What do you tell freinds?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 16
What do you tell freinds?
I had this weekend off of work. I got a call from one of my buddies who I used to go out drinking with asking if I wanted to go out and hit a bar and hang out with him and some of my other freinds.
I had told him I was "on the wagon" when he asked me in mid-January and that I was trying to loose weight. I had also told him I had been drinking to much. I dont think it ever registered to him that drinking was a problem for me. Of course, I didnt really offer it up either.
I told him I was still on the wagon and had some other plans. He was really cool about it.
I dont consider my freinds "drinking freinds." But the weird thing is when I think about every activity we do, it involves drinking. We go fishing (we drink), We watch football (we drink), We golf, (we drink) etc etc etc... alcohol is usually in the picture.
I am just being thought of right now as being on a diet and trying to get healthier. I dont think anyone actually realizes my main motivation for being dry right now is my alcoholism.
I have always been a self-reliant person who can have just as much fun on his own than with other people. I dont really have many freinds, they are more work buddies who I do stuff with occasionally, so this is not a huge issue in my life.
I just wondered about some of your expieriences after stopping drinking and what you told freinds?
I had told him I was "on the wagon" when he asked me in mid-January and that I was trying to loose weight. I had also told him I had been drinking to much. I dont think it ever registered to him that drinking was a problem for me. Of course, I didnt really offer it up either.
I told him I was still on the wagon and had some other plans. He was really cool about it.
I dont consider my freinds "drinking freinds." But the weird thing is when I think about every activity we do, it involves drinking. We go fishing (we drink), We watch football (we drink), We golf, (we drink) etc etc etc... alcohol is usually in the picture.
I am just being thought of right now as being on a diet and trying to get healthier. I dont think anyone actually realizes my main motivation for being dry right now is my alcoholism.
I have always been a self-reliant person who can have just as much fun on his own than with other people. I dont really have many freinds, they are more work buddies who I do stuff with occasionally, so this is not a huge issue in my life.
I just wondered about some of your expieriences after stopping drinking and what you told freinds?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
My friends are somewhat like yours...not drinking buddies but friends who are used to the idea of me drinking and who would often have alcohol in the picture when we did stuff together.
So far I have told them I simply no longer drink. If they ask I have said that I got to the point where I realized I no longer cared for what it. That has pretty much sufficed.
The handful of extra questions about it were Answerer with I took a break from it and realized I was much happier without it in my life.
I still do things with them and sometimes alcohol is around. I will get offered it and I say "no thanks". I have only once been slightly pushed.
If they have wondered they have kept it to themselves.
Heck my family hasn't even asked me about it!
So far I have told them I simply no longer drink. If they ask I have said that I got to the point where I realized I no longer cared for what it. That has pretty much sufficed.
The handful of extra questions about it were Answerer with I took a break from it and realized I was much happier without it in my life.
I still do things with them and sometimes alcohol is around. I will get offered it and I say "no thanks". I have only once been slightly pushed.
If they have wondered they have kept it to themselves.
Heck my family hasn't even asked me about it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
One more thing
Imo ...when you say you are "on the wagon" it implies you will get offfthe wagon at some point in Tue future...saying you "no longer drink" closes that door...both for you and for them
Imo ...when you say you are "on the wagon" it implies you will get offfthe wagon at some point in Tue future...saying you "no longer drink" closes that door...both for you and for them
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Glad to see you are still here and hanging in, newway.
I like LaFemme's approach...it's sort of what I did as well. I didn't make a big deal of it, just said I was no longer drinking. I disclosed more to people I was close to. Those people were supportive enough to do some of our regular things together and abstained along with me so I'd feel comfortable, which was really nice.
These days almost everyone I know is either a non-drinker or an infrequent/social drinker, so this quit it's not such a big deal.
I like LaFemme's approach...it's sort of what I did as well. I didn't make a big deal of it, just said I was no longer drinking. I disclosed more to people I was close to. Those people were supportive enough to do some of our regular things together and abstained along with me so I'd feel comfortable, which was really nice.
These days almost everyone I know is either a non-drinker or an infrequent/social drinker, so this quit it's not such a big deal.
Recovered.
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 32
First of all what sort of friends have we got????? this determines my answer.
Friend 1. Best friend.... i tell them i am an alcoholic, they accept it and love me all the same.
Friend 2. Friends that i see occasionally, will have coffee with but not the sort to divulge my personal life to,,, i tell them i had a drinky phase and now i have stopped drinking and want to focus on getting healthy. They don't question it.
