God has abandoned me
Absolute Evil
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by SSIL75 
God alone is never going to get you sober. YOU get you sober. You pick up the bottle. Don't blame God! He's not in control of your hand.
It just makes no sense at all. Combating this problem takes effort, which comes from YOU.
Not god or your husband.
YOU have to find the strength. Just like I do...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Wow Carol. I know your instructions weren't directed at me, but I read page 552 and that's unreal. Seems like it would be very difficult to do, but I'll try it. Matter fact, if you told me that eating horse poop would keep me sober, I'd probably go do that to! lol... Thanks!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Juli
I spent a lot of years praying to God too - I thought my prayers were not being heard.
I realise now there was stuff I needed to be doing that I simply wasn't- God was listening - He was even trying to help - but I just wasn't getting out the way.
Speak to your sponsor - finish that 5th step - do all the others too.
I hope you enjoy Oz - pack the sunblock
D
I spent a lot of years praying to God too - I thought my prayers were not being heard.
I realise now there was stuff I needed to be doing that I simply wasn't- God was listening - He was even trying to help - but I just wasn't getting out the way.
Speak to your sponsor - finish that 5th step - do all the others too.
I hope you enjoy Oz - pack the sunblock
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
"why wont god help me? i have always done right, i have never killed , stole or committed adultery"
Juli, I haven't checked more recent posts, but I think the thing you could be missing is that you maintain the potential for doing wrong by hurting yourself. Look at doing yourself wrong as wrongdoing. What good does drinking do?
When it comes to feeling let down by God, I think that connection is strictly between the two of you, and I can't do a thing about it.
I don't blame you for having a hard time appreciating someone not supporting your preference NOT to drink, but unless your husband is forcing alcohol down your throat, I don't think you should allow yourself to approach resentments about his opinions or anyone's about whether you might as well drink or not. Resentment is an EXCELLENT trap device for alcoholism, and it doesn't matter what the topic is about.
Another important point to make is that I don't assume alcoholics are automatically awful people. Sometimes they are wonderful people. What I do assume is that they frequently have a problem when it comes to thinking in ways that benefit themselves, because I see that in myself and others.
If you don't think you have ample support, I hope you will surround yourself with people who know what you're going through.
Juli, I haven't checked more recent posts, but I think the thing you could be missing is that you maintain the potential for doing wrong by hurting yourself. Look at doing yourself wrong as wrongdoing. What good does drinking do?
When it comes to feeling let down by God, I think that connection is strictly between the two of you, and I can't do a thing about it.
I don't blame you for having a hard time appreciating someone not supporting your preference NOT to drink, but unless your husband is forcing alcohol down your throat, I don't think you should allow yourself to approach resentments about his opinions or anyone's about whether you might as well drink or not. Resentment is an EXCELLENT trap device for alcoholism, and it doesn't matter what the topic is about.
Another important point to make is that I don't assume alcoholics are automatically awful people. Sometimes they are wonderful people. What I do assume is that they frequently have a problem when it comes to thinking in ways that benefit themselves, because I see that in myself and others.
If you don't think you have ample support, I hope you will surround yourself with people who know what you're going through.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Juli, it took me a long time to get it right (fingers crossed) and I spent many hours on my knees begging for God's help, only to drink again. This reminds me of a story, which has many versions...so I'll just provide the short one: A man kept praying and praying to win the lottery. Months went by and he had no success. Finally, in despair, he cried to God "Why have you not answered my Prayer? To which God responded "Because you never bought a lottery ticket"!
Recovery, IMHO, is a strange paradox of surrender and will. We have to surrender and accept that, regardless of circumstances, we cannot drink. Period. Then we have to have the will to make it happen day after day after day...be it AA, RR, SMART, SR, therapy or whatever else it takes. In other words, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. I'm not saying that you don't...I just know, in hindsight, that I wanted sobriety to happen to me and I wanted it to be easy. Neither happened.
Perhaps you realize and accept the above. You mention that cravings are your issue...there are drugs for this. Have you spoken to your Dr about Campral? And you DID make it 60+ days. What helped you this far? What happened that set you back? Like a jigsaw, we need to figure out where the holes are.
Sometimes I think of recovery like juggling. "Oh, this isn't working for me tonight, let me try that.
God has not abandoned you. There are aids he is providing. You just need to figure out the ones that work for you.
Recovery, IMHO, is a strange paradox of surrender and will. We have to surrender and accept that, regardless of circumstances, we cannot drink. Period. Then we have to have the will to make it happen day after day after day...be it AA, RR, SMART, SR, therapy or whatever else it takes. In other words, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. I'm not saying that you don't...I just know, in hindsight, that I wanted sobriety to happen to me and I wanted it to be easy. Neither happened.
Perhaps you realize and accept the above. You mention that cravings are your issue...there are drugs for this. Have you spoken to your Dr about Campral? And you DID make it 60+ days. What helped you this far? What happened that set you back? Like a jigsaw, we need to figure out where the holes are.
Sometimes I think of recovery like juggling. "Oh, this isn't working for me tonight, let me try that.
God has not abandoned you. There are aids he is providing. You just need to figure out the ones that work for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Allow me to amend my first sentence...."It has taken me a long time to get a toe-hold on recovery"....I by no means think I have arrived. Everyday, I learn something new and what seems immutable to me today, may change tomorrow.
