AprilMay1895

Drunk bait for me is a cute boy that gives me attention and who also is a problem drinker. I've been hanging out with this guy for three weekends in a row now, binge drinking, doing what boys and girls do and eating a lot of junk food and spending a lot of money. I had some great goals I really wanted to go out and achieve but the boy and the drinking have me totally sidetracked. He's no good for me...I mean no relationship potential plus we both have an obvious drinking problem.

If I ever want to get sober again, I have to stop hanging out with him....but I am weak. lol If I stop hanging out with him, then I feel like I'll be incredibly lonely again...as that's just how life is for me. I don't know how to get myself to stop hanging out with him. If I keep this up, it'll just be a matter of time before I'm drinking everyday or pregnant. It's almost like the smart part of me just isn't yelling loud enough over the, "I want it, gimme it" part.

I have 100% confidence that without him in my life, I could go long enough without drinking, that I could use what I've been learning in rational recovery books to get sober....but if I never stop hanging out with this guy, I'll never get there.

Does anyone have any experience trying to pry themselves away from bad influences? I have awful self-esteem and have always needed/wanted a guy around so I could feel like I'm worth something...so it's just incredibly difficult to walk away. Sometimes I just think about blocking his number from my phone, but someone told me that was just cruel...but I really don't know how to sit down and say, "Please exit my life."

Kjell

No no.

That is your alcoholism talking.

Getting trashed is not what everybody does. It's just what we do.

There is a big, fun, interesting sober world out there, but that world takes work and dedication whereas getting drunk takes nothing at all.

Kjell~

Supercrew

Sometimes I feel youth is wasted on the young.

I used to be a cute young stud, and I didn't hang with chicks because they drank. I hung with them because they were cute and could take care of me when I was drunk. In fact I married my cute non-drinking designated driver, and she is still with me 21 years later.

I couldn't stand drunk chicks because they were too much trouble, and I had to worry about myself.

Draciack

Hi AprilMay

I waited a long time to make changes in my life - I felt that with the right set of circumstances, the right job, the right situation, if I had enough self-worth, if I was surrounded by the right people, that making the changes would come easily and naturally.

I waited a long time. I waited until I stopped waiting and took action. For me, that's the only way lasting change happens.

AprilMay1895

Yeah and the other bad half about this is that I've done it all before. Repeating history is really what I'm doing. Met a guy who drank more than me, thought "Oh I should really leave him", stay anyway, then thought "Oh, I should really leave him", stayed with him and then repeated that cycle for another 2.5 years. After which he cheated on me and I decided to become an isolated daily drinker for the 2 years following.
I seriously can't do this again. I'm turning 26 soon...it's time for me to grow up before it's too late. It would be so dumb to repeat one of the biggest mistakes in my life just because I don't have the balls to tell someone to stay away from me for my own good. Then I REALLY would never develop any self-esteem. lol

ChikkaB

You're obviously smart and capable. Gawd, a huge part of me just wants to smack you hard.... so fasten your seatbelt, I'm going to pull a Cher form 'Moonstruck' on you and tell you to "snap out of it!":

You're looking for the "EASY" button. There's no such thing. You want someone or something else to take responsibility for who you've been, who you are now, and who you're going to become. That never happens.

Are you worth a good and fulfilling life? Or are you nothing without a drunken jerk to define you as a human, just an empty braindead shell, a repository for booze and semen and other people's broken dreams?

YOU decide.

You're not born worthless. Nobody makes that decision except you. Make it now.

AprilMay1895

ChikkaB, I am so very grateful for what you just said...in fact when I get home, I'm going to print it out and stick it on my refrigerator so I don't ever forget it. What you said about my acting like an "empty braindead shell and a repository of booze, semen and other people's broken dreams"...that's dead on. I always knew that's what I was acting like, but no one ever said it to me. I think that's what I needed to hear in order to walk away from this guy. I don't want to keep treating myself like that. I'm degrading myself by behaving this way...and the other guy, is just getting free booze, sex and therapy. lol
Thank you, thank you!

MsCooterBrown

"lol If I stop hanging out with him, then I feel like I'll be incredibly lonely again...as that's just how life is for me."

This is your fear? Why you don't seperate and go your own way? Lonely is staying with this guy. Getting pregnant..married..and he is either drunk or passed out while you raise the baby..care for the baby..and finally realize you have been alone thru the entire relationship. Don't wait until 25 yrs go by before you get out.

LexieCat

Doesn't sound to me like you're ready to quit drinking. When you are, NOTHING will stand in your way. Everything you are talking about is nothing more than an excuse to keep drinking.

Hope you get there sooner rather than later, but we all seem to operate on our own timetable.

artsoul

I think you're very smart, too - you know you have drinking problems, men problems, low self-esteem and fear of being lonely. Now, what to do?

Well, first of all, taking a drink (or ten) is only going to get you in more trouble, since we do things we wouldn't do when sober. So if you want to avoid the unwanted pregnancy, the dysfunctional relationships, and stop making your self-esteem worse, there's a solution: get sober!

AFTER you get sober, you can begin to rebuild. Maybe you'll need the help of a therapist. Maybe you can work it out with a recovery program alone. But you have to start looking at the consequences down the road instead of the quick fix.

It's yours for the taking........