juliwuli

i had been sober almost two months
i had been going to meeting and trying to work the steps
but my husband (ball and chain) dosent like this, you'd think by his attitude he actually wanted me to drink he dosent like me going to AA,
saying i dont need to,and why not just, 'dont drink' - hey ! i never thought of that! * saracastic snigger*
i pray to my HP = god, everytime i crave , it dosent work, i still end up getting the sherry,
why wont god help me? i have always done right, i have never killed , stole or committed adultery, i have only had two boyfriends in my whole life, i'm a good mother, yet i ask god to take my cravings away and they are still there,
i'm obviously missing something right?
tho i dont know what, i sometimes wish i'd never had my four children as i have visions of them standing at my grave crying, and i cant bear it

GettingStronger2

Take a deep breath. I can totally relate to your situation. I am just past 6 months sober. My husband goes through phases of supporting my attending meetings and working my program and telling me I don't need to go, just don't drink! Sounds very familiar indeed!

God has not abandoned you. God never will. Keep praying, ask for His will to be done, for you to have an open heart to see the guidance given. Keep working, you will make progress.

As for your husband, you have to do what is right for you. He needs to understand, even if he cannot right now, your sobriety is THE most important thing for you and everyone in your life. If you cannot maintain your sobriety, what will that mean for your marriage? For your kids? Sobriety has to be first. If you need to go to a meeting everyday, that is what you need to do. He is going to have to suck it up. If he cannot support you in that, he does not support you. That brings up other issues that will be addressed should the time come.

Keep working it! You will get there.

sunrise1

Hey there, Juliwuli,

I can relate... my husband was waaaaay unsupportive at one time too. Let it roll off your back... If you can, stay out of self-pity because it won't help you act and move forward. Don't read God's actions or lack of action as ANYTHING! Remember, He has a LOT of us drunks to take care of, and it always seems to me He prefers the sneaky, unseen way. You may see it for what it was later, but not at the time.

Are you WORKING the program of AA? The best thing that ever happened to me in AA is that I got a sponsor. Before that, I spent 9 months in the rooms of AA wondering what the big deal was.

Lastly- don't be too hard on yourself! Sounds like you have someone else to do that for you. Congratulations on your nearly 2 months of sober time, especially with the extra challenge of 4 kids and a griping husband.

I send you hugs from afar, wish you peace, strength and hope, and keep on doing what you are doing! Vent here when you need to! Be kind to yourself.
Hugs, S

johndelko408

One thing that I've realized about turning my life and will over to the care of God is that there is still one thing that I do have control of. The one thing I still have control of is whether or not I take that first drink. If I take that first drink all bets are off because the allergy of cravings will set in. God will guide you in the right direction, and it takes a while for the mental obsession to drink to go away. Rats why at the end of the promises it says "are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them".

meditation

People that don't have addictions think it's easy to quit. My h doesn't understand it at all. I might add that he can't seem to lose 30 pounds and I tell him, well just don't eat so much... why CAN'T you just lose weight? lol finally he gets a small small idea of the battle. It is so easy for our family and for us to point out all the things that we think should change about them but putting things into real action and real behavior change is very very difficult.
God hasn't abandoned you. He's still there. I know for myself when I start thinking in negative circles and think well gee God why have you left? It's not him that's left it's that I'm so stuck in a place that I can't see past the trees in my thinking. Things are never so dark as we think they are and I have never believed God abandoned me. He's still there loving us. You sound like you just need a bit of hope and some encouragement and by all means if meetings help, continue to go.

SSIL75

God alone is never going to get you sober. YOU get you sober. You pick up the bottle. Don't blame God! He's not in control of your hand.

LaFemme

Hi Julie! Sorry you are going through a rough time. I used to think God had abandoned me as well. When I finally got fully sober I can now look back on the dark times and see that He was with me through it all...I won't say I was willfully blind to him....I was just lost. I can't say what the magic combination was that changed all that...I think that's different for everyone.

Sending you thoughts and prayers.

LaFemme

laurie6781

Even with many years of sobriety, there is a poem that I have in almost every room of my home, as a reminder to me, when I get into the 'moody blues' that GOD or HP has abandoned me:


Footprints in the Sand


One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson

As has already been said, God or HP won't keep you from drinking, but, if you just DON'T DRINK, sit on your hands, call someone, get to a meeting (irregardless of hubby's mutterings) then you will slowly become more clear headed and be able to do the next right thing (God's or HP's will for you.)

Also, I would like to suggest that you get some individually wrapped hard candies in a flavor you like, be it peppermint, grape, butterscotch, or whatever, keep them handy AT ALL TIMES and the next time you get that AWFUL urge to drink, unwrap one and suck on it, and another if needed. I think you will find that the urge abates, as good part of that 'craving' is for the sugar that our bodies turn the alcohol into. Many a 'craving' has been pushed to the curb by a hard candy or two.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

juliwuli

why not????? i ask god for help and he wont help yet i do everything thats expected of me ? i give all the time , i pray hours in the day, i'm talking about CRAVINGS btw, incase you didnt know,
well, i dont know what to do, start all over again i guess, its all i ever do, btw, thats NOT a self pitying moan, here i go again 14th December 2010,
i will not be here here for 4 weeks, i am going to Australia to visit relatives i've never seen, i am stressing about it big time. which is silly as it is supposed to be a happy time, a new adventure, i will see you all in Jan, and i hope to bring better news - please pray for me.

artsoul

I'm so sorry you're struggling, juli - At two months I still had a lot of cravings for that drink; I wondered if they would ever go away. Just trying to deal with addiction is hard enough - if you add 4 kids and an unsupportive husband it's a huge amount of stress.

