hope51

I don't remember where I read this, but I've been thinking about it lately. I read that wherever you are in life when you begin drinking heavily (or using drugs), that your emotional development is arrested at that point and you don't mature emotionally the way you should. I can relate to this in a way because I was always a VERY shy and insecure person and started drinking in high school. When I was drinking I was able to loosen up and talk to people and not worry about every word that came out of my mouth or if what I was wearing was fashionable or if my hair looked nice, etc. I could let go for once and feel relaxed and like I really fit in. I'm not as insecure as I used to be but it's still there, except when I'm drinking. What do you all think of this theory?

LaFemme

I've seen this floated several times. For me, I can't say. My emotional maturity or lack thereof is a lot more complicated than just having to deal with the drinking...but the drinking certainly didn't help matters either, it never does.

NYCDoglvr

Absolutely! While I was active I marveled that my brother (not an alcoholic) grew as a person, developed relationships and work, got married, while I stayed stuck in the same place

Toronto68

I found this topic here a few times as well. And I don't know what to make of it either.

My opinion at this stage is that the alcoholic activity over years and years is not the final word on where someone is today. I just don't think that I totally arrested growth during all those years. I do think I caused myself a lot of damage because of the drinking, of cuorse.

One of my ongoing obsessions is to have recurring memories (for no particular reason that I can pinpoint) from 15 years ago, and this was right before I started to become an everyday drinker and to be constantly drugged up by the alcohol. That seems to be the reason for the constantly returning memories, like there was a period of quasi-slumber between then and now - that's all I can come up with.

And on that note, then I guess that would mean that my emotional state is that of a 27-year-old (instead of a little closer to 42). To some extent, I can believe that, but I don't think all the years between then and now are like blank slates. They were drugged up years, but I was partially there.

Just because you or I are confronting the things that existed in us years ago doesn't mean that we are ONLY those things now, in the absence of alcohol. The alcohol simulated an increase in confidence or what-have-you (like drugs do) and now it's gone. I think this notion that we are in arrested development carries with a temptation to give in and give up on moving on. There is a satisfaction in ourselves that needs to be nursed to health.

rws177

Great topic!

A few years ago I was seeing a counselor / addiction specialist and he told me this same theory. I know longer see him but this theory has always made sense to me. When I felt anxious or had problems in life I would drink. It was my answer to everything including curing boredom and having "fun". I too no longer like big crowds and it is hard to deal with emotions as I am not used to having too. The other day I was upset with someone and found myself being really sarcastic and quite childish, this theory immediately came into my mind once I was home and started thinking about my actions.

hope51

I just wonder if I hadn't started drinking heavily in my late teens-early 20s, if I would be a more secure and confident person today. I was in a horrible relationship for years in my early 20s and drank even more then. I'm not blaming my drinking on that, because I think I got into the relationship in the first place because of my low self-esteem, but the relationship resulted in more drinking. I don't think there's been a single weekend since I was legally able to drink that I haven't. And it hasn't helped one single thing in my life. I'm still the scared, insecure girl who always feels like a loser, even though logically I know I'm not.

rws177

I know that I would be a way more confident person if I had not started drinking heavily as a teenager and in my early 20’s. Sometimes I feel like a “failure” or a “looser” however now I start to feel more and more confident as the hours, days and well year(s) progress. I wish that I never would have started drinking but just glad that I stopped when I did!

Toronto68

"I just wonder if I hadn't started drinking heavily in my late teens-early 20s, if I would be a more secure and confident person today."

I don't think we can know for certain, but we can speculate that you may not have been. It would have taken work to change the person we were prior to the drinking career, and alcohol removed the option of working on it, and the option to drnk had less and less of a choice associated with it.

If you can pose these sorts of questions today, then to me I think there is a little bit of wisdom present and not just a scared little girl who's aged some since the early days of the drinking problem. Growth is also being able to ask, not just tell.

LaFemme

I also know that the pain caused by my alcoholism led me to seek out help for my emotional and spiritual health years ago....most of my friends are starting to go through today, What I started to go through then.

yeahgr8

Its well documented that substance abuse leads to arrested development, especially emotional...lots of books out there if you interested:-)

postparty82

Actually yeah, If you could name a few good titles, I wouldn't mind reading them . I'm very interested in this topic. I find myself a lot different that I was at 20 or 21, but some of it does make sense as well. What would you reccomend?

firestorm090

No wonder I still watch Happy Days reruns, lol.

