I'm Very Upset
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
I'm Very Upset
I had / have found a meeting that only goes on every 2 weeks and is not AA. I got off work late and missed it. I feel very upset. I was looking forward to it especially as I found out the program near my home may take nearly 6 weeks to get into from intake to blah blah blah whatever. My nails look like s*it. I feel upset. The meeting I'm truly upset about the nails just help my self esteem. I'm tired of looking like homeless person. I'm afraid I'm going to be fired from my job but I'm hangin' in there.
I was slacking off at work until I found out about the reorganization and then I was all about business. I hate it when that happens. I hate it when I don't work unless someone us about to put their foot up my *ss.
Anyway on the way home after finding out the nail salon was closed I felt so agitated I wanted to soothe myself the usual way. Oh and I ran out of lorazepam and forgot to ask my psychiatrist for more because I forgot to add it to the list of stuff to ask him for.
Some of this stuff is major some of the stuff I'm upset about is trivial I know that in my rational mind but my addict mind just wants to put me out of my misery.
Today is day 8 and the thought of having to crawl back all puppy eyed and say I'm starting all over makes me feel sad. The thought of having to start from day one and all the s*it that comes with it makes me sad. So I drove home. But I sat in the driveway for nearly an hour before I could actually pull into the garage and go into the house.
I don't have a craving for alcohol I just don't want to feel this. Its uncomfortable. I want to cry but I cant. I want a way to release this feeling and I don't know how. I know that if I drink I will just start all over again and then I'll feel sad tomorrow and angry that I gave in. I will feel the 'special' hangover that you get after a period of sobriety. I hate that one! The ones's after aren't so bad its that special one.
arrrggghhh!
I hate how everything in my life stops when I drink. I dont want to have another WTF moment whenever it is that I stop drinking and realize that I have either jeopardized or lost everything ll over again.
yesterday at the gym when my legs hurt on the elliptical I just kept going and the pain subsided. I pushed through the pain and then it was over and I felt good that I had made it.
So I'm going to apply the same philosophy tonight. This hurts, it will pass, I will feel good tomorrow that I didn't give in.
I hope that everyone had a good sober day. I hope that everyone who didn't keeps coming back to keep trying. I wish everyone long term sobriety.
Goodnight. I'm off to study now.
I was slacking off at work until I found out about the reorganization and then I was all about business. I hate it when that happens. I hate it when I don't work unless someone us about to put their foot up my *ss.
Anyway on the way home after finding out the nail salon was closed I felt so agitated I wanted to soothe myself the usual way. Oh and I ran out of lorazepam and forgot to ask my psychiatrist for more because I forgot to add it to the list of stuff to ask him for.
Some of this stuff is major some of the stuff I'm upset about is trivial I know that in my rational mind but my addict mind just wants to put me out of my misery.
Today is day 8 and the thought of having to crawl back all puppy eyed and say I'm starting all over makes me feel sad. The thought of having to start from day one and all the s*it that comes with it makes me sad. So I drove home. But I sat in the driveway for nearly an hour before I could actually pull into the garage and go into the house.
I don't have a craving for alcohol I just don't want to feel this. Its uncomfortable. I want to cry but I cant. I want a way to release this feeling and I don't know how. I know that if I drink I will just start all over again and then I'll feel sad tomorrow and angry that I gave in. I will feel the 'special' hangover that you get after a period of sobriety. I hate that one! The ones's after aren't so bad its that special one.
arrrggghhh!
I hate how everything in my life stops when I drink. I dont want to have another WTF moment whenever it is that I stop drinking and realize that I have either jeopardized or lost everything ll over again.
yesterday at the gym when my legs hurt on the elliptical I just kept going and the pain subsided. I pushed through the pain and then it was over and I felt good that I had made it.
So I'm going to apply the same philosophy tonight. This hurts, it will pass, I will feel good tomorrow that I didn't give in.
I hope that everyone had a good sober day. I hope that everyone who didn't keeps coming back to keep trying. I wish everyone long term sobriety.
