Reset

So I'm on day 13 - easily the longest stretch of non-drinking I've had since I was in high school 25+ years ago, and the first and only time I've tried to quit.

I don't have the urge to drink much any more and when I do I can easily squash it using logic and thinking about consequences. So I was pretty happy about all of that until my shrink told me, in a nutshell, "a lot of people start off like that and you'd better watch out for a,b,c,d,e..."

Despite my telling him that I have no desire to drink or smoke pot any more and about the tools I'm using to prevent future use (which he agreed were all very good) he kept harping on the reasons why I'm gonna relapse. It was pretty discouraging actually. I was thinking, "wtf, don't you think this is all good so far?"

So I'm wondering:

- Am I being naive and cocky thinking that things are going to be (more or less) good from here on out?
- Is he right that this is the easy part and it's going to get much harder?
- If you relapsed, how long did it take?
- Why'd you do it?

doggonecarl

I reply to these 3...

Is he right?
For me, the "second" time I quit, the first two weeks weren't exactly easy, but my resolve to stay sober was strong, probably because I could still remember why I quit. Again, for me, it got a lot harder before it got easier.

relapse...how long did it take?
First time I quit, I relapsed exactly two weeks later.

Why'd you do it?
My alcoholic mind started its cunning work. I couldn't remember if I want to quit forever or if I want to just quit until I proved to myself I could quit. At two weeks I thought I had proved that.

I also relapsed to the quell the constant fight in my head: drink/don't drink, drink/don't drink. I drank, the voices shut up, and the guilt the next day made return to my sober quest. So far, that's been the only slip up.

But looking back, the main reason I relapsed was because it was easier than saying no to the drink.

Reset

Hmm.

He says that the mind will play that trick- "I've shown I can quit, so what's one drink?" He says that can kick in 2 weeks, 3 months, even 1 year down the road.

Sometimes I wonder if he's an AA member, or had addiction problems in the past.

yeahgr8

What are you actually seeing him for if you don't mind me asking, i.e. what originally did you go and see him/her for?

Reset

I don't mind.

I initially went to see a different psychologist in the same office for depression. She said that there was most likely a link between my habits and my condition and recommended that I see this other guy, who specializes in addiction treatment so that we could get that out of the way before getting to the other crap that's pulling me down.

yeahgr8

Oh ok because i see an addiction counselor too and have done since getting sober...he isn't AA but i chose to go to AA from day 1 and work the steps that i had heard so much about...

Both the counselor and AA focus on a drastic personality change needing to take place in order for the alcoholic to live happy and sober because getting sober is like taking up a new hobby, in the beginning it's the greatest thing ever and all focus is on improving oneself in the new venture but over time the enthusiasm wains a little and whereas with a hobby the tennis racket gets put in the shed, with sobriety when the enthusiasm begins to wain and not enough inner change has taken place we start falling back into the old behaviour which can lead to picking up a drink...

It's really as simple as that...

If enough work is done however and enough inner change has taken place then all good...maybe go to AA and do the work and also keep the counselor too, a double edged assault...worked for me!

onlythetruth

• Am I being naive and cocky thinking that things are going to be (more or less) good from here on out? I would not use the term "naive and cocky". I like to look at the positive side, and note that you are feeling a sense of relief and hope for the future. At the same time, I think it's safe to say that early recovery has its ups and downs and is not, generally speaking, a consistently even or upward thing. And I think it is better to be prepared for this than not to be. I think it's best to plan for urges and tough times, because chances are they are going to occur.
• Is he right that this is the easy part and it's going to get much harder? See above.
• If you relapsed, how long did it take? I did not.
• Why'd you do it? I was truly and absolutely done.

Hope this helps.
OTT

Dee74

I don't changing our lives can be accomplished in a week, or two weeks or even 6 months - it takes time, it takes work and we have to take that maintenance onboard as an ongoing thing IMO....

unlike the way we expect most things to be, recovery is not linear...the road to recovery can be pot-holed...if it was a case of not drinking for 90 days would reset everything, none of us would be here.

A lot of people (including myself many times) underestimate the addiction, and the task of recovery. I went back to drinking many times because I simply didn't want to quit drinking completely - I was looking for control, not acceptance of my condition and abstinence.

But I don't believe relapse is inevitable, no. There's enough people living happy, full sober lives to prove that

13 days is brilliant...but it's just the start of the journey, and I think you realise that.
I think you're doing fine LandD

D

ZZworldontheweb

I just can't conceive of relapsing at this point unless I had some total and inexplicable turnaround in my entire thought processes. Akin to suddenly starting to believe the sky was red for no reason whatsoever. I can't imagine what type of thing would bring that on.

TheEnd

Around 13 days I was feeling just like you, I said to msyself "I will never want to drink or take drugs again". Now here I am 4 1/2 months later and although I have not taken a drink or a drug, the thought has really crossed my mind. In fact for me it's like I'm riding this roller coaster, one minute I am very staunch in my sobriety, the next minuted I'm salivating for a drink.

I thought something was wrong with me, but after talking to some people and to my therapist, I learned that I am right where I am supposed to be. I hear later the road isn't so rocky and things kind of even out, but I was just trying illustrate that you won't be cruising through sobriety without any temptations. It's going to come and when it does, just remember to use those tools that you have been picking up.

Supercrew

I did 118 days, and I was very cocky regarding my sobriety. I went to every drinking function and turned down drink after drink. I had no more cravings after the first month, and it was enjoyable to go out sober, but I guess I still did not accept the fact that I was an alcoholic and could never drink again.

