Attempting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: ct
Posts: 3
Attempting
Not sober yet.
30 year old female. Mom to 2 beautiful kids + 1 trisomy 13 angel. Wife to an amazing hubby. Been drinking since 12. Easily quit for all my pregnancies, but can't seem to do it on a permanent basis. Swore that I wouldn't start up again after this last pregnancy, but SEVERE colic has led me to need an "escape" at the end of the day
I love my kids to death, and I KNOW I need to quit to be there for them. But by the time I get them to bed, the only thing I can think about is pouring a drink to relax from the crazily strenuous day. And once I start - I can't stop.
I spent much of my teenage years in rehab. I am experiencing physical traits that scare me (sticky, clammy palms and excessive sweating). I KNOW I NEED to quit. But I just can't seem to get there!
I went through a REALLY bad time after losing my second daughter to trisomy 13. I got better and got pregnant with my third and set myself on track. But this one has been colicky since day 1 and now at 7 months is finally diagnosed with silent reflux. The meds seem to be working, but after 7 months of nonstop carrying her - if she isn't on my shoulder, she is blood-curling screaming! I can't get anything done and it has so severely affected my now 4 year old who is now constantly having accidents and misbehavior.
My days are chaos, my back is chronically aching, I keep listening to the comments about how easy I have it as a SAHM and I just truly need a break! My babe won't even go to my husband without the screaming that soon turns to choking on her own spit sobs. I did cry it out with my first, but that really isn't an option with this one. All the stress and chronic pain of the day result in my drinking nonstop once I get them in bed. It is horrible!
I know I need to get myself on track and be a better mom, but it just seems so impossible!
I REALLY want to be a good mom to my kids and while I know that means taking care of myself, I've always been an OCD person who can't deal with stress. Alcohol is one of the few things that relaxes me and when I get the buzz I feel like I am "home"! I've always written it off, saying that the stress I feel without it would mean more health problems. But I am truly at a bad point that I need to quit. My dad's father died at 44 of cirrhosis. My mom's mother died of it at 70. I know it is in my blood and I know that I cannot safely drink. But by the end of a grueling day, it is truly the only thing that can get me to take a deep breath and relax.
How do I get over this hump and get better?!!!!
30 year old female. Mom to 2 beautiful kids + 1 trisomy 13 angel. Wife to an amazing hubby. Been drinking since 12. Easily quit for all my pregnancies, but can't seem to do it on a permanent basis. Swore that I wouldn't start up again after this last pregnancy, but SEVERE colic has led me to need an "escape" at the end of the day
I love my kids to death, and I KNOW I need to quit to be there for them. But by the time I get them to bed, the only thing I can think about is pouring a drink to relax from the crazily strenuous day. And once I start - I can't stop.
I spent much of my teenage years in rehab. I am experiencing physical traits that scare me (sticky, clammy palms and excessive sweating). I KNOW I NEED to quit. But I just can't seem to get there!
I went through a REALLY bad time after losing my second daughter to trisomy 13. I got better and got pregnant with my third and set myself on track. But this one has been colicky since day 1 and now at 7 months is finally diagnosed with silent reflux. The meds seem to be working, but after 7 months of nonstop carrying her - if she isn't on my shoulder, she is blood-curling screaming! I can't get anything done and it has so severely affected my now 4 year old who is now constantly having accidents and misbehavior.
My days are chaos, my back is chronically aching, I keep listening to the comments about how easy I have it as a SAHM and I just truly need a break! My babe won't even go to my husband without the screaming that soon turns to choking on her own spit sobs. I did cry it out with my first, but that really isn't an option with this one. All the stress and chronic pain of the day result in my drinking nonstop once I get them in bed. It is horrible!
I know I need to get myself on track and be a better mom, but it just seems so impossible!
I REALLY want to be a good mom to my kids and while I know that means taking care of myself, I've always been an OCD person who can't deal with stress. Alcohol is one of the few things that relaxes me and when I get the buzz I feel like I am "home"! I've always written it off, saying that the stress I feel without it would mean more health problems. But I am truly at a bad point that I need to quit. My dad's father died at 44 of cirrhosis. My mom's mother died of it at 70. I know it is in my blood and I know that I cannot safely drink. But by the end of a grueling day, it is truly the only thing that can get me to take a deep breath and relax.
How do I get over this hump and get better?!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 432
Welcome sister. Seems like you are probably familiar with withdrawal symptoms since you've managed to abstain through your pregnancies. That was the first big hurdle that made me feel like I "needed" a drink.
