It finally happened
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
It finally happened
I think I may have had a spiritual awakening today.
It’s actually hard to believe that I’m typing this because I always thought the idea of a spiritual awakening was an overused and tired expression of the recovery circles; this, of course, because I was too cynical, logical, and inebriated to believe in such a thing. I didn’t believe in myself so I guess it’s fitting that I didn’t believe in something that I couldn’t see or haven’t experienced…and to believe that someone else had experienced it? C’mon man!
I guess I should start at the beginning. I got up this morning and for some reason, completely unplanned and unrehearsed, I got on my knees immediately after getting out of bed and prayed, “God, please help me to do your will today.” That was it, nothing fancy.
I was asked to go to church and I’ve been hit or miss the last few weeks about going. I thought, "yeah I’d better get back in there." So I went, slightly dreading the Catholic cookie cutter ceremony – go in, self anoint with Holy Water, queue the bad singing, Old Testament times two, New Testament times one, priest’s opinion, Peace be with me? Oh no no, Peace be with you!, receive the body and blood of Christ, sing some more, and go to breakfast.
This time was different. I listened intently and thought about the readings, something I’d try to do on occasion to “get what I give.” Oddly enough, they were about Christ’s baptism – a rite of admission. Then the priest began to give his sermon. Something was happening. The priest starting talking about God being at the forefront of the afterlife and saying, “enter the Kingdom that has been prepared for you my faithful servant.” I could no longer concentrate on the words he was saying…
Game over.
The rusty cog in my mind turned, the hammer slowly fell, and when it hit my last hope of hanging onto the idea of atheism and agnosticism shattered. The noise of 34 years of my life was gone and for the first time in my life I felt complete peace. I experienced a clarity and tranquility that I have never experienced in my life; it was being in the present - being in the present. The screaming kicking child next to me didn’t bother me anymore, the uncomfortable chair didn’t bother me anymore…my life…didn’t bother me anymore. I finally got it.
For six years, I struggled in darkness toward a light I couldn’t see. I crawled, with heavy chains of my own making, through steel, filth, and poison toward the hope that one day I’d walk again. Today my chains crashed to ground, I stood up, and the path before me was clear – the light, bright.
I had found hope. I had found my HP. I am a believer.
So, I think I may have had a spiritual awakening today – either that or a psychedelic bout of indigestion.
“I got to say it was a good day.” – Ice Cube
It’s actually hard to believe that I’m typing this because I always thought the idea of a spiritual awakening was an overused and tired expression of the recovery circles; this, of course, because I was too cynical, logical, and inebriated to believe in such a thing. I didn’t believe in myself so I guess it’s fitting that I didn’t believe in something that I couldn’t see or haven’t experienced…and to believe that someone else had experienced it? C’mon man!
I guess I should start at the beginning. I got up this morning and for some reason, completely unplanned and unrehearsed, I got on my knees immediately after getting out of bed and prayed, “God, please help me to do your will today.” That was it, nothing fancy.
I was asked to go to church and I’ve been hit or miss the last few weeks about going. I thought, "yeah I’d better get back in there." So I went, slightly dreading the Catholic cookie cutter ceremony – go in, self anoint with Holy Water, queue the bad singing, Old Testament times two, New Testament times one, priest’s opinion, Peace be with me? Oh no no, Peace be with you!, receive the body and blood of Christ, sing some more, and go to breakfast.
This time was different. I listened intently and thought about the readings, something I’d try to do on occasion to “get what I give.” Oddly enough, they were about Christ’s baptism – a rite of admission. Then the priest began to give his sermon. Something was happening. The priest starting talking about God being at the forefront of the afterlife and saying, “enter the Kingdom that has been prepared for you my faithful servant.” I could no longer concentrate on the words he was saying…
Game over.
The rusty cog in my mind turned, the hammer slowly fell, and when it hit my last hope of hanging onto the idea of atheism and agnosticism shattered. The noise of 34 years of my life was gone and for the first time in my life I felt complete peace. I experienced a clarity and tranquility that I have never experienced in my life; it was being in the present - being in the present. The screaming kicking child next to me didn’t bother me anymore, the uncomfortable chair didn’t bother me anymore…my life…didn’t bother me anymore. I finally got it.
For six years, I struggled in darkness toward a light I couldn’t see. I crawled, with heavy chains of my own making, through steel, filth, and poison toward the hope that one day I’d walk again. Today my chains crashed to ground, I stood up, and the path before me was clear – the light, bright.
I had found hope. I had found my HP. I am a believer.
So, I think I may have had a spiritual awakening today – either that or a psychedelic bout of indigestion.
“I got to say it was a good day.” – Ice Cube
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Untoxicated 
I had found hope. I had found my HP. I am a believer.
So, I think I may have had a spiritual awakening today
So, I think I may have had a spiritual awakening today
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
"The screaming kicking child next to me didn’t bother me anymore, the uncomfortable chair didn’t bother me anymore…my life…didn’t bother me anymore. I finally got it."
It is a PEW not a chair Untox...and I am glad you finally got it. I remember WAY back when all the masses were done in Latin. I never got it. I was a child just starting to speak English.
But I am glad you got it..Peace be with you...
It is a PEW not a chair Untox...and I am glad you finally got it. I remember WAY back when all the masses were done in Latin. I never got it. I was a child just starting to speak English.
But I am glad you got it..Peace be with you...
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Those moments of spiritual epiphany never happen when we expect them to.
I've had a lot of good moments of awakening being at church and engaging in the ritual at hand. I have had them at punk rock concerts. Had them riding the bus to work.
HPs = sneaky.
I've had a lot of good moments of awakening being at church and engaging in the ritual at hand. I have had them at punk rock concerts. Had them riding the bus to work.
HPs = sneaky.