Goodnight. I'm off to study now.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: central n00bistan
Posts: 121
Go for a walk. Put your snowboots and your parka on, and walk just as briskly as you can around the block. Swing your arms and breathe deeply.
This will do a few things, including releasing endorphins, getting your lymphatic system flushed, and putting a bunch of oxygen in your bloodstream and your brain.
It will make you feel better physically, and far more grounded emotionally.
It will take you all of 10 minutes to do. Try it.
This will do a few things, including releasing endorphins, getting your lymphatic system flushed, and putting a bunch of oxygen in your bloodstream and your brain.
It will make you feel better physically, and far more grounded emotionally.
It will take you all of 10 minutes to do. Try it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
It sounds like you're sick of your job and your job might be one of your triggers to drink. It's tough to quit and start and new job when your main focus is staying sober right now. I could be totally way off on what your triggers are but I know how easy it is for me to hit the liquor store after a bad day at work.
I only say this as I think to maintain my sobriety I may have to quit the job I'm at right now.
Huge congrats on your sober time. Stay strong..xx....
I only say this as I think to maintain my sobriety I may have to quit the job I'm at right now.
Huge congrats on your sober time. Stay strong..xx....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Wanted to tell you congratulations on your 8 days. It seems pretty normal to be all over the place emotionally where you are at in your sobriety. I still get like that alot at 5 1/2
weeks. No matter what you did or didn't do (sitting in the driveway or not being able to cry) you didn't drink and that is awesome and amazing. This early recovery stuff is super hard work. Tomorrow will be a different day. Be proud of yourself for getting through it without drinking.
weeks. No matter what you did or didn't do (sitting in the driveway or not being able to cry) you didn't drink and that is awesome and amazing. This early recovery stuff is super hard work. Tomorrow will be a different day. Be proud of yourself for getting through it without drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
Thanks for all your support
I just studied as hard as I could yesterday and that made me feel better.
Anyway, I gave the HR lady the letter from my doctor explaining my 'condition' and it was sufficient to buy me just a bit more time but Oh my God, I feel like a piece of toilet paper that got stuck to the bottom of her shoe.
It is my own fault that I am in this situation though and I need to remember this feeling – the shame and embarrassment so that I never give in again. I know it’s my fault, apparently I have to learn things the hard way. I went through this process with gas for my car. I would spend all my money on alcohol and then have to borrow money for gas from my brother. Eventually it got so embarrassing especially when the evidence piles up in the recycling bin on Monday. I had money to drink but not for gas. I have money to drink but not to help out with living expenses. I began to feel like too much of a s*it to do it.
I don’t like the lesson that I am learning right now, but I accept that it is something that I need to go through. I am going to do my best from now on to meet every expectation that they have as opposed to thinking that they must accommodate me. I must accept that I am only going to gain some traction in my life and be successful if I apply some honest to God effort. Half *ssed, half drunk isn’t going to cut it.
Oooohhh I’m so pissed at myself right now. During my most recent relapse I fell behind on my school work. Arrrggghhh!!! I want to rip my hair out. Why?! Because this has happened the last time I tried school. I’d do fine for a while and then I’d start drinking and then I’d fall behind and then I’d be too far behind to catch up.
Right now it looks like I might flub an in class quiz because I didn’t look at the online learning environment and didn’t know about it and because I’m really far behind. It is completely unnecessary. Just like what I am going through now.I need an A in this class and now that the material has already gone beyond the introductory stuff that I’d done a million times before I need to study harder.
Whenever I get sober its like I've woken up to find I was sleepwalking and destroyed all my s*it.
Anyway, I gave the HR lady the letter from my doctor explaining my 'condition' and it was sufficient to buy me just a bit more time but Oh my God, I feel like a piece of toilet paper that got stuck to the bottom of her shoe.
