$50 fine if I find her drunk or bottle in her room
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Nati
Posts: 20
You sound extrememly angry and bitter. What kinda rehab did you go through?
If you are serious, why not sit her down, let her know you have been where she is and set an example and go to an AA meeting with her.
If you are serious, why not sit her down, let her know you have been where she is and set an example and go to an AA meeting with her.
Originally Posted by kiki5711 
I'm not saving money from "my check". She has agreed to let me handle her paychek in order to finally pay off the debts she's piled up and didn't have the discipline to do it herself. From every check we agree on how much she's to give to me, which I keep to pay off what's needed.
First she racked up a debt with "auto loan". $800 dollars. After almost a year, she has still not paid it off. We took money from her check and paid it off in one month.
Now that is out of the way she has $900 left to pay within next three months to probation for last years DUI. She's giving me most of her check except what she needs until next paycheck.
This will be paid off in about a couple months.
Once that's out of the way, I will be taking money from her paycheck to save up to fix her car.
She's agreed to do this and is happy that it's finally getting paid off and admitted that she just don't handle money well.
I have set rules not to drink in the house, or come home drunk, but of course that rule has been broken many times as she hides it and many days I'm so tired after work I don't inspect her room or drill her before going to bed. Besides that would stress me to no point.
This $50 thing I just thought of as something that might show her I'm serious about her drinking at home.
I know I can't control what she does when she's not at home, but at least I can set rules and show I'm serious when she IS at home.l
She's 22 and doesn't make enough money to live on her own. She's working towards that, but I'm hoping that by that time, she takes enough responsibility to seek help on her own.
When she gets the car fixed, then she will be paying me to get my car fixed, since she's the one that put a giant dent in it and that's why she cannot drive MY car anywhere any time. She gets a ride to work from me (it's on my way to my work anyway) and if the schedules don't match, she takes a taxi home or gets a ride from a friend.
I'm not trying to be controlling but I have to show her I'm serious.
First she racked up a debt with "auto loan". $800 dollars. After almost a year, she has still not paid it off. We took money from her check and paid it off in one month.
Now that is out of the way she has $900 left to pay within next three months to probation for last years DUI. She's giving me most of her check except what she needs until next paycheck.
This will be paid off in about a couple months.
Once that's out of the way, I will be taking money from her paycheck to save up to fix her car.
She's agreed to do this and is happy that it's finally getting paid off and admitted that she just don't handle money well.
I have set rules not to drink in the house, or come home drunk, but of course that rule has been broken many times as she hides it and many days I'm so tired after work I don't inspect her room or drill her before going to bed. Besides that would stress me to no point.
This $50 thing I just thought of as something that might show her I'm serious about her drinking at home.
I know I can't control what she does when she's not at home, but at least I can set rules and show I'm serious when she IS at home.l
She's 22 and doesn't make enough money to live on her own. She's working towards that, but I'm hoping that by that time, she takes enough responsibility to seek help on her own.
When she gets the car fixed, then she will be paying me to get my car fixed, since she's the one that put a giant dent in it and that's why she cannot drive MY car anywhere any time. She gets a ride to work from me (it's on my way to my work anyway) and if the schedules don't match, she takes a taxi home or gets a ride from a friend.
I'm not trying to be controlling but I have to show her I'm serious.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 545
I really don't think the "fine" will help her. It's just a punishment. That never worked for me. Why don't you set an example and the two of you attend an AA meeting together? If anything else its an opportunity to bond over a shared problem.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
I'm not angry or bitter. I am extremely exhausted. I'm sick yet with another diagnosis from my cancer doctor. He told me he found Heppititis C in my blood. This freaked me out totally. I have not even gone for a follow up yet. I'm scared. I've had enough surgeries and medications that are supposed to be helping me but are even slowly killing me.
I already told my other daughter that she cannot move back in with us. She now lives on her own with her daughter, but I pick up my grandaughter on Saturdays. Even just hearing my other daughters voice sents me into a stress mode.
I already said I will go with the younger daughter to AA meetings as soon as her car gets fixed. As it is now, I'm tossing my car between my work, her work, getting my son to places and other things that need to be done without feeling like a taxi driver.