Friend 3. The very distant ones, you know... those ones you add on facebook but have no idea why, i doesn't matter what i say to them because they aren't that interested anyway!
Friend 1. Best friend.... i tell them i am an alcoholic, they accept it and love me all the same.
Friend 2. Friends that i see occasionally, will have coffee with but not the sort to divulge my personal life to,,, i tell them i had a drinky phase and now i have stopped drinking and want to focus on getting healthy. They don't question it.
Friend 3. The very distant ones, you know... those ones you add on facebook but have no idea why, i doesn't matter what i say to them because they aren't that interested anyway!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
When anyone asks why I don't drink, I just say I've decided it isn't good for me. True.
I don't share any other details unless it is a VERY close friend, or unless I sense that it might be helpful to share my experience (someone else with a drinking problem, or someone dealing with it in their family).
I don't share any other details unless it is a VERY close friend, or unless I sense that it might be helpful to share my experience (someone else with a drinking problem, or someone dealing with it in their family).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I had surrounded myself with hard core drinkers because that is what I was. When I realized how sick I was and I stopped drinking not alot of people were around..they were all at the bar! But I told a few close friends at work and they understood..I was so hungover most days that I stayed at my desk...Between the alcohol induced anxiety and dry heaving every morning I just could barely function. Now it is the difference between night and day. I love mornings..My productivity at work is way up. I answer the phone at home all the time..no longer too drunk to pick up! Long story short..I don't care about the bar people. They were drinking buddies. Good friends can see the difference and are happy for me. I have already told them my drinking days are over. Headed to a Super Bowl party tonight that includes food and alcohol. With these friends..It doesn't bother me if they drink..and it doesn't matter to them if I don't. I used to worry about questions..but the more time that goes by..the less I worry about it.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
It wasn't an issue for me, my friends saw how out of control my life was getting, so they were actually happy I stopped drinking.
I had the same type of friends like you, they are not just drinking buddies, but people I hang out with and we always happen to be drinking.
I still hang out with them, I don't see the point of not hanging out with them if they are truly your friends. I also don't have a problem being around alcohol, it's in my house right now, as my partner likes to drink, I could go into the kitchen and make any type of drink every imagined. So maybe, my situation is a little different then yours.
You could still go out with your friends, you just have to pick a venue that suits both your needs. Instead of going to a bar, go to restaurant watch a game or something. If they want to drink, it's there. You have to decide what works best for you.
I also second what LaFemme said, the way I read your post is of someone who is temporarily not drinking. I know people like you who said they were not drinking and on a diet, guess what they are drinking now.
I had the same type of friends like you, they are not just drinking buddies, but people I hang out with and we always happen to be drinking.
I still hang out with them, I don't see the point of not hanging out with them if they are truly your friends. I also don't have a problem being around alcohol, it's in my house right now, as my partner likes to drink, I could go into the kitchen and make any type of drink every imagined. So maybe, my situation is a little different then yours.
You could still go out with your friends, you just have to pick a venue that suits both your needs. Instead of going to a bar, go to restaurant watch a game or something. If they want to drink, it's there. You have to decide what works best for you.
I also second what LaFemme said, the way I read your post is of someone who is temporarily not drinking. I know people like you who said they were not drinking and on a diet, guess what they are drinking now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 273
I tell the people who need to know, but for the most part I just reject drinks and people eventually get the picture that I'm not drinking anymore.
Some people are a bit rude and give me a kind of 'why are you quitting?' but those are people who do know the half of it. Most people understand alcoholism is serious and respect that I don't want to drink. It's a slightly awkward topic, but once it's done it's done. It's a burden off your shoulders when you don't have to beat around the bush about your alcoholism around your friends, so I'd say it's worth being honest.
It sounds like your friends just have one or two beers, so I don't think it will be awkward. It's only weird if everyone else is getting wasted. But going fishing and one of you isn't having a beer? There's nothing wrong with that.
Some people are a bit rude and give me a kind of 'why are you quitting?' but those are people who do know the half of it. Most people understand alcoholism is serious and respect that I don't want to drink. It's a slightly awkward topic, but once it's done it's done. It's a burden off your shoulders when you don't have to beat around the bush about your alcoholism around your friends, so I'd say it's worth being honest.