Eating protein and life.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Welcome back. Time to start a Returning Catholic thread, I think.
Originally Posted by MsCooterBrown
It is a PEW not a chair Untox.
The overflow of people (AKA, the real sinners) are directed toward the gym rather than the church. I'll never forget that chair. It had a hard teal plastic seat, four slightly tarnished legs, and metal buttons that squeaked when they were pushed. I never thought I'd find my way back in a gym with a plastic chair. 
It was perfect.
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
[QUOTE=Untoxicated;2824556]I think I may have had a spiritual awakening today.
it was being in the present - being in the present.
Excellent! There, our mind cannot argue with itself, pure acceptance. When it happened to me, three times, each time a different way, I felt like a grinning idiot, but of course didn't care if I looked like one or not.
I want to be in the present all the time!
it was being in the present - being in the present.
Excellent! There, our mind cannot argue with itself, pure acceptance. When it happened to me, three times, each time a different way, I felt like a grinning idiot, but of course didn't care if I looked like one or not.
I want to be in the present all the time!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Spiritual Awakenings are tough to wrap one's head around unless you're open to the idea but they're sure a lot easier to identify with once you've had one.
Nice post Un... It's nice to hear of successes 'round here.
Who knows where that experience will lead you.....but it's really awesome that you got to experience that beautiful quietness of true peace. I always thought happiness was peacefulness....but the two are REALLY different. Quite a feeling, isn't it?
I remember my first one: I was walking home from work, in my suit, pouting about having to walk home because I lost my license and nobody at the office offered to drive me....... and I was basically complaining to whatever God is/might be out there.
Similar experience to yours....... total peace. It was almost eerie and reeeeeeally strange. From that moment though, there was no doubt in MY mind that there was absolutely something out there..... 10 minutes prior....I probably would have told you there's no such thing, or that "God" (or whatever you want to call it) is only around when you're dead - until then, we're on our own.
It was a big deal for me.......taught me a lot about "willingness" and "openness." I forget those lessons sometimes though.......so thanks for reminding me.
Nice post Un... It's nice to hear of successes 'round here.
Who knows where that experience will lead you.....but it's really awesome that you got to experience that beautiful quietness of true peace. I always thought happiness was peacefulness....but the two are REALLY different. Quite a feeling, isn't it?
I remember my first one: I was walking home from work, in my suit, pouting about having to walk home because I lost my license and nobody at the office offered to drive me....... and I was basically complaining to whatever God is/might be out there.
Similar experience to yours....... total peace. It was almost eerie and reeeeeeally strange. From that moment though, there was no doubt in MY mind that there was absolutely something out there..... 10 minutes prior....I probably would have told you there's no such thing, or that "God" (or whatever you want to call it) is only around when you're dead - until then, we're on our own.
It was a big deal for me.......taught me a lot about "willingness" and "openness." I forget those lessons sometimes though.......so thanks for reminding me.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
Experiences like this are indeed awesome. And they do not seem to happen to those with a closed mind. What's cool is that they are multiple and will continue to happen over time as long as I'm willing to continue forward on the journey. I think the first time I had a spiritual experience in sobriety was around the 3rd step. It was no white light experience, nor really an epiphany. After we said the 3rd step prayer, my sponsor handed me instructions for inventory. I had an immediate sense that all was well. Even thought it looked like a mess, all was well. I knew that if I made good on my 3rd step decision, that I was going somewhere with purpose. I knew that my mind was changing, that God had my back, my sponsor had my back, my AA pals had my back and my life was bound to change. And I didn't even care what it was gonna look like, I didn't need to know. These are what I call God Shot spiritual experiences. The awakening spiritually has happened gradually over time. And I've found that to be pretty simple. For our purposes, a spiritual awakening is anytime, anywhere any alcoholic understands any part of the truth. For me that began in the first step and has continued from that day to this. What's cool is that it just keeps happening and it keeps getting better. Keep doing the deal.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 638
I had a spiritual awakening this year too, at least in my head it was one. My whole life I have been very anti-religous, in fact had hatred towards god for my dad dying, my first love dying and my mom being in a wheel chair. In reahab a girl I was kind of looking over asked me to pray and I told her I just couldn't and that was hard as it hurt her feelings but I was very much against it...
Anyways I joined AA around 9 months sober and my sponsor talked me into talking with god and praying. Around this time I told a friend/girl/whatever/ something very dark about me that I thought would send her running for the hills, well I prayed on it and it she did not, small miracle but not the 'one'. A week later I had entered a jiujitsu tournament and this person came with me for support. Before going to the tournament I said the "our father" and I went out there and completely dominated! I felt like I was seeing things 3 moves ahead and it was amazing. Took second place! Normally my role is the guy who tries his hardest and is never the "winner" but inspires others to never stop trainning. That day as I finnished the line "and forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" I had chills. Maybe nothing happend but in my mind it did. Now that medal hangs high in my room almost as the center piece of the wall. When things in life seem sh%ty I look at it and smile as it was one of the best days of my entire life.
Anyways I joined AA around 9 months sober and my sponsor talked me into talking with god and praying. Around this time I told a friend/girl/whatever/ something very dark about me that I thought would send her running for the hills, well I prayed on it and it she did not, small miracle but not the 'one'. A week later I had entered a jiujitsu tournament and this person came with me for support. Before going to the tournament I said the "our father" and I went out there and completely dominated! I felt like I was seeing things 3 moves ahead and it was amazing. Took second place! Normally my role is the guy who tries his hardest and is never the "winner" but inspires others to never stop trainning. That day as I finnished the line "and forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" I had chills. Maybe nothing happend but in my mind it did. Now that medal hangs high in my room almost as the center piece of the wall. When things in life seem sh%ty I look at it and smile as it was one of the best days of my entire life.
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