I am still recovering from chemo and the pills I have to take have side effect that are so great. I"m also on antidepressant and seroquel so I can sleep at night. My nerves are totally shot. If I don't have any medication I am constantly panick stricken and have meds for that too.
I have set an example of how to quit by going to rehab. I've been going to a psychiatrist for a long time now. I also tried to her to go. She went once. My kids know all to well what misery I went through while drinking at the same time dealing with 2 cancers.
What else can I do? Truly to tell you, I feel like a walking zombie. There's so many things going on in my body, I'm constantly planning for the day of my death.
All, I'm trying to do is show "strength" to my daughters and that they CAN if they try, overcome any challenge in life. I want them to remember me as a fighter. Not a loser.
I already told my other daughter that she cannot move back in with us. She now lives on her own with her daughter, but I pick up my grandaughter on Saturdays. Even just hearing my other daughters voice sents me into a stress mode.
I already said I will go with the younger daughter to AA meetings as soon as her car gets fixed. As it is now, I'm tossing my car between my work, her work, getting my son to places and other things that need to be done without feeling like a taxi driver.
I am still recovering from chemo and the pills I have to take have side effect that are so great. I"m also on antidepressant and seroquel so I can sleep at night. My nerves are totally shot. If I don't have any medication I am constantly panick stricken and have meds for that too.
I have set an example of how to quit by going to rehab. I've been going to a psychiatrist for a long time now. I also tried to her to go. She went once. My kids know all to well what misery I went through while drinking at the same time dealing with 2 cancers.
What else can I do? Truly to tell you, I feel like a walking zombie. There's so many things going on in my body, I'm constantly planning for the day of my death.
All, I'm trying to do is show "strength" to my daughters and that they CAN if they try, overcome any challenge in life. I want them to remember me as a fighter. Not a loser.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Just today when I picked my daughter up from work she said she needed to go to the grocery store before we go home. I knew what that mean. She wanted to sneak in some booze.
She came back to the car, of course nothing in her grocery bags and I didn't even look. All I said was, Krystal, open your purse.
"Why mom?" cause I know it's in there. "mom, it's Saturday, and I want to relax, blah blah blah". I said Krystal, we had an agreement, and I set up a rule. What do you take me for? An idiot, a fool, that I don't mean what I say? That I'm so far gone in my mind and nerves that I won't say anything cause it's too frustrating?
She huffed and puffed. I said: We're not leaving this parking lot until you toss that bottle. Gruntingly she went out and I was counting the seconds in my mind, wondering if she'll try to guzzle it up while behind the store doors. She came back in a minute and said "so there, are you happy now?" I looked at her to see if I can smell or feel she drank it up. I asked her to open the purse again.
We went home. She cleaned her room up and talked to me like everything was ok. I didn't say a thing.
We'll see.
She came back to the car, of course nothing in her grocery bags and I didn't even look. All I said was, Krystal, open your purse.
"Why mom?" cause I know it's in there. "mom, it's Saturday, and I want to relax, blah blah blah". I said Krystal, we had an agreement, and I set up a rule. What do you take me for? An idiot, a fool, that I don't mean what I say? That I'm so far gone in my mind and nerves that I won't say anything cause it's too frustrating?
She huffed and puffed. I said: We're not leaving this parking lot until you toss that bottle. Gruntingly she went out and I was counting the seconds in my mind, wondering if she'll try to guzzle it up while behind the store doors. She came back in a minute and said "so there, are you happy now?" I looked at her to see if I can smell or feel she drank it up. I asked her to open the purse again.
We went home. She cleaned her room up and talked to me like everything was ok. I didn't say a thing.
We'll see.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Kiki...
My sponsor reminds me that for me to be spiritually fit and healthy, I need to caregive to others rather then caretake.
The first one that I had to give care to was myself before I could give anything to others.
I am glad you are here at SR, but, truly, some face to face support could only add to your recovery.
Your daughter is of the age to legally be on her own. You don't have to "take care" of her.
My sponsor reminds me that for me to be spiritually fit and healthy, I need to caregive to others rather then caretake.
The first one that I had to give care to was myself before I could give anything to others.
I am glad you are here at SR, but, truly, some face to face support could only add to your recovery.