It is my own fault that I am in this situation though and I need to remember this feeling – the shame and embarrassment so that I never give in again. I know it’s my fault, apparently I have to learn things the hard way. I went through this process with gas for my car. I would spend all my money on alcohol and then have to borrow money for gas from my brother. Eventually it got so embarrassing especially when the evidence piles up in the recycling bin on Monday. I had money to drink but not for gas. I have money to drink but not to help out with living expenses. I began to feel like too much of a s*it to do it.
I don’t like the lesson that I am learning right now, but I accept that it is something that I need to go through. I am going to do my best from now on to meet every expectation that they have as opposed to thinking that they must accommodate me. I must accept that I am only going to gain some traction in my life and be successful if I apply some honest to God effort. Half *ssed, half drunk isn’t going to cut it.
Oooohhh I’m so pissed at myself right now. During my most recent relapse I fell behind on my school work. Arrrggghhh!!! I want to rip my hair out. Why?! Because this has happened the last time I tried school. I’d do fine for a while and then I’d start drinking and then I’d fall behind and then I’d be too far behind to catch up.
Right now it looks like I might flub an in class quiz because I didn’t look at the online learning environment and didn’t know about it and because I’m really far behind. It is completely unnecessary. Just like what I am going through now.I need an A in this class and now that the material has already gone beyond the introductory stuff that I’d done a million times before I need to study harder.
Whenever I get sober its like I've woken up to find I was sleepwalking and destroyed all my s*it.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Life, I am really rooting for you- keep doing what you need to in order to stay away from drinking... I'm really proud of you for not giving in under duress! Reading your post gives me strength today, too. 
I understand how you feel about waking up after sleep walking... What a perfect way to put it. That's the feeling that usually leads to starting up at square one again. Let's stay strong.
I understand how you feel about waking up after sleep walking... What a perfect way to put it. That's the feeling that usually leads to starting up at square one again. Let's stay strong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
My Job
It is stressful. One of my co-workers quit just this saturday. she called one of the other team members and said she just couldn't take the stress. I thought that perhaps I was being too sensitive but I guess not.
I have a different idea of customer service than the company it seems. I've listened in on supervisor escalation calls sometimes and thought WTF! But like I said before, I'm just going to toe the line on this one I just don't have any other choice.
I would leave this job but it would be kind of devastating to me emotionally to walk away and say this is too hard so unless they walk me out I'm stayin'.
Anyway I've learned some really important things about myself while I've been at it. Chiefly that I am one heck of a lazy b*tch.
My counsellor gave me this sheet about cravings and one of the myths listed is 'you will go crazy if you don't use'. That made me laugh.
The managing cravings worksheet also says hat cravings are 'uncomfortable- but not unbearable'.
'Cravings do not force you to do anything- there must be instances in the past when you didn't drink or use, and you haven't gone crazy yet. Cravings will go away if you can wait long enoough'. - Also a funny one.
I'm still feeling sad about my encounter with the HR lady and I felt really agitated all day. I still am. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't unless I needed help. I didn't eat all day either. I felt hungry but I just didn't want to feel the sensation of food in my mouth. I wish I had someone to hug me.
Does anyone here find that their eyes remained bloodshot for a while after they sobered up? When I look at myself in the mirror it looks like I've been drinking still.
Ok i'm going to quit while I'm ahead.
I have a different idea of customer service than the company it seems. I've listened in on supervisor escalation calls sometimes and thought WTF! But like I said before, I'm just going to toe the line on this one I just don't have any other choice.
I would leave this job but it would be kind of devastating to me emotionally to walk away and say this is too hard so unless they walk me out I'm stayin'.
Anyway I've learned some really important things about myself while I've been at it. Chiefly that I am one heck of a lazy b*tch.
My counsellor gave me this sheet about cravings and one of the myths listed is 'you will go crazy if you don't use'. That made me laugh.
The managing cravings worksheet also says hat cravings are 'uncomfortable- but not unbearable'.
'Cravings do not force you to do anything- there must be instances in the past when you didn't drink or use, and you haven't gone crazy yet. Cravings will go away if you can wait long enoough'. - Also a funny one.
