onlythetruth

This theory has actually never been proven: it's just a theory. It does make some sense, because many people with addictions lack maturity. On the other hand, there are many other people with addictions who do NOT lack maturity: they just can't stop using. I don't think that people should automatically apply the "arrested development" label to themselves or others. People with addictions are NOT all the same.

Dee74

From my reading I think people here have posted from a place of personal experience

The cap definitely fits for me.

D

LaFemme

Yes...but I've been told that all men stop maturing at about age 14?

Jk;-p

UniqueNewYork

I agree with the stunted development but also feel we all have to take charge of our destiny. In my case, I had to learn to forgive others and forgive myself truly. This meant not just trying I forgive today, but tomorrow reminding someone of what they did, but truly offering and asking for forgiveness. I could not do this for years even when trying.

The second part where you talk about being shy and insecure.. this is a hard journey to embark on to feel OK with you. There is not a magic bullet. A few keys that worked for me.

#1 Working out. Even when my life was in the toilet, trying to recover, this was one thing I could control. This has been the most important tool in my arsenal because I have been insecure since childhood. I am no longer shy. I became a work out nut (although the last 10 weeks after getting sick for a month I am really trying to come back to the lifestyle). Just yesterday my girlfriend and I were checking out our poolside pictures from 10 weeks ago. I just can't explain what its like to go from feeling and looking like crap to being in the best shape of my life. I have gotten many compliments. There is one I will never forget. Two girls saw me and one came over and said "my friend thinks you're the sexiest thing shes ever seen". HAH

#2 Self help tapes. Some of them are garbage. Some of them really do work. Its cliche, but How To Win Friends and Influence People was probably the first I got. I have since listened to numerous ones.

#3 Learn to let go. Learn to pray for your enemies. Learn to forgive. Learn to spend a few minutes in prayer and positive thinking just before bed. But most of all LET GO. As a good friend told me "Your past does not define you. Your past has shaped you, but what you do today is what defines you."

TheMaster

I grew intellectually while drinking and even finally got my BA while drinking and at 42 graduated *** laude...

However, I do think there is a correlation between the drinking and emotions. For a long time, I was able to almost turn them off. When I would date a girl and things didn't go the way I wanted, I could shut down my emotions and completely erase the girl from my life.

The same for old friends who changed into these complete strangers...

It has a lot to do with negativity. It really creeps into your life, when you drink on a regular basis... Even when it's just on the weekends, like I did.

jamdls

I started drinking in high school, I was shy, quiet, and insecure except for when I drank. I drank off and on (mostly on) until I was 50 the last 10 yrs being the heaviest drinking years. Throughout my "adult" life I didn't see much of my family as I didn't live within 1000 miles of any of them but I did see different family members on occassion. Well 5 months after I quit drinking my mother passed away and the whole family gathered together and I spent 6 days with them, afterwards I learned my sisters were all making comments such as "Judy has matured so much" "she's really grown up" etc....here I was 50 yrs old and I'd finally grown up! sad but true although I thought I was grown up/mature before it took sobriety to really work and be visible to others.

abultra30

Dont think there is much scientific direct evidence for this. Lots of opinions and correlations, but that doesnt mean alcoholism causes stunted emotional development. Its a common myth and misnomer I think to discredit the alcoholic into shaming him/herself, IMO. Just my observation.

TheMaster

It's ok.

There is no scientific evidence that there is a god, but that doesn't stop millions from believing it.

Belief is a powerful tool for most...

vaporvic

It is absolutely true, but it seems to have more of an effect on some people. The concept is centered around feeling. Alcoholics and addicts don't have to deal with emotions because we bury them in drug and\or drink. Happy? Drink. Sad? Drink. Confused? Drink, etc. It is the same response in every situation: numb the pain and you don't have to face the emotions of it. You don't have to feel it. And facing and walking through life experiences and emotions is how "normal" people develop emotionally....to the differences? Personally I think it depends on the DOC and, obviosly the age which you start. High level finctioning alcoholics who held down jobs are probably more emotionally developed than maybe a lower functioning crack addict who never did....and vice versa. Anyway the theory is just that, a theory, but it may as well be fact in most addiction circles. hth!

v.

TrixMixer

Really???? I can see if you continued drinking how you emotional development would be stunted, but it relates to those who stop drinking also?

So someone who started drinking when they were in their early 20's and stopped in their 50's would be left with the emotional maturity of a 20 year old??

I am 61 stopped in my 30's --I feel the journey to sobriety never hampered my emotional maturity....probably helped it by looking inside myself to see what makes me tick.----but the fact it's a Mickey Mouse clock, eh, does that count?

Love some books on this subject.



TrixMixer

jazzfish

I believe that there is a definite correlation between maturity and drinking, but it is not important to me to determine causation. The impact or stunting is not uniform in my case, as in some areas I matured quite normally and in others I continue to carry on like a small child. I do feel guilty when I stand next to my peers and my actions, reactions, discernment, and decision making capabilities all seem poorly developed in comparison. I also know that feelings from this condition lead me to excuses to drink again, so it is something I need to deal with (and I am dealing with).

I do not believe drinking arrested all my development from the moment I picked up or started drinking alcoholically. For example, I believe my decision making capabilities are impaired by damaged drinking did over a long time to my frontal lobe (which peer reviewed research seems to support). I believe that my maturity regarding preservation of my integrity, people pleasing, etc. was compromised long before I began to drink. I believe my anger and childish reactions to problems is a direct result of drinking, driven sometimes by simply the pain of a hang over at other times a complete mystery to me.

I know that taking alcohol out of my life fixes some of these things, but not others. However, I do not need to fully understand or agree with any theory or definition to work on issues important to my sobriety. All I need to know is that I couldn't stop drinking; it was causing me misery; and, in my case, I need a method that involves more than simply quitting drinking.

Hevyn

I definitely didn't grow and mature the way I should have. Every time something was uncomfortable, I'd pour alcohol on it. I thought it was a way to cope, but it just kept me on hold for years.