BadLove

Hello everyone,

I am 24-year-old woman and I need help. I have been drinking alcoholically for over 4 years (the extremeness of my drinking developed very quickly), and I've long been at the point where I just feel hopeless and out of control. I know it sounds bad, but to be honest, my life has gotten to the point where drinking is the thing I most look forward to. I don't feel like a real person - more like a robot that is programmed to put on a public face and then get drunk in private as soon as possible.

I feel embarrassed even typing this, and part of it is because I can't accurately describe how completely drinking has taken over my life. It's hard to remember any other way of getting through the day. I know the mundaneness of my binge drinking would scare the typical, social drinker. But hiding my true habits to my friends and family has become second nature to me. Nobody knows how sick I really am.

I've read many of your posts, and I feel guilty talking about my problems which may sound shallow in comparison. But inwardly, I know I am dying in a very real way. I'm in that limbo place where I know I can't live this way anymore, but the thought of living without alcohol seems impossible. I live in a city and I've looked up some local AA meetings, which honestly scare the hell out of me. I'm sorry if this posting seems self-pitying. The bare facts are that I know I am sick and I need help. Getting better is not something that seems possible, but if it IS possible, I know it can only happen by reaching out. Left alone, I just continue to dig myself deeper.

Thanks for reading this, everyone. This site has been so valuable to me the last few months. Please know that all your support makes a difference, even to those who are just looking for some words of hope. I know I am.

Dee74

Hi BadLove

Reaching out really is a great step
You'll find a lot of help and support here - we understand

Welcome aboard
D

DayTrader

You'll find a lot of support here, which is nice......but you'll also find a lot of forgiveness in recovery. You don't need to live in that world of guilt and shame. I've been there myself. I know what a dark place it is. There is light, however. If you want to, those of us who've done it can show you what and how we did what we did to regain healthy / happy lives.

What happened in the past is IN the past. There's no better way to move out of guilt and remorse than setting the stage to make some concrete changes going forward. I know life without a drink.....even once and a while....seems scary. It is, however, not only possible....it can be downright joy-filled. Sometimes it means we have to do things we don't want to do, don't understand, or necessarily believe will work......and those things can seem scary too. But remember, most of us have been there and a lot of us have recovered from that hopeless state of mind.......so there's no doubt you can too.

tsmba

Glad you are here! Give those AA meetings a shot, they are crucial to recovery. Thank you for the reminder of 'the squirrel cage", that awful spot where booze quits working but I could not live with or without it. Making a decision to seek help is the first step in recovery!

CarolD

Welcome back to our recovery community.....

I certainly was not thrilled to begin AA....but drinking
had made me detest the woman I had become.
Best decision I ever made....

You could ask your best friend to go with you....and
here is a link for you to read....
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html

Pllease take your drinking seriously....it's obviously
making you unhappy......

littlebluedog

Do it. It will be scary, but it will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself. I started going to AA over 17 months ago, and the life I have now is better than all my wildest drunken dreams.