drinking in the afternoon?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Pink...
Sorry for the post right after what I just posted...but, I looked back over your previous
posts.
You drank while you were pregnant, even binged a couple of times. Please understand, I am not judging you, but, if that doesn't answer the questions you are asking you aren't ready to get sober.
We all have to hit our bottoms, this could be yours, if you choose to let it be.
Sorry for the post right after what I just posted...but, I looked back over your previous
posts.
You drank while you were pregnant, even binged a couple of times. Please understand, I am not judging you, but, if that doesn't answer the questions you are asking you aren't ready to get sober.
We all have to hit our bottoms, this could be yours, if you choose to let it be.
Last edited by ANEWAUGUST; 02-02-2011 at 03:02 PM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly 
are you sure there is no way to moderate my drinking? even if i try really hard and use my will power.
And yet, here I am one year later. Haven't had a drop. Wasn't easy at first, but over time I did come to understand how much alcohol had controlled my life. I understood this not because people told me so (they did), but because I stayed away from alcohol for just one day. I made a half-serious pact with myself: I was only giving up one drink, the first. I could do that for an hour at first, then a day, then a weekend, etc.
Pink, you obviously know that alcohol is a problem. What you can't wrap your brain around is that it will kill you. Not maybe, not some percentage of a chance like maybe you'll get cancer if you smoke, IT WILL KILL YOU.
I had my mother removed from life support because of this disease. And still drank for another decade. I get it, I understand where you are coming from, but you have to understand that this isn't chickenpox, it's not like going on a diet where willpower will get you through or one cupcake just requires a little more exercise. That one drink that I was avoiding was the one that would breech the dam, with a cascade of booze to follow.
Don't think that this time will be different, because you know in your heart that it's not.
2nd chance at a 1st cl*** life
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Jose, Ca
Posts: 492
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly
are you sure there is no way to moderate my drinking? even if i try really hard and use my will power.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Pink
Im not going to give any answers to your post. What I would like to do is ask you a question.
Imagine I am a Genie, I could give you one wish and it would be yours. What would it be???
JJ
Im not going to give any answers to your post. What I would like to do is ask you a question.
Imagine I am a Genie, I could give you one wish and it would be yours. What would it be???
JJ
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by justjo
Hi Pink
Im not going to give any answers to your post. What I would like to do is ask you a question.
Imagine I am a Genie, I could give you one wish and it would be yours. What would it be???
JJ
Im not going to give any answers to your post. What I would like to do is ask you a question.
Imagine I am a Genie, I could give you one wish and it would be yours. What would it be???
JJ
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly
are you sure there is no way to moderate my drinking? even if i try really hard and use my will power.
Everything you've written much screams "I'm an alcoholic in denial."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly
i know. but i don't want to have a problem with this. i really want and need to control it. how can i possibly live the rest of my life without ever having another drink ever again. it just seems so impossible to me.
No one wants to be an alcoholic, but we have to play with the cards with have been dealt with sometimes. Just like no one wants to be sick or unemployed or whatever else life hands us - but we have to find a way to deal with it and carry on with life. Is it easy, nope. But in the long run pink its worth it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Good grief.
Do you think you are some special, unique person who cannot recover from alcoholism? When there are scores, if not hundreds, of people posting on this forum who have, or are well on their way?
Do you think we just got up one day and said, "Hm, today seems like a good day to quit drinking, I think I'll pop into an AA meeting and get myself fixed in time for the class reunion next week."
We LOVED alcohol, LOVED it. Even as we realized it was destroying our lives, our families' lives. When we decided we were sick of hurting ourselves and others we reluctantly and fearfully asked for help. And we did what other successful recovered people told us to do. And our lives got better. And better. And better.
Get off the merry-go-round. This isn't getting better on its own. Willpower has nothing to do with it--you've tried that, quite a few times. REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY trying won't work any better.
Do you think you are some special, unique person who cannot recover from alcoholism? When there are scores, if not hundreds, of people posting on this forum who have, or are well on their way?
Do you think we just got up one day and said, "Hm, today seems like a good day to quit drinking, I think I'll pop into an AA meeting and get myself fixed in time for the class reunion next week."
We LOVED alcohol, LOVED it. Even as we realized it was destroying our lives, our families' lives. When we decided we were sick of hurting ourselves and others we reluctantly and fearfully asked for help. And we did what other successful recovered people told us to do. And our lives got better. And better. And better.
