TheEnd

It appears that it will be another night of this, last night was the same thing. I'm getting these huge cravings to drink, trying not to think about it, but my mind is romanticizing the thought. Pouring the drink, feeling the burn, repeating the process. I even went so far as to thinking about what I would drink.

I tell myself just a couple of shots, it won't be a big deal, just get a slight buzz and let it go. But in reality it would be okay now, but I would like it so much that I would try it another night, then another night, and eventually I would be back where I was. I'm happy with all the progress that has been made, but it would be nice, just to be a little buzzed.

I've been going to my meetings, talking to my sponsor, being honest with myself, but sometimes I guess that isn't enough.

Part of the problem is my life is normally pretty structured. I have a pretty solid schedule of running, going to the gym, working, studying for grad school, which keeps me pretty busy. Well I'm off from work and school for 2 weeks, so my structured life just became very unstructured.

Next week will be four months, if I don't give in......

laurie6781

Part of your 'cravings' is your body wanting sugar. If there is no candy or ice cream in the house, than make some pasta. Carbs also turn into sugar quickly.

You will be amazed how quickly they will pass.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Dee74

I recommend keep playing the tape through - it doesn't always get a good press, but it's worked for me. There's nothing like remembering the depths I went to to shake the golden glow of nostalgia. Anything that makes the decision to pick up harder is OK in my book.

I think you're onto something with the unstructured thing tho...are you lacking things to do or missing the routine?

D

gr8ful42day

Think about why you stopped in the first place. Never forget the consequences of that first drink.

You can do this....

TheEnd

Actually I was craving a doughnut earlier, but I didn't give in because I wanted to be good and avoid the calories

Probably missing the routine, well not missing it, because I was so excited to not have so much to do, but I guess at this point being busy is best for me.

I don't know, but just putting this into words makes me feel a little better......I will not go down without a battle......

anew

It's great that you haven't given in to the cravings. When I would have cravings I would walk through that drink...flashback to all of the ugliness of drinking...all of the stuff that inevitably happened after I took the first drink. For me, drinking hot herbal tea and reading books on recovery or visiting recovery forums was helpful.

ZZworldontheweb

Give in, dude. Or try eating a bunch of berries or grapes. They taste delicious and you feel sinful while eating them ;-)

A couple of things I've heard in meetings might help:

"Move a muscle, change a thought". And this was from a guy I don't even normally like that well. But it's true, as you know, even some mild-to-moderate exercise can make you feel better.

Regarding taking it one day at a time, that never coalesced in my mind until I was facing a really bad craving one night after a stressful day at work. I told myself that, IF IT REALLY WAS impossible to restrain my body from going to a liquor store, I would at least wait one more night and do it in the morning. I might relapse but I would at least wait ONE MORE day. I didn't have to make it forever, just one night, then we'll see. Thinking about it that way took the pressure off. And of course I felt totally different the next morning.

I predict you'll be fine now that you've posted about it.

artsoul

Those urges are so uncomfortable.... and even though they don't last forever, it seems like they will. Just keep getting through the minutes (and go for the doughnuts first!). When I was feeling that way, I'd just start reading all the newcomer threads on SR, going back months and months. It's like I had to get my sober legs back under me.

I'm going on 8 months, and it's still getting better in that department. Even at 6+ months I had a few days of cravings, but they get weaker and less frequent. It's really worth hanging in there because if you have even one drink, you're going to want another and tomorrow you'll have to fight the very same battle.

So glad you posted instead of giving in!!

MsCooterBrown

That urge...run from it. It is too easy to keep drinking once you give in..it is the useless self talk that says f#ck it..I already blew it..why not? Before you know it..you are worse than you were before you quit drinking. That was a horrible life lesson I learned. It is true too..about reading everything here. Bide yourself some time. I bet this will pass..you will be so happy you rode it out..

BullDog777

you better not go down at all. after all of the bulls#it you've been through legally, it would be really stupid to revisit what got you there.

F the calories....get some fruit if you can't bring yourself to binge on some ice cream or a doughnuts. the sugar will help.

i'm a stay at home dad...nobody has less structure than I do.

you gotta fill your days better. make sure you have appointments to keep....schedule movies....

go to the local hospital and volunteer at the burn unit. tell them you got charged with drunk driving and you might go do it again.

think it though....if you spiral out of control someone could lose their life. All because you allowed yourself to romanticize the thought. that's what people who are in jail for homicidal drunk driving did and now they have a lifetime to think about it.

be stronger. outlast it.... no matter what.

oak

I also have almost 4 months. Sept 1st!

I can totally understand thinking so much about it and romanticizing the idea of drinking. I'm doing it too right now. But also- remember the bad times, the reasons why you quit.

