Negative Feeling About AA? Try this....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Negative Feeling About AA? Try this....
I have been reading throughout the posts and have read several people that say they had a bad expireience with AA and do not wish to go back. While that is fine and certainly no one is trying to force AA down anyone's throat. Here is what I'll say...
It's very possible that the reason you don't like AA is that you haven't found the right meeting / location. I have a club that I LOVE! I love the crappy building, the terrible coffee, the old grumpy men, the old chair, and the three fold up tables that are probably 30 years old. But some people may not like the club I go to. I have been to many meetings that I wasn't comfortable. I just simply chose not to go back. It doesn't mean that the people there are bad, or not in recovery, etc... It just means, for me, I have found a place I prefer. Its funny to. There is no rhyme or reason why I love the meeting place I go to. There are other meetings where people are more my age and share similar hobbies to me. But I can actually feel the goodness in the place. I know I'm cared for and that IS SOOOOO IMPORTANT.
All I would suggest is if you have a desire to go to AA and you try it and it doesn't click. Try several other meetings / places. You might miss a miracle that's just sitting there waiting for you. I drive 25 miles to go to my meeting and the reason is I will go to any length to ensure my sobriety this time.
God bless. We can all do this!!!
It's very possible that the reason you don't like AA is that you haven't found the right meeting / location. I have a club that I LOVE! I love the crappy building, the terrible coffee, the old grumpy men, the old chair, and the three fold up tables that are probably 30 years old. But some people may not like the club I go to. I have been to many meetings that I wasn't comfortable. I just simply chose not to go back. It doesn't mean that the people there are bad, or not in recovery, etc... It just means, for me, I have found a place I prefer. Its funny to. There is no rhyme or reason why I love the meeting place I go to. There are other meetings where people are more my age and share similar hobbies to me. But I can actually feel the goodness in the place. I know I'm cared for and that IS SOOOOO IMPORTANT.
All I would suggest is if you have a desire to go to AA and you try it and it doesn't click. Try several other meetings / places. You might miss a miracle that's just sitting there waiting for you. I drive 25 miles to go to my meeting and the reason is I will go to any length to ensure my sobriety this time.
God bless. We can all do this!!!
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
I agree that no one should dismiss AA or any other recovery program on the basis of a meeting or two.
However, I will also say that in my own case, my bad experiences had nothing to do with the character of the meetings. They had more to do with the fact that the program does not fit my personal worldview. I do not believe that sobriety is a gift to be bestowed on me one day at a time by an outside force. I believe that my sobriety is a result of nothing more, and nothing less, than my personal decision to quit and my own hard work in changing how I dealt with life.
It is lovely to be cared about and indeed many AA meetings do have wonderful members who are healthy, nonabusive and caring. But you can't get around the philosophy of powerlessness and the idea that the change agent is an outside force, even at the best AA meetings.
I agree that we can all do this! And I'm very glad that today, there are many different paths to sobriety. We can all find the one that fits!
OTT
However, I will also say that in my own case, my bad experiences had nothing to do with the character of the meetings. They had more to do with the fact that the program does not fit my personal worldview. I do not believe that sobriety is a gift to be bestowed on me one day at a time by an outside force. I believe that my sobriety is a result of nothing more, and nothing less, than my personal decision to quit and my own hard work in changing how I dealt with life.
It is lovely to be cared about and indeed many AA meetings do have wonderful members who are healthy, nonabusive and caring. But you can't get around the philosophy of powerlessness and the idea that the change agent is an outside force, even at the best AA meetings.
I agree that we can all do this! And I'm very glad that today, there are many different paths to sobriety. We can all find the one that fits!
OTT
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by reggiewayne 
All I would suggest is if you have a desire to go to AA and you try it and it doesn't click. Try several other meetings / places.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
OTT - well said. Completely respect your way man... Using a golf reference... it's not how you get there, as long as you make par. Sobriety / Recovery is what most of us here are striving for, it really doesn't matter how we get there.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by reggiewayne
OTT - well said. Completely respect your way man... Using a golf reference... it's not how you get there, as long as you make par. Sobriety / Recovery is what most of us here are striving for, it really doesn't matter how we get there.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
I couldn't agree with this thread more. I went to some meetings where they were pushing me to make coffee from day 1, pushing me to do service work from day 1, pushing me to drive people from day 1. I understand that some people get a lot of joy out of all that, but it was not for me. If I had left then and given up on AA I would have missed out on some of the best experiences of my life. I found people who I could really relate with that wanted nothing but my company and we ended up being close friends. I would say don't give up. Theres this saying grab a hold of someone who has what you want. For me and my friends we openly talk with each other, that is not good enough. Its not good enough to just go to meetings and exist. I was not looking for a all-I-do-is-go-to-meetings-or-talk-about-going AA friend. There are a lot of people like that in AA and I hope they find each other and kick it together. Me and my AA friends we go places and do things and work out together and hang out at each others houses. Thats what I wanted. Thats what I got. Took a few tries but if you go to enough meetings you are going to get the good stuff, however you define that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I think its like finding a good church...not all are the same and you have to try a few to find the right one....and then there are some people who have no interest in going to church whatsoever:-)
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 107
Meetings definitely come in different flavors. Some of my favorites are the ones with the most crazy people, they say it is the best show in town.