I'm still feeling sad about my encounter with the HR lady and I felt really agitated all day. I still am. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't unless I needed help. I didn't eat all day either. I felt hungry but I just didn't want to feel the sensation of food in my mouth. I wish I had someone to hug me.
Does anyone here find that their eyes remained bloodshot for a while after they sobered up? When I look at myself in the mirror it looks like I've been drinking still.
Ok i'm going to quit while I'm ahead.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London, England
Posts: 211
Sounds like you've been quite a high functioning alcoholic/addict like I was. Study, gym, work even down to the nails and the way they make me feel.
From experience I'm saying be really gentle with yourself right now, try to not be too hard on yourself, getting sober is really tough.I am a total perfectionist and used to controling every other area of my life except the drink it was pretty depressing to come to terms with how much drink in fact controlled me. I felt like my whole life was a total mess when I came to that realisation, but in fact my perfectionism had kept most of my stuff in check. You're doing good. My boss says I have a black belt in beating myself up, he told me once "you need to realise you are already as good as you need to be" I burst into tears.
Go easy on yourself, it's time to start being a friend to yourself, getting sober lets you do that. hugs
From experience I'm saying be really gentle with yourself right now, try to not be too hard on yourself, getting sober is really tough.I am a total perfectionist and used to controling every other area of my life except the drink it was pretty depressing to come to terms with how much drink in fact controlled me. I felt like my whole life was a total mess when I came to that realisation, but in fact my perfectionism had kept most of my stuff in check. You're doing good. My boss says I have a black belt in beating myself up, he told me once "you need to realise you are already as good as you need to be" I burst into tears.
Go easy on yourself, it's time to start being a friend to yourself, getting sober lets you do that. hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hi Life - Wanted to check in and see how you were doing today.
I know this sounds like it just can't be true, cuz I didn't believe it until I lived it. When I finally actually waited out the craving it did pass. After I experienced it then I was able to believe it, even though other people had been trying to explain that for a long time.
The red eyes actually tend to come and go sometimes for me. I have noticed lack of sleep and deydration are usually a factor. I'm not so good
yet at taking care of me. I still forget to get enough water and fluid in me,
and I'm like you if I don't want to eat I don't even though I know I'll feel better. We have to practice on that self care sometimes for the most basic of things, you know?
I know this sounds like it just can't be true, cuz I didn't believe it until I lived it. When I finally actually waited out the craving it did pass. After I experienced it then I was able to believe it, even though other people had been trying to explain that for a long time.
The red eyes actually tend to come and go sometimes for me. I have noticed lack of sleep and deydration are usually a factor. I'm not so good
yet at taking care of me. I still forget to get enough water and fluid in me,
and I'm like you if I don't want to eat I don't even though I know I'll feel better. We have to practice on that self care sometimes for the most basic of things, you know?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
Mtnmagic
Thanks for checking in. I'm actually doing ok. I was actually counting and realized that if I make it through Friday sober I will have 18 days of sobriety. Things were dicey today before my quiz. It was an open book test. (Thank God for small mercies). I was actually writing, 'I want to drink' in the margins of my notebook.
When I got out of class I still had a good hour to buy alcohol but I went to the gym and before I knew what was what it was 11 pm and I was on my way home to shower and off to bed.
I was a perfectionist before I fell apart. Although it didn't matter how many winter coats I had (there was one weekend when I spent $1000 on coats without batting an eye) or how many shopping trips I made, I never felt good enough. I never felt like I had it quite right.
Once when I was having a fight with my sister, my cousin told me that my sis was intimidated by me. She said I had always done better than her in school, always had better clothes etc etc. I never thought that anyone would see me that way.
SereniTee, when it starts to fall apart it can be epic, no? I am trying to take care of myself better these days because I had completely given up. I think I might have gone about a year and a half without buying any clothes or shoes or doing my nails or anything. Now I don't have the money to go on those kinds of spending sprees.
Thanks for the tip of drinking water. I usually just drink lots and lots of coffee or tea but caffeine dehydrates I believe so that is definately something to take into consideration.
