sleepie

Today at work the manager walked in and just announced that he has to either cut everybody's hours or let someone go. All I have is ten hours a week at minimum wage. It's just a tiny place, only maybe 8 employees. And nobody gets paid, really. I'm in trouble either way- if I lose the job or if my hours are cut- I barely get to work Getting this job was a big step, I was really not doing well for quite awhile. And I need so badly to have a reason to leave the apartment- if I am not forced to get out for some reason I will stay in and sleep and sleep. I have been on interviews and come so close to getting a job, but I never get it. I need to get out of this crummy,crime ridden neighborhood so badly And the person who lets me stay here lets me know constantly that he's doing me a favor. I have to put up with his mood swings too and it is chipping away at me. I don't think it's ever going to get better. I am not allowed to be happy, or feel safe ever, in my entire life. I went from an abusive family to on my own and damaged and working low wage gigs and living in tiny apartments in dangerous neighborhoods, and now it's even worse. I feel like a cast away piece of garbage. Actually, I guess I am.

ZZworldontheweb

Don't talk that way sis, it's a self-feeding thing. I'm not going tell you to act like everything is skittles and unicorns, but we all need to master the skill of re-directing dark, unproductive thoughts before they become self-fulfilling. The more optimistic your outlook, the more likely you'll be to keep this job or snag the next one. Keep that little chin up.

AA4life

This reminds me so much of depression. I started taking Prozac and it helped me so, so much. Have you ever talked to a professional about depression? A lot of people who have had drinking problems also have problems with depression and / or anxiety.

I can see why you are discouraged. I would be too. The situation sounds like it sucks big time. My Prozac costs about $10.00 per month and it is so worth it.

Maybe you have already been down this path and maybe you are on SSRIs.

How long have you been sober? What city do you live in? Don't answer those if you don't feel like you want to.

Best of luck to you.

sleepie

Yes I am on an anti depressant. I am getting off it and an anti anxiety drug too. I want to be drug and alcohol free.

sailorjohn

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Not trying to be mean here, but I've read your complaints repeatedly.

How long do want to be a victim of life?

wicked

Why are you getting off the antidepressant and anxiety meds?
Did I miss a post where your psychiatrist said that was okay?

Alcohol free is great. Really good work.
I have some time alcohol free too.

But, my antidepressants? Just to be drug free? Nope.

This has been a long rollercoaster for you sleepie.

Beth

sleepie

Sailor, did you miss the part where I explained getting interviews and not the job? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to even get an interview these days? Sorry- you're on "ignore". I don't need, or deserve unkind comments in addition to what I'm going through.

MemphisBlues

Hang tough, Sleepie. If you can't hang tough, just hang. And I'm concerned about your living arrangements, as your obviously are. Is your shrink supporting you in your tapering of your meds? I know I may have scared you in my raving with my personal experience with clonazepam, but that was and is, to my knowledge, an extreme example.

We're not doctors, even though we talk about the meds we take a lot on this forum.

I was able to taper my meds under the supervision of my doctor. I would never advise anyone to do otherwise.

I know you're struggling. I'm just six months into recovery, and it's a long, difficult trek. I know for others here it's orgasms and rainbows, but not for those like you and me who have that double whammy of depression and addiction and a heap more mental issues.

I have found help in AA, not just with addiction, but in how to deal with life. I think in other threads you've said AA just doesn't work for you. A decade ago, I had the same experience. Now, even in a foreign land, it's saved my life and sanity.

I have friends who are sober. Friends. People who help me because it helps them in doing it. But it's more than that, far more. They help because they were helped and they remember how much that extended hand saved them.
And it's genuine friendship, caring from folks just like you and me. But they found sobriety when nothing else worked. And they found in sobriety the way to deal with depression, anxiety, and a host of other woes.

Does that mean it chases the depression away? Nope. Just enables me to deal in a way that pills don't.

All you need is a desire to stop drinking or taking drugs to find the same thing. That's it.

And the spirituality stuff was a major deal killer for me back then. I finally just said to myself that I couldn't do it on my own. Isn't SR proof of that? Haven't you logged on in the past to find just one glimmer of hope here after someone responded to one of your posts?

God, girl, I'm on disability for depression. No one -- I mean no one -- gets disability on their first application. I did. To me, three years ago, that was a license to use and abuse along with my prescribed benzo and other prescriptions. My breakfast was about a dozen pills, night-time snack another dozen.

