Ramblin4hope

Where is the breaking point?

Boleo

Personally, I never "give up". I have seen some extremely strage turnarounds.

However, if they want to stay self-destructive, I "detach from the outcome" so that it does not affect my sobriety.

BullDog777

took the words right out of my mouth.

rws177

I like to try and see the good in people, it takes a lot for me to give up on someone I truely care about.

johndelko408

It really depends on what you mean, when you say give up on someone its pretty vague. I'm an alcoholic and my wife left me due to my drinking and things I had done while I was still drinking. Initially she told me if I could stay sober for a year we could talk about getting back together. Well that year has passed and still nothing. In this case I gave up on her quite some time ago. I imagine she gave up on me long before then. I was told by many in my recovery that I had to let go and let god, well I did that long ago as well as just gave up hope on her and I ever reconciling. When I get back on my feet, my divorce is finalized and I'm ready I'll get back out there in the dating scene. Until that time comes I just need to work on myself.

NYCDoglvr

Give up about what? You mean if an alcoholic will stop drinking? If you're suffering any negative consequences because of someone's drinking I suggest walking away today, right now. There is nothing you can do or say that will make the slightest difference to an active alcoholic and what must be a priority is your own safety and mental health.

I'm speaking as an alcoholic who has been coming around the rooms for 19 years and as someone who went to al-anon because I got involved with an alcoholic.

TheEnd

I would hope that I would never give up on someone that I truly cared about, what if people gave up on me when I was spiraling out of control???

RobbyRobot

The Right Stuff. Same here.

least

Are you talking about your own efforts to stay sober?



My answer would be "not until they're no longer breathing."

CarolD

It's not giving up when I release them from my expectations.
That's when I try to 'Let go and let God"....

LexieCat

I'm not sure I understand the question.

I never "give up on" the idea that a given person can get sober. I HAVE, however, reached the point where being around the insanity of someone else's alcoholism was too much for me and had to walk way for my own well-being. I think that point might be a little different for each person. One gets used (unfortunately) to a lot of craziness when you are around an alcoholic each day, which is why Al-Anon is great for those suffering from the effects of another person's drinking.

MsCooterBrown

"I never "give up on" the idea that a given person can get sober. I HAVE, however, reached the point where being around the insanity of someone else's alcoholism was too much for me and had to walk way for my own well-being. "

This is EXACTLY it. I left. I have to work thru my feelings over this ..I thought he was drinking to the extreme before..you should see it now. It escalated and it is like watching a train wreck. Everyone talks of detachment...I tell myself I am out of the situation..but it is on my mind alot. I am watching him kill himself. You know really..not sure if I know what I am talking about..but it is the classic case of two people that HAVE to be codependent. I don't know what else to call it.. I quit drinking several times..he didn't. I let myself get nagged back into drinking to shut him up and save my sanity over being in this INSANE marriage. Finally I left..tried to drink myself to death over my choice..then it dawned on me. I can be sober now. And I have ..I could only save myself. I can't save anyone else. I guess I gave up on us. But sobriety doesn't seem to be in the cards for him....

Hopeworks

You never give up ... there are a lot of walking miracles that appeared to be hopeless at one time!

That being said, there are healthy constructive ways to approach your relationship with individuals struggling with addiction that provide the most help rather than ways that enable and are destructive for you.

Finding that balance, defining those boundaries while still being supportive and loving towards the person still in the grip of addiction is a challenging task.

There are some great books I can recommend and alanon is always a great place to get information and support.

MrDavid

I used to say, Here I go Again...Now I say, by the grace of God go I. The reason why I say this is simple...I am not a first time winner; I am a repeat offender, a revolving door member of AA for many years. My M.O. was always the same; I would sit in the back - usually called denial isle - and compare not identify which would lead to a disappearing Act and another interruption in my sobriety. The perils of my drinking past...Woe was me...

My current stint in AA, however, has been different. Why? Well I'll tell you; I've finally acquired the tools necessary to maintain a comfortable sobriety. That was the whole problem behind my inability to stay sober...the denial and unnerving nature of my alcoholism; which did more to further my disease then arrest it. So what changed? I did... thanks to a great sponsor and home group and the psychic change necessary to complete the process.

What was necessary all along was my desire to change via the many viable yet constructive outlets presented to me and what you can call the "God Factor" or for what my non denominational friends call a "total psychic change" whatever you prefer. These changes were gradual and came over time, and were a direct result from the many hours I spent working the steps and acquiring a set of spiritual tools necessary to combat the after effects of this disease, "one day at a time". These... coupled with a deep desire to stop the insanity before the insanity of my drinking devoured me, was the turning point in my sobriety. People do change, I have... and "God Willing" others can as well. With the prayers, support and well wishes of others, anyone -still in the throes of this disease or not- Can change...only if they desire too.

God Willing.......

stugotz

Not until they are wearing wings.....

LexieCat

You can't know what's "in the cards" for someone else. None of us has a crystal ball.

But if a relationship with an alcoholic (or anyone else) is causing you harm, then there is no shame in detaching completely from that person and leaving him or her free to find his or her own way. Sometimes when the relationship ends, something shifts in the drinker's world that tips him or her toward recovery. Might get worse before it gets better. Might not get better at all. It's out of your hands. It was ALWAYS out of your hands, of course, but it's easier to see that truth when you are out of the picture.

MsCooterBrown

"You can't know what's "in the cards" for someone else. None of us has a crystal ball. "

True..but I took him in for a liver biopsy a few yrs back..nothing phases him. It for sure was something I really struggled with and just had to break out of the insanity of it all. Years and years ..I did stay too long. It did cause me harm in more ways than I can talk about. I will work more on this. I have to let it go. I think that EVERYTHING you go thru in life is supposed to leave you with a lesson. I will be ok...these things take time.

kilt

Without more information I am just shooting in the dark.

I give up on people when they betray me. Oh sure, I might be able to still have them in my life in some form or fashion but that whole unlimited trust gets shot all to hell when I wake up with a knife in my back.

People make mistakes, but when their screwing me over becomes a repeat performance, I am done. "Sorry" doesn't cut it. In order to get back into my good graces they have to be willing to suffer and work their asses off. When my life is tied to someone else and they continually screw up their lives, they are by default, screwing up my life. It doesn't matter if it has to do with money or drugs or traffic court, if they keep dragging my life down because they are unwilling or unable to unscrew themselves that is when it is time to roll on. It means they love themselves or their habit much more than they love you.

Tobyc1972

I hated my habit, myself, and pretty much everything else.

kilt

But you are here now and this is your 6th post so you are on your way to recovery. We are rooting for you. Keep posting!