wanttobehealthy

My AH told me last night that his drinking 3 beers (tues night and fri night) was a step in the right direction bc at least he wasn't drinking more or drinking hard stuff.

I tend to think that any drop of alcohol, no matter how little, how much or what type, is problematic to an A and that the thinking that leads to that first drink is the heart of the issue, not the actual consumption.

If I am wrong and ought to be patting my husband on the back for drinking less than he has at other times I guess I'd like to know. I am happy to be wrong!

I am asking this on this board bc I feel that if you are an alcoholic you are better suited to answer a question that has to do with what an A's thinking is than do my peers on the F& F board.

If I am out of line by asking this here, I really do apologize. I am not trying to upset anyone and thought a lot before posting this.

Thank you.

suki44883

I'm a double winner...both alcoholic and in the past married to one.

It's called justification and it is common among alcoholics in denial. If he is an alcoholic, moderating will not last long-term. An alcoholic will bargain, lie, cheat, manipulate and anything else they can think of to downplay their addiction. He'll attempt to convince you that YOU are the problem and that you are blowing things out of proportion. Don't fall for it. It's all manipulation.

CarolD

It's ok to use more than one Forum..please relax....

as long as you expect us to answer from our POV
and that is why you came over...yes?


If your husband is an alcoholic...he may not be able to
keep up the "only a few twice a week" for long.
Maybe he is just hideing from his alcoholism and not ready.


Then what do you plan to do..if anything?
Are you attending Al anon for yourself?

ste

Your asking is in no way out of line. I agree with Suki.

I am one of those sneaky alcoholics. I sometimes got a 250ml (about 9oz) bottle of vodka and a beer. Drank the bottle of vodka at my leisure, and went home. Promptly popped open the beer and took a few sips. My wife never knew I had the vodka, maybe she suspected, but if confronted I could and would have denied it. I could drink quite a bit before slurring words or showing other tell-tale signs. Give me an inch, I would "take a mile". Your AH may not be like me, or he could.

Best of wishes to you both.

flutter

Oh I totally did that.. I'd have just a few beers to show I could. I'd not drink for a week to show I was 'in control'. Just so I didn't really have to lose my precious alcohol for good. And, like Ste, I also started hiding what I was drinking.. sure I'd drink 2 beers out in the open, but I was guzzling vodka out of the closet in the bathroom when no one was looking. It was really manipulative and twisted.. both towards my husband and my OWN mind to even think like that. As an alcoholic I know that I cannot have one drink.. not one. Sure I *could*, but that would start the sick cycle of craving, obsessing, lying, hiding, rationalizing, misbehaving, and living the life yet again of insanity, as an active alcoholic.

Once I was done, there was no looking back. I have not one time since my 'sober date' entertained the thought of a mere sip of alcohol, it practically cost me my life, much less my marriage and career. It's sick thinking to hold onto it.. I hope he pursues recovery soon, for him. I hope you can think about what you're willing to live with, and what you are not, as he finds his way (or doesn't).

Eddiebuckle

Could be, it depends on where he thinks he's headed. If he wants to end up sober, he needs to do a 180. What he left unsaid was "yet", as in drinking more YET, or hard stuff YET. If you are an alcoholic, the only way to not get progressively worse is to not drink at all.

Call it what you will, justification, rationalization, delusional thinking, it all ends with the same outcome. Until your AH truly understands and accepts this, he's got a few more lessons coming from john barleycorn.

wanttobehealthy

Thank you all so much for your honesty... I don't feel better about our life together, his alcoholism, my co-dependancy etc... but at least for a moment I don't feel I am insane for being concerned that whether it is a beer or 20 beers, it IS a problem.

Oh, and the night that he last drank, Fri, I found an empty bottle of Listerine in the bathroom trash the next morning. Draw your own conclusions.

CarolD

To keep confusion to a minimum ...I closed this thread
please do continue to share on Part 2...if you wish.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-opinions.html

Thanks everyone...