It sounds like your friends just have one or two beers, so I don't think it will be awkward. It's only weird if everyone else is getting wasted. But going fishing and one of you isn't having a beer? There's nothing wrong with that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by TheEnd 
It wasn't an issue for me, my friends saw how out of control my life was getting, so they were actually happy I stopped drinking.
I had the same type of friends like you, they are not just drinking buddies, but people I hang out with and we always happen to be drinking.
I had the same type of friends like you, they are not just drinking buddies, but people I hang out with and we always happen to be drinking.
Originally Posted by TheEnd
as my partner likes to drink, I could go into the kitchen and make any type of drink every imagined. So maybe, my situation is a little different then yours.
Originally Posted by TheEnd
You could still go out with your friends, you just have to pick a venue that suits both your needs. Instead of going to a bar, go to restaurant watch a game or something. If they want to drink, it's there. You have to decide what works best for you.
Or maybe something you heard at the tables, all those meetings?
Originally Posted by TheEnd
I also second what LaFemme said, the way I read your post is of someone who is temporarily not drinking. I know people like you who said they were not drinking and on a diet, guess what they are drinking now.
Originally Posted by TheEnd
He is drinking like 3 scotches and about almost two bottels of wine every night. I don't remember him drinking that much, and now he is passed out at the kitchen table the second time this week
Seriously.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
What's up mynewway! Welcome and glad your here. All I can say is "more will be revealed"... When I had newly quit drinking I made up all kinds of reasons that I couldn't drink; I was on medication, I was trying to lose weight, I had an interview the next day, I was trying to quit for a little while to 'clean out my system', etc...
What I meant by "more will be revealed" is that once we get comfortable in our "sober skin" this becomes so much less of an issue. I have told all of my close friends, that I am an alcoholic and no matter how hard I try, I just can't drink normally. Early on some tried to convince me that I was wrong, and I was so terrible at handling that.
Now that I have some sober time under my belt and am working the steps of AA I look at my condition very serious. I have told them that I flat out can't drink anymore. That one drinks will lead to two, five will lead to six, 10 to 11, and so on. I have set boundries and they have been very supportive. We can't expect their actions to change if we don't ask them to change their actions. Now that I have boundries set, if they break them, than that's it. Sobriety has to come first, but I owe it to them to give them the chance to still be my friend and I their's. I've heard it say many times when we get sober we have to change everything. I do agree that the way we act must change, but if you have friends that are willing to change with you, then those sound like pretty good friends to me...
Best of luck to you!
What I meant by "more will be revealed" is that once we get comfortable in our "sober skin" this becomes so much less of an issue. I have told all of my close friends, that I am an alcoholic and no matter how hard I try, I just can't drink normally. Early on some tried to convince me that I was wrong, and I was so terrible at handling that.
Now that I have some sober time under my belt and am working the steps of AA I look at my condition very serious. I have told them that I flat out can't drink anymore. That one drinks will lead to two, five will lead to six, 10 to 11, and so on. I have set boundries and they have been very supportive. We can't expect their actions to change if we don't ask them to change their actions. Now that I have boundries set, if they break them, than that's it. Sobriety has to come first, but I owe it to them to give them the chance to still be my friend and I their's. I've heard it say many times when we get sober we have to change everything. I do agree that the way we act must change, but if you have friends that are willing to change with you, then those sound like pretty good friends to me...
Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Heh. My drinking has led me to not have a lot of friends.
But I told one of my good, old friends that I have a problem. Simple as that, and he reacted way better than I would have imagined.
Mostly I'll just say nothing. But if asked, I'll tell acquaintances that I'm taking a break, or that I have to drive. That's all that need to know.
But I told one of my good, old friends that I have a problem. Simple as that, and he reacted way better than I would have imagined.
Mostly I'll just say nothing. But if asked, I'll tell acquaintances that I'm taking a break, or that I have to drive. That's all that need to know.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 197
I didn't have too much of a hard time since I had very few friends at the bar. So they were easy since i just didn't go and they don't know me elsewhere in my life or phone number.
I did have one friend I had to get rid of. Every time i tried to quit he was able to talk me out of it by things like, "it's ok to have a beer once in awhile just don't over do it."
I knew this was all his bullcrap because I know he over did it and was a major a**hole to his girlfriend.
So I told him to hit the road in much harsher words. I told him everything I didn't like about him just to get him to stop coming over here. because me telling him I stopped drinking never stopped him from showing up at my house with alcohol or drunk himself stirring up stuff. I literally was on the phone with him and told him everything that I hated about him.
that's harsh but this guy was messed up and i never knew it since i was drunk often.