Your daughter is of the age to legally be on her own. You don't have to "take care" of her.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,959
I admire your absolute resolve you have kiki5711...very commendatory. Yet being at a disadvantage with your own health issues and overseeing the well-being of what I guess is your granddaughter is taxing you to your limits. I see you will do as much as you can to the best of your limitations...again outstanding. But I think you need help. As I'm certain you know...yet your doing this alone because there is no help coming from family.
I see where your at. Keep posting and thinking out your options. Continue to make sense of your options...explore your emotional cost and rewards. Take time to calm yourself and get centered. See what needs to be changed...for your health. And above all regard this situation as a learning experience. Especially without it being wrong or right. It is just as it is.
I see where your at. Keep posting and thinking out your options. Continue to make sense of your options...explore your emotional cost and rewards. Take time to calm yourself and get centered. See what needs to be changed...for your health. And above all regard this situation as a learning experience. Especially without it being wrong or right. It is just as it is.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 254
With all due respect, this screams co-dependency...
An alcoholic doesn't get fines...we just pay admission fees...dui? Lost job? 50 bucks? Just the cost of doing business....What if she just pays the dough up front? Is it ok if she drinks then? How about $150; Will that cover a weekend bender?
I'm not trying to be harsh...it's very clear that you love her very much...but honestly, what are you going to do WHEN she doesn't pay? Make a fuss, but continue to be her landlord, cook, taxi, bank and financial advisor?
For what it's worth, I hope you both figure this out....and I wish you all the best with your health...physically, and psychologically...
An alcoholic doesn't get fines...we just pay admission fees...dui? Lost job? 50 bucks? Just the cost of doing business....What if she just pays the dough up front? Is it ok if she drinks then? How about $150; Will that cover a weekend bender?
I'm not trying to be harsh...it's very clear that you love her very much...but honestly, what are you going to do WHEN she doesn't pay? Make a fuss, but continue to be her landlord, cook, taxi, bank and financial advisor?
For what it's worth, I hope you both figure this out....and I wish you all the best with your health...physically, and psychologically...
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by kiki5711
She lies, lies, lies, as IF I wouldn't notice or know what she's going through.
My daughter has gone from occasional weekend drinking with friends (not that I knew about it, but had a feeling) to drinking almost every other night before bed time. She still lives at home.
I've gone through all the lectures about alcoholism etc......and as soon as she gets her car fixed, we will look for AA place close to home for her to attend.
Few days ago I told her that I want all the bottles cleaned from her room and that if I find her drunk or any bottles in the room I'm going to start charging her $50 fine. She starts laughing and say "he he mom, how's that suppose to help me?" I said "well, it'll help ME" and you're not going to like to part with your money.
That same night I was talking to her about it, this was after work when I came home, she had already had something to drink. After my talk I went to sleep. The next day her sister who doesn't live with us, calls me and leaves a msg. "tell your stupid alcoholic stupid daughter to NOT call me when she DRUNK talking crap". Apparently she had some left over wine she didn't finish and got into the "whining" mood and called her sister.
So, the next day when I came home from work I asked her "why did you drink RIGHT after I talked to you about the rules?" I asked her, "are you trying to make me feel bad, make a fool out of me, just to spite me, or what?"
she answered: "well, you gave me the rules after I already drank so that don't count"
So, the next morning (I usually give her a ride to work if her schedule that day is the same time as mine) and she comes out "sniff, sniff, caugh, caugh, I think I'm going to take the day off, I'm not feeling well".
She says, my throat hurts and when I spit out there seems to be blood.
Just the day before there was NO sign of her being sick. Usually, it doesn't just start over night. And I saw no signs of her not feeling well the night before.
I came home from work, she's not home.
I'm pretty sure she went to her friends, where she can "freely" drink.
So, the "I'm sick" thingy was just to draw attention and feel sorry for her after I'd yelled at her the night before and gave her probation rules about her drinking.
Freakn, kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My daughter has gone from occasional weekend drinking with friends (not that I knew about it, but had a feeling) to drinking almost every other night before bed time. She still lives at home.
I've gone through all the lectures about alcoholism etc......and as soon as she gets her car fixed, we will look for AA place close to home for her to attend.