My brother had a 6 pack of coolers downstairs. Kiwi Mango Lemonade - Vector. Being tired makes me want one but I'm scared of what will happen if I drink. Every day that I stay sober kind of gives me extra motivation to keep going. I made it past the first two weekends with no alcohol, so I can do it again but right now I feel like I'm white knuckling it.
I hope that I can stay sober long enough to get into some kind of program and get this to stick. I have an appointment for an information session but it is nearly 3 weeks away. And its just an information session I dont even know if they have evening programs available.
Let go and let God I guess.
When I got out of class I still had a good hour to buy alcohol but I went to the gym and before I knew what was what it was 11 pm and I was on my way home to shower and off to bed.
I was a perfectionist before I fell apart. Although it didn't matter how many winter coats I had (there was one weekend when I spent $1000 on coats without batting an eye) or how many shopping trips I made, I never felt good enough. I never felt like I had it quite right.
Once when I was having a fight with my sister, my cousin told me that my sis was intimidated by me. She said I had always done better than her in school, always had better clothes etc etc. I never thought that anyone would see me that way.
SereniTee, when it starts to fall apart it can be epic, no? I am trying to take care of myself better these days because I had completely given up. I think I might have gone about a year and a half without buying any clothes or shoes or doing my nails or anything. Now I don't have the money to go on those kinds of spending sprees.
Thanks for the tip of drinking water. I usually just drink lots and lots of coffee or tea but caffeine dehydrates I believe so that is definately something to take into consideration.
My brother had a 6 pack of coolers downstairs. Kiwi Mango Lemonade - Vector. Being tired makes me want one but I'm scared of what will happen if I drink. Every day that I stay sober kind of gives me extra motivation to keep going. I made it past the first two weekends with no alcohol, so I can do it again but right now I feel like I'm white knuckling it.
I hope that I can stay sober long enough to get into some kind of program and get this to stick. I have an appointment for an information session but it is nearly 3 weeks away. And its just an information session I dont even know if they have evening programs available.
Let go and let God I guess.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
LB - It's tough I know, but you are doing great! Keep that water flowing.
Try not to think to far ahead as far as not drinking goes. Now that will freak a person out. Take things day by day. You didn't fall apart in a day and it's gonna take some time to put the pieces back together again. It really is about babysteps, being kind to yourself and trying new and different stuff little by little. Combine that with staying sober on a day by day basis is a lot.
Throw in a job and school, you see now why I say be very proud with what you have accomplished to date?
Just got home from work and I'm tired. So good night to you!
Try not to think to far ahead as far as not drinking goes. Now that will freak a person out. Take things day by day. You didn't fall apart in a day and it's gonna take some time to put the pieces back together again. It really is about babysteps, being kind to yourself and trying new and different stuff little by little. Combine that with staying sober on a day by day basis is a lot.
Throw in a job and school, you see now why I say be very proud with what you have accomplished to date?
Just got home from work and I'm tired. So good night to you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
So, its Friday again. This time though I actually have money. Its all of a whopping $80 or so. Hahahahaha! That's something that would never have happened had I been drinking though. Usually when I've been drinking I'd be broke by Sunday after having been paid on a Friday. (When I started this I had 20 more minutes to go till the liquor store closes). Its close enough that I could get there in about 7 minutes.
On the other hand I know that when I drink, I don't have any control over what happens in spite of my best intentions. In spite of my best intentions and my capacity for denial, I do drink to the point of blacking out. I know that if I buy alcohol now, I will be drinking until the wee hours of tomorrow morning. I have to be at work for 10 am and whenever I relapse, I almost always have black out sleep. I cannot guarantee that I would be able to wake up early enough to get to time on work. If I am late one more time I will be fired. (Sorry if I keep saying this, I am trying to remind myself of why 'just one more' would be a horrendous idea.) If I lose this job I will be devastated. I think I am more afraid of the emotional devastation than I am of the financial devastation.
I also need about $900 for school by the middle of next month. I need the money so I can take 2 classes. That is something I am really really looking forward to.