I catch myself doing the same thing you're doing: thinking about everything at once until I'm overwhelmed with it all. Two things that helped me are 1) trying to stay in the present moment (focus only on the "now" and the task at hand),
and 2) think of what you have to be grateful for (which is hard when you're feeling so low, but you do have a roof over your head at the moment I assume, and you're able to get around, have enough to eat, etc.).....

There's also counseling (we have to get support from somewhere). You have to be a little selfish in recovery. Think about what you need/want in order to stay sober (like those AA meetings) and tell your husband that if he wants a sober wife he'll just have to deal with it. Offer to educate him on addiction, suggest he go to AlAnon (maybe he'll stop bugging you after that!)

Just another thought: (sorry this is long!) I've found that God works through circumstances/people and it doesn't always come quickly. Even our lowest moments can be a part of that - it motivates us to do something (even if it's just surrender). Wish I could give you some comfort - I'll send prayers......:ghug3

doggonecarl

Juli, I returned to the church many months before I got sober. I would pray to God to make me quit drinking. I didn't quit, or couldn't. And again, the next time in church I would pray, "God, help me to be sober." And again, I would drink.

And one afternoon, after the same plea to God, in a moment of quiet reflection I swear I heard a voice say, "John, you have to quit, I can't make you."

My goodness, what a revelation.

And I have done so. Sober since Sept. 4th, and the prayers to God now are prayers of thanksgiving for helping me stay sober, for giving me the strength to stay in recovery.

You can do it Juli. While I believe in God, my recovery is secular. If people who don't believe in a HP can get sober, there's the proof that the job of recovery is ours, not the Lord's.

ItsMe23

2 months was always a tough spot for me too, my cravings would set in hard. Because i had made it two months i always thought what the hell i have this thing beat, let me try and moderate. It was always a bad idea, if you make it over the hump you will be ok.

And do you truly believe in god, or do you want to believe in god. When i finally opened up, things changed...

LawMama

Two months is a tough time. Give it time. Try praying for God to help you calm down and take things a moment at time. He will take your cravings away but it doesn't mean it will happen immediately. Just breathe and walk through it moment by moment and at some point the cravings will cease. For me it didn't happen until about 3.5 months.

tomvlll

Trying? what do you mean by that?
Have you done your 5th? Made you amends??

juliwuli

NO I HAVENT!! there are too many to make amends to,

Brucel

Sorry for your struggles. It says in the AA big Book that" nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics". I understand the troubles caused at home by someone who doesn't comprehend our dilema, but they change over time. Get sober again, work with others in the program and see what happens. It's a process. God has been, is, and will always be there for you. God could and would, if he were sought. Seek. Bruce

LaFemme

Juli...I hope you have a wonderful time down under.

My prayer was for God to make me dislike alcohol...guess what he did...and I sat there and made myself drink for another 6-8 months (who knows how long) until I quit. I will keep you in my prayers.

xo, LaFemme

DayTrader

Julie, AA is about finding a HP via working the steps. The steps don't keep us sober, meetings don't keep us sober, the fellowship doesn't keep us sober, our sponsor doesn't keep us sober....etc.

I figured, early on, that if I went to meetings, learned the steps, and got a sponsor I wouldn't get drunk. Well, I didn't get drunk but I was frickin miserable. I did all the stuff I just mentioned but I hadn't really "worked" all the steps. I got up to 5 and stalled. As a logical result, I hadn't really been seeking a HP and I hadn't really found one. I was feeling worse and worse as time went on. I realized something was wrong and figured that I darn well better do something about it because if we're not moving forward in the program then we're moving backwards towards our next drink.

Perhaps, since you're in AA and trying to work the steps, it might serve you well to frequent the 12-step "room." I'd also highly suggest sitting down with your sponsor/spiritual adviser in AA and going over what happened / didn't happen so you can rectify where you went wrong and correct your mistake going forward.

And make NO mistake, God didn't abandon you. It's impossible....but "we" abandon God all the time. We even do it in sobriety....and that includes the "old timers" who've been around a long time. Sometimes, we re-take control of our lives under the delusion that it'll be different this time.......and it rarely is.

I've also noticed several posts from folks who recommend not relying upon God. That's a good approach IF you still have a choice whether you pick up your next drink or not. For the real alcoholic, they have no choice BUT to pick up that next drink. Their alcoholism has progressed beyond being able to control it anymore. If you fall into the camp where you can't control whether you pick up or not, then God's (or some power greater than you) your one and only shot.

Slow down for a minute....meet up with your sponsor....go over what happened and search to see if there's somewhere you dropped the ball.

CarolD

About dealing with your husband's lack of support...please read
Page 552 in our BB ..... follow directions.
That has often kept me in emotional balance.....

My cravings did vanish when I was at the end of my 2 months
in to AA recovery....they have not returned.
I was eating healthy...taking a multi vitamin...attending AA daily
and relying on the Serenity Prayer in shakey times.

When I started the Steps....I felt a shift....into solid recovery.

Please do re start your recovery...your future can be so worthwhile.

keithj

That would be my guess. I know a ton of people who get confused by the idea that AA boils down to praying to be sober. Not so in my experience. I have found a big difference between a belief in a higher power, and actually having that power active and conscious in my life.

The bridge between the two was a set of precise, specific actions known as the 12 Steps.