Few days ago I told her that I want all the bottles cleaned from her room and that if I find her drunk or any bottles in the room I'm going to start charging her $50 fine. She starts laughing and say "he he mom, how's that suppose to help me?" I said "well, it'll help ME" and you're not going to like to part with your money.
That same night I was talking to her about it, this was after work when I came home, she had already had something to drink. After my talk I went to sleep. The next day her sister who doesn't live with us, calls me and leaves a msg. "tell your stupid alcoholic stupid daughter to NOT call me when she DRUNK talking crap". Apparently she had some left over wine she didn't finish and got into the "whining" mood and called her sister.
So, the next day when I came home from work I asked her "why did you drink RIGHT after I talked to you about the rules?" I asked her, "are you trying to make me feel bad, make a fool out of me, just to spite me, or what?"
she answered: "well, you gave me the rules after I already drank so that don't count"
So, the next morning (I usually give her a ride to work if her schedule that day is the same time as mine) and she comes out "sniff, sniff, caugh, caugh, I think I'm going to take the day off, I'm not feeling well".
She says, my throat hurts and when I spit out there seems to be blood.
Just the day before there was NO sign of her being sick. Usually, it doesn't just start over night. And I saw no signs of her not feeling well the night before.
I came home from work, she's not home.
I'm pretty sure she went to her friends, where she can "freely" drink.
So, the "I'm sick" thingy was just to draw attention and feel sorry for her after I'd yelled at her the night before and gave her probation rules about her drinking.
Freakn, kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
I may be a codependant personality, but sure as heck I'm not codependent on my daughters.
Like I said, the older one caused so much stress that she is not allowed to come back home. I almost caved in the last "drama" she had a couple months ago, but thanks to my husband who says "no way in hell", she was not allowed to come in the house and she managed and is now living in her own apartment. During the two weeks she had no place to stay until she found the apartment, she stayed in one of those extended hotel places. My husband and I payed for it for two weeks rather than to let her stay in our home.
That one (the older daughter) has caused so much damage emotionally to all of us, that my husband, (her stepfather, I'm remarried and my kids are from my first husband) my dear husband says no way is she coming back. I helped her with deposit for her apartment because she didn't have enough money. This is as far as I'll go. If she ends up in a hell hole some how again, I will take my grandaughter and raise her, but she's not coming back into my house.
The younger one, the one still living at home is not the violent type. She's the opposite. Too timid and sometimes kind of flaky. Doesn't have much ambition in life. She works in a bank. That is great that she even has a job in this tough economy but the booze has slowly taken over her.
When she drinks, it's fun for the first two hours, then it's crying about everything and anything she can think of.
One night, it was after midnight I woke up to hear someone crying out loud. Immediately I panicked but I knew it was her and she must be drunk. I went downstairs to her room and she's crying, crying, crying. We went through the whole routine, what's wrong, "mommy I had enough", "I don't want to be like this", "why can't I find a good boyfriend" etc... etc...
I know better than to argue with a drunk, so I just try to say things to calm her down and to get her to pass out and sleep it off.
I ended up that night with singing her lulibyes from when she was little and it finally put her to sleep. I'm thinking to myself "man, this is so freakn ********".
But in the morning, she knew I was pissed and I'm sick and tired of these episodes.
Like I said, the older one caused so much stress that she is not allowed to come back home. I almost caved in the last "drama" she had a couple months ago, but thanks to my husband who says "no way in hell", she was not allowed to come in the house and she managed and is now living in her own apartment. During the two weeks she had no place to stay until she found the apartment, she stayed in one of those extended hotel places. My husband and I payed for it for two weeks rather than to let her stay in our home.
That one (the older daughter) has caused so much damage emotionally to all of us, that my husband, (her stepfather, I'm remarried and my kids are from my first husband) my dear husband says no way is she coming back. I helped her with deposit for her apartment because she didn't have enough money. This is as far as I'll go. If she ends up in a hell hole some how again, I will take my grandaughter and raise her, but she's not coming back into my house.
The younger one, the one still living at home is not the violent type. She's the opposite. Too timid and sometimes kind of flaky. Doesn't have much ambition in life. She works in a bank. That is great that she even has a job in this tough economy but the booze has slowly taken over her.
When she drinks, it's fun for the first two hours, then it's crying about everything and anything she can think of.