Get off the merry-go-round. This isn't getting better on its own. Willpower has nothing to do with it--you've tried that, quite a few times. REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY trying won't work any better.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
<Deep breath>
I was going to post several experiences from my own life, but I don't think it'll make an impression, so instead, I'll ask a question.
If you don't want to quit drinking and these kids are too much for you to take care of, do you have a sober family member who would take them in and raise them? Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.
I've seen, done, and been through too much to believe that any kid is better off with an actively alcoholic parent.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I was going to post several experiences from my own life, but I don't think it'll make an impression, so instead, I'll ask a question.
If you don't want to quit drinking and these kids are too much for you to take care of, do you have a sober family member who would take them in and raise them? Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.
I've seen, done, and been through too much to believe that any kid is better off with an actively alcoholic parent.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
You already know the answer to that.
I really hope you consider inpatient treatment or finding proper care for your children until you can get there. I mean you don't even want to stop. That's what's so painful.
When I was in the real thick of my addiction I definitely thought I was more special than 'regular' alcoholics. I was just a drinker with stress/anxiety. Not like THOSE people.
And so imagine the shock when I realized that I was just a regular alcoholic. Nothing special, no happy ending the way I was headed. That I wasn't going to be gracefully sipping a glass of chilled wine on the deck while my children danced in the sprinkler 5 years from now, having mastered the great art of moderation.
It was even tougher to realize that the most likely outcome wouldn't be some big dramatic intervention. But just that I'd be a crappy alcoholic mother. Nothing more. Because it happens every day, right? People just growing up with crappy parents? For me, that realization was so much more startling than my worst case terrors that would run through my head in the middle of the night. You know like I'd get cirrhosis or CPS would come take my kids or whatever. But the dawning realization that I'd probably just have a crappy life, neglecting my kids.... well that was actually happening there and then. No crystal ball required to check that out.
It was just insanity that I thought I could somehow get a grip on my drinking and turn it into something normal.
I wish you the same clarity.
I really hope you consider inpatient treatment or finding proper care for your children until you can get there. I mean you don't even want to stop. That's what's so painful.
When I was in the real thick of my addiction I definitely thought I was more special than 'regular' alcoholics. I was just a drinker with stress/anxiety. Not like THOSE people.
And so imagine the shock when I realized that I was just a regular alcoholic. Nothing special, no happy ending the way I was headed. That I wasn't going to be gracefully sipping a glass of chilled wine on the deck while my children danced in the sprinkler 5 years from now, having mastered the great art of moderation.
It was even tougher to realize that the most likely outcome wouldn't be some big dramatic intervention. But just that I'd be a crappy alcoholic mother. Nothing more. Because it happens every day, right? People just growing up with crappy parents? For me, that realization was so much more startling than my worst case terrors that would run through my head in the middle of the night. You know like I'd get cirrhosis or CPS would come take my kids or whatever. But the dawning realization that I'd probably just have a crappy life, neglecting my kids.... well that was actually happening there and then. No crystal ball required to check that out.
It was just insanity that I thought I could somehow get a grip on my drinking and turn it into something normal.
I wish you the same clarity.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by SSIL75
It was even tougher to realize that the most likely outcome wouldn't be some big dramatic intervention. But just that I'd be a crappy alcoholic mother. Nothing more. Because it happens every day, right? People just growing up with crappy parents? For me, that realization was so much more startling than my worst case terrors that would run through my head in the middle of the night. You know like I'd get cirrhosis or CPS would come take my kids or whatever. But the dawning realization that I'd probably just have a crappy life, neglecting my kids.... well that was actually happening there and then. No crystal ball required to check that out.
You hit it on the head, SSIL. Just a crappy life to endure, maybe for a really REALLY long time. Kids that have disowned you (or gone on to their own addictions, without any role model for recovery). No friends (except the frowzy old person on the next barstool). No family. Just getting through each endless day with your best friend, the bottle.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
For Gods sake, Pink, pull it together!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have given advice, some kind, some harsh. We have cared about you, your kids, your relationship..
I'd love to say I won't read your posts anymore, but its like a train wreck that I can't tear my eyes away from!!
Listen, I was a young mom too. Its hard, its stressful, I get it. But dammit Pink, its time to stop acting so childishly and get control of your life. Because that is what you are wasting.... YOUR LIFE!!!!!