After that, it's all about just not starting again. Sounds like you drink to block or switch off stress. But you need to find a way to deal with that without drinking. I think most people would agree that, once they stopped drinking, most of the big problems that were stressing them turned out to be not NEARLY as big a deal as they thought.
Not to sound like a pitch man, but have you tried AA? It may not be what you think. It's all about handling life's daily trials in a productive, mature, and humorous way, and how to process your feelings instead of just stepping on them with liquor!
If that's not your thing, there are many organizations and hospitals that offer outpatient programs that can help you in a similar way. Most are covered by insurance and they usually offer times to meet your schedule. There's no stigma and it's totally private. If you don't have insurance, nearly all of them have sliding scales or aid programs. It is DEFINITELY worth getting a sitter or having your husband watch the kids for a few hours.
Speaking of the spousal unit, where's he on all this? Supportive? Oblivious?
After that, it's all about just not starting again. Sounds like you drink to block or switch off stress. But you need to find a way to deal with that without drinking. I think most people would agree that, once they stopped drinking, most of the big problems that were stressing them turned out to be not NEARLY as big a deal as they thought.
Not to sound like a pitch man, but have you tried AA? It may not be what you think. It's all about handling life's daily trials in a productive, mature, and humorous way, and how to process your feelings instead of just stepping on them with liquor!
If that's not your thing, there are many organizations and hospitals that offer outpatient programs that can help you in a similar way. Most are covered by insurance and they usually offer times to meet your schedule. There's no stigma and it's totally private. If you don't have insurance, nearly all of them have sliding scales or aid programs. It is DEFINITELY worth getting a sitter or having your husband watch the kids for a few hours.
Speaking of the spousal unit, where's he on all this? Supportive? Oblivious?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi MacDaddy
Firstly I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter, and I'm sorry for the ill health of your baby.
It must be very stressful dealing with that.
I don't have kids, but I do know that alcohol is not the solution to a long term problem - it became the problem for me.
I know you'll find a lot of support here, and a few ideas on how to help yourself with your drinking.
We have a Womens forum too, and a growing Moms thread in our newcomer forums I recommend you check out:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...o-drink-5.html
Welcome to SR
D
Firstly I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter, and I'm sorry for the ill health of your baby.
It must be very stressful dealing with that.
I don't have kids, but I do know that alcohol is not the solution to a long term problem - it became the problem for me.
I know you'll find a lot of support here, and a few ideas on how to help yourself with your drinking.
We have a Womens forum too, and a growing Moms thread in our newcomer forums I recommend you check out:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...o-drink-5.html
Welcome to SR
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
welcome Macdaddy.....there is a thread in the newcomers section you might really relate to, called..."Mom's who Drink".
I don't think you have it"easy" at all, i think you have a really stressful life with all you are enduring....(what you describe would have sent me off screaming to run away and my child is 30)
I'm very sorry for your previous loss and your sick baby, i hope it all works out. I hope you can find some help here which will lead you to a better place.
again, welcome.
I don't think you have it"easy" at all, i think you have a really stressful life with all you are enduring....(what you describe would have sent me off screaming to run away and my child is 30)
I'm very sorry for your previous loss and your sick baby, i hope it all works out. I hope you can find some help here which will lead you to a better place.
again, welcome.
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I am a mom too and I found it so hard to quit drinking that I had to get help. I couldn't do it on my own - I kept failing. I was in so much denial about the seriousness of my alcoholism that I eventually ended up in treatment despite having been attending AA meetings for the nine months prior. I just couldn't stop and needed to do it with more emergency than others because I am a mother to two young kids and being a mom and an active alcoholic just doesn't mix. It never works out and everyone loses while we're still using.
I had a really high bottom. Never drank and drove, mostly drank while the kids were in bed, but I still need to get this thing treated so I can be present for my kids and family. When I am drinking, hungover, or even thinking about the next drink, I can't possibly be there for my kids like I want to be.
I come from a long line of alkies in my family as well.
I know how hard this is - nobody really knows or can understand except us other mothers how stressful being a mother can be. Quitting drinking, though, is the best thing you can do.
I started with AA, ended up in treatment, got outpatient group therapy and continue with AA. I've been sober now for more than a year.
Best of luck with this. There are solutions out there for us if we are willing to work for them.
Much love.