The liquor store is now closed. I am watching the Dateline special on Charlie Sheen. Dayum!!!! Dude looks f*cked. Dude is acting f*cked. He looks so sick. I feel bad for him.
I wish I had alcohol and I'm sorry that I didn't buy any when I had the chance. My legs feel like they are buzzing. Oh well, I was sober today, that's all that counts.
I want to feel numb today because my mum had to pay my property insurance for me. I know I paid for at least one of the months that she had paid for but I used one of those visa giftcards and never kept a receipt so I cannot prove that I made the payment. I also have no idea where my insurance file is to begin with.
I feel bad because things are tight for her right now financially and she really didn't need that stress. I think it also worries her because the last time I stopped paying my bills it was because I had lost my job and it was the beginning of some extremely sh*tty behavior on my end. I feel bad that I made her worry like that. That made me want to drink for a couple of hours.
Then as we were leaving the store, she mentioned that a lady that I was supposed to be working with on a sales project wants to see me tomorrow. I haven't been returning this woman's emails for a couple of weeks. I kept meaning to email her back but right now I am not in touch with anyone except for family. I am feeling really ashamed. I want to avoid her and feel panicked that she is going to be angry with me. I feel ashamed because she has been so nice and I haven't made a single sale.
Those feelings of shame and panic made me want to drink right as i was leaving work and they haven't really subsided yet. I really wish I had bought alcohol. I don't want to deal with this. I want to feel numb right now. Sometimes when I'd run out of alcohol late at night, I would go to a place like TGIF and order food. Then I'd sit at the bar and drink while I waited for my order because you just seem like too much of a loser when you go in there and drink on your own.
One time I did that and the server stopped and said, "You seem to be so chill and comfortable. I would be worried that people would think I didn't have any friends. " I was so embarassed. I just told her I was a writer and all my friends work during the day. She had no idea that she had just hit the nail on the head. Bear in mind it was around 3 pm in the afternoon and I had knocked back 3 beers in pretty quick succession
have a sober 24
On the other hand I know that when I drink, I don't have any control over what happens in spite of my best intentions. In spite of my best intentions and my capacity for denial, I do drink to the point of blacking out. I know that if I buy alcohol now, I will be drinking until the wee hours of tomorrow morning. I have to be at work for 10 am and whenever I relapse, I almost always have black out sleep. I cannot guarantee that I would be able to wake up early enough to get to time on work. If I am late one more time I will be fired. (Sorry if I keep saying this, I am trying to remind myself of why 'just one more' would be a horrendous idea.) If I lose this job I will be devastated. I think I am more afraid of the emotional devastation than I am of the financial devastation.
I also need about $900 for school by the middle of next month. I need the money so I can take 2 classes. That is something I am really really looking forward to.
The liquor store is now closed. I am watching the Dateline special on Charlie Sheen. Dayum!!!! Dude looks f*cked. Dude is acting f*cked. He looks so sick. I feel bad for him.
I wish I had alcohol and I'm sorry that I didn't buy any when I had the chance. My legs feel like they are buzzing. Oh well, I was sober today, that's all that counts.
I want to feel numb today because my mum had to pay my property insurance for me. I know I paid for at least one of the months that she had paid for but I used one of those visa giftcards and never kept a receipt so I cannot prove that I made the payment. I also have no idea where my insurance file is to begin with.
I feel bad because things are tight for her right now financially and she really didn't need that stress. I think it also worries her because the last time I stopped paying my bills it was because I had lost my job and it was the beginning of some extremely sh*tty behavior on my end. I feel bad that I made her worry like that. That made me want to drink for a couple of hours.
Then as we were leaving the store, she mentioned that a lady that I was supposed to be working with on a sales project wants to see me tomorrow. I haven't been returning this woman's emails for a couple of weeks. I kept meaning to email her back but right now I am not in touch with anyone except for family. I am feeling really ashamed. I want to avoid her and feel panicked that she is going to be angry with me. I feel ashamed because she has been so nice and I haven't made a single sale.