NO YOU CAN'T MODERATE YOUR DRINKING.
And NO means NO.
You have little children that you are responsible for. Go ahead, continue drinking if you aren't ready to quit. But you owe it to those innocent lives to place them some where that is safe.
When I'm fighting with myself, this is the advice I follow..
"What would I tell my best friend if she acted this way"
Wouldn't you tell a friend the truth?
Be your own friend.
I wish this wasn't so hard for you. I wish it wasn't so hard for all of us. But ya know what? On these forums, it takes one to know one. You can't fool all the rest of us alcoholics, even as you try and fool yourself.
Still wishing you all the best.
We have given advice, some kind, some harsh. We have cared about you, your kids, your relationship..
I'd love to say I won't read your posts anymore, but its like a train wreck that I can't tear my eyes away from!!
Listen, I was a young mom too. Its hard, its stressful, I get it. But dammit Pink, its time to stop acting so childishly and get control of your life. Because that is what you are wasting.... YOUR LIFE!!!!!
NO YOU CAN'T MODERATE YOUR DRINKING.
And NO means NO.
You have little children that you are responsible for. Go ahead, continue drinking if you aren't ready to quit. But you owe it to those innocent lives to place them some where that is safe.
When I'm fighting with myself, this is the advice I follow..
"What would I tell my best friend if she acted this way"
Wouldn't you tell a friend the truth?
Be your own friend.
I wish this wasn't so hard for you. I wish it wasn't so hard for all of us. But ya know what? On these forums, it takes one to know one. You can't fool all the rest of us alcoholics, even as you try and fool yourself.
Still wishing you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Pink, I'm another person that banned himself from reading your posts, because I was getting too frustrated. (I'm not a patient saint and I'm not a professional counsellor either.) But I can see what is going on from the replies here.
You had some people impressed with you in the last week or so because it was like you were catching on. It sounds like you are back on the "Can I just still do this and get away with it?" tune.
You drank through a pregnancy (maybe not tons, but you still did); and you indulge while "on duty" and in charge of the kids. Will it take one of them getting into an accident, which you didn't prevent due to inebriation and lack of control? There are hundreds of accidents that could happen, and it only takes a split second for one false move to change everything. That happens to people who are NOT drunk or "just drinking," imagine how much the risk increases in your case.
Isn't it rotten to have to play with life like this? I am grateful I don't have to hide boxes and boxes of empties or to be seen pulling out of the trunk yet another case of beer for the neighbours to observe. The pressure you're putting on yourself, meanwhile - human beings that rely on an adult to supervise - is way more intense. I wonder if it makes sense to you how much relief you could have in store if you didn't have to sneak in these drinks and have to worry about what could happen one of these days. That's not even to mention what your husband or other people have to say. Think how nice it would be if all this stuff you're debating in your head and asking about here could be behind you, because you took action and put a stop to the drinking through the help that exists out there.
I know you're not living in the land of choice right now. Choice is not within reach the way it is for someone who is not addicted to alcohol, choice is no longer a normal talent. But you have to get a grip on it, frankly, I don't know how else to put it. You could be doing a lot for the children relying on you, and it all has to start with wanting to do something better for yourself.
You had some people impressed with you in the last week or so because it was like you were catching on. It sounds like you are back on the "Can I just still do this and get away with it?" tune.
You drank through a pregnancy (maybe not tons, but you still did); and you indulge while "on duty" and in charge of the kids. Will it take one of them getting into an accident, which you didn't prevent due to inebriation and lack of control? There are hundreds of accidents that could happen, and it only takes a split second for one false move to change everything. That happens to people who are NOT drunk or "just drinking," imagine how much the risk increases in your case.
Isn't it rotten to have to play with life like this? I am grateful I don't have to hide boxes and boxes of empties or to be seen pulling out of the trunk yet another case of beer for the neighbours to observe. The pressure you're putting on yourself, meanwhile - human beings that rely on an adult to supervise - is way more intense. I wonder if it makes sense to you how much relief you could have in store if you didn't have to sneak in these drinks and have to worry about what could happen one of these days. That's not even to mention what your husband or other people have to say. Think how nice it would be if all this stuff you're debating in your head and asking about here could be behind you, because you took action and put a stop to the drinking through the help that exists out there.
