recycle

I came really close to picking up last night. Really close. I could have totally gotten away with it.

I noticed this thought arising. I was having trouble really believing that I could not ‘just have a beer’. Playing the tape all the way through helped, as did reading some posts here and talking to my sponsor. The thing I could not get through my head was, regardless of the consequences of drinking last night, I would be in a totally different place this morning. That is the crazy thing about perception: From this state of mind, the one you are in right now, all other states of mind seem implausible and unreal. If you feel sane and centered, your present view of the world feels sane and centered, regardless of how delusional it is on the larger scale of your life.

The phrase ‘no defense against the first drink’ is rattling around my brain this morning. I am very grateful I was able to get separation from my thoughts last night, and to be where I am at this morning. Take care everybody.

ClosetExtrovert

I'm glad you did, too. But a miss is as good as a mile. Now you can figure out what's going on and shore up your defenses.
I'll be praying for you!

xxoxoo

Ethos23

Glad you stood your ground.

Here is one state of mind that I notice at times. After a few days of drinking I feel so good (physically) that I can't imgine how terriable I will feel after drinking. Then after going on a multi-day binge, I can't perceive how great I will feel after a few days of abstinence.

ste

Keep up the good work Recycle, you are an inspiration to me. I think most thoughts are delusional (HaHa! conundrum). Wish (will work on it) I could separate from my thoughts, and just feel, as well as I think you might. Feel the good vibes, there for us all.

Stimmed

Recycle... Ring that out, its called 'understanding'.
No defence, i have a tough time with tho. Bc im tougher than giving up.

'Perception'... Im sure it is the key.

Thanks for the post, really.

TwelveSteps

You're an inspiration to me too! Thanks for sharing.

GG

Dee74

Thanks for your post recycle. It bought back to me how sane my insanity could appear...and how utterly different the new morning is when you work through the feelings.

I'm glad you made it.

There is no 'just one beer' for guys like us.

D

LexieCat

Glad you didn't pick up, recycle.

You got to experience the thought process of a relapse without actually having one. Those kinds of experiences can be great learning experiences, as you can see. IT is still there.

Hugs, glad you're still on board.

CarolD

The final paragraph on page 43 in our BB has saved
my sobriety more than once....

Forward we go...side by side

recycle

Carol, funny how things work. I have been really struggling with BB's insistence that a deity running is the show. I have looked as carefully and deeply as I am able, and I just have no feeling for that idea. Just yesterday I ran across an interview with Kevin Griffin, and he was talking about his HP is the Dharma. I am not a Buddhist, but the idea that that there is a way to live, a path, that is honest, has compassion, recognizes that the source of suffering is attachment, and seeks to discover the true nature of reality can be an HP resonated with me. It is a worthy path in of its self.

Perhaps that good fortune is something to add to my gratitude list. I guess I have lots of work to do. Thanks for the responses everyone.

yeahgr8

Better get on with working the steps then...if you believe that, for an alcoholic, there is "no defense against the first drink" then it is only a matter of time before willpower fails and the inevitable happens...