What do you tell freinds?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
lets keep on topic folks...and remember....
D
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No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
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Professional Alcoholic
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 67
I always told them I'd be right there. I do everything I always did without alcohol. It's possible to party without it. Of course I had to learn to do it and it wasn't easy. But everyone respects my decision not to drink and tells me so. Even it it's between slugs of whiskey. Don't drink.........
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5
I can relate with what you are going through mynewway. Alot of my "friends" I've made through work and I wouldn't say that we are intimate on any level, minus a few that I've made deeper connections with. I think perhaps, atleast in my case I don't allow people to get close to me. So, they are the type that I would go out to bars with etc. I was sober for over a year...and during that time I would make things up to these "friends" or colleagues as to why I wasn't not partaking in the drinking festivities with them. "I have to work tomorrow." "I'll be the designated driver." "You know, the ol'ball-n'chain will get mad at me." "I'm trying to cut back." The list goes on.
I relapsed this weekend. And when I read your post I thought...this time around In order for ME to recover I need to be honest. Sure, my struggles are of a private nature that I would only share the gritty details with those that are most important to me...but I think, atleast for me, that making up all those things and trying to joke about it was just another deception due to shame and guilt. If I am ever in the position again to decline...I hope that I have the courage I did not have before to simply say, "I do not drink & I do not want to drink." Or something of that nature
I'm not saying I'll wear it on my sleeve...but I need to change something. Alot of things. So, I've made a promise to be honest whenever possible.
I relapsed this weekend. And when I read your post I thought...this time around In order for ME to recover I need to be honest. Sure, my struggles are of a private nature that I would only share the gritty details with those that are most important to me...but I think, atleast for me, that making up all those things and trying to joke about it was just another deception due to shame and guilt. If I am ever in the position again to decline...I hope that I have the courage I did not have before to simply say, "I do not drink & I do not want to drink." Or something of that nature
I'm not saying I'll wear it on my sleeve...but I need to change something. Alot of things. So, I've made a promise to be honest whenever possible.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I told all my drinking social circle I was quitting and
had joined AA. ....
Then I connected to new friends who shared my goal of
lasting recovery...
We do all sorts of interesting and fun things outside of meetings
and we stay sober together.
had joined AA. ....
Then I connected to new friends who shared my goal of
lasting recovery...
We do all sorts of interesting and fun things outside of meetings
and we stay sober together.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 638
I guess I have a similar opinion as most. If they are close to me then I am honest and tell them that I'm an alcoholic but if we’re not all that close then I just say that I simply do not drink. In early sobriety I lost a lot of "friends" but it turns out they were just drinking acquaintances really. The three or four friends that have stuck by me throughout all of this are happy that I am sober and know everything about my drinking past and the things I do to stay sober today.
When I meet new people I am not going to tell them about why I don’t drink. Telling people too much about anything right away can really freak them out.
The other week I told my jiujitsu teammate that I have been training with for 3yrs about why I am sober. He has become someone I feel I can trust but until then I just told him that I don’t drink because it hinders my training. I wasn’t lying to him this whole time but just not telling him all the reasons.
Your “real” friends will supported why you don’t drink and acquaintances or people you are not 100% comfortable with don’t have to know the reasons why you are not drinking. That’s what I have found anyways since I have been sober. Hope it helps.
When I meet new people I am not going to tell them about why I don’t drink. Telling people too much about anything right away can really freak them out.
The other week I told my jiujitsu teammate that I have been training with for 3yrs about why I am sober. He has become someone I feel I can trust but until then I just told him that I don’t drink because it hinders my training. I wasn’t lying to him this whole time but just not telling him all the reasons.
Your “real” friends will supported why you don’t drink and acquaintances or people you are not 100% comfortable with don’t have to know the reasons why you are not drinking. That’s what I have found anyways since I have been sober. Hope it helps.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 41
I tell my friends that ask that I'm not drinking anymore. Most don't ask when we are out and I order a non-alcholic drink. It is still uncomfortable for me at times, but I'm learning that it's really not that important to my friends whether I drink or not. They didn't know the magnitude of the problem I had when I stopped drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
I found many people talking about drinking over the holidays.
If asked, I would say that I don't drink alcohol. When some people took it further and asked why...
I said, because when I drink, something happens and I want more and more. If I have one drink, I will want another, and then another...like a switch is turned on.
So, I have learned it's best for me not to have any at all.
I also said once that I had alcoholism in my family, and so it's best that I not drink to avoid any problems for myself.
