a wonderful guy but all we ever did together was go out eating and drinking. He says he doesnt like this "new, domestic" me. He wanted me to go out to dinner with him tonight. He has a food addiction and I am sick of enabling that, especially since our outings enabled my drinking. I feel kind of lonely without a trustworthy group of friends or a sig other. I understand that since I have made such drastic changes in my life I need to change up my company too. I plan to go to AA tomorrow and hope I can find some friends there.
I can't believe Ive made it a week. This is the first time since I was 18 that ive gone so long without a drink. I am happy about this fact but realize how much work is ahead of me. Right now I have no urge to drink because i keep thinking about that health scare and if I did have that disease it probably would have been due to how much I have drank over the years and alcohol's impact on my immune system. I never want to go back there, and I dont want to cut my life short just so i can dodge emotional pain. Thanks for reading! I hope you all are having a good sober weekend!
I have been struggling for years to get rid of alcohol. I knew I had a problem since I was 18, but I am not sure why...what I was drinking to hide from or escape. All I knew was that it seemed to work. Alcohol temporarily freed me from loneliness, disappointment in myself, anxiety of all types, basically anything I didn't want to feel.
I am by many accounts still young. I guess I used that as a reason not to prioritize quitting up until this point. But then a week ago I had what I cautiously call an "epiphany." It started out as a health scare. I was experiencing symptoms that could be signs of a very serious disease. The thought of dying from that disease woke me up to how messed up and empty my life was, revolving around alcohol. All of the things that I think I want, sig. other, great group of friends, successful career, healthy body, were being taken away from me by an addiction to alcohol.
My health seems to be fine and I misinterpretted the symptoms because of withdrawal-related anxiety. But I made a decision on the spot that alcohol had to go if i EVER want to be happy and make something of my life. Also, it turns out that alcoholism is a much worse disease than the one I thought I had. The only difference is that I can prevent alcoholism from taking my life in an untimely manner and the other disease I would have little control over. so I decided I need to take control and surrender to my powerlessness. In the wake of all of these thoughts, I just want to be healthy in every way.
I am heading into day 8 at (starts in an hour) without booze. The past week has been interesting. I have all the normal withdrawal symptoms...especially muscle aches and insomnia. I have made it a positive week by being insanely productive in getting my life back together: paying bills, getting my apartment in a livable state, playing with my dog and showing her the care she deserves, writing back to emails, etc. I've also been trying to sleep, get out for walks, take pictures, go to the grocery store and stock up the fridge with food, do laundry. All the things normal people do regularly without a hangover. I can't believe my life had become so unmanageable.
The main thing I am struggling with now is my lack of connection to people. Thanks to my drinking, I drove away all dating prospects. My best friend is a wonderful guy but all we ever did together was go out eating and drinking. He says he doesnt like this "new, domestic" me. He wanted me to go out to dinner with him tonight. He has a food addiction and I am sick of enabling that, especially since our outings enabled my drinking. I feel kind of lonely without a trustworthy group of friends or a sig other. I understand that since I have made such drastic changes in my life I need to change up my company too. I plan to go to AA tomorrow and hope I can find some friends there.
I can't believe Ive made it a week. This is the first time since I was 18 that ive gone so long without a drink. I am happy about this fact but realize how much work is ahead of me. Right now I have no urge to drink because i keep thinking about that health scare and if I did have that disease it probably would have been due to how much I have drank over the years and alcohol's impact on my immune system. I never want to go back there, and I dont want to cut my life short just so i can dodge emotional pain. Thanks for reading! I hope you all are having a good sober weekend!
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Welcome Katie!
I can relate with health scares.
It didn't stop me from drinking though, time and time again.
The only thing that is working for me is my program of AA, SR, and my faith in God. I think adding my desire to change, live and be healthy is helping as well!
I had to be willing to go to any lengths to change my life.
So many times, I said I was done...and I would drink again.
I finally got it through my head, that I was never going to change. I would keep saying I was going to stop drinking, and I would drink again, and again.
I finally conceded to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic. I realized that I would always drink, and I was going to ruin my life...I already was ruining my life.
I realized I could not ever drink again...that I must never drink. I had two choices...drink, or get sober. I had to stop. Then I dove into recovery. I had to make that decision, and go for it.
I would drink when things got to be "too much" for me, or I was mad at someone, or didn't get what I want, or just to escape into a change of reality.
I am sober today, though, and have been for 93 days!
It's amazing that I have been able to turn my life around.
I have many sober women that I turn to. I pick up the telephone and call. I also have many people that I respect and turn to for help here on SR. I also listen to the Joe and Charlie Big Book study. You can find them online.
I am glad to read you will be going to AA. It's an amazing fellowship. Make sure to get the book Alcoholics Anonymous when you go. Some call it the "big book".
It's really helpful to find a woman that will be willing to go through the book with you. Reading it together, helping you take each of the 12 steps, and helping you in early sobriety.
Having a strong network of sober women that you can turn to is important. Try to find some women's meetings, and reach out. We are here to help eachother.
It's a we program. Glad you made it.
Not everyone gets this opportunity. It's a gift.
I can relate with health scares.
It didn't stop me from drinking though, time and time again.
The only thing that is working for me is my program of AA, SR, and my faith in God. I think adding my desire to change, live and be healthy is helping as well!
I had to be willing to go to any lengths to change my life.
So many times, I said I was done...and I would drink again.
I finally got it through my head, that I was never going to change. I would keep saying I was going to stop drinking, and I would drink again, and again.
I finally conceded to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic. I realized that I would always drink, and I was going to ruin my life...I already was ruining my life.
I realized I could not ever drink again...that I must never drink. I had two choices...drink, or get sober. I had to stop. Then I dove into recovery. I had to make that decision, and go for it.
I would drink when things got to be "too much" for me, or I was mad at someone, or didn't get what I want, or just to escape into a change of reality.
I am sober today, though, and have been for 93 days!
It's amazing that I have been able to turn my life around.
I have many sober women that I turn to. I pick up the telephone and call. I also have many people that I respect and turn to for help here on SR. I also listen to the Joe and Charlie Big Book study. You can find them online.
I am glad to read you will be going to AA. It's an amazing fellowship. Make sure to get the book Alcoholics Anonymous when you go. Some call it the "big book".
It's really helpful to find a woman that will be willing to go through the book with you. Reading it together, helping you take each of the 12 steps, and helping you in early sobriety.
Having a strong network of sober women that you can turn to is important. Try to find some women's meetings, and reach out. We are here to help eachother.
It's a we program. Glad you made it.
Not everyone gets this opportunity. It's a gift.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 39
It sounds like you are doing so well, especially since you have been so quick to 'repair' things, paying bills, replying to emails etc. Good job!
Also, I can totally relate to the 'health scare' issues. When I was drinking so much alcohol LOADS of weird things seemed to be happening to my body, but now it seems to be normalising itself.
Anyways, best fo luck and keep up the good work!!
Also, I can totally relate to the 'health scare' issues. When I was drinking so much alcohol LOADS of weird things seemed to be happening to my body, but now it seems to be normalising itself.
Anyways, best fo luck and keep up the good work!!
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