I didn't have anything really trigger my relapse aside from a change in my routine. Instead of my usual workout regimen I start a home painting project for about 2 weeks. I didn't drink then when I was painting, but about a week later after not coming to this site on a regular basis a voice in my head said "hey wonder if you could quit after a couple beers". I was outside of a 7-11, and I bought 2 beers like I used to. My life was great, we were getting ready for the holidays, no stress, and I decided to test myself. And nothing happened. No buzz, no craving for more. Two nasty tasting beers and I quit. Until the next week, I got 4 beers and tried again, again nothing happened, not even a buzz and I stopped. 2 weeks later I did an all day golf tourney where booze was flowing, and I drank like a human. Didn't have a problem stopping and even told my wife a had a couple of drinks, then the following week there was a bigger golf outing and I went further, and brought a bottle home. At this time I realized "Oh crap it's back", but I decided why ruin the holidays by not drinking, pick up sobriety in January. Well I was buying a bunch of booze for customers and for a family get together, (and I just looked at the receipt today), I spent over $250 on beer and booze on Dec 16th, I gave away about $20 worth, and everything else was gone by the 19th, and I was the only one drinking. It happened so fast that I don't even remember it, but I knew I was done forever once I came to my senses, I just didn't expect to end up in the ER during the detox.

So I don't necessarily agree with your counselor that you will relapse no matter what, but I think if we are not fully in acceptance with our issue it's easy to get cocky and complacent and have your mind play a little game by testing your resolve. Frankly I am glad that it happened when it did, and I am stronger for it now, and it brought me the acceptance that I needed at the time and also let me know that i am never really out of the woods.

LaFemme

I don't believe relapse is inevitable, but you have to do the work.

I know that some people felt I was cocky at 2 weeks because I felt pretty strong in my sobriety...only you can know for sure. So far no relapse for me 6 months and counting. I haven't had any cravings but the random thoughts about drnking still pop up all the time.

The one thing I can't stress enough is how important it is to work on yourself at this time...which it sounds like you are doing.

VeeTee

LnD -
my I ask what are the a,b,c,d's your counsellor mentioned you should look out for? I guess he's experienced so whatever he said might be helpful for us too?

I'm doing around 11 weeks now. Most of the time I'm ok - but there are hundreds of potentially stressful situations waiting to happen. That's why I try to stay alert and on guard.

vee

Reset

Let's see...

a) having alcohol in the house (my wife still drinks a bit and I'm not going to insist she remove it)
b) pot takes 2 weeks to start to get out of your system and then the cravings kick in
c) any kind of stressful situations, bad days at work, etc.
d) any good situations in which a drink would be used to celebrate or as a reward
e) business dinners and business travel
f) going out to eat
g) being in a grocery store near the wine section
h) being around other people who drink or smoke pot
i) an array of physical problems yet to surface

The weird thing is that this afternoon I had a minor dizzy spell on top of the headaches that aren't going away.

And then I took my son out for pizza. Ever see Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure? There's a scene right after his bike gets stolen and he starts to see bikes EVERYWHERE. Big ones, small ones, tandem ones, crazy ones. It gets so overwhelming that he hyperventilates.

Well that pizza joint was a bit like that with me. Pitchers of beer, pints, glasses of wine, carafes of wine, posters advertising alcohol on the walls, drink menus, table tent specials advertising alcoholic drinks EVERYWHERE! The only thing missing from the scene was a crazed clown offering me a shot of tequila.

I absolutely did not want to drink but it was driving me mad. The pizza could not have arrived sooner.

Anyway I started to wonder if the psychologist really knew what he was talking about or whether the things he said in the session had just gotten in my head in a way nobody wanted.

Sorry for the digression, I just got on a roll there. Hope that answers your question though.

sailorjohn

If you're taking the trouble to see a professional, you might consider giving his observations some thought.

It's difficult to be objective about our recovery, the nice thing about having someone on the outside looking at us.

I don't recall being triggered that much in early recovery, but we all have slightly different experiences.

coop1

From my experience the first two weeks were hard but I was so focused that there was no way I would take a drink. I remember feeling the same way that you do...kind of cocky in a way....and really proud of myself. I am on day 65 and it is definitely a roller coaster ride. The alcoholic in me is still there wanting me to drink, sometimes trying to trick me into thinking that I could even handle just a couple. Dee turned me on to researching PAWS...there is a lot on SR about it...try googling PAWS...it might help you out a bit. Congrats on 13 days.

Reset

Perhaps I should have written that differently. By "really knows what he's talking about" I meant *really* knows as in, "this guy is really good at his job."

In any case, of course I gave his observations some thought. If I hadn't I wouldn't be writing about it here.

Murray4x5

Did he say you were going to relapse for sure, or was he warning you about the different reasons many people use to relapse? Big difference there.

I agree that reading about PAWS is helpful. Knowing urges were coming, that they are normal, and that those extra dopamine receptors my brain created to frolic in all the alcohol I was pouring into my system were going to fight like crazy to get stimulated again. While this stage can last quite a while, it does reduce in frequency and intensity over time...but will never really give up.

Six and a half months for me, and no relapse. (One drink equals many). Coming here every day helps keep my eye on the prize!

Murray

nacona

I went out to my first sit-down dinner last night and if there hadn't been that one person in recovery at my table, I would have ordered a Corona.

I have 117 days today. There were 7 of us - 2 ordered saki and 1 had a bud. I had a diet coke and the rest had water. I had to walk outside and try to shake off the thought of ordering a Corona.....God, it would have been SO freaking easy to toss my 117 days out the window....SOOOOOOOOOOO this morning I opened my BB and started doing what has been suggested, and I can't tell you how relieved I am that I didn't have that Corona.

For me - I am going to have to stay out of places like that until I work the steps and have the obsession removed. That was a very close call......again (had one 3 weeks ago too.)

BP44

j) the sun comes up and my eyes open.