family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa Florida
Posts: 8
family
I am 4 months sober and am on my 3rd go around. In 2008-2009 I had 14 mths. sober and everyone back in my life. I had my job, a new condo., friends and family(my daughter) back in my life. For some unearthly reason, I picked up a drink and was off to the races again. In a matter of 3 months, I lost my job, shared custody of my daughter and my family members dropped like flies. My daughter and my ex-husband still stuck around waiting for me to get better. I would gain 2 mths. of sobriety just to let them down again with a relapse.
May 2010 came and I was 2 mths. and my daughter and ex went to Europe for her birthday present. I was left to watch the pets and I tied one on. Inviting a friend over to help me get sober. She ended up drinking with me and when they returned I was so out of it they left me sleeping. I began convulsing in front of my daughter and the paremedics were called. I was rushed to the emergency room and spiraled down from there. In and out of hospitals, jobless, alone and guilt driven, I drank more and more. Trying to drink myself to death because of the pain I had caused my family again. I was lost, but manage to get to a meeting and got taken to detox. After detoxing a few days, I signed myself out of the hospital to drink again. I called a woman from aa and she came over, poured my alcohol out and took me to a meeting.
Today I have 4 months sober and I got a job. I am slowly putting my life back together, but the holidays have been tough. My family has shut me out and my daughter wants nothing to do with me. I try desperately to practice acceptance, but it eats away at me daily. I am off for 2 weeks and tired of the holidays. I am heading to a meeting, but wanted to know if anyone has any experience strength and hope with this. My mother was a drug addict and alcoholic. I know how my daughter feels, but I dont want her to give up on me. I am struggling with being angry at myself, but then I get angry because I am sober and no wants anything to do with me.
If anyone can offer advice to make this bearable, I would appreciate it.
May 2010 came and I was 2 mths. and my daughter and ex went to Europe for her birthday present. I was left to watch the pets and I tied one on. Inviting a friend over to help me get sober. She ended up drinking with me and when they returned I was so out of it they left me sleeping. I began convulsing in front of my daughter and the paremedics were called. I was rushed to the emergency room and spiraled down from there. In and out of hospitals, jobless, alone and guilt driven, I drank more and more. Trying to drink myself to death because of the pain I had caused my family again. I was lost, but manage to get to a meeting and got taken to detox. After detoxing a few days, I signed myself out of the hospital to drink again. I called a woman from aa and she came over, poured my alcohol out and took me to a meeting.
Today I have 4 months sober and I got a job. I am slowly putting my life back together, but the holidays have been tough. My family has shut me out and my daughter wants nothing to do with me. I try desperately to practice acceptance, but it eats away at me daily. I am off for 2 weeks and tired of the holidays. I am heading to a meeting, but wanted to know if anyone has any experience strength and hope with this. My mother was a drug addict and alcoholic. I know how my daughter feels, but I dont want her to give up on me. I am struggling with being angry at myself, but then I get angry because I am sober and no wants anything to do with me.
If anyone can offer advice to make this bearable, I would appreciate it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 22
I don't really have any advice, but I wanted to tell you that your post is inspiring me to try and stay sober. Also at this point you have to be your own biggest cheerleader because you are pulling for you, and being mad at yourself won't help that! Congrats on your sober time, new job and never giving up!!
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Well, the brutal truth is that there is no way to shake your family into accepting you back. There is no guarantee that they will.
The best thing you can do is just get sober, attempt sincerely. Not only is it going to help you, but that's also going to give you the best chance for a reconciliation.
If you were to decide, and many alcoholics do, that if your family has put you aside then there's no point in anything but drinking forever, you've probably seen the last of them.
I do have strength and hope in my own story. I am re-building my relationship with my family. It's been a long time now since I got out of the real insane part, but I'm still treading on eggshells. But the only thing that made hope worthwhile was that I have been getting myself sober. It took time, but things have gotten much better.
The best thing you can do is just get sober, attempt sincerely. Not only is it going to help you, but that's also going to give you the best chance for a reconciliation.
If you were to decide, and many alcoholics do, that if your family has put you aside then there's no point in anything but drinking forever, you've probably seen the last of them.
I do have strength and hope in my own story. I am re-building my relationship with my family. It's been a long time now since I got out of the real insane part, but I'm still treading on eggshells. But the only thing that made hope worthwhile was that I have been getting myself sober. It took time, but things have gotten much better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa Florida
Posts: 8
Thank you, I believe this is the first time I am actually getting sober for myself because I do deserve a better life. Appreciate your family and your sobriety. Going back out, I found out that things really do get worse.
Have a food one!
Have a food one!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I don't have anything to share with you as my situation is completely different. The only thing I can offer is that I had to learn that other people could not effect my sobriety. This Christmas I was reminded that the troubles in my family can't be my reason to drink.
Best wishes for you and a sober new year!
Best wishes for you and a sober new year!
