Squizz

Every time I've drank since going to AA, it's been TERRIBLE. There's such a tremendous sense of guilt. God, I feel bad drinking a Red Bull these days. I just constantly feel bad for letting all the people down who've taken the time to help me. Not only them, but letting myself down. (As well as my family.) If AA does anything, it makes your conscience EAT at you. So let it be known: Should you ever attain any significant amount of sobriety in AA, your drinking will NEVER be the same. (At least from my own experience. And many other people's I know.)

Can any people who've relapsed attest to this?

Ozgirl

I've heard it said in AA a few times that a head full of AA and a belly full of booze just don't mix.

Squizz

HAHA. I was actually going to put that in my post. And it's so true. That's why I think so many people commit suicide after relapsing. You simply can't have it both ways. (Which is basically what I've been doing for the whole year thus far. Going to meetings and drinking. Up until recently.)

ste

Years ago, a Scottish doctor postulated that hangovers were caused by a feeling of guilt. I'm sure physical factors are involved also, but the mind is a powerful (and mostly inscrutable) thing. If it hurts to drink, don't do it!

GreenAces

I wouldn't exactly say that that AA ruined my drinking... Sure I had a little more guilt because I knew there were people who thought I was doing really good and all that jazz.. But really my drinking was ruined a long long time ago before I even started going to AA... The last drunk my first time around I remember sitting in my apartment contemplating pretty severely suicide and ended up with a trip to the hospital and a week in the psych ward, nevermind the suicidal thoughts, the doctors were amazed that I survived from the amount of alcohol consumed that night and the withdrawels....

So I inevitably wound up in AA.. I relapsed a few months ago and in the short period I started drinking again my intake and actions and thoughts were as bad, if not worse than they were than the night that I went to the ward....

So did AA ruin my drinking? Nah, I ruined that many years ago. Do I have more guilt if relapsing? Yes, because now that I am sober I see that there are people out there who really do care for me and I see that I have tried hard to stay sober and live a happy life that way so sure the guilt would deepen a bit more.

NobleCause

Many years ago, while saying my goodbyes on my final day at an inpatient rehab, one of my counselors looked me square in the eye and said "If you go back out there and pick up again, then I hope it sucks for you." It struck me as an odd farewell at the time, very counter to my confident outlook at the time, but I did start drinking a few months after that and for years on end I thought of that guy whenever I lifted out of a black out or woke up in a terrible place. It totally sucked. Which is part of why I'm sober now. Which is maybe why he said that to begin with... But for a very long time, I was totally running with the idea that he'd cursed me.

PaleMale

A part of any support group gives a sense of positive peer pressure. That is obviously an intended benefit.

Additionally, folks in AA will simply be happy to help when you get to climbing on the wagon again. The guilt you feel is actually your own disappointment. And it helps to keep listening to it.

CarolD

What is AA? the Steps.

That's how I finally quit returning to drinking.

If you haven't started yours....please do
If you did them...try again ...start with Step 1

yeahgr8

I guess you know there is a solution in AA then!

All the old timers you meet with decades of sobriety who have all worked the steps as outlaid in the Big Book of AA do give a clue to what that is:-)

Part of my drinking, and the following day, was feeling sorry for myself, different to everyone else and that there was no help out there...

damselfly

While I would like to credit AA for ruining my drinking, I'm pretty sure I ruined it all my own. ;-)

I've heard it said in there before (paraphrasing): "If you want to drink, that's your business. But if you want to quit drinking, then it's AA's business." So I don't think I ever felt guilty when I relapsed (at least not guilty towards AA), but I sure did feel sick and miserable, because that's what alcohol does to me.

OK, and I'm curious why you feel bad about drinking a Red Bull, when most AA meetings serve caffeinated coffee?

GettingStronger2

In my opinion, relapsing IS suicide.

TwelveSteps

Yep, that's a thought that really helps keep me from relapsing. Not only would I be letting my friends in AA down, but I would be disrespecting something that's very important to them and spitting in the face of the time they've graciously spent helping me.

GG

JTele

+1
I'll second that! It may not be suicide in the literal sense, but it's not all that far from it, either.

aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

For many years I would hear how others
would have some recovery under their
belt to only go back out to try and do some
control drinking to only return and tell me
how it was.

I took their word seriously so I wouldnt
be the one to go out and try it myself. But
for the grace of my HP and a solid recovery
foundation under my belt I havent picked
up a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90.

bellakeller

If I hadn't joined AA, I'd probably still be looking for my bottom (or dead) two and a half years later. AA raised my awareness and thus raised my bottom though it was still painful enough that I was willing to do anything to get and stay sober.

Squizz

Well that's my take on it as well. But I've went into meetings with an energy drink before, and some old-timers would be like, "You gotta' watch out for that stuff."

Meanwhile, the guys sitting with a cup of coffee in front of him! HAHA. Red Bull's not the only thing, I feel bad about smoking as well. I think more than anything, it's because I know how good I would feel without doing all that stuff.

That being said, I've gotta' get my substance abuse and alcoholism under control first. All that stuff will come later.