whenartdeparts

hey, it's been two weeks since my last drink...
...and I'm starting to notice that I'm developing an abnormal obsession with death, I keep on imagining worst-case scenarios, keep on replaying them over and over again in my head, my panic attacks are getting more and more frequent and intense, my adrenaline levels keep on jumping up and down, my mood swings are beginning to handicap me...
I really hope that's just my brain wondering where its favorite poison alcohol went lol Has anybody else experienced similar symptoms in early recovery? I stopped having nightmares at night, its my "day dreams" that scare me

r7av7en7

I understand what you are saying. When I quit I was a very emotional guy. Not so much thoughts of death but I found myself becoming very angry at petty things. I believe it affects everyone differently but the same principle applies, it just throws your emotions into chaos.

And congrats on 2 weeks!

AmericanGirl

hi whenart -- That sounds scary, and maybe it would be good to talk to a doctor or mental health professional about it if it continues to concern you.

I do know that for me, the first few weeks were very up and down, very moody, and over a couple of months that sorted itself out. But in the beginning there, I had little control over my emotions -- it was so strange feeling them again, I guess, and dealing with them naturally. Keeping a journal helped me very much to identify my emotions and work through them. Sorry to hear you are going through this, but congratulations on your two weeks. That's excellent!

suki44883

What you are feeling is quite common. Hang in there, it will pass. Maybe it's time to watch a comedy, even if you don't feel like it. Soon, you'll start laughing and you will feel better.

Isaiah

Oh yes. Actually, I understand that's quite normal too. one of the last stopping symptoms to go.

Jomey

Yes, I had similiar experiences. Looking back, I see that all my emotions seemed unmanageable, because I had "managed" them for so long with alcohol.

However, suffering needlessly is not a necessary part of recovery. If you can't get past the thoughts, see a doctor or councellor, ok?

Good Luck!
Jomey

whenartdeparts

ugh it might be a common experience but surely it's highly unpleasant! i almost caved in today.... almost relapsed... i'm really proud i resisted the urge to drink in order to relieve my panic attacks.... it took some will power!

SparklingSeven

I have OCD and that is one of the symptoms of it. I can end up crying when I snap out of some horrible funeral/death scenario.

Even though you know it's not real you can still be left with all the horrible emotions after the thought has gone.

Might be worthwhile mentioning it to your doctor as I am much better now I am on meds.

Stu.

fuel.injected

Oh yeah, I'm gettin that too. I had to fix the lock on my door so I couldn't get down to the ol bar and get some liquor. Now it all passed after supper, so I'm just gonna sit around till I get tired.

BullDog777

i had terrible paranoia and anxiety about death. i was a very low bottom drunk so it was probably very well founded however scary it was.

it's just apart of the withdrawal process though. even though the shakes are usually gone at this point, the brain continues to detox for many months and this is just one more thing to cross off your list of things you never wanna do again.

i gotta say the paranoia stuck around until the 2-3 month. after that, i really started to even out mood wise.


I also had OCD as mentioned by another poster but the longer i stayed sober, the more the OCD went away.

whenartdeparts

ChopperTS, I actually suspected that it could have been a symptom of OCD! Like the majority of people, I used to think OCD was just an obsession with cleanliness and order...However, this summer I had to study for an exam on abnormal psychology and got to read quite a bit about OCD.... I could see I exhibited quite a few of the symptoms! Your post confirms my suspicions.... Glad you shared, I'll definitely mention this to my doctor

feeling-good

Hey - major congrats on 2 weeks - that's awsome! So sorry about your horrible day-dreams, though. (hugs)

JackNWA

I remember hearing this same sort of discussion in a meeting one time. In discussing his experince with early recover, and old-timer said something along the lines of how this is to be expected. That for years we used alcohol to "stay on an even keel" so to speak. We didn't ever really FEEL our highs or our lows. Once we sobered up, we actually started to feel the highs and lows in our life and as good as the highs were, the lows hurt worse that we had hurt in a long time. This made lots of sense to me. The good news is that we learn to deal with those highs and lows in an entirely new, sober manner.

Isaiah

One thing that always came up in my therapy was the notion that our physical bodies can have a profound affect on our minds. Do you have relaxing hobbies? Might be time to double up on those. Or try some new ones.

Also, love the Kerouac quote. He was my avatar for quite a while on here.

whenartdeparts

lol yeah, now I remember it was you with the kerouac avatar! love him, shame his alcoholism took its toll

well, my past "hobbies" usually walked hand in hand with my heavy drinking.
nowadays, i relieve my alcoholic urges via classic female methods like clothes/shoes shopping, though I realize it feeds my instant gratification impulses even more... but if I'm gonna live with a compulsive personality and live with it SOBER, might as well look good while doing it!

Isaiah

Hey, whatever gets you out of the hole. Things will get better I'm sure. Personal question you don't have to answer here but might be worth thinking about, but did you have any mental health issues before you started drinking? It's being sick just like any other illness out there and worth getting treatment if it's been a chronic problem.

Sometimes the really dumb and cliche stuff really works too. Even though I'm a rather "girlish" kind of guy by nature, I still felt kind of emasculated when I tried a bubble bath (candles and everything) but in spite of my male ego it was actually pretty soothing. Took my stress from the red down to a manageable trinkle.

And I love Kerouac. I took him as an avatar because I can relate to feeling like an outsider, writing poetry, exploring Buddhism and of course the drinking. I only took it down because I figure having some guy who pretty much died because of wine is maybe not the image I want to put forward.

whenartdeparts

hm maybe a bit of depression prior to my alcoholism and a bit of social anxiety? though when i think about it i used to have a few obsessions and rituals as a kid which might have been the starting point of my ocd. the real mental health issues appeared after a few years of heavy drinking and an occasional indulgence in drugs... i thought i've developed panic disorder, but the more i examine my behavior, the more i see it's closer to ocd 'cause not only do i get major panic attacks but i also design specific behavioral patterns in order to relieve them, sounds really close to the obsession-compulsion cycle

Isaiah

It's not a bad idea to look into treatment for those things if you have the access to treatment. At first I was pretty anti-psychology and didn't want to have anything to do with shrinks or therapists. But as I got along in it I started to see that mental illness really is just illness and there's no need for shame in that.

I have a nice list to my name: borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. All in all I don't live by my diagnoses but it's nice to be getting assistance with whatever it is I have. Therapy has been good to me. I highly recommend it if you can and are willing and able to give it a shot.

Bugzer

you're experiencing anxiety, get yourself to a doctor and get some medication
for it... I went through the same thing in my first 3 months, it's only now
that its finally starting to go away.

Ninsuna

It's a little obvious, but no one has said it so I will; make sure you're not overdoing the caffeine. We sometimes substitute coffee and sodas and don't realise how much we're taking in. Your newly sober body is probably more sensitive to caffeine and it will make you anxious and paranoid.