SASA

so I am well over 70 days and I was doing very well. A very good friend moved in with me this week. He is not drinking, but definitly drivign me to the edge. I made 5 rules for him:
1. do not leave cat food outside
2. keep kitchen clean after eating and cooking
3. work in your room or office, but please do not occupy the kitchen table 24h
4. please keep the doors closed to save heat
5. stay out of my bedroom, only enter if I allow it

Are these rules so hard? So needless to say he broke all rules the 1st day. In addition he complained about things going wong in his life giving me all his bad energy and started trying to put blame on me.
So after just 4 days, I started googleling today is drinking 1 bottle of wine per day really that bad for you, since I desperatly want to get drunk, so I do not have to put up with this behaviour. Oh yes I poitned things out multiple times without success. I am working 12h per day get up at 6.30 in the morning, come home cook and he starts eating half of my dinner, and before I cook clean the kitchen and everything. I think I am insane. Why should I even consider putting up with this?
Anybody please talk me out fo drinking, I just feel if I start drinking, I can just keep in my bedroom and not care baout anything else going on and in 4 weeks he hopefully will be gone........
Anybody can relate to this?

whenartdeparts

hm this is a bit rude of him... but definitely not worth sacrificing your sobriety!
can you even imagine going back to day 1?? you've already achieved SO much - 70 days is quite impressive in my honest opinion... i am just 2 weeks sober and every time I think about drinking, I imagine having to "erase" all this sober time and start from day 1 again... the mere thought infuriates me and this is how i stay sober...

julez

SASA, don't do it. I'm not too familiar with your journey, but think of the first few sober days and how hard they were. Think of the cravings, the self doubts, and all the other CRAP that goes along with it.
This guys gonna be gone in 4 weeks. If you start drinking now, in 4 weeks you'll be a royal mess, and he will be on his happy way.
I would stay away from home as much as possible. Go to a friends, or the library, or to the coffee shop. I know, I know, its a pain in the butt, you're tired from work, blah blah. Your sobriety needs to come first, and if its the only way, then its the only way. Or instead of closing yourself in your room with wine, get some good books on tape, or meditations that you can listen to. Earphones would be the best, then you couldn't even hear him. Remember, this too shall pass. Don't let this derail you. Come here and post or chat. And if it gets too bad, kick the damn guy out!!!

least

I'd throw him out, now, and not look back. Maybe even change the locks. You DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS!!!

He doesn't sound like a 'very good friend' to me...

And OMG he's not worth throwing away your sobriety!!

suki44883

Is some guy who stomps all over your boundaries and rules worth your sobriety?? Why does he have to stay for 4 weeks? If he's as bad as you say he is, he'd be out the door already.

Kmber2010

Kick his ass out. If you are wavering in sobriety and this person and his negative vibe and lack of respect for your house rules is the trigger then get him out.

Sorry but I am selfish with my recovery and this person sounds unhealthy to me.

You have worked too hard and are doing so well here.

EricL

Ummmm you are insane if you are thinking that alcohol will solve anything. Is drinking a bottle of wine bad for people, not for some. For an alcoholic though it could mean a variety of things-could go smoothly, could end up dead... therein lies the problem with me, I am powerless over alcohol, left to my own defenses I couldn't choose when to drink, or how much to drink, or when to stop. Sometimes I only had a few, very often I was more or less insanely drunk. I always knew the consequences, knew the possibility of what would happen, that was never sufficient for me to stop drinking though. I needed more of a solution than "think the drink through" or "just do something else" or my favorite BS "don't think, don't drink, go to meetings".

Nobody can talk you out of drinking, just realize that getting drunk isn't going to solve anything, you'll still have all the roommate issues... except you'll be drunk. For me I always looked for an excuse to drink, something to say "see, they did THIS to me so I HAD to drink".

Maybe instead focus on taking actions to work a program of recovery that removes the obsession to drink from you?

meditation

wow, if he was killing my peace, serenity, he'd be gone. Or do you feel the need to sacrifice your life for your friend? Show him the door asap. Give him 24 hours to get out. He found you and he can find a new person to spew on. Even splitting the rent with someone isn't worth that, I'd rather deal with bankruptcy than deal with the pain of addiction all over again. Hope this situation gets better for you and you get some good strongggggggggggggggg boundaries.

findingt

70 days wow!! Don't throw it away!! btw, you DO NOT have to put up with his behaviour, if I had a friend acting like that in my place and he was threatening my sobriety he'd be gone real fast.

SASA

Thank you all. I left, I am at the library now and will retunr late tonight. He is homeless so he has nowhere to go, hmmm maybe other trew him out before I took him in. I just feel like overwelmed and gettign drunk seems to be an easy way out

least

He can be homeless again... that's better than you being 'hopeless'.

suki44883

Him being homeless is not your problem. Maybe there's a reason he was homeless. Maybe he doesn't show appreciation or gratitude when someone tries to help him out. Drinking is NOT the easy way out. Getting drunk won't change anything. He'll still be there tomorrow. So, were you planning to drink for the next 4 weeks until he goes? How do you know for sure that he'll go in 4 weeks? He sounds like the kind of guy who takes advantage of people who try to help him out. Your sobriety is definitely not worth it. If he can't immediately knock off all the BS, I'd kick him to the curb and not look back. If you won't stand up for yourself, who will?

Anna

Sasa, whether or not he's homeless is not your problem. If you lost your sobriety, you may become homeless too. He is completely disrespecting you and trust me, that will not be good for your mental outlook. You need to have positive, caring people around you.

kdr143

Sasa!!!! HEy babe!
we got 70 days.......he is not worth it! You have come so far.....hang in there.....this too shall pass.
keep your sobriety first so you can make it last!!!

rr423

who cares if he's homeless, you are nice enough to give him a place to stay and he's not following any of your rules in your house. tell him again and if he doesn't listen tell him he's gotta go.

BobGT

It is a tough problem since he is a very good friend, but...

Give him the old heave-ho, tell him that you hope it doesn't end the friendship, and DON'T DRINK. In my opinion, your sobriety should be your number one priority. Alcoholism can kill people who don't stop drinking.

Thumpalumpacus

Add one more voice to the chorus. There's nothing wrong with looking out for yourself; nothing wrong with standing on principle; nothing wrong with making the rules in your own house, and expecting them to be respected.

There is, however, something wrong with letting him determine your outlook.

My gut tells me he is counting on exactly this sort of angst in order to ensure a roof over his head.

Kjell

Boy these are the times when having a solid recovery program, like AA comes in handy.

It's a bit easier to stay sober when things are going well, but much harder when problems arise.

SASA

well I called some friends and they will take me in. I am not going back tonight/ I will deal with this tomorrow and then he either changes his attitude or he is history. As for now I am with a good friend who does nto rink. Thank you so much for helping. You all really saved me. I was so close to drinking. For me it is always these emotional triggers, when I just want to drink so time passes without me having to feel anything, Alcohol is for me the fast forward buttom, lets see if I get clean and I like the day and people around me, If nt keep drinking until I will. isn't that wired.

Azreal

I can only speak for myself. My best friend and I could NEVER live together. We would kill each other. Sometimes good friends aren't meant to live together.

But seriously, he should respect your boundaries and also be sensitive to your wishes. If not, he can find another place to live!