This ends tonight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 17
This ends tonight
As I write this, I've been drinking for the past 21 hours and just got off the phone with another lame excuse to not go into work in 2 hours. At the new job I started week after being fired from my last job for drinking. Ironically, my last job was as a bartender.
My night began like so many before it, out at a bar with friends and craving a few drinks. As always, I tossed back four doubles and two shots in under an hour. When my friend was slowing down, I would push and reorder rounds go get her to catch up to me. So I wouldn't feel like such an alcoholic. It's really amazing how we make these excused for ourselves. If she finishes hers at the same time as me, I don't have a problem.
I've been drinking since I was 17, so 10 years now. My parents were both binge drinkers, I don't remember a weekend as a child that didn't end with screaming and hitting and slurring. I used to hide under the covers and pretend to be asleep. I used to pour vodka down the sink. I used to believe I would never be like that.
As a woman, alcohol has put me into situations sexually I would never even consider sober. The only blessing is that I barely remembered the details.
I realized today that I need help. I drink more, faster than anyone else I. A sort of desperation. When my boyfriend has gone to bed, after a night of cocaine and alcohol together, I stay up and keep drinking alone, crying.
alcohol has ruined friendships, caused shame a d guilt almost everyday, and lost me the respect of friends and myself.
I dOnt want this life anymore. It's the life of a sick woman. I want children, I want happiness, I want a future. My name is Jynx and I am an alcoholic. Day one sober begins at the end of this last can of strongbow.
Thank you for listenIng
My night began like so many before it, out at a bar with friends and craving a few drinks. As always, I tossed back four doubles and two shots in under an hour. When my friend was slowing down, I would push and reorder rounds go get her to catch up to me. So I wouldn't feel like such an alcoholic. It's really amazing how we make these excused for ourselves. If she finishes hers at the same time as me, I don't have a problem.
I've been drinking since I was 17, so 10 years now. My parents were both binge drinkers, I don't remember a weekend as a child that didn't end with screaming and hitting and slurring. I used to hide under the covers and pretend to be asleep. I used to pour vodka down the sink. I used to believe I would never be like that.
As a woman, alcohol has put me into situations sexually I would never even consider sober. The only blessing is that I barely remembered the details.
I realized today that I need help. I drink more, faster than anyone else I. A sort of desperation. When my boyfriend has gone to bed, after a night of cocaine and alcohol together, I stay up and keep drinking alone, crying.
alcohol has ruined friendships, caused shame a d guilt almost everyday, and lost me the respect of friends and myself.
I dOnt want this life anymore. It's the life of a sick woman. I want children, I want happiness, I want a future. My name is Jynx and I am an alcoholic. Day one sober begins at the end of this last can of strongbow.
Thank you for listenIng
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
Why not pour the strongbow down the drain and start now?
Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here. Congratulations on making the decision to stop drinking. It will be the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here. Congratulations on making the decision to stop drinking. It will be the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by Jynx 
As I write this, I've been drinking for the past 21 hours and just got off the phone with another lame excuse to not go into work in 2 hours. At the new job I started week after being fired from my last job for drinking. Ironically, my last job was as a bartender.
My night began like so many before it, out at a bar with friends and craving a few drinks. As always, I tossed back four doubles and two shots in under an hour. When my friend was slowing down, I would push and reorder rounds go get her to catch up to me. So I wouldn't feel like such an alcoholic. It's really amazing how we make these excused for ourselves. If she finishes hers at the same time as me, I don't have a problem.
I've been drinking since I was 17, so 10 years now. My parents were both binge drinkers, I don't remember a weekend as a child that didn't end with screaming and hitting and slurring. I used to hide under the covers and pretend to be asleep. I used to pour vodka down the sink. I used to believe I would never be like that.
As a woman, alcohol has put me into situations sexually I would never even consider sober. The only blessing is that I barely remembered the details.
I realized today that I need help. I drink more, faster than anyone else I. A sort of desperation. When my boyfriend has gone to bed, after a night of cocaine and alcohol together, I stay up and keep drinking alone, crying.
alcohol has ruined friendships, caused shame a d guilt almost everyday, and lost me the respect of friends and myself.
I dOnt want this life anymore. It's the life of a sick woman. I want children, I want happiness, I want a future. My name is Jynx and I am an alcoholic. Day one sober begins at the end of this last can of strongbow.
Thank you for listenIng
My night began like so many before it, out at a bar with friends and craving a few drinks. As always, I tossed back four doubles and two shots in under an hour. When my friend was slowing down, I would push and reorder rounds go get her to catch up to me. So I wouldn't feel like such an alcoholic. It's really amazing how we make these excused for ourselves. If she finishes hers at the same time as me, I don't have a problem.
I've been drinking since I was 17, so 10 years now. My parents were both binge drinkers, I don't remember a weekend as a child that didn't end with screaming and hitting and slurring. I used to hide under the covers and pretend to be asleep. I used to pour vodka down the sink. I used to believe I would never be like that.
As a woman, alcohol has put me into situations sexually I would never even consider sober. The only blessing is that I barely remembered the details.