I have one friend that was talking about drinking...and even called me up so drunk that she couldn't even form sentences...very strange to hear someone so drunk...
So...I said to her...I have learned that it is best for me to not even have one drink...as it starts the desire for more. That I want to be healthy, and drinking too much is no good for me.
Be honest. You never know...Someone may have a drinking problem, and you speaking your truth may be a catalyst for change in them.
I think the more we feel like we have to hide it or deny it, or keep it a secret...it could lead to us feeling like it is a bad thing.
We are doing a good thing. We are taking care of ourselves as we have never done. So we can just say something like that.
If asked, I would say that I don't drink alcohol. When some people took it further and asked why...
I said, because when I drink, something happens and I want more and more. If I have one drink, I will want another, and then another...like a switch is turned on.
So, I have learned it's best for me not to have any at all.
I also said once that I had alcoholism in my family, and so it's best that I not drink to avoid any problems for myself.
I have one friend that was talking about drinking...and even called me up so drunk that she couldn't even form sentences...very strange to hear someone so drunk...
So...I said to her...I have learned that it is best for me to not even have one drink...as it starts the desire for more. That I want to be healthy, and drinking too much is no good for me.
Be honest. You never know...Someone may have a drinking problem, and you speaking your truth may be a catalyst for change in them.
I think the more we feel like we have to hide it or deny it, or keep it a secret...it could lead to us feeling like it is a bad thing.
We are doing a good thing. We are taking care of ourselves as we have never done. So we can just say something like that.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Well...early in my sobriety I would say no thanks. Some people would pester or tease me, my face would turn red, and I would stammer a bit, and sheepishly walk away. lol
But I had to go through that. Kinda funny when I think about it but deadly serious at the time. lol
In time, people stopped asking or no longer say anything when I say "no thanks" or if I say "yeah, get me a coke." It's completely natural.
I swear about 90% of the people in my life today weren't there 3 years ago. The hardcore drinkers are still doing what they do, my true friends remained by my side, and I have an incredible number of new friends and acquaintances, some sober, some normal drinkers, all good people.
Just gotta go through it. The world won't end.
But I had to go through that. Kinda funny when I think about it but deadly serious at the time. lol
In time, people stopped asking or no longer say anything when I say "no thanks" or if I say "yeah, get me a coke." It's completely natural.
I swear about 90% of the people in my life today weren't there 3 years ago. The hardcore drinkers are still doing what they do, my true friends remained by my side, and I have an incredible number of new friends and acquaintances, some sober, some normal drinkers, all good people.
Just gotta go through it. The world won't end.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
My friends know I'm an alcoholic. I've said the words "I love you to them". I can say I love you to them or tell them I'm an alcoholic because i'm not drinking. If I was drinking I'd be too busy saying "please I'm sorry it won't happen again" or some crap.
The only friend I would shy away from is one you think just doesn't have a clue what being an alcoholic means. I have met some knaive people in my life. I personally feel blessed to have identified a problem in my life and be working to keep it out of the picture. People who don't understand it might jump to conclusions about your morals.
The only friend I would shy away from is one you think just doesn't have a clue what being an alcoholic means. I have met some knaive people in my life. I personally feel blessed to have identified a problem in my life and be working to keep it out of the picture. People who don't understand it might jump to conclusions about your morals.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
I think women have more of a problem with this because people take more notice when you don't drink and secretly want to know if you're trying to get pregnant.
My friends all know I'm in AA. If new acquaintances ask why I don't drink, I say, "I've already used up my lifetime allotment" and then laugh and change the subject. If they continue pressing, I say, " I don't react well to it." both of these statements are true.
Only once have I had anyone continue to make a bigdeal about it (he was drunk). At that point I felt okay being a little rude about it and just continually not answering and then changing the subject AGAIN. But this only happened once.
One thing I've noticed now is how many of my friends just don't really drink, or they don't have any that particular night because it's a weeknight, they have to drive, etc., so I realized I don't stand out nearly as much as I thought I would.
GG
My friends all know I'm in AA. If new acquaintances ask why I don't drink, I say, "I've already used up my lifetime allotment" and then laugh and change the subject. If they continue pressing, I say, " I don't react well to it." both of these statements are true.
Only once have I had anyone continue to make a bigdeal about it (he was drunk). At that point I felt okay being a little rude about it and just continually not answering and then changing the subject AGAIN. But this only happened once.
One thing I've noticed now is how many of my friends just don't really drink, or they don't have any that particular night because it's a weeknight, they have to drive, etc., so I realized I don't stand out nearly as much as I thought I would.
GG
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