I am a mom too and I found it so hard to quit drinking that I had to get help. I couldn't do it on my own - I kept failing. I was in so much denial about the seriousness of my alcoholism that I eventually ended up in treatment despite having been attending AA meetings for the nine months prior. I just couldn't stop and needed to do it with more emergency than others because I am a mother to two young kids and being a mom and an active alcoholic just doesn't mix. It never works out and everyone loses while we're still using.
I had a really high bottom. Never drank and drove, mostly drank while the kids were in bed, but I still need to get this thing treated so I can be present for my kids and family. When I am drinking, hungover, or even thinking about the next drink, I can't possibly be there for my kids like I want to be.
I come from a long line of alkies in my family as well.
I know how hard this is - nobody really knows or can understand except us other mothers how stressful being a mother can be. Quitting drinking, though, is the best thing you can do.
I started with AA, ended up in treatment, got outpatient group therapy and continue with AA. I've been sober now for more than a year.
Best of luck with this. There are solutions out there for us if we are willing to work for them.
Much love.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to the family!
You do have a stressful life, but I'm sure you know in your heart that drinking won't really help. It will backfire on you, if it hasn't already, and make you more anxious. I'd suggest some sort of program to get and stay sober, maybe outpatient programs somewhere or counseling might help. I have a fantastic addiction counselor I see once a week and she's very helpful, not just in staying sober but in dealing with all aspects of my life.
Is your other half a supportive parent? Would he stay with the kids if you went to counseling or some sort of helpful program? It is possible to give up our alcohol crutch, but it takes work and a lot of change. But it's so worth it. I started drinking nearly four years ago, just a glass of wine in the afternoon so I'd be 'relaxed' when my girls got home from high school (one was a real pain in the butt and liked to start fights) but within six months I was drinking all day, every day. It only got worse from there.
I have a bit over a year sober now but it took me most of two years to finally 'get it'. But I won't ever go back to that hell, no sirree! I still have problems but just handle them so much better sober, and by not drinking, I'm not making any new problems or making the old ones worse.
I hope you can find the support you need to stop drinking. It won't solve your problems but will do away with your biggest problem.
You do have a stressful life, but I'm sure you know in your heart that drinking won't really help. It will backfire on you, if it hasn't already, and make you more anxious. I'd suggest some sort of program to get and stay sober, maybe outpatient programs somewhere or counseling might help. I have a fantastic addiction counselor I see once a week and she's very helpful, not just in staying sober but in dealing with all aspects of my life.Is your other half a supportive parent? Would he stay with the kids if you went to counseling or some sort of helpful program? It is possible to give up our alcohol crutch, but it takes work and a lot of change. But it's so worth it. I started drinking nearly four years ago, just a glass of wine in the afternoon so I'd be 'relaxed' when my girls got home from high school (one was a real pain in the butt and liked to start fights) but within six months I was drinking all day, every day. It only got worse from there.
I have a bit over a year sober now but it took me most of two years to finally 'get it'. But I won't ever go back to that hell, no sirree! I still have problems but just handle them so much better sober, and by not drinking, I'm not making any new problems or making the old ones worse.
I hope you can find the support you need to stop drinking. It won't solve your problems but will do away with your biggest problem.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Boy, do I know how stressful a crying baby can be! I had to bounce and walk with my second one, non-stop for hours before she would finally give up and sleep. I also had a 15 month old at the time, so there was no rest whatsoever.
Husband just out of school, no money....... etc etc. (also can relate to the back problems and OCD!!).
SO........yes, alcohol does take away that feeling of being totally overwhelmed, but it adds its own version of depression and anxiety. I know it's not easy to think about giving it up, but there are other ways to cope: help with the baby (where you get out and do something for YOU), counseling/psychiatry (to make sure your OCD is under control, check for depression, etc.). Yoga, a class, someone to clean your house, massages......
I began drinking nightly when my children were young (4-6 drinks a night). Looking back, I wish I had gotten some help for what was going on with me instead. It probably wouldn't have changed my issues with alcohol, but perhaps I would have been able to stay sober at an earlier point in my life if I took responsibility for my own happiness and didn't settle for putting myself last all the time.
Prayers and hugs going out to you.....
Husband just out of school, no money....... etc etc. (also can relate to the back problems and OCD!!).
SO........yes, alcohol does take away that feeling of being totally overwhelmed, but it adds its own version of depression and anxiety. I know it's not easy to think about giving it up, but there are other ways to cope: help with the baby (where you get out and do something for YOU), counseling/psychiatry (to make sure your OCD is under control, check for depression, etc.). Yoga, a class, someone to clean your house, massages......
