Broken like a Horse, the taming begins
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Broken like a Horse, the taming begins
So there I was, not the proudest of moments about two months ago. Standing in the kitchen getting ready for work my Wife came downstairs. She said she had been reading about Alcoholism after I had gone to a buzzed sleep. She wasn't angry, she cared, she wanted me to be alright and told me she understood now how difficult it is. She understood how I couldn't stop even though I knew all the reasons why I shouldn't.
It was at this moment than I began to tear up, I tried to look away. I didn't want her to see me this way. Sure, she loves it when I tear up watching a good musical performance or get touched by a heart warming moment on the TV. But cry tears of sorrow, well that's something I rarely do. Here I was on the verge and she could see it which made me want to cry even more. I muttered out the words "I can't stop" with a shudder and she said "I know". She hugged me and went back to sleep and I haven't touched a drop since.
Something clicked in me that day, a flooded engine finally turning over, damp timber catching fire, a wave reaching its crest and crashing to shore. I had reached the breaking point. Now I just don't see beer the same way I used to, after that day I have never looked fondly at it again. It hurt me that day in ways I never thought it would.
A year back it brought me fear, six months ago it brought me anger and now it had brought me shame.
I noticed today as I got home hungry that I hadn't thought at all about beer and I had grabbed and started drinking juice before I even realized. I almost don't notice the candy like signs in the windows of the stores as I drive by anymore.
Something has changed, something inevitable, something wonderful.
It was at this moment than I began to tear up, I tried to look away. I didn't want her to see me this way. Sure, she loves it when I tear up watching a good musical performance or get touched by a heart warming moment on the TV. But cry tears of sorrow, well that's something I rarely do. Here I was on the verge and she could see it which made me want to cry even more. I muttered out the words "I can't stop" with a shudder and she said "I know". She hugged me and went back to sleep and I haven't touched a drop since.
Something clicked in me that day, a flooded engine finally turning over, damp timber catching fire, a wave reaching its crest and crashing to shore. I had reached the breaking point. Now I just don't see beer the same way I used to, after that day I have never looked fondly at it again. It hurt me that day in ways I never thought it would.
A year back it brought me fear, six months ago it brought me anger and now it had brought me shame.
I noticed today as I got home hungry that I hadn't thought at all about beer and I had grabbed and started drinking juice before I even realized. I almost don't notice the candy like signs in the windows of the stores as I drive by anymore.
Something has changed, something inevitable, something wonderful.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by Sudz No More 
So there I was, not the proudest of moments about two months ago. Standing in the kitchen getting ready for work my Wife came downstairs. She said she had been reading about Alcoholism after I had gone to a buzzed sleep. She wasn't angry, she cared, she wanted me to be alright and told me she understood now how difficult it is. She understood how I couldn't stop even though I knew all the reasons why I shouldn't.
It was at this moment than I began to tear up, I tried to look away. I didn't want her to see me this way. Sure, she loves it when I tear up watching a good musical performance or get touched by a heart warming moment on the TV. But cry tears of sorrow, well that's something I rarely do. Here I was on the verge and she could see it which made me want to cry even more. I muttered out the words "I can't stop" with a shudder and she said "I know". She hugged me and went back to sleep and I haven't touched a drop since.
Something clicked in me that day, a flooded engine finally turning over, damp timber catching fire, a wave reaching its crest and crashing to shore. I had reached the breaking point. Now I just don't see beer the same way I used to, after that day I have never looked fondly at it again. It hurt me that day in ways I never thought it would.
A year back it brought me fear, six months ago it brought me anger and now it had brought me shame.
I noticed today as I got home hungry that I hadn't thought at all about beer and I had grabbed and started drinking juice before I even realized. I almost don't notice the candy like signs in the windows of the stores as I drive by anymore.
Something has changed, something inevitable, something wonderful.
It was at this moment than I began to tear up, I tried to look away. I didn't want her to see me this way. Sure, she loves it when I tear up watching a good musical performance or get touched by a heart warming moment on the TV. But cry tears of sorrow, well that's something I rarely do. Here I was on the verge and she could see it which made me want to cry even more. I muttered out the words "I can't stop" with a shudder and she said "I know". She hugged me and went back to sleep and I haven't touched a drop since.
Something clicked in me that day, a flooded engine finally turning over, damp timber catching fire, a wave reaching its crest and crashing to shore. I had reached the breaking point. Now I just don't see beer the same way I used to, after that day I have never looked fondly at it again. It hurt me that day in ways I never thought it would.
A year back it brought me fear, six months ago it brought me anger and now it had brought me shame.
I noticed today as I got home hungry that I hadn't thought at all about beer and I had grabbed and started drinking juice before I even realized. I almost don't notice the candy like signs in the windows of the stores as I drive by anymore.
Something has changed, something inevitable, something wonderful.
this is awesome
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 226
Sudz,
Great post. It reminds me that I have not stopped drinking just because I don't want to "go back there," but because I don't want to give up what I have--a wonderful marriage, great job, good friends, and the relief that comes with knowing I never have to drink again (even if I want to).
Great post. It reminds me that I have not stopped drinking just because I don't want to "go back there," but because I don't want to give up what I have--a wonderful marriage, great job, good friends, and the relief that comes with knowing I never have to drink again (even if I want to).
I am happy for you.
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