I'm lucky to be in a location where there is a lot to pick and choose.
I'm lucky to be in a location where there is a lot to pick and choose.
Riding Barefoot
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 452
I respect that AA is not for everyone, but I don't understand why some people feel it isn't for them. I disagree that we in AA leave everything to an outside agent; we have to do a lot of work ourselves, pushing ourselves to get outside of us and do right for others so that we can be lifted and stay sober and carry the message. That isn't always easy.
It may be necessary to try many different meetings. Thankfully I really liked the first one I went to, because if the second one I went to had been my first, I may never have gone back. I didn't feel comfortable and I didn't feel any connection whatsoever. Glad to be in a city where there is a lot to choose from!
It may be necessary to try many different meetings. Thankfully I really liked the first one I went to, because if the second one I went to had been my first, I may never have gone back. I didn't feel comfortable and I didn't feel any connection whatsoever. Glad to be in a city where there is a lot to choose from!
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
I happen to like AA and I went to an awesome meeting tonight one of the best, but I understand a lot of people don't like it and I think that's OK. I don't think you have to go to 100 meetings before you decide whether you like something or not. Sometimes I feel bad for the people who say they don't like AA on here, because it seems like everyone wants to jump all over them. I don't think it's a requirement in recovery to be an AA card carrying person.
I happen to like running marathons, but I don't think that it is for everyone and I don't think you need to run a whole bunch of miles before you decide that you don't like running. My partner tries to get me to eat fish, but I can't stand it, he says I will grow to like it. If I have to grow to like something what is the point of that??
AA is way to recovery, but not the only way. As long as you find something that works for you, work it and keep working it. Best of luck to everyone on their journey in sobriety.
I happen to like running marathons, but I don't think that it is for everyone and I don't think you need to run a whole bunch of miles before you decide that you don't like running. My partner tries to get me to eat fish, but I can't stand it, he says I will grow to like it. If I have to grow to like something what is the point of that??
AA is way to recovery, but not the only way. As long as you find something that works for you, work it and keep working it. Best of luck to everyone on their journey in sobriety.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Very true. Since the only requirement for AA is the desire to stop drinking, you're going to get a nice sampling of life in general. Simple as that.
I didn't realize at the time I first came in, but I needed a design for living. AA has provided just that, but it turn, I had to put in a lot of hard work crushing my alcoholic ego, become honest w/ myself and others, and become willing to believe in a higher power.
So far, so good. I can't imagine doing this on my own and I don't have to. We are all very lucky to have sooo many recovery tools at our disposal.
It does work, but I'm not special. It can work for anyone who works for it. How cool it that?!
I didn't realize at the time I first came in, but I needed a design for living. AA has provided just that, but it turn, I had to put in a lot of hard work crushing my alcoholic ego, become honest w/ myself and others, and become willing to believe in a higher power.
So far, so good. I can't imagine doing this on my own and I don't have to. We are all very lucky to have sooo many recovery tools at our disposal.
It does work, but I'm not special. It can work for anyone who works for it. How cool it that?!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm an agnostic and AA works for me...
Originally Posted by onlythetruth
I agree that no one should dismiss AA or any other recovery program on the basis of a meeting or two.
However, I will also say that in my own case, my bad experiences had nothing to do with the character of the meetings. They had more to do with the fact that the program does not fit my personal worldview. I do not believe that sobriety is a gift to be bestowed on me one day at a time by an outside force. I believe that my sobriety is a result of nothing more, and nothing less, than my personal decision to quit and my own hard work in changing how I dealt with life.
It is lovely to be cared about and indeed many AA meetings do have wonderful members who are healthy, nonabusive and caring. But you can't get around the philosophy of powerlessness and the idea that the change agent is an outside force, even at the best AA meetings.
I agree that we can all do this! And I'm very glad that today, there are many different paths to sobriety. We can all find the one that fits!
OTT
However, I will also say that in my own case, my bad experiences had nothing to do with the character of the meetings. They had more to do with the fact that the program does not fit my personal worldview. I do not believe that sobriety is a gift to be bestowed on me one day at a time by an outside force. I believe that my sobriety is a result of nothing more, and nothing less, than my personal decision to quit and my own hard work in changing how I dealt with life.
It is lovely to be cared about and indeed many AA meetings do have wonderful members who are healthy, nonabusive and caring. But you can't get around the philosophy of powerlessness and the idea that the change agent is an outside force, even at the best AA meetings.
I agree that we can all do this! And I'm very glad that today, there are many different paths to sobriety. We can all find the one that fits!
OTT
Now I'll admit I'm in New york City which is very liberal. The part of the program I focus on is this: "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." "The Big Book and Steps are but a suggestion." And, a "God of my understanding." Here we end meetings with the Serenity Prayer. I went to a meeting outside where they said the Lord's Prayer and walked out at the end.
I think it depends on where you put your focus. For me the fellowship has tremendous healing powers and I don't think I'd be sober 20 years without it.
My first sponsor said "take what you want and leave the rest behind."
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