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
I really have no experience with this, but from what I heard in the rooms.....
I think at this point all you can do is take care of yourself, do what you need to do to be sober, and focus all your attention on that.
I believe in time, your daughter and the rest of your family will come back around when they see that you are serious and are making progress. They are probably being cautious because they have been let down in the past and don't want to be hurt again.
They say, time heals all wounds.....Try and be patient.
I think at this point all you can do is take care of yourself, do what you need to do to be sober, and focus all your attention on that.
I believe in time, your daughter and the rest of your family will come back around when they see that you are serious and are making progress. They are probably being cautious because they have been let down in the past and don't want to be hurt again.
They say, time heals all wounds.....Try and be patient.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I think the old saying "Actions speak louder than words" is really applicable here...when drinking..we numb everything out. It is all about us..we don't care. At least that is how I was. I am getting compassion back..I can relate to people. I can and want to help people. All that comes with sobriety. Everything is different. Lots of emotions are coming back that I shoved inside. Not all of them are good..but I am working thru some of it. It may take time to earn their trust back..but the only way to do it is to stay on the path of sobriety. I wish you the best!
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Actions do indeed speak louder than words. In my experience and in what I've heard from friends in long recoveries it's the small actions that happen day to day over a long period of time that mean the most to loved ones.
If you participate in AA or have an ear for their ideology, it is also wise to make amends to the people we've hurt. It's not something that must be done right away--people in AA cannot agree on just how it should be done--but the idea is when you're stable and ready, when the timing is right, you can try to make restitution. I have done those "steps" myself, and it was helpful.
But even the actions, apologies and amends are simply the right/ethical thing to do. Apologies made with the goal in mind of getting the person to change their mind or start behaving the way we like are not real apologies, and people will see through them.
Yeah... been trying hard on my end to be sober, to be a better son/brother/friend/etc, and keep patience. I try to do my part to repair the messes I've made, but I always have to realize there is a sort of luck involved if my attempts are successful. I have fixed nothing by my power alone.
If you participate in AA or have an ear for their ideology, it is also wise to make amends to the people we've hurt. It's not something that must be done right away--people in AA cannot agree on just how it should be done--but the idea is when you're stable and ready, when the timing is right, you can try to make restitution. I have done those "steps" myself, and it was helpful.
But even the actions, apologies and amends are simply the right/ethical thing to do. Apologies made with the goal in mind of getting the person to change their mind or start behaving the way we like are not real apologies, and people will see through them.
Yeah... been trying hard on my end to be sober, to be a better son/brother/friend/etc, and keep patience. I try to do my part to repair the messes I've made, but I always have to realize there is a sort of luck involved if my attempts are successful. I have fixed nothing by my power alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa Florida
Posts: 8
I do agree that actions are key right now and I love the quote, 'WHAT U THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS." Sometimes I can just let go and let God and other times< I trip over my ego and think I can control others. I need to check my ego and stay in today. Thank you for the comments; )
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Wendell - Good to have you with us, and congratulations on 4 months and a new job. Sooner or later your family will see that you're getting your life back, but the most important thing is that you're staying sober through all of this. Give yourself a hug and a pat on the back.
I agree that staying in today is the best way to approach sobriety and I use it for everything in my life now, especially the big stuff. One day at a time. Hang in there!
I agree that staying in today is the best way to approach sobriety and I use it for everything in my life now, especially the big stuff. One day at a time. Hang in there!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Wendell
I alienated a lot of people I loved over many years of drinking.
When I got sober tho I had to do it for me...I had to put my head down and focus on the task at hand - staying sober...
thinking about all the things I'd done wrong and the relationships I'd ruined was simply wasted energy, energy I needed to get myself into recovery and stay there...
as someone else said here you cannot make people love you again or forgive you...if it happens it's on their timetable not yours.
The good news is...nearly all of the people I loved saw the changes in me - they didn't hear me talking on and on about changing like I used to - they *saw* the change....and although it took some time...they trusted me again and forgave me, and embraced me again
Keep on doing what you're doing, man
D
I alienated a lot of people I loved over many years of drinking.
When I got sober tho I had to do it for me...I had to put my head down and focus on the task at hand - staying sober...
thinking about all the things I'd done wrong and the relationships I'd ruined was simply wasted energy, energy I needed to get myself into recovery and stay there...
as someone else said here you cannot make people love you again or forgive you...if it happens it's on their timetable not yours.
The good news is...nearly all of the people I loved saw the changes in me - they didn't hear me talking on and on about changing like I used to - they *saw* the change....and although it took some time...they trusted me again and forgave me, and embraced me again
Keep on doing what you're doing, man
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa Florida
Posts: 8
My sponsor says to give her time and show her through my actions. She also says, she can't relate because she doesn't have kid and her consequences weren't that bad. That is the reason I posted to see if there was anyone out there in my position.
I appreciate hearing your experience!
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