jamdls

I answered #1 but I think the answer is more #3 I'm still the shy quiet person I tried to escape from by drinking-- only now I've quit running and hiding and learned to forgive and love myself.

thisisme

#1. I am re born.

LaFemme

Wow! What inspiring and life affirming thoughts this morning!

Judy...I think shy is good...it is frequently the shy types who are the wisest imo

I love viewing sobriety holistically I'm having a kick a$$ morning everyone...thanks all for being awesome!

newby1961

I picked #1 because i was way screwed up emotionaly before I picked up a drink/drug at the age of 12. I am, ah gottcha, I'm not saying but I am older than 30 and younger than 60 lol. Peace ya all

ReadyAndAble

Dang, at the risk of being being neither inspiring nor life-affirming, I voted #3. I could easily make arguments for 1 & 2. I dunno. I still cared for others when I was drinking, still worked hard at my job, still treated people in a fair and ethical way.

On the hand, my drinking was selfish, no question about it. And I like to think I'm a wiser person now, and more compassionate about the failings of others, now that I've started dragging my own (usually much bigger) faults into the light of day. I'm definitely more appreciative of the little things, like waking up feeling great, as well as the big things, like waking up, period.

Curse you LaFemme! As if I haven't been doing enough existential inventory management...

Danae

I've been following this thread, it is so interesting. I like the notion of dragging one's faults into the light of day!

I'm a #2, but at the moment I don't feel as uplifted as some of you. I'm coming face to face with a number of personal flaws that I've managed to run away from since I first took a drink at 17. I've noticed my incredible ability to procrastinate, which is self-destructive. I've got to get a better handle on it soon, since it negatively affects my work and personal life and makes me feel awful.

Here's hoping that in the months ahead I will feel more positive about what being sober has unveiled and am coping better.

ste

"Мы некогда не бндем забывать"

Russian translation, "We can never forget". Thank you thisisme, memories of drunken "bloopers" are ОЧЕНЬ МНОГО, too many.

soberbythesea

#2. I feel like I'm kind of regressing, but in a good way. I was a more whole person in many ways before I started drinking and I'm returning to that now. At 30 I'm rediscovering the simple pleasures I used to enjoy in my teens, before I started drinking.

LaFemme

Mwahahahaha!!!! My evil plot is working;-)

Maybe for #2 I should have said "rediscovering the me I always had potential to be" its not (for me) a regression to my teenage self but an unearthing of my authentic self who was always there. Sometimes that means hard work and facing our faults...I am the queen of self sabotage and it has taken a lot of work to get to where I am now...and I know I still have a lot of work ahead of me as well.

Zencat

LaFem makes a good point. I too believe in the authentic-self except I call it my original mind. So there's a higher me already there to unlock and manifest forth. So maybe now I'm thinking #1 and #2. I have an authentic-self to fit into in and at the same time it will be a different me.

Che

Drinking may have had a role in changing me, but not drinking didn't unchange me. I evolve with all experiences, but quitting alcohol didn't seem to affect what I consider the most significant parts of myself. I'm still depressed, I still dislike life, I still write, I still seek out art... All the things they say will get better... I don't think that applies to someone like me who drank for a few years and quit. Perhaps when you've drank for decades the affect on your health is obvious it is different.

I abused alcohol like I was self-medicating. I used it to combat stress. Somewhere along the lines I realised that my stress wasn't temporary, and using alcohol so regularly was going to cause me more problems.

This post kind of makes it sound like I am in denial about something haha. Alcohol was an escape for me, and realising that I knew I needed to quit. But it is definitely a very addicting escape that wasn't as easy for me to give up as it may sound.

recycle

Doh! I totally missed this poll. As LaF mentioned, this is a radical transformation for me. It was get sober or die. Everything is on the table - wife, kids, job, friends, etc. Sounds radical, but it makes sense to me, I was willing to risk all of those things to drink, why wouldn't I be willing to risk all of those things to get sober.

LaFemme

Recycle...you were the inspiration for this poll! Thanks for finally answering

julez

I'm a whole new person. I like who I was before, but I'm really digging the me now, that has learned a way of life relying on a higher power to take comfort from.
I'm someone who prays for others first now. I'm someone who (is still working on) is letting go and letting God, instead of being bogged down by crippling depression and anxiety. I refuse to partake in gossip. I believe you shouldn't take anothers inventory. All these things are new concepts I found in sobriety, and its changed my life, not just my drinking.

yeahgr8

"I am rediscoverying the person I was before I started to drink."

I have heard this statement a few times and it might as well be a cat talking to a dog, its like the person i am talking to is from a completely different stable to me...i don't get it?!

I hope to meet a lot more people that have this experience, wherein they turned from a happy and sober person into a drunk and then are working on getting back to be the happy and sober person again, i can only imagine that some major life event must have happened that changed their personality enough for them to become a drunk and i guess then would have to effect a similar major change to get back to where they came from...

I say i hope to meet such people because i wonder if this is possible? If a major life event changed the person then definitely, whilst in active addiction, the personality would continue to change and not for the better...is it then possible to find a way back...how would i do that...surely i would have to become a new person now that would aim to have the more admirable traits that i had before i started drinking but fundamentally i would not be the same person as i was before i started getting drunk?!

Also if i take into account that non-alcoholics continue to change throughout their lives and that is the natural progression of things whether i like it or not how would i recapture the me of old?!

Like i said don't get it:-)

LaFemme

Ok...I will bite. I answered "I am rediscovering me"...maybe I should clarify the "me" I am talking about. I am talking about my authentic self. The essential me who I was very aware of and in tune with until I was about 15 years old. "Growing up", expectations and some family stuff all helped me to bury and forget about that me. It was the loss of myself that I think fueled my initial drinking and it grew in a progressive fashion like most people. My journey in sobriety is my journey rediscovering that authentic self ...I actually think the sobriety is secondary to the search for myself except that the one cannot exist without the other.

Hope that clarifies a little.

Fandy

many people talk about peeling back the layers in recovering....i think this is a similar experience, to "re-discover" yourself.

i am much less overwhelmed lately and much more grateful.

luckedog

I choose #1 because I have had some kind of addiction as long as I can remember. I was terribly abused as a small child. Too long a story to even start. I have looked for a way of escape the horror for the last 57 years or so, I’m 60 now. Alcohol has been just one of MANY things I have used to bury the past and present! Somehow (I’m sure the grace of God played a major role) I came to realize I-my life- had some value -a purpose for being here! Yea, even me. I knew drinking had to go & after several attempts I finally got free in 09! I really didn’t know who I was- so much hiding and cover up. I began to work on what I thought to be the good things of life- compassion, peace, inner joy, forgiveness, patience, personal responsibility really loving my wife and kids (loving not just using), ect. ect.
Anyway, it seems NEW and genuine for the first time in my life. I am A different person and not just because I don’t drink anymore- because I am happy in what I am becoming!
Sorry this was so long but it is the first time I have really been personal about me.
THANKS to all of you for being part of my RECOVERY! Love you all(well most of you anyway lol)!

LaFemme

Thanks for sharing

Danae

Hi LaFemme,

Can we change our votes? I originally voted for 2 (rediscovering who I was before I drank) but am now, after a bit more time, leaning towards #1.

The process of recovery is actually changing me more than just revealing my old self.

3 months ago I would have smirked at someone making that assertion! (oh yes, one of those recovery people who seem to have gotten in touch with their "spirituality" smirk, smirk) Who knew that this could all be a good thing? I guess you can only be ready when you are ready.

Thanks for the thought-provoking survey. It lets me see what ground I've covered lately