I realized today that I need help. I drink more, faster than anyone else I. A sort of desperation. When my boyfriend has gone to bed, after a night of cocaine and alcohol together, I stay up and keep drinking alone, crying.
alcohol has ruined friendships, caused shame a d guilt almost everyday, and lost me the respect of friends and myself.
I dOnt want this life anymore. It's the life of a sick woman. I want children, I want happiness, I want a future. My name is Jynx and I am an alcoholic. Day one sober begins at the end of this last can of strongbow.
Thank you for listenIng
Keep going, even if you don't quit now, you are moving in the right direction and that is great!
I hope the best for you...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 432
You gotta have a plan sister. You have to stop completely and you have to have a reason not to start again. You have to fill the hole in your soul that you've been filling with booze, fill it with something else. Do you have a plan? Want some suggestions?
Moment of Conception
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Planet Tragedy
Posts: 453
Hi Jynx and welcome SR!
So, tired of seeing things fall apart?
You can start to rebuild them here, with tons of support im sure you'll find from a lot of nice people with whome you can relate.
Best of luck :-)
So, tired of seeing things fall apart?
You can start to rebuild them here, with tons of support im sure you'll find from a lot of nice people with whome you can relate.
Best of luck :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 17
Thank you for the replies
I have never felt so relieved. I've mentioned to my boyfriend that I think I need help in the past, but his response has always been "you don't need help, just stop. Drink less." clearly it's so much bigger than that.
I find myself swinging wildly between leading a very healthy life, and drowning my sorrows in a black hole of despair.
I've tried to cut back on the drinking but it's not working. The more I try to control it, the more out of control it becomes.
I definately need a plan. The farthest I've gotten is this site so far.
I have never felt so relieved. I've mentioned to my boyfriend that I think I need help in the past, but his response has always been "you don't need help, just stop. Drink less." clearly it's so much bigger than that. I find myself swinging wildly between leading a very healthy life, and drowning my sorrows in a black hole of despair.
I've tried to cut back on the drinking but it's not working. The more I try to control it, the more out of control it becomes.
I definately need a plan. The farthest I've gotten is this site so far.
I love this place.
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 329
Welcome Jynx. Many of us here can relate to your post.
I think plan 1 should be see a doctor to get help getting off the alcohol, it can be very dangerous to do alone.
Nothing changes if nothing changes and things will never getter better, just worse.
This is a great site with tons of support. There is also a chat room if you just need to talk or need company to keep from taking the next drink.
I think plan 1 should be see a doctor to get help getting off the alcohol, it can be very dangerous to do alone.
Nothing changes if nothing changes and things will never getter better, just worse.
This is a great site with tons of support. There is also a chat room if you just need to talk or need company to keep from taking the next drink.
Moment of Conception
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Planet Tragedy
Posts: 453
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...challenge.html
Maybe this is worth a look, its a great example of helping each other that really is a common thing with SR.
Just a thought :-)
Maybe this is worth a look, its a great example of helping each other that really is a common thing with SR.
Just a thought :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
Hi Jynx, there is a saying, "the first step to getting help is admitting that you need it." You are not in denial about your drinking and drug use which is extremely important and you are not allowing your boyfriend to talk you out of accepting the truth.
I don't know if you might have thought about this as you are writing your post BUT your boyfriend may be doing to you, exactly what you are doing to your friend. If we are both using the same amount of cocaine and drinking the same amount of alcohol then I don't have a problem.
I don't know if you might have thought about this as you are writing your post BUT your boyfriend may be doing to you, exactly what you are doing to your friend. If we are both using the same amount of cocaine and drinking the same amount of alcohol then I don't have a problem.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Cocaine is not part of my history but depression... destructive
risky behaviors and blackouts sure were....
When my drinking turned me into a woman I detested
that was a turning point for me.
Off I went to AA and I've found a fantastic new way of life.
Welcome to our recovery community....
risky behaviors and blackouts sure were....
When my drinking turned me into a woman I detested
that was a turning point for me.
Off I went to AA and I've found a fantastic new way of life.
Welcome to our recovery community....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome Jynx. I know things may seem hopeless right now, but I promise you things can get better. Nothing will change unless something changes. Recovery takes action. I know there is NO WAY I could have gotten sober on my own. I go to AA six times per week (minimum) and come to this site daily. I'll post a link for you as well. Do me a favor and just click on the Dr.'s opinion and go down from there. Do it drinking if you have to, but please listen to it. XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
You've come to the right place. We're all supportive and you'll find a ton of great advice. I've never seen anything like it on the internet. Hang in there!
You've come to the right place. We're all supportive and you'll find a ton of great advice. I've never seen anything like it on the internet. Hang in there!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome jynx - Alcoholism runs in families, so you may have been predisposed to it. It affects lots of people, lots of smart people who can handle most everything else in theirs lives except drinking. We drink even when we know it's destroying us and once we take that first drink, there's no telling where we'll end up.
It takes some time to get used to being sober, but it's worth it. I love not being obsessed with it anymore. Read a lot of posts here and you'll see how people are doing it - you can have a new life too!:ghug3
It takes some time to get used to being sober, but it's worth it. I love not being obsessed with it anymore. Read a lot of posts here and you'll see how people are doing it - you can have a new life too!:ghug3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