Now I find strength in something just a little more powerful than me that guides me, gets me to a meeting, and some days that's the biggest accomplishment I muster besides brushing my teeth and stepping into the shower.

Here's how it works. Saturday I was a lump in a funk. And a friend called me. A friend in the program. Said he was going up to the mountains to a house his family owns and wanted me to come along. This dude had no reason whatsoever to give a sh-- about me. None. Other than someone extended a hand to him -- 18 years ago.

I didn't want to go, that's how down I was. But I went. Just got back. Fresh air, good talk. Heck, some people there even drank wine, but my friend and I went out and talked, came back in and I watched in awe as he helped some people face the fact that they had a problem. His girlfriend can drink a glass of wine, and then stops. Or doesn't drink. And she "gets" the program, even has taken courses and gone to meetings. She's not an addict. My friend and I are. She's from Earth. I'm an alien. Oh well.

It helped me get out of my head. When I got back, guess what was waiting for me? My head. The depression. I got ready to go to a meeting and another drunk-alkie in recovery who was going to pick me up couldn't. Started to get depressed even more. But just in the few months that I've been involved with AA and NA, I have a couple of tools in my head to help me deal with it.

Tomorrow I can get to a meeting closer to me. My friends will be there. And I have yet to go to one meeting where I didn't hear at least one profound thing that helped me get through the day.

I really wish you would give it a shot. I do now there are other ways. I do know that many here gain sobriety without AA. I do know that many can't get past the fact that they talk about God there. But I did, and it's keeping me sober.

But I'm not off my antidepressant, nor do I plan on it unless my shrink says it's OK. If AA ain't in the cards, cool. Stay here. Send me a PM or something, kid. But the one thing I've learned, no one understands like we do, whether we deal with addiction to alcohol or drugs or depression or anxiety or bi-polar disorder or any other mental malady. It sounds crazy, I know. Hey, I've done a lot of crazy things, but not as crazy as going to meetings. Cut down on my shrink bill, too.

Good luck on the job front. It's something out of our control, another hard thing to accept.

Justfor1

Sounds like you are trying to be mean. This site is suppose to be about helping people.

sleepie

Well, my shrink is definitely all about taking me off of everything- as a matter of fact she wants to taper me off the benzo a little more quickly than I'd like- but she said that if I start feeling to weird, we can readjust. I posted about how things went down the last time I was tapered. So I expressed all of that to my doctor (shrink) and she said she will work with me if I can't handle the pace she has me at. And, I am feeling a bit better about hings since my last therapy appointment too- I posted it under "elated"... I had some pretty awful withdrawals Memphis so I know where you are coming from... but there are entire websites devoted to benzos and getting of of them- they are such a double edged sword... they changed my life for the better but then I crossed that point where they start working against you. Doctors need to instruct patients on the work that needs to be done to handle fear and anxiety while tapering off benzos- not just leave them empty handed like mine did. And another MAJOR problem was- I could in no way afford therapy- even way back when I was employed full time with benefits. I made enough to feed myself, pay rent and that was about it. Health care should be far more accessible than it is. So now I get state funded therapy- after my life became a total train wreck. Plenty of irony there. I equate it to working people who can't afford medical care- yet prisoners are entitled to it. F***ed up system we have here in the states.

tooling

I used to live in a small town where getting a job was tough. There were very few decent paying jobs and always a line of people trying to get applications or whatever.

My break came when I had a chance to leave that town. I moved to a bigger area and began working in warehouses. I have supported myself with only 2 different jobs since the mid 90's here.

If at all possible talk to a relative farther away from where you are now and try to get a job there if they can let you stay awhile. Because I know what run down towns are like and it's not pretty.

Also Sleepie, times are getting really tough now. My job I work at now will be getting rid of many people soon also. It's all around a sad time for so many people in america right now.

My final thought will be to say keep a sound mind being sober and make good decisions. Drinking makes us all make different choices and most all are no good.

See you later

sleepie

Thanks Tooling. I do live in a major city. So something has to turn up eventually...

UniqueNewYork

Sleepie you are not cast away garbage. You are a person with dreams and feelings and the ability for achievement just like any of us. Don't give up.

ReadyAndAble

Jeesh, "what else?" is right, Sleepie. That sucks about your job.

I'm sure you're right, something else will turn up. And I hope it not only replaces this job, but helps you move out of the neighborhood and get your own place.

I'm glad you're talking about everything with your shrink. Hang in there. People really are rooting for you, you know that? And like you said the other day, screw the rest of 'em. You're smart and you're tough. Remember that.