Drinking won't make the cravings go away. Drinking will likely intensify the cravings.

vida

obsession is mind(thought); AA members told me in order to relapse my mind needs my body. Put your body someplace safe. I cant recover alone.

rr423

every time iv went sobriety to drinking i have that same thought most of the time i cant even stick to my guns the first day, drinking when u have to think about controlling it is no fun for me.

CarolD

How about extra meetings? Find a Beginners as they need you.

RobbyRobot

The idea of what is or is not enough is yours to decide. What we get out of our new life with sobriety has to be more than what we got out of our old lives of getting one on and keeping drunk. Seems so dumb, eh?! that we even think about drinking after all the things we've been thru. Just goes to show how alcoholism rules our (former) lives.

To change the game is to change ourselves. Change out our alcoholic thinking for sober thinking. Our feelings of dispair and resentment changed out for feelings of gratitude and humility and so on. Our selfish actions changed out to ones of giving and being helpful and useful to others be they friend or foe, stranger or family; in short being the kind of hero we all want to be deep inside.

When I struggled with the same experiences you are sharing I gave even more to surrendering into the truth of my alcoholism as an illness and not simply a bad series of events which I had any control over. I took myself out of the equation and put front and center my illness of alcoholism. I redoubled my efforts not to take my alcoholism itself personally but for sure to take my sobriety personally as hell and get on with my recovery.

You can put all this behind you all the cravings and mind-games and get on with living the good life sober and free of the despair. We change as we change and only thru change do we change. Sounds all so dumb and simple, but there it is: like we've all heard before nothing changes if nothing changes.

Stay with it and goodness will absolutely grace your daily experiences and you'll be on the upside of your new life! It will happen! Best Wishes! Congrats on your upcoming four months!



Robby

laurie6781

Actually in my own case ............... during the first 3 months I did gain 20#. Then by 6 months, I had lost that 20 and 20 more. By a year ......................... I was at my recommended weight and maintained that for many years.

I have also seen the same thing happen with others in early recovery. By focusing on eating healthy, but using carbs or hard candy or ice cream to chase an urge, and not obsessing about the healthy, it seems as we stay sober and all our 'habits' eating and otherwise 'settle' gaining weight is not a problem.

Sometimes, in early recovery we 'try' to 'fix' everything at once (I know I sure did until my sponsor sat me down for a 'talk', lol). Somehow the pendulum slowly stopped swinging from one extreme to another and settled in the middle. I went from 'Neatnik Perfectionist' to keeping a tidy, orderly, lived in look house. I went from counting every calorie to eating 'moderately.' I went from first 'speed demon' on the roads to 'little old lady' to driving the speed limits but still being cautious.

I went from being a 'workaholic' to being a valuable employee that did a good job but was able to leave the job at the job.

etc etc etc

Don't be shy, when a craving hits, go ahead get some carbs, hard candy or ice cream. Do some writing about what you are feeling including 'timing' how long it lasts, most seem to last 7 to 10 minutes, "if we can keep from 'obsessing' about it". Pick up the phone and call someone or ....................... come here and post as you did.

As you continue to work on you, you will start to seeing the frequency of the 'attacks' abate and you will become better able to handle them when they do hit.

You are correct, sometimes it doesn't seem to be enough. Me I would also, run to a meeting, help out at the Rescue Mission, The Humane Society, and I volunteered at a Nursing Home or two also. I had to stay BUSY, BUSY, BUSY, in those first months. Surrounded myself with 'sober folks' that I met at my meetings. Spent LOTS of time on the phone, could not be idle. Slowly things started to 'settle' a bit in my brain and the committee quieted a bit and as that happened my 'routines' continued to change. Eventually over time a 'happy median' was reached.

You aren't going to like this, but ............................ You Are Exactly Where You Are Suppose To Be Right Now. Write about it, remember it, because it will be great experiences to share with the next newcomers coming in!

Have a great Holiday Season!!!! I hope in your area they hold Alkathons like they did in SF Vally, they were wonderful those first Holidays sober for this alkie.

J M H O

Hang in there, it does get better!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

April999

Hang in there. I recently relapsed after 6 months of sobriety, and it wasn't worth it at all. I should have ate something instead, and I regret that I didn't. One day at a time.

TheEnd

Thanks for all the advice and support, I made it through, hoping everyday of my vacation isn't going to be some mental struggle, but I'm realizing I do have the tools to deal with the cravings when they come.

Amazingly enough, I received the discovery information for my DUI case today and that kind of just sobers you up just reading it. I guess it couldn't have come at a better time, every time I get a craving I will just read it over and realize how whacked out I was, how insane I could be to be driving a vehicle with a BAL of .358.

NYCDoglvr

Milk shakes worked great for early sobriety craving. You'll make it