abcdefgheather

hey.. this is my first post. i stumbled on to this community after various searches about blacking out from alcohol, etc. that has been a problem for me for years now. i can go periods of time where i won't black out, so i feel i have it under control.. but then it eventually slips up on me again.. i'm not a heavy drinker by any means. i use to drink at least 4 times a week but now it might be 4 times a month. my problem is i don't seem to have any control over my drinking. when i start, i don't know when to stop.. and hello blackout. i cannot count how many times i have woken up in a strange place and having no memory of how i got there. luckily i have had friends with me most of the time but there have been a few times i haven't been so lucky.. i got a dui in 2007 after flipping my car across the highway and totaling it because i blacked out. i was fortunate enough to not have anyone in the vehicle with me, no other vehicles were involved and crazy as it might sound, i walked away with only one scratch. i'm not sure why i'm having such a hard time with this. i had another blackout this weekend, ended up in a strange place, engaged in activities with an absolute stranger, having multiple bruises and feeling quite embarrassed. with this happening more so than not, it would seem the answer would be simple - give up drinking! obviously i cannot handle alcohol, whether you want to call it me being allergic to it, or there is the fact that alcoholism runs on both sides of my family. and even though i regret the times i drink more than have fun, it's just like i'm afraid i'm going to miss out on the fun or something. that life won't be as fun without alcohol.. just an issue i'm struggling with so hoping i find some words of wisdom/comfort here.. thanks.

suki44883

Welcome to SR! Pull up a chair and spend some time reading the "stickie posts" at the top of this forum. Also, reading the posts of others can help tremendously.

It's a good thing that you realize that alcohol is a problem for you, regardless of how often you drink. It's not necessarily the quantity of drinking we do, it is how alcohol affects us and many, many of us realize that once we pick up a drink, the game is on. We don't quit when others would who do not have a problem with alcohol.

SR is a great place to meet people who understand exactly how you are feeling since most of us have been pretty much where you are at a certain point in our lives. You will find a lot of support here. Again, welcome to SR!

least

Welcome to the family! Yes, do give it up for good as it's only a matter of time before something really awful happens to you. Have you thought about any support program, like AA or one of the other programs? Or counseling? Support is vital to staying sober, no matter where you get it. I see an addiction counselor once a week and it's very helpful. I also come here every day and it's been a huge help in staying sober for over a year now.

Mark75

Yea, that whole waking up with strangers and bruises thing... flipping cars on the highway... Who'd want to miss out on all that!!! Life is fine without that stuff, trust me ... LOL

We've all been there, afraid of what's to come and all... but you should give it a try, it'll be better than you ever imagined, if you'll just get recovered.

Getting recovered though, that's the important part... If you just put the booze down, well... maybe it won't be so fun if you are resenting it...

Welcome to SR

abcdefgheather

also, i spoke of alcoholism running on both sides of my family.. two years ago i had a cousin who i was very close to kill himself during one of his black outs..

seems like it would be the easiest decision i should ever have to make. i feel stupid for even struggling with the decision honestly. thanks for the comments though. glad i found this site.

Anna

Welcome!

I had blackouts towards the last months of my drinking, and they scared me so much. The idea of hours passing by and having no recollection at all of who I'd talk to, what I'd done was horrible. And, how dangerous to be putting oneself in that position. I do hope that you take a look around and join us.

endlesspatience

Welcome. I sincerely hope you'll spend some time with us here. Feel free to share whatever you like. Some of us are mad but we're friendly and understanding. And crucially, some people have recovered and share their wisdom and experience with us.

Mark75

yea, it seems like it would be the easiest decision we could make, not drinking... But we do, keep drinking, I did anyway, in the face of overwhelming evidence that we should stop... But that's where alcohol takes us... It is insane, isn't it??

Keep posting. It isn't easy and early sobriety is scary as hell... That's why we are here, maybe it won't be so scary if you aren't alone.



Mark

abcdefgheather

i think my biggest problem with giving it up is because it gives me courage i usually don't have. i have struggled most of my life with extreme anxiety and panic attacks. after lots of therapy and many trials with different meds, i am now on pristiq 100mg and xanax 1mg prn. that alone is a big no no to drink with them. even with them though, i still experience a bit of anxiety with certain things/situations though[weird things like not singing along with the radio when someone is in the car with me, even though when i'm alone i'm the next aretha franklin.. ha. lots of other little things like that as well, that really shouldn't be so "scary" to me].. and alcohol makes it just disappear.

thank you all who have replied though. i will most definitely be sticking around. i have worked through many other problems and overcome them.. my anxiety being one of them, although i still experience it. my anxiety use to be such a problem that i wouldn't go through a drive through, make doctor appts, pump gas, etc. i do all of those plus more things now and continue to work on the other things[like the singing;].. my anxiety was a huge problem that i was determined to work through just like i am with this. if there is one thing i am, it's stubborn, relentless, whatever you want to call it. i donn't give up easily..

but again, thanks SO much for the support. :]

MsCooterBrown

Stay with us. Blackouts ...they suck. That is all there is to it. I have had to track wtf I did the night before via email..texting..who I talked to and STILL couldn't piece together a whole night. That alone made me bail.

CarolD

Please take the time to read this link......

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

As soon as I stopped...so did my blackouts...

Welcome to SR....

artsoul

welcome abc - I thought life would be hard without alcohol, but now I can't imagine every wanting to go back to it. Just give sobriety a chance..... And don't think about quitting forever or what you'll do on the 4th of July.... Just take it one day at a time. Get up in the morning and make a commitment not to drink for that 24 hours.

There's a lot of experience and support to be had here...... lots of ways to get through cravings and people who really understand. If we can do it, you can too!

Kjell

Heather-

Ever thought that taking Xanax and drinking and blacking out may be causing or helping to cause your "anxiety" problem?

Blackouts are very scary. I know from experience.
Car wrecks and duis are scary. I know from experience.

If you're an alcoholic, getting sober is scary. I know from experience.

We can and do recover. You can be living proof of that.

AA removed the obession of drinking, saved my life, and gave me a design for living without alcohol I needed.

...but I'm not special as it can work for you too.

Please be careful as your next blackout may be deadly.

Kjell

abcdefgheather

well the anxiety has been here long before the drinking started. i started therapy for the anxiety when i was 14.. didn't start drinking until i was 20. i rarely take it[a script of 30 will last me about 3 months], i don't take it when i know i will be drinking but i do take the pristiq on a daily basis. that isn't a good mix in itself. i've experienced blackouts during periods i wasn't on any medication though. blackouts are definitely scary though.. i drink with the intentions of just being that "wild and free" person i am with certain people, but that i want to be with everyone.. but i end up looking like a fool, embarrassing myself beyond belief and occasionally making a few enemies..