jerseytomato

I have been attempting to quit drinking on and off for four years now and the longest I have gone was 6 months. I haven't really quit at all and have been hiding heavy drinking for 4 months now from my family. I hate that I can control it when I know I will be seeing someone but when left to my own devices I break down every time. I won't tell my family that I started drinking again but I want to quit. I know everyone is going to say be honest but that is not an option because of financial consequences and consequences for my kids right now. I have no problem being honest when I get some time, but being honest right now will be detrimental. I want to quit but it is so hard. I feel like I am one of those hopeless cases. I guess I am looking for advice on how everyone got through the physical and mental agony and got to the other side. How do you get through the intense cravings and anxiety and irritability? How long does it last?

LexieCat

Hi, jersey,

(Love the name--I'm in NJ, myself). Can you get to an AA meeting? I was like you, desperately hiding the drinking. It's a heck of a burden on top of everything else.

I found that the withdrawal stage only lasted several days, though everyone's experience is a little different. If you have been drinking a lot, you'd be well advised to consult a doctor before quitting drinking abruptly.

suki44883

It's not easy to go through withdrawals under the best of circumstances, but if you are trying to hide it from your family that lives with you, it's going to be extremely hard. Not only that, abruptly stopping drinking can be very dangerous and it's not something that should be done alone and should preferably be done under a doctor's care.

Is it possible for you to go to your doctor and explain that you want to detox from alcohol and let him/her help you?

Welcome to SR. This place is full of people who understand what you are feeling and are here to support you.

Dee74

Hi Jersey

welcome

I guess my first response is...it's not for nothing people will tell you be honest...it's hard enough to get sober without trying to keep secrets as well...as well, it's true to say that becoming honest helped me get and stay sober...so, up to you, but I'd reconsider that decision.

I'm guessing you've tried everything under the sun to stay sober by yourself (how did you stay sober for 6 months?)...my advice is find a recovery programme - AA's the obvious one but it's not the only game in town...here's some links

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

dalaimama

Welcome...I know how it feels, to want to quit so badly and not be able to, to have to hide it, to not be successful in my attempts to stay sober. Have you tried AA...are you against going to meetings and getting some support? That's what works for me, even though I fought against having to go for many years....I do it now because it works, and I have been sober now almost six years! It is hard to get through those first few months, of cravings and learning how to handle life without the crutch of a cocktail...but believe me, in the end it's so worth it to have clarity, peace of mind,a good night's sleep, to know laughter again. You can do it....

jerseytomato

Thanks for the replies. I have been to AA and was heavily involved for a while. I have a hard time with AA because I am atheist. I have gone a few days without drinking without shaking or bad withdrawals so I know I am not in danger physically. It is the mental anguish that accompanies the hangover/depression/anxiety/fatigue that motivates me to go to the liquor store. I really don't know what it is like to feel normal anymore. That makes me sad.

Dee74

I drank for 20 years so it took me a long time to feel 'normal'...I had to trust those who told me it would happen if I did the work...and they were right

I know many atheists in AA - there are atheist AA meetings (usually in large cities I grant you) but we even have a secular 12 step forum here....but - if you're convinced it's not for you - don't stop looking for help...check out the links I posted - I hope you'll find something that resonates there

D

Fandy

Hi JT, (tomatoes are the best part of NJ some weeks)....I agree that you should come clean with your doctor to assess the best plan to stop. you can't hide the night sweats, upper and lower GI *issues* and function all day, interact with people.

If you can do this at home, there may be meds to help you get through the hardest part, but again it depends on the amount you drink, how much you weigh, your age, BP. general physical health....the most important part is WANTING to stop....and doing it safely.

in 2009 i was sober for a total of 9 days all year....in 2010 when I hit 10 days, i woke up from a really restful sleep and cried in gratitude.....it only gets better.

jerseytomato

Wow, thank you so much for that extensive list of links! I am excited to check it out. How did you all motivate yourselves to do something when it was so awful?

Reset

The desire to feel normal (well, happy actually) is exactly what drove me to quit. It took a long time for me to want that feeling badly enough to stop drinking and see what would happen though.

ZZworldontheweb

What motivated me was that the alternative of continuing was too horrifying. I know you say being honest with those around you is not an option, but I found it impossible to quit without involving others. My doctor, spouse, etc, had to take some time off work.

jerseytomato

A few days I think I can handle...I know all of our stories are really complicated and mine is not different. I am chronically ill which is really what scares me the most about my drinking. I want to be here for my kids. So, I am tired often and that is when my cravings occur. I am also recently divorced, unemployed and bored half the time I don't have my kids. I am an adult whose parents are putting a roof over my head and I have much guilt about that. I am waiting on an answer from disability and feel like a burden so all of that leads to intense anxiety, depression and guilt which keeps me drinking. I know logically that it is making it much worse but can't get through the cravings. So....what is some advice for making it through the intense cravings?

