God Did Something Special For Me Today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
God Did Something Special For Me Today
When I got to work in the morning, I set aside my Dexadrine and one lorazepam and then forgot to take them. Funny eh, I'm so ADD I forgot to take my ADD meds.
Anyway at about 2:30 I get the usual scratch my eyes out cravings before I realized I hadn't taken any meds. I kept hoping that the cravings would subside before I had to leave work because then it would be so on. I'd have to wait 1 whole hour before the LCBO closed.
At 4 when the store closed I was still craving so I planned to get some cleaning stuff from the dollar store so I could clean to pass the time and then get my nails done. But I needed cash for my nails so I had to get money and by the time I got to the nail store a little before 5 it was closed. And then I drove over to the plaza with the closest the dollar store. That dollar store is right next to an LCBO.
The Dollar store was closing just as I got there so I thought f*ck it and walked over but the LCBO was closing just as I approached. So I thought I'd try another dollar store which was closing just as I got there. So I thought maybe..... maybe I should just do it. I didn't really want to drink but I felt scared of facing Sunday evening sober.
It would have been 15/20 minutes there. I had about 40 minutes to make it. So I got in my car and was just debating whether I wanted to spend the time and the money and the gas. and as I pulled out of my parking spot to drive to get alcohol I saw a third dollar store that was still open. As I got to the cash register the customer ahead of me says to the owner, "I didn't know you were open this late."
And the owner said, "Were supposed to close at 5 but there were still customers." So I got my cleaning stuff, went home and actually cleaned the inside of my car plus the trunk. There was a surprising amount of contraband in there which is a relief to get rid of. I was always worried about being pulled over I cleaned my bathroom after neglecting it for about a month and did laundry.
I know cleaning your car doesn't seem like a big deal but I swear there was one year I didn't clean it. I just threw out the garbage when it got too much. And I hadn't cleaned my bathroom for so long it started to smell like a public restroom. It didn't look that bad though it just smelled bad especially when I'd come home and the door had been closed all day. But still the bathroom in your home should never smell like that.
Doing my laundy on a regular basis is sheer awesomeness for me because there was a time when I think I'd just pick clothes up off the floor in the morning and wear them if they didn't look dirty. I'd try to have a shower at least once in a 24 hour period. I'm sure there were days when I didn't.
Having a clean bedroom and clean sheets is also awesome because when I lived on my own there was a time when I couldn't see my bedroom floor because of the stuff on the floor - empty bottles, paper bags from the LCBO, empty cartons of eaten fast food, dirty / clean clothes, unopened mail etc etc. It's hard to describe the mental effect of living in that kind of squalor.
I'm sure I might have gone months without changing my sheets and since I didn't leave the house over the weekend there came a time when I'd shower on Friday morning and then not again till Monday. (What was the point? No one was going to see me and many weekends in a row my roomate was gone so. I could be as funky as I wanted to be)
I know that if I had bought the alcohol I would have come home, plonked down infront of the TV and tried to study and drink all at the same time which from prior experience never works well. But you know one day maybe pigs might fly.
All those dollar stores were within walking distance of an LCBO. I really feel like God gave me an out today.
I think I am afraid of weekends because when I was free the whole weekend I could isolate fully. Even when my roomate wasn' t there I would stay in my bedroom with the curtains drawn, and one dim lamp and watch movies on my laptop. It felt like bliss.
Anyway at about 2:30 I get the usual scratch my eyes out cravings before I realized I hadn't taken any meds. I kept hoping that the cravings would subside before I had to leave work because then it would be so on. I'd have to wait 1 whole hour before the LCBO closed.
At 4 when the store closed I was still craving so I planned to get some cleaning stuff from the dollar store so I could clean to pass the time and then get my nails done. But I needed cash for my nails so I had to get money and by the time I got to the nail store a little before 5 it was closed. And then I drove over to the plaza with the closest the dollar store. That dollar store is right next to an LCBO.
The Dollar store was closing just as I got there so I thought f*ck it and walked over but the LCBO was closing just as I approached. So I thought I'd try another dollar store which was closing just as I got there. So I thought maybe..... maybe I should just do it. I didn't really want to drink but I felt scared of facing Sunday evening sober.
It would have been 15/20 minutes there. I had about 40 minutes to make it. So I got in my car and was just debating whether I wanted to spend the time and the money and the gas. and as I pulled out of my parking spot to drive to get alcohol I saw a third dollar store that was still open. As I got to the cash register the customer ahead of me says to the owner, "I didn't know you were open this late."
And the owner said, "Were supposed to close at 5 but there were still customers." So I got my cleaning stuff, went home and actually cleaned the inside of my car plus the trunk. There was a surprising amount of contraband in there which is a relief to get rid of. I was always worried about being pulled over I cleaned my bathroom after neglecting it for about a month and did laundry.
I know cleaning your car doesn't seem like a big deal but I swear there was one year I didn't clean it. I just threw out the garbage when it got too much. And I hadn't cleaned my bathroom for so long it started to smell like a public restroom. It didn't look that bad though it just smelled bad especially when I'd come home and the door had been closed all day. But still the bathroom in your home should never smell like that.
Doing my laundy on a regular basis is sheer awesomeness for me because there was a time when I think I'd just pick clothes up off the floor in the morning and wear them if they didn't look dirty. I'd try to have a shower at least once in a 24 hour period. I'm sure there were days when I didn't.
Having a clean bedroom and clean sheets is also awesome because when I lived on my own there was a time when I couldn't see my bedroom floor because of the stuff on the floor - empty bottles, paper bags from the LCBO, empty cartons of eaten fast food, dirty / clean clothes, unopened mail etc etc. It's hard to describe the mental effect of living in that kind of squalor.
I'm sure I might have gone months without changing my sheets and since I didn't leave the house over the weekend there came a time when I'd shower on Friday morning and then not again till Monday. (What was the point? No one was going to see me and many weekends in a row my roomate was gone so. I could be as funky as I wanted to be)
I know that if I had bought the alcohol I would have come home, plonked down infront of the TV and tried to study and drink all at the same time which from prior experience never works well. But you know one day maybe pigs might fly.
All those dollar stores were within walking distance of an LCBO. I really feel like God gave me an out today.
I think I am afraid of weekends because when I was free the whole weekend I could isolate fully. Even when my roomate wasn' t there I would stay in my bedroom with the curtains drawn, and one dim lamp and watch movies on my laptop. It felt like bliss.
Last edited by LifeBlows; 02-27-2011 at 09:05 PM. Reason: Grammar
May you continue to let Him bless you...He wants to! Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
having a clean organized home environment and clean clothes makes a difference for me too. I am also afraid of sometimes having too much free time.
when i get worried, i do a lot of cleaning too...especially the bathrooms...then get the nails done too.
congrats on working through the cravings.
when i get worried, i do a lot of cleaning too...especially the bathrooms...then get the nails done too.
congrats on working through the cravings.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Seems as though the opportunity is always there to make the right choice. When we drink or drug the truth becomes blurred and we make poor decisions or no decisions at all. Thus the isolating and lack of self help. I'm happy to hear you are making better choices and getting back to life as it should be. Feels good doesn't it?
Best Wishes To You! :ghug3
Best Wishes To You! :ghug3
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