wpasierb

I have been sober since January 22, 2009, and I am SO grateful every day. I was a pretty awful drunk. The last 2-3 days I have had a huge amount of guilt about the way I behaved. I have always felt bad, but now I can't see, to think about anything else but the way I've hurt everyone I love. I don't know how to feel better. I've tried to make amends to people, but I don't think thats enough for some of the things I've done. I have 3 kids and two of them live with their dad in CA and I have missed so much of their lives. One of 18 and the other is 14 I keep thinking about when they were little and I would have them half the time and during that time there were some pretty ugly scenes. My youngest has been with me the whole time and I feel horrible for the things she has seen & heard. I would give ANYTHING to just have another chance.

RaiseAnchor

Keeping your sobriety is your best option to show that you've really worked hard to change. Two years is a long time to wrestle with it, just awesome. While you cannot overlook your mistakes, you've been willing to take accountability for them and that's very key in respecting others, and yourself.

But keep in mind all you can do is move forward from here.

LexieCat

You can't undo the past. What happened, happened.

Have you considered AA? Working the Steps in an orderly way as they are set out in the Big Book promises that you will be rid of the guilt and shame. Might be worth a try--who wants to carry a load of guilt for the rest of their life?

Mark75

You do... but now that you've quit drinking, you have to go get recovered. AA will help open the door to another chance. Seriously. Give it a look see. You might be surprised!

aasharon90

Learn to forgive urself is important.

I too had done things in the past that
I was ashamed of and felt guilty of.
However today I have learned how
to forgive myself for those wrongs
when under the influence and afterwards.

As long as I continue to work on my
recovery and not to make the same
mistakes as i once did a day at a time
then happiness comes shining thru.

There are promises written in the Big
Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that
will come true in time. Some come
true quickly and some not so quickly.

For me, 20 yrs sober, those promises
are still coming true for me. Slowly but
surely as long as I remain openminded,
willing, and most important HONEST in
all my affairs.

Family and friends remember how we
treated them when we were sick. It takes
time and trust for them to return to us.

My little ones r grown little adults now living
life as should be. My 25 yr marriage ended
awhile back and im remarried for 2 yrs now.

My family knows of my recovery for the last
20 yrs and as they keep up with me via txt,
myspace phone calls, they know i have a program
of recovery to live by on a daily bases. They hear
of my happiness and fun I am having today and
if that's not proof enough that im not a miserable
sober person, then i dont know what is.

Ive gone thru many changes over the yrs. like
an ugly duckling turning into a pretty swan.
I had to go thru change for me and no one else
before others could see me and believe me.

Today I am a pretty sober swan inside and out
in the eyes of the Man upstairs. And for me that
is all that matters. The rest see me as they want to
see me and thats ok too.

ReadyAndAble

I know what you mean. I have a daughter too. So many regrets—but the past is gone now, like water that flowed down a river. But you know what, you do have a second chance. You're here, you're sober, and you've got the rest of your life to be the mom you want to be. You're right to be grateful. Just keep being the person you are today.

CarolD

Congratulations on your 2 years of recovery..

This may be surfaceing now as you just had another
aniversary. Prayers help me keep in emotional balance.

thisisme

Don't look back, you're not going that way.

keithj

Although I didn't start the process to alleviate my guilt, the effect was astounding. I took an inventory (4th Step) of the exact nature of my wrongs, became willing to have my behavior change (6-7), and went and made amends to the people I'd harmed (Steps 8-9).

And while there are certainly things I've done that I wish I hadn't, I am no longer dominated by those past actions.

totfit

This is another chance. Unfortunately, it is impossible to erase the past, but we can learn from it and I think be much better than we we would have been otherwise in the long run. For some reason, I was a bit reflective on my past on the way to work this morning and it wasn't pleasant. There was a time in my life that I really wouldn't/couldn't have pictured the life I live today. This is my "another chance". Let's just make the best of it.

Kjell

Hi WPB-

I know that feeling all too well. It still bothers me, but it used to EAT me up inside.

...but by working the steps of AA, I'm finding relief.

I'm not special though as it can work for you too.

It's really up to you if you wanna hold on to that guilt or not.

Kjell

AA4life

I still feel bad for my wife and kids. And for some other people from my drinking years. I would love to go back and do it all over again too. But, as we all know, we can't. We get one shot at this thing called life so I am planning on making today another sober day.

I have found that the guilt gets easier with time. But yeah, we don't get another chance at life so that makes each day sober even more important. Keep on keeping on.

MrDavid

It does...over time.

Keep coming back........

yeahgr8

I found the beauty of working the steps of AA was that i could undo the past in the form of amends and start over with a blank sheet of paper...in fact that really is one of the main points of doing the initial step work:-)

UniqueNewYork

It took me a long time to forgive myself for the bad things I did. The turning point was when I asked someone to forgive me for my worst crime and they accepted my apology. I felt like a different person afterwards. Don't give up before the miracle happens.