Reset

Well I dunno how intense your cravings are compared to mine but at night I holed myself in my room with my laptop, movies, books and lots and lots of hot tea. All different kinds, but especially green and black tea, and Nighty Night tea before bed.

The movies, etc. kept my mind engaged most of the time, so that I was not thinking about drinking or any of the other baggage. Coming to this site was a huge help too, just reading about how others have been through this.

Any time I started to get a craving I'd make a new cup of tea and just tell myself to ride it out for 30 minutes. Hot tea and a little patience seemed to kill the craving after a short time.

The cravings peaked around day 4 or 5 and then had almost disappeared after 2 weeks. Once you get over the hump it gets easier.

But you've been through this before, right? What did you do the first time?

jerseytomato

Before I felt like I had a much happier, fulfilling life. It seemed so much easier...more hope. I was working, felt like a productive human being. Now I just feel like a loser alcoholic. Two weeks doesn't seem sooooo bad. I will take it day by day. Tea sounds yummy. I will try that. I can't do this anymore. It is exhausting, frustrating and depressing. I have heard it gets better. I will trust in this. I need my drive back. That is the worst thing about it, the fatigue and lack of drive.

Fandy

if you stop drinking, you will be getting more energy and better quality rest. I used to be sick to my stomach every morning when i drank...last March i lost 50% of my hair from poor nutrition and a diet of booze and cheetos....my lower abdomen was sore all the time....i was flirting with typeII diabetes....my BP was too high even on meds.

in short, i was a big mess with a red swollen face.

you might want to take a picture of yourself at intervals to see the difference, it helped to motivate me.

Reset

I had that lack of motivation and fatigue too -you might want to get that checked out because it's a sign of clinical depression.

Good luck in any case. You can do it!

bubblehead

I hear you on the "be honest" thing. Honesty may be needed for certain programs but everyone's situation is different. My drinking was well hidden. What being honest about the 5-6 beers a day I was drinking got me was my already subtly abusive fiance at the time becoming more abusive and blaming alcohol on it. To the point where even when I had not had a drink in a month, and he became physically violent against myself and my pets, he used my past alcohol use as an excuse. After I left and the relationship ended, he tried to manipulate me into doing some work for him and when I wanted to charge him for it same as I would anyone else, he threatened to call DCF and have my daughter taken away because I am an "alcoholic". i had quit drinking completely at that point. I got an injunction for protection against him based on that and other threats.
To this day, he is still running around telling everyone our relationship ended because I am some alcoholic sociopath.
So yeah, be honest if you can. If someone may use it to manipulate or harm you, don't share it with them. Then question just how useful your relationship is with them if you honestly want help and can't be honest about it.

sunrise1

For me? I had to want sanity and my marriage and to get off the crazy merry-go-round MORE than I wanted the instant gratification of checking out via booze. And then- I had to reach out; in fact, I believe the very first place and people I asked for help was here in the SR "SOS" forum. My heart was pounding as I hit "submit"... because part of what I was doing was admitting that I REALLY did have a problem.

I think part of what keeps some of us drinking is the idea that either we don't really have a problem, or that it's not "that bad". Or- we'll fix it soon but life is just too tough right now to let go of the crutch of alcohol.

Some of us are "lucky" enough to get a wake-up call in some form or another... I can only relate my experience: my wake-up call was the fact that my husband was indeed considering leaving me because of my drinking. Others have had DUI's, divorce, you name it. It doesn't make me any less of an alcoholic that I have never had a DUI. Alcoholism isn't something you achieve after a series of things you check off a list. I know I compared myself that way for a long time. "I haven't done this, or that... must not really be so"...

My point's this: only you know what will motivate you to quit drinking. BUT, and it's a big but, you don't have to wait for whatever that is to happen. Your posting here is a great start and you now know there is help available and people here and in real life you can reach out to. I urge you to do so NOW and not wait for whatever your worst case scenario is that you know would make you stop drinking.

Best to you... stick around and you'll see plenty of folk living life with tenfold the joy and fulfillment than any drink one could imagine. You can do it too.

PS- the best tomatoes in the world are indeed from Jersey... I always looked forward to visiting my uncle because he'd always send us home with a sackful from his garden.

jerseytomato

Thanks everyone...plenty of motivation here to get me started. Here we go...DAY 1. I have a feeling this is going to be a looong day. I will no doubt be posting here a lot! Thanks for all of the motivational words.

Fandy

You CAN do this...keep busy and do not hesitate to think about feeling healthier, stronger overall....it is one of the best motivating pictures in my head.

I used to lay in bed until the last possible minute, full of dread...now i much prefer to get up an hour earlier, do a little exercise and feel in control of my day.