Those feelings of shame and panic made me want to drink right as i was leaving work and they haven't really subsided yet. I really wish I had bought alcohol. I don't want to deal with this. I want to feel numb right now. Sometimes when I'd run out of alcohol late at night, I would go to a place like TGIF and order food. Then I'd sit at the bar and drink while I waited for my order because you just seem like too much of a loser when you go in there and drink on your own.
One time I did that and the server stopped and said, "You seem to be so chill and comfortable. I would be worried that people would think I didn't have any friends. " I was so embarassed. I just told her I was a writer and all my friends work during the day. She had no idea that she had just hit the nail on the head. Bear in mind it was around 3 pm in the afternoon and I had knocked back 3 beers in pretty quick succession
have a sober 24
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
Huge congrats on x24 sober. I know how tough it is getting through these days when you're contemplating whether to hit the liquor store or not. If you're not proud of yourself and you can only see the negative things going on remember people like me. Your strength is inspiring me to stay sober too. Thanks
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I'm sorry, LifeBlows. That's a lot of weight to have on you right now. I'm really inspired that despite all of that, you didn't drink.
I've still got to a lot of work to do to clean up messes I've made in my life. But drinking would only create a much, much bigger mess. Thanks for reminding me of both of those things tonight.
I've still got to a lot of work to do to clean up messes I've made in my life. But drinking would only create a much, much bigger mess. Thanks for reminding me of both of those things tonight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
Originally Posted by mercurial me 
btw, I hope that didn't come off as a selfish post on my part. Just reading your post I admired your courage today.
Anyway, when you posted about the liver problems you were having and I found out how young you were, it was a huge wake up call for me too. I'm 30 and one of the things I've been telling myself is that I can still drink for just a little longer.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
It's perfectly ok that you want a drink (that is what we do) but good for you to wait it out until the liquor stores closed. Thoughts of having a glass of wine, (bwwahahahah a glass), kept floating through my head all evening at work. At least they were thoughts and I was able to banish them by remembering my blackout in January and what I just went through going to court feeling like scum.
When I got off work, I walked right by the bar and was heading out the door. The day manager was going to a comedy show where I worked and saw me and asked me to join him and his kids. I would
have liked to, but was feeling a little shaky in my sobriety. I said another time and kept on walking. Just didn't want to chance it. Yeah, I could have gone and not drink, but didn't feel at my strongest, so avoided the situation all together. There will be another time another event!
Hope tomorrow is a good day at work. Remember you aren't alone. You got a bunch of us staying sober right along with you. We just live in your computer, lol!
Sigh - No tiger's blood or Adonis DNA for us I guess.
When I got off work, I walked right by the bar and was heading out the door. The day manager was going to a comedy show where I worked and saw me and asked me to join him and his kids. I would
have liked to, but was feeling a little shaky in my sobriety. I said another time and kept on walking. Just didn't want to chance it. Yeah, I could have gone and not drink, but didn't feel at my strongest, so avoided the situation all together. There will be another time another event!
Hope tomorrow is a good day at work. Remember you aren't alone. You got a bunch of us staying sober right along with you. We just live in your computer, lol!
Sigh - No tiger's blood or Adonis DNA for us I guess.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Hi Life...
Oh yes..the struggles of life..and wanting to numb them away...just went through that yesterday...and I'm 14 months almost!! it's a long journey...our brains are just so used to that quick fix.. we are hard wired to want to drink, because we have done it for so long...and have done it to not feel things...I didn't crave a drink...but the effects of it I did...just to numb out...I didn't drink and feel good today...found some peace with it....but I'm hitting an AA meeting today....
Oh yes..the struggles of life..and wanting to numb them away...just went through that yesterday...and I'm 14 months almost!! it's a long journey...our brains are just so used to that quick fix.. we are hard wired to want to drink, because we have done it for so long...and have done it to not feel things...I didn't crave a drink...but the effects of it I did...just to numb out...I didn't drink and feel good today...found some peace with it....but I'm hitting an AA meeting today....
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