I began drinking nightly when my children were young (4-6 drinks a night). Looking back, I wish I had gotten some help for what was going on with me instead. It probably wouldn't have changed my issues with alcohol, but perhaps I would have been able to stay sober at an earlier point in my life if I took responsibility for my own happiness and didn't settle for putting myself last all the time.
Prayers and hugs going out to you.....
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Hello and welcome! I am a SAHM of 2 young kids and I can understand all that goes with it. I have been sober since August and can share that from my experience that life is immeasurably less stressful when sober. Those unbearable days that had me pouring a drink at 3:30 are far, far fewer. Probably because I'm truly engaged now instead of just counting down to drinking time/nursing a hangover.
I can totally understand that a colicky baby is stressful (have you eliminated dairy? a huge trigger for both of mine. My little girl would projectile vomit if I had even a little. Also a moby wrap and then the ERGO carrier) but my advice would be to consider your FIRST problem as your alcoholism. And everything else is peripheral. For years I would try to deal with my stress, my google diagnosed ADD, the stress of parenting without nearby family support and a host of other things. But those weren't the real problems. The real issue was that I was an alcoholic. And until I quit drinking all those other problems were insurmountable (and in some cases imaginary).
Please stick around and see if you can find some help here. I'm sorry to hear about your angel. I hope you have some good support from that. I hear great things about the MISS foundation.
I can totally understand that a colicky baby is stressful (have you eliminated dairy? a huge trigger for both of mine. My little girl would projectile vomit if I had even a little. Also a moby wrap and then the ERGO carrier) but my advice would be to consider your FIRST problem as your alcoholism. And everything else is peripheral. For years I would try to deal with my stress, my google diagnosed ADD, the stress of parenting without nearby family support and a host of other things. But those weren't the real problems. The real issue was that I was an alcoholic. And until I quit drinking all those other problems were insurmountable (and in some cases imaginary).
Please stick around and see if you can find some help here. I'm sorry to hear about your angel. I hope you have some good support from that. I hear great things about the MISS foundation.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome ...
Perhaps a bit of help during the day with the kids is possible?
Or napping when they do? That helped me when dealing with little ones.
blessings to you and your family
Perhaps a bit of help during the day with the kids is possible?
Or napping when they do? That helped me when dealing with little ones.
blessings to you and your family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: ct
Posts: 3
Thank you all! I am on day 3 sober and I do think that has helped my perspective a little. It was really hard not to give in last night, but I stayed strong and I'm happy with that decision today.
My hubby is very supportive and great with my 4 year old, but my 7 month old will do nothing but scream if she isn't on my shoulder. Listening to her scream so I can get a break is as stressful as not getting it. Even if I left the house, I would still be worried sick about how much she was screaming. Plus, he works 7 long days most weeks and in this economy - you don't say no to that.
I would love to get back into yoga - used to love it - and hopefully once I figure out how to put this baby down without her screaming, I can. I think that stress, sleep deprivation, colic, reflux, back pain, teething, separation anxiety, no help and 2 very high needs kids have just come together as my "perfect storm". I know I need to just keep swimming as hard as I can to keep afloat. I've rid the house of all temptation today - there will be no easy giving in since once they are in bed, I am stuck here.
I am glad I have found this site. My kids have truly motivated me to want to be the best person I can, but I am a very private person and AA/therapy just aren't for me. Thanks for all the supportive words!
My hubby is very supportive and great with my 4 year old, but my 7 month old will do nothing but scream if she isn't on my shoulder. Listening to her scream so I can get a break is as stressful as not getting it. Even if I left the house, I would still be worried sick about how much she was screaming. Plus, he works 7 long days most weeks and in this economy - you don't say no to that.
I would love to get back into yoga - used to love it - and hopefully once I figure out how to put this baby down without her screaming, I can. I think that stress, sleep deprivation, colic, reflux, back pain, teething, separation anxiety, no help and 2 very high needs kids have just come together as my "perfect storm". I know I need to just keep swimming as hard as I can to keep afloat. I've rid the house of all temptation today - there will be no easy giving in since once they are in bed, I am stuck here.
I am glad I have found this site. My kids have truly motivated me to want to be the best person I can, but I am a very private person and AA/therapy just aren't for me. Thanks for all the supportive words!
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