I did have one friend I had to get rid of. Every time i tried to quit he was able to talk me out of it by things like, "it's ok to have a beer once in awhile just don't over do it."
I knew this was all his bullcrap because I know he over did it and was a major a**hole to his girlfriend.
So I told him to hit the road in much harsher words. I told him everything I didn't like about him just to get him to stop coming over here. because me telling him I stopped drinking never stopped him from showing up at my house with alcohol or drunk himself stirring up stuff. I literally was on the phone with him and told him everything that I hated about him.
that's harsh but this guy was messed up and i never knew it since i was drunk often.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 197
I didn't have too much of a hard time since I had very few friends at the bar. So they were easy since i just didn't go and they don't know me elsewhere in my life or phone number.
I did have one friend I had to get rid off. Every time i tried to quit he was able to talk me out of it by things like, "it's ok to have a beer once in awhile just don't over do it."
I knew this was all his bullcrap because I know he over did it and was a major a**hole to his girlfriend.
So I told him to hit the road in much harsher words. I told him everything I didn't like about him just to get him to stop coming over here. because me telling him I stopped drinking never stopped him from showing up at my house with alcohol or drunk himself stirring up stuff. I literally was on the phone with him and told him everything that I hated about him.
that's harsh but this guy was messed up and i never cared since i was drunk often. Sober, that dirtbag was gone.
I did have one friend I had to get rid off. Every time i tried to quit he was able to talk me out of it by things like, "it's ok to have a beer once in awhile just don't over do it."
I knew this was all his bullcrap because I know he over did it and was a major a**hole to his girlfriend.
So I told him to hit the road in much harsher words. I told him everything I didn't like about him just to get him to stop coming over here. because me telling him I stopped drinking never stopped him from showing up at my house with alcohol or drunk himself stirring up stuff. I literally was on the phone with him and told him everything that I hated about him.
that's harsh but this guy was messed up and i never cared since i was drunk often. Sober, that dirtbag was gone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Everybody knew what i was doing when i made the choice to get into recovery...previously i would always leave a door ajar so if not drinking didn't work out i could open it again and get back on the booze wagon!
All the sane, mature adults that were in my life at the time wished me well and were very supportive...all the others dropped by the wayside...
I went for a coffee with an old drinking pal of mine the other day, he never has any money so, overr the course of 2 hours, i bought 2 coffees and a diet coke for me and three pints of lager for him...as we were walking to the cafe he said "so you still not drinking then" i said "yep" and then silence...this was the first time i had seen him in about 6 months, i seriously doubt we will have too many more "meet ups" not because of me but because why the hell would he want to sit with someone who isn't drinking...the last thing i wanted to do whilst drinking was to sit with someone who wasn't! Point is some old buddies will drop off naturally, some i dropped off when i got into recovery:-)
All the sane, mature adults that were in my life at the time wished me well and were very supportive...all the others dropped by the wayside...
I went for a coffee with an old drinking pal of mine the other day, he never has any money so, overr the course of 2 hours, i bought 2 coffees and a diet coke for me and three pints of lager for him...as we were walking to the cafe he said "so you still not drinking then" i said "yep" and then silence...this was the first time i had seen him in about 6 months, i seriously doubt we will have too many more "meet ups" not because of me but because why the hell would he want to sit with someone who isn't drinking...the last thing i wanted to do whilst drinking was to sit with someone who wasn't! Point is some old buddies will drop off naturally, some i dropped off when i got into recovery:-)
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
Originally Posted by sailorjohn
Yeah.
Probably a lot different.
No doubt advice your sponsor gave you?
Or maybe something you heard at the tables, all those meetings?
The way I read your post is someone that doesn't remember what they've posted in the past. Not sure how I would characterize someone that passes out at the table twice a week, but I don't think it would be 'someone that likes to drink'.
Seriously.
Probably a lot different.
No doubt advice your sponsor gave you?
Or maybe something you heard at the tables, all those meetings?
The way I read your post is someone that doesn't remember what they've posted in the past. Not sure how I would characterize someone that passes out at the table twice a week, but I don't think it would be 'someone that likes to drink'.
Seriously.
I think it's great how you like to pick apart every post I do. Obviously, you have an issue with me for some reason or another. I don't attempt to know or care to understand, that's something that you need to work through.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