Lionne

I had a similar experience in my early twenties and after an emotionally abusive relationship ended with an even worse breakup, that was when my drinking truly started to spiral out of control. I don't blame my drinking on this, as I was quite regularly drinking heavily as a teen before and abusing alcohol in certain situations. It made me confident, relaxed, nothing could really touch me. It was my protective barrier. But it also became a roadblock.

And I know now that I chose that relationship with thats man because there was damage done to me before, and because I had virtually no self-esteem and these issues had not been resolved. But what I can tell for sure is that my drinking made it impossible to process the atermath of that relationship properly. So yes, some parts of my emotional development had been stalled.

It often seemed to me my life in general was more or less on hold for the 5-6 years before I quit, while everyone else around was going forward in life. But when I quit drinking, I gave myself a real chance at resolving my issues and grow and develop as a person, to find a real sense of self.
Once sober, I was beating myself up a lot for these "lost years" and it resulted in pretty intense emotional distress.

But I now I've come to think differently. Even in all these dark times, there were experiences that I made that were good. It was not all lost time and in some areas, I was definitely not the young woman I was when I "seriously" started my drinking career. If you look at your own experinces, it's probable you will find there were some progresses even during these years. But I relate: I often asked myself if and how I would have been a different person if I hadn't been drinking. Gradually I realized that it doesn't matter, and that clinging on to these thoughts isn't helping now.

What counts is that we make sure to do everything to give the persons that we are now, at this point of our personal and emotional development a real chance to develop in a positive direction.
So I agree with Toronto68:
The fact that you are reflecting on this is something good and shows that you are actually making some progress. I've come a long way since I quit, emotionally, and also self esteem-wise, and it really gets better, but needs time. Emotional growth is something that is not always apparent to ourselves and yet it's happening.
Take care, and all the best to you,
LS

yeahgr8

Sorry dont know any off hand...not an interest personally but have a friend who is arehab counselor hes got loads...check out the reccovery sites e.g. hazelden.org but you can go as far asyou want and get medical/psychology studies too...google them...hope that helps a little:-)

Peter

Yes, I believe alcohol abuse stifles our emotional development when we start drinking at an early age, especially when we start using alcohol as a coping mechanism for our feelings.

The natural process of understanding our emotions and working through them and growth are interrupted by alcohol.

Homer38

absolutely agree with peter.

i may have wisened up over the years but there are many of my ways that are more of a guy in his late teens! i will be working on improving myself which in turn will improve the whole world in some littlle way,lol

i started using drugs and alcohol around 10 years old,is that why i still watch and enjoy cartoons? lol

spryte

Drinking definately affected my emotional development. In many ways, I think I am like a teenager in terms of emotional maturity. I am selfish and not comfortable with myself at the same time.

Things kind of grinded to a halt (or close to a halt) when I started drinking and using drugs to deal with anxiety about myself and my anxiety about being in the world. That was when I was a teen.

I have made some progress over the years, but as long as I was drinking the progress was pretty close to nil.

I am SO glad to be finally started on growing up. Finally!!

DukeBurger

Same thing with my sister, she's married, has a kid, in her second house...I'm just waking up from new years 2006 and nothing's changed except I'm broke and alone.

SJTChiSox

It has most defiantly effected my maturity in certain ways. I have not really ever, until now, lived on my own. Even when I was out of my parents house, I was dependent on others.

Socially it has not been that much of a problem, I have made plenty of friends.

Relationship wise however, well I haven't been in very many. I preferred one night stands, also Drunk Junkies are not very attractive...

johndelko408

I can relate to this topic. I started drinking and using at the tender age of 13. I didn't stop until January 2 of this year. The whole time i was out there I was always in party mode. Clubing, bars house parties and raves. More or less the same crap I was doing in high school. As I've worked the steps and have been sober all this year I feel that I have matured. I can now face my emotions and deal with things without having to numb myself. I don't get mad and blow up like I used to. I have to say that the program of AA has tought me to be an adult. But o still have a lot of growing to do.