One night, it was after midnight I woke up to hear someone crying out loud. Immediately I panicked but I knew it was her and she must be drunk. I went downstairs to her room and she's crying, crying, crying. We went through the whole routine, what's wrong, "mommy I had enough", "I don't want to be like this", "why can't I find a good boyfriend" etc... etc...
I know better than to argue with a drunk, so I just try to say things to calm her down and to get her to pass out and sleep it off.
I ended up that night with singing her lulibyes from when she was little and it finally put her to sleep. I'm thinking to myself "man, this is so freakn ********".
But in the morning, she knew I was pissed and I'm sick and tired of these episodes.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
kiki5711....
When 2 of my children were active alcholics/addicts
I found Al anon to be very useful for my peace
of mind.
I strongly suggest yoou check them out
Prayers going out for you and your family
When 2 of my children were active alcholics/addicts
I found Al anon to be very useful for my peace
of mind.
I strongly suggest yoou check them out
Prayers going out for you and your family
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
Thank you Carol ID for your sensitivity and concern.
I really don't mind what people post, maybe they'll learn something from my experience. Also, I have not yet explained the Whole situation and my decisions may sound weird without people knowing me and our whole life from the past.
Thank you again.
I really don't mind what people post, maybe they'll learn something from my experience. Also, I have not yet explained the Whole situation and my decisions may sound weird without people knowing me and our whole life from the past.
Thank you again.
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Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by CarolD
kiki5711....
When 2 of my children were active alcholics/addicts
I found Al anon to be very useful for my peace
of mind.
I strongly suggest yoou check them out
Prayers going out for you and your family
When 2 of my children were active alcholics/addicts
I found Al anon to be very useful for my peace
of mind.
I strongly suggest yoou check them out
Prayers going out for you and your family
This forum has been my life line. I really don't have the extra time to physically go to a meeting. I work till 6pm and two days of the week till 8pm. In addition to having my daughter (the one at home without a working car) taking her to work and picking her up, there's times my son needs a ride from school or some ball game or just plain a ride to a friend's house, not to mention all my doctor's appointments. I'm up to kazoo with stuff and trying not to stress at the same time.
I will make effort once her car is fixed to go with her to some meetings and hopefully she'll stick with it.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Your daughter has you right where she wants you...and she knows it.
I'm not judging....my child is alcoholic and doesn't want help...doesn't need it, so they say. They don't live with me so I don't face the issues you are.
Alcoholism is such a killer....on every imaginable level. Best wishes to you, Kiki.
I'm not judging....my child is alcoholic and doesn't want help...doesn't need it, so they say. They don't live with me so I don't face the issues you are.
Alcoholism is such a killer....on every imaginable level. Best wishes to you, Kiki.
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I may not succeed to make her quit alcohol, but when she moves out and there'll be no mom police for her, I'm hoping that my words and actions will "ring a bell" loudly in her mind. That memories of what "mom went through, and what mom said" might replay in her mind. I hope. I've been learning how to set boundaries. Slowly but surely.
My husband keeps telling me I need to focus on my health recovery as there's so much I'm dealing with at the moment. He's right.
My son is the only one out of the three kids I have (the other two are the daughters I was talking about) he's the only one that has shown any concern and compassion for me. He'll say "mom, I love you" every day, he comes to my room to turn off the light and pull up the covers over me if I've fallen asleep watching tv, (many times he's done that I wasn't really asleep so that's how I know he does it), then he'll kiss me and say good night. He's 15. The daughters are 24 and 22.
My husband keeps telling me I need to focus on my health recovery as there's so much I'm dealing with at the moment. He's right.
My son is the only one out of the three kids I have (the other two are the daughters I was talking about) he's the only one that has shown any concern and compassion for me. He'll say "mom, I love you" every day, he comes to my room to turn off the light and pull up the covers over me if I've fallen asleep watching tv, (many times he's done that I wasn't really asleep so that's how I know he does it), then he'll kiss me and say good night. He's 15. The daughters are 24 and 22.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: MD
Posts: 58
I understand I have a twin sister who is sick with an eating disorder- I want to "fix her" so badly. Can you see in your own recovery that NO ONE can save you. I can have all the love, boundaries, expectations of my parents but when i'm in active alcoholism none of that matters no one especially not my mother is keeping me sober.
have you thought about going to aa for yourself? I know you have a lot on your plate but i find even if i am really busy if i just set aside only an hour a day for my life (which if you think you are alcoholic you are saying as alcoholism is progressive and fatal) my life does go smoother.
