How do I deal with this?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Originally Posted by bananagrrrl 
My therapist actually advised me to get a 'back up plan' in case things were to get really bad and I do have one: I can move to Portland, OR and live with my Mom for a while and then just stay out there and start a new life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I dont care if you were the worst drunk in the world. He has no right to get physical with you or abuse you verbally. You are making all these changes to get better and recover. What is he doing?
As alcoholics we need to love ourselves. Because we have a disease/problem that doesnt give people free reign to treat us like $h!t.
As alcoholics we need to love ourselves. Because we have a disease/problem that doesnt give people free reign to treat us like $h!t.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry I'm late to this Nan.
I'm with Anna on this - there is never an excuse for violence or intimidation.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 (TTY For The Deaf)
United States DV Resources by state
http://www.letswrap.com/usadv/
Start making some healthy choices BG.
D
I'm with Anna on this - there is never an excuse for violence or intimidation.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 (TTY For The Deaf)
United States DV Resources by state
http://www.letswrap.com/usadv/
Start making some healthy choices BG.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Woodbridge Virginia
Posts: 67
The first thing I want to say is don't you take any responsibility for his abusive behavior.He owns this one.It is never o.k. to abuse another be it verbal or physical. I've always said the scares from verbal abuse never fade.You need to focus on your sobriety.And if that means seperating yourself from the situation then that's what you need to do. I don't care how much you do or don't drink that is never a reason for someone to put their hands on you. Your self worth is so much more than that. I think he needs a serious reality check. Be proud of your continuing sobriety. And trust me you don't need anyone to validate you.God Bless
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The "no major changes" doesn't apply when your physical safety is at risk.
I worked in the Domestic Violence field for many years, and it IS at risk. There is no excuse for physical abuse, period. I don't care how out of control you were or he was.
Please call your local DV hotline and get some information. Even if you don't act on it immediately, they can help you make a safety plan in case you have to leave on short notice.
I worked in the Domestic Violence field for many years, and it IS at risk. There is no excuse for physical abuse, period. I don't care how out of control you were or he was.
Please call your local DV hotline and get some information. Even if you don't act on it immediately, they can help you make a safety plan in case you have to leave on short notice.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by bananagrrrl
...... but I appreciate the unwritten AA rule of not making any major changes in the first year.
Here are some of the "major changes" that ARE written in AA.... all of which are highly encouraged to be undertaken within the first year:
Admit powerlessness over alcohol
Seek God (a God of your own creation/understanding)
Abandon your self will and begin to live a completely new life as a God of your understanding would have you live - begin to place your entire life under the care and protection of a God of your understanding.
Make a complete (searching) moral inventory of your life: your thoughts, your fears and your sex conduct.
Admit all that stuff to yourself, God and another person.
Ask that God of your understanding to remove not the things you don't like about yourself but just the things that block us from Him (Her or It) so we can be of better use by that God to help our fellows.
Write a list of amends and begin to set right all the past harms you've ever done.
.....and so on through 10, 11 and 12
Find a new Employer.
Be Reborn
.....you get the idea
"no major changes in the first year" is just another one of those one-liners that ppl say at tables to give the impression that they know something special or because they think it "sounds good" but it's NOT part of the AA program - in fact, it's completely contradictory to the AA program.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I listened to the heartfelt mortified "It will NEVER happen again" BS apology. I stayed. Less than a month after that I was in the ER with a broken nose..of course that is always followed by two black eyes. Bruises all over from being hurled into a wall. And the hospital had to call my daughters to let them know where I was. I will NEVER forget the fear and ANGER in their eyes. Just go to Oregon. You have a plan B. I am afraid it WILL happen again. Out of the blue..when you are not expecting it. Check out the websites and phone numbers that Dee offered. Get help.
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