Best of luck, Juli..really, everyone is behind you 100%
Best of luck, Juli..really, everyone is behind you 100%
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
As has been said work through the steps in AA asap, you will be able to get it all done in a very short space of time...your mental obsession will have gone and on you go enjoying your new life:-)
Obviously you have to be at a point where you are willing to go to any lengths and get this done...
Obviously you have to be at a point where you are willing to go to any lengths and get this done...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New York State
Posts: 58
God's greatest gift to man was free will. Mankind's greatest curse, not knowing what to do with it. God didn't force the first drink on you. Why be so quick to condemn God for not making it go away? Work your steps. Deal with your anger. Keep coming back for support....we are here.
Eating protein and life.
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Just. Plain. Grateful.
Posts: 503
Hi Juli,
I know what you're going through, I've prayed for the same thing and felt the same way. I finally realized that I was praying for a negative and I decided to try much luck on another request...at this point I had nothing to lose.
Rather than ask God to take my addiction away, I asked Him to give me the strength to live in His will today and I also included gratitude for my current sober state. Sometimes a shift in focus and mindset can make all the difference.
Keep fighting the good fight and keep your chin up solider!
I know what you're going through, I've prayed for the same thing and felt the same way. I finally realized that I was praying for a negative and I decided to try much luck on another request...at this point I had nothing to lose.
Rather than ask God to take my addiction away, I asked Him to give me the strength to live in His will today and I also included gratitude for my current sober state. Sometimes a shift in focus and mindset can make all the difference.
Keep fighting the good fight and keep your chin up solider!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: mn
Posts: 5
I remember years ago being drunk and literally crying for God to deliver me from alcohol, He answered me with a car accident,DUI, jail time, and treatment..while laying in jail I said look at what drinking got you, and on visitation days, my son who was 6 months old was crying for me to hold him and I couldn't through the plexi glass...I was sober for 13 years after that..then I decided to drink and use,,it was my choice, my free will..but I believe when we pray and just can't do it ourselves He will intervene maybe not the way we want , but the way we need, also I believe that when we do just quit, He shows up to give us strength, it's not easy maybe never will be, but it is the hard times that bring about character, and perseverance, and also a better story to help someone else who also is struggling, keep praying sister and pray also for your husband..God will hear
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
even though i had a profound spiritual awakening that compelled me to live my life sober, i always have to do the work it takes to stay well.
when i was dying from this, i had to endure the detox and withdrawal.
when i was better, i had to maintain a good program.
when i craved, i had to outlast the craving.
the point is, I believe God gave me the opportunity to get well. i always have to do the footwork to stay that way.
when i was dying from this, i had to endure the detox and withdrawal.
when i was better, i had to maintain a good program.
when i craved, i had to outlast the craving.
the point is, I believe God gave me the opportunity to get well. i always have to do the footwork to stay that way.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Because it's your will to drink. Anytime we pick up a drink it's our decision. You could walk out of the house, go to AA, call someone in the program, numerous things. But it's easier to drink and blame your husband instead of taking responsibility. Oh, I forgot, God is to blame! But he didn't tie you down and pour alcohol down your throat,did he?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Well I read the first few reply, but I admit not all of them so if I repeat what has been said then sorry, but if I may...
I've been where you are juliwuli,
Back in 1996 my dad died from cancer. I've always been a person that believed in God, but when my dad died in 96 he was only 52 yrs old and I was only 25/26yrs old. And at the time my sister was pregnant as well. So when my dad passed I went through about a year or two of thinking "Why did God let this happen, did he not hear my prayres?...he let my dad die and never see my beautiful niece, or me grow to be a man"
But you know, it's not that God "doesn't hear" our prayers, it's just that we don't always understand the reasons why things happen. It's called Faith, we believe in something (God) on Faith, yet it doesn't mean we can't question it, it just means we may not always understand the answers.
For those of us with Faith God does hear or prayers and will answer them, but there's times when we need to say"God I need your help, but I am willing to do my part and help as well.
And it may take some work on your part, but that doesn't mean God isn't there helping as well.
Hope your doing better.
Steve
I've been where you are juliwuli,
Back in 1996 my dad died from cancer. I've always been a person that believed in God, but when my dad died in 96 he was only 52 yrs old and I was only 25/26yrs old. And at the time my sister was pregnant as well. So when my dad passed I went through about a year or two of thinking "Why did God let this happen, did he not hear my prayres?...he let my dad die and never see my beautiful niece, or me grow to be a man"
But you know, it's not that God "doesn't hear" our prayers, it's just that we don't always understand the reasons why things happen. It's called Faith, we believe in something (God) on Faith, yet it doesn't mean we can't question it, it just means we may not always understand the answers.
For those of us with Faith God does hear or prayers and will answer them, but there's times when we need to say"God I need your help, but I am willing to do my part and help as well.
And it may take some work on your part, but that doesn't mean God isn't there helping as well.
Hope your doing better.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
From Dr. Bob's Nightmare.
The First Edition Big Book Stories
Unlike most of our crowd, I did not get over my craving for liquor much during the first two and one-half years of abstinence. It was almost always with me. But at no time have I been anywhere near yielding. I used to get terribly upset when I saw my friends drink and knew I could not, but I schooled myself to believe that though I once had the same privilege, I had abused it so frightfully that it was withdrawn. So it doesn't behoove me to squawk about it, for after all, nobody ever used to throw me down and pour any liquor down my throat.
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