tooling

I don't know if it's work stress or what but I do have a desire to get drunk.

I got something going for me with my weightlifting so I am not coming off the wagon. But I have been catching my mind changing into a pro-drinking attitude at times now. My mind tries to be really sly about it. The thoughts run deep into my brain and affect my behavior patters. But I see it now and can cut it off at the roots.

That's really powerful that my mind can do that and change my moods. It's almost like in an instant my outlook on life changes just like that, and I could become a drunk again.

I'm fine now. Just got done eating and now i am resting up from some hard working out at the gym.

Alcohol is an amazing thing. As bad as it is for me I still, if i let my mind work through the process, will come up with enough reasoning to get back into some good old fashion drinking.

UniqueNewYork

I just try to train my thinking pattern. When I start to get "thirsty", I switch my brain over to what-I-would-lose mode. Sometimes its very tangible like a job for example. Other times its the fact that I couldn't help other alcoholics while drinking

suki44883

It is amazing, and very common. We do tend to forget the awfulness of our drinking days. Sometimes we get complacent with our recovery and think that if we managed to stay clean for 6 months, maybe we aren't really alcoholic after all. Yeah, alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful.

Oh! Congrats on the 6 months!

tallcactus

6 months is great and I'm sure you don't want to throw those months away in the toilet.
Those thoughts come and go, so stay busy.
You will not regret that you didn't drink last night when you wake in the morning.

Dee74

Forgive me but I deal with a lot of people....what are you using for support, again, tooling?

D

tooling

Just myself, here and most people i talk to are supportive.

Nevertheless

I myself almost gave in at the six month mark. I had been doing well but somehow got obsessed with "6 months". I wen't to extra AA meetings and posted about it here. Talking about it helped. Once I got past it I was OK. But I was having "break the glass" cravings on and off for 2 or 3 days. I really have no idea what triggered it. But that was my last really close call.
I will have been sober 2 years the end of march. Hang in there. The only thing drinking will do is bring the addiction back to life. That's really what is happening. The addiction is fighting to make a comeback. KICK IT"S ASS.
Drinking just is not an option.
Fred

Dee74

For a lot of people SR is enough.
For others, they seem to need more.

Only you can decide which camp you're in Tooling.

I do believe we get out what we put into our recovery tho.

D

SparklingSeven

You've done the right thing posting your feelings. Internalising thoughts like this you can find yourself way down the road to a relapse without realising it. When you share it with someone the thought loses a lot of it's power - sometimes it immediately seems quite silly.

And the good thing is if you don't act on it, it will eventually go away.

doggonecarl

I'm close to that mark too, and feeling the same desire. I drank to get drunk and drunk is what I miss. I catch myself thinking, I could drink just this once and get right back on the sober train.

How tricky is that?

What stops me is the fear and realization that I might not stop with "one" drunk. I don't want to be the guy who drinks to celebrate six months sober, then comes back to SR a YEAR later and confess about my relapse...that's if I make it back.

Hang strong. Blame it on PAWS and believe it will pass.

Scott1970

At 14 months I still hit that feeling in cycles. It could be stress, it could be a number of things, but it is me and my thinking. I get three when I get to a comfort point. I slack up talking to my sponsor, paying attention and participating in meetings, talking to newcomers, praying, you name it..I start losing my program and what has worked for me.

To get back on track I do what you just did...share the feelings, reach out for the hope and inspiration of others, and work my program even harder. I need to hit extra meetings, go to institional meetings (to remind me of where I was and where I can be again) and help newcomers...

I can never get complacent or in my own head. When I do I am in trouble! I know I do not want to go back to the place I was once in...

Congrats on the 6 months!

tooling

I tell you I did just this my last attempt at being sober. I made it 3 months and then just wanted to get drunk once. That one drunk session lasted 5 months.

Now I am 6 months sober from that and swore i wouldn't make that mistake again..


Have a good day all.

VeeTee

Tooling, thanks for this post and everybody for the answers. I really need to hear this today, too. Tallcactus - thinking about how I will feel tomorrow is a very strong incentive to stay sober for me.

Personally, I need to get of my "i'm doing quite well, so let's not hurry the steps" attitude.

Vee

ReadyAndAble

Great thread. Just posting about this is a great way to start dealing with it (though I think Dee's comments are worth considering, for sure).

I'm with doggonecarl 100%. I think I could get drunk one night and not get drunk the next night.... But what about a week later or even a month? I feel certain that if I give my addictive voice that fuel, it would become stronger, and would be able to argue, "Hey, that wasn''t such a big deal. Let's go for it again!" I envision those spaces between binges getting smaller and smaller, until finally I'm right back where I was before, swearing off booze in the morning and drinking again at night. Ugh. It churns my stomach just thinking about it.

So yeah, fear is a motivator for me. But I feel like my greatest weapon, the heavy artillery against temptation, is gratitude. I feel like Tim Robbins after he crawls through the sewers to escape prison in "The Shawshank Redemption." I remember exactly what it felt like when I wondered if I would ever get out. When I think about where I've been, and where I am now, it kills any romantic notions about having just a few drinks.

I didn't just stop drinking. I started living.

MrDavid

What to do? To drink or not to drink? The perils of our disease…Woe are we.

You talk about how slick our disease can be; trying to convince us somehow, someway, into having a drink. I guess that’s why they call this disease cunning, baffling and powerful. It is good to hear you made a conscious decision not to drink -for now.

There is -for this alcoholic- no logical reason why I would ever consider picking up a drink. There are contributing factors to my dilemma that can cause someone to think about picking up, including myself, but by no means is a reason to actually do it.

In most cases the problem has more to do with being either angry, lonely or in your case hungry and tired. If you figure out the root cause of your malady, like you did, you discover how to remedy the situation without picking up a drink. Way to go...tooling...great job.

:ghug3

Drinking isn't the answer...Don't ask our disease though.

ChikkaB

Congrats on 6 months, that's awesome.

For me, sudden cravings are short-circuited by things like exercise, talking to supportive humans, snapping a rubber band on my wrist (ow!), and eating something with a touch of sugar.