Also keep in mind that anything your daughter is doing is not about you. She is not drinking to make you look bad, to make you angry or for anything having to with you. Can you remember your drinking it probably as mine did have nothing to do with my family they were not even a thought. As I see it (just me) as an adult she has a right to drink only say you have is allowing her to stay with you.
I'm a young alcoholic (25) and if my mom was laying on the same pressure to stay sober as you are I would rebel even more and create a huge resentment.
Goodluck and keep sharing I definetely related to the feelings of wanting to control the world to how i want it to be.
have you thought about going to aa for yourself? I know you have a lot on your plate but i find even if i am really busy if i just set aside only an hour a day for my life (which if you think you are alcoholic you are saying as alcoholism is progressive and fatal) my life does go smoother.
Also keep in mind that anything your daughter is doing is not about you. She is not drinking to make you look bad, to make you angry or for anything having to with you. Can you remember your drinking it probably as mine did have nothing to do with my family they were not even a thought. As I see it (just me) as an adult she has a right to drink only say you have is allowing her to stay with you.
I'm a young alcoholic (25) and if my mom was laying on the same pressure to stay sober as you are I would rebel even more and create a huge resentment.
Goodluck and keep sharing I definetely related to the feelings of wanting to control the world to how i want it to be.
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I understand I have a twin sister who is sick with an eating disorder- I want to "fix her" so badly. Can you see in your own recovery that NO ONE can save you. I can have all the love, boundaries, expectations of my parents but when i'm in active alcoholism none of that matters no one especially not my mother is keeping me sober.
I know my daughter is doing the same thing.
However, she's living in my home and I can set some rules as long as she's here. I am tired of being woken up with cries and whaeling about crap.......over and over again.
Even when nothing is wrong, she'll dig up some stuff and make a drama out of it.
Well, I've had ENOUGH drama to deal with. My own and theirs. I can't take it any more. I just want to get through a day without somebody needing something. I don't even answer my cell phone any more cause whenever there's a call it's always about someone needing something.
WELL, this store called MOM is closed for renovation indefinitely This ATM called MOM is also closed. I'm going to change my msg on my voice mail "DON'T CALL ME, I'LL CALL YOU" "IF I FEEL LIKE IT".
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There's also a lot of room for guilt. Of course I feel that if I hadn't drank, maybe they wouldn't have started either.
On the other hand, who knows.
I did show them that you can be strong if "you decide" to be. I went through a lot with the cancer, drama in the house and still managed to get my but to rehab. Maybe, I don't know, she'll see that it's doable.
Maybe I'm just fooling myself like I did when I was drunk. Making up a reality world in my mind that does not exist. Maybe I'm doing the same thing now without the alcohol. Maybe I sound psychotic.
On the other hand, who knows.
I did show them that you can be strong if "you decide" to be. I went through a lot with the cancer, drama in the house and still managed to get my but to rehab. Maybe, I don't know, she'll see that it's doable.
Maybe I'm just fooling myself like I did when I was drunk. Making up a reality world in my mind that does not exist. Maybe I'm doing the same thing now without the alcohol. Maybe I sound psychotic.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
I don't think you sound psychotic.
Do you have a sponsor? Are you working the steps? For me, guilt about my past and my short comings in the Mom department weighed heavily on me in sobriety.
After having worked the steps, I was able to put the past where it belonged. I was also able to begin to parent lovingly, yet effectively, without the guilt hanging over me like a cloud.
It is your home, your sanctuary, your health and your recovery. You get to choose how that works for you.
Do you have a sponsor? Are you working the steps? For me, guilt about my past and my short comings in the Mom department weighed heavily on me in sobriety.
After having worked the steps, I was able to put the past where it belonged. I was also able to begin to parent lovingly, yet effectively, without the guilt hanging over me like a cloud.
It is your home, your sanctuary, your health and your recovery. You get to choose how that works for you.
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