I know you're not living in the land of choice right now. Choice is not within reach the way it is for someone who is not addicted to alcohol, choice is no longer a normal talent. But you have to get a grip on it, frankly, I don't know how else to put it. You could be doing a lot for the children relying on you, and it all has to start with wanting to do something better for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Originally Posted by pinkfirefly
are you sure there is no way to moderate my drinking? even if i try really hard and use my will power.
Pink, most medical professionals agree that alcoholism is a progressive / deadly condition. If you are an alcoholic, you have to do something about it or the end result will be very bad for you and worse for your kids.
You have to accept this to be true. You either are an alcoholic (progressive illness that ends in death) or you're not. If you're not that's awesome. My guess is if you are compelled to drink while parenting your children, you probably are alcoholic. Having arrived at the conclusion you're faced with a choice. Do nothing and watch your life get progressively worse, or take action and get into recovery... Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
I just wanted to add that plenty of alcoholics can have "just one Mike's Hard Lemonade" and stop. I did it plenty of times when I was trying to quit and used it as evidence that I wasn't an alcoholic.
The trick is that eventually -- it's a matter of when and not if -- that "just one" is followed by another "just one," and another, Amd suddenly you're off on a binge and possibly headed for a new bottom. Having that "just one" and not knowing whether it will be the one that starts the binge is playing Russian roulette, not showing that you are in control.
A person who is in control would not take that chance to begin with.
GG
The trick is that eventually -- it's a matter of when and not if -- that "just one" is followed by another "just one," and another, Amd suddenly you're off on a binge and possibly headed for a new bottom. Having that "just one" and not knowing whether it will be the one that starts the binge is playing Russian roulette, not showing that you are in control.
A person who is in control would not take that chance to begin with.
GG
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
how can i possibly live the rest of my life without ever having another drink ever again.
Even if it were possible for you to continue drinking like this, why would you? When was the last time you had a really great day, Pink? When was the last time you went to sleep feeling peaceful, and woke up feeling hopeful?
Get help soon. Because you are in it up to your neck—and sinking fast.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
So how are you feeling today Pink? Shameful, remorseful, regretful, hungover, sick, discouraged, depressed? I am guessing a combination of all of those. And with all this, you still want to keep drinking? Seems like you would want a better life.
You mentioned the moderation thing. How did that work out for you last night? Did you have a few and stop? I would bet you did not.
So do you have a plan yet? Or are you just going to keep spinning your wheels, going backwards.
I have a video that reminds me of the alcohol who still suffers.
YouTube - Jeep Offroad Epic Fail
You mentioned the moderation thing. How did that work out for you last night? Did you have a few and stop? I would bet you did not.
So do you have a plan yet? Or are you just going to keep spinning your wheels, going backwards.
I have a video that reminds me of the alcohol who still suffers.
YouTube - Jeep Offroad Epic Fail
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
oh good grief! I don't think anyone is perfect and I have made plenty of mistakes with booze....but to hear and read this same pattern again and again, since October, 2010?
like a spoiled little kid repeatedly asking why can't they do it??? no maturity, no regard for her children's wellbeing, just a selfish person who would probably come up with a million excuses if there were and accident, because she can't come to terms and accept responsibility.
I don't know who is foolish enough to ask you to watch their child when you can't watch your own and yourself. I'm with Anna, I hope your husband comes to terms with what you are doing and takes them where they can have safe supervision.
You don't want help, you have every excuse to plead your cause. I don't think you will change until something bad happens, and even then you'll think "it wasn't the booze", it was X,Y, or Z. You just keep telling yourself the same fable.
you offer the same pattern again and again, start posting, state your cause, side-step and disappear...lather, rinse repeat.
like a spoiled little kid repeatedly asking why can't they do it??? no maturity, no regard for her children's wellbeing, just a selfish person who would probably come up with a million excuses if there were and accident, because she can't come to terms and accept responsibility.
I don't know who is foolish enough to ask you to watch their child when you can't watch your own and yourself. I'm with Anna, I hope your husband comes to terms with what you are doing and takes them where they can have safe supervision.
You don't want help, you have every excuse to plead your cause. I don't think you will change until something bad happens, and even then you'll think "it wasn't the booze", it was X,Y, or Z. You just keep telling yourself the same fable.
you offer the same pattern again and again, start posting, state your cause, side-step and disappear...lather, rinse repeat.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
