missb89

Part of me thinks/thought I should quit drinking, and part of me doesn't want to. I keep thinking that I am only 21, and only drink 2-3 times a month so I don't feel like an alcoholic yet. I'm just now able to drink legally. I don't know anyone my age who goes out and doesn't get drunk, that's just what most young people do on the weekends. Does that make them ALL alcoholics? I haven't drank in two weeks. I never really tried controlling my intake or even thought about it unless I had a responsibility like I drove to the bar. I'm pretty sure that if I do decide to go out I am going to moderate and pay close attention to my feelings/reactions and see if I do really feel as out of control as AA explains an alcoholic to feel. Or if moderating really bothers me. I feel so upset just trying to figure out if I am an alcoholic or not, or if I am just being paranoid because I am a new mom and so afraid of becoming one because my dad is. I feel guilty when I go out and drink but I think that is because I am a mom ande even though I'm young I feel like I am supposed to grow up all of a sudden and not enjoy myself. I am so self critical and see things in black and white and I think I may be shoving myself into a box before I know for sure. Thoughts?

CarolD

My experience is.....that you are going to do whatever you want.
I certainly hope you will find a way to live a
long healthy life.....

I do think that when one becomes a parent....regardless
of age...it is time to grow up. I had to....and alcohol
was not a factor.
My husband and I were young parents.

I'm thinking about being responsible for another
24/7.....making a budget ...running a home....
only having babies we could afford and care for.

All my best to you and your child

missb89

I do feel like I have grown by leaps and bounds, but I am just starting on working on myself and my depression and the years of pushing down feelings about my upbringing etc. I just feel also that being as young as I am, I could still go out occasionally and it wouldn't be a problem IF I am not in fact an alcoholic. That's why I am driving myself crazy wondering IF, because I want to know if I will be able to occasionally enjoy the things that my friends my age do, or if doing so, no matter how infrequent, is just going to spin me into a downward spiral. I have always had an obsessive thought pattern, about everything, for as long as I can remember so that doesn't help me much in any given situation. I always wanted the answers ASAP and would make little plans, or lists, from as long as I can remember. Sooo I am stressing pretty badly right now.

CarolD

Look at it this way......
If your childhood was so miserable....I would suggest
you aboid all the things that made it so.

Have you considered counseling for your
childhood issues?

Stang

Thank You!
There is nothing in those bars anyway. Nobody in a club gives a damn about you. The staff wants your money, and the fellas want to get laid...PERIOD!
Did you take any of this into consideration before having a child?

missb89

Excuse me? Take what into consideration? It wasn't a planned pregnancy, and I do not personally believe in abortion. So it was a shock to me, but I had no doubt that I would keep the baby and learn to be a parent the best way that I could considering that I had to teach myself. Before I got pregnant I was only drinking once or twice a month and not to excess. I don't go out to the "clubs" for people to "care" about me, I go out with my friends to enjoy their company, and if men try to get laid, they can go straight to hell. I haven't slept with anyone since my ex and I broke up and am not into one night stands.

I am a good mother so I don't really appreciate the vibe I got off of your post. I NEVER drink in my daughter's presence and when I do go out it is for a couple of hours and then I am home, and up in the morning to take care of her.

discoveringme

Missb89: very beautiful baby you have there..im assuming that is her!! It sounds to me like you are trying hard to do the best you can, and are staying aware that alcoholism is in your family, so you do need to watch out for that. All of a sudden you can cross the line..and wonder when that happened! If you are very worried about your current patterns with drinking, maybe its best just to eliminate it altogether. If you do keep drinking socially, then just keep a very sharp eye on yourself, and watch for the signs. BUT I tell ya..once you already see the signs....its VERY difficult to stop. Best of luck to you and your daughter and welcome so SR!!

missb89

Yeah lol I'm not even obsessing over not having a drink for the past few weeks, I'm just driving myself crazy over the whole alcoholic/not deal. I guess that's beyond the point. I am still going to abstain. AND if I do decide to go out, it's going to be with my cousin, not my "friends." I felt dirty the last few times I drank because it was clear that everyone I was drinking with was an alcoholic and I don't want to aid in their destruction and it's not fun that way. Either way, I started therapy and I'm still going to attend some AA meetings and see what I hear. I don't have to have everything set in stone just yet but I am keeping my eyes and mind wide open.

caribbean

The thing about alcoholism is it's progressive. The rate of progression is different for everyone. When I was 21 I didn't drink like I did at 34. I could party and then not pick up a drink for a little while. But when I did drink, I never ever wanted to stop, and I was always excited to do it again. Thirteen years later, I was drinking pretty much every day and could no longer stop when I wanted to.

I think the important thing for you is that you are working on yourself. When I was your age, I spent many years getting help for my depression. I did a lot of important work in those years and really got a lot of things in my life sorted out. If I didn't have that foundation now, I know I would be struggling a lot more with my alcoholism. But all the therapy in the world couldn't keep me from becoming a drunk. I was healthy in a lot of ways, but I could never solve that little problem I had with alcohol that other people don't seem to have.

In college, most everybody drank. But a few years afterward, out of the party environment, most of them stopped drinking like I still wanted to. That's what makes me an alcoholic and them "normal" drinkers.

Hope some of this is helpful. And don't let the sidebar arguments distract you from what's important here -- your recovery.

LexieCat

I've actually never known anyone who questioned their drinking enough to wonder whether they were alcoholic who was able to drink safely.

Just a personal observation. I'm sure there are people out there for whom that might be the case. Not all of them need AA, necessarily, but I think they would all be better off not drinking at all.

Zencat

For me the point was: Do I want to do something about my drinking or not. Then once I decided to do something about it didn't matter what other people called it, be it alcoholism, alcohol abuse, heavy drinking....ad nauseum.

So I see you have a plan, that's really the main thing...so with that...good going on your decision to treat your...whatever you would like to call it

Bamboozle

missb...

I think it's great that you're thinking about these things and taking action to take care of yourself. It takes many people a long time before they realize they have a problem and should do something about it.

Take care.

Spirit08

Step One tells us to go out and try some controlled drinking; get a serious case of the jitters AFTER you have learned about the mental, physical and spiritual nature of the illness. I would suggest a full step one after 90 meetings in 90 days and then make your decision. We can refund your misery at the door at that time

Spirit08

GOOD IDEA

sailorjohn

The only way to know for a fact is to continue drinking and see how your life plays out. There are a few self-evaluation tests you can take, if you are completely honest they might help. Or at least give you a better idea, but they probably won't help you with the acceptance thing if you do happen to be an alcoholic.

A 'true' alcoholic will drink regardless of the fact of your being there or not. You can't really aid an alcoholic in that way, unless you're bailing them out of trouble caused by their drinking.

Probably not a bad idea.

missb89

Thank you all for the responses. I will stay updated as to what I decide or how things go. I love this website and am on it every day.

CarolD

hi Everyone....
sharing on our forums works best when you do so
with your experiences.

This does not include your opinion of someone elses opinion......

Posts have been removed from this thread......
please remember......

missb89

And at the end of today my heart is telling me that I do have a problem. To stop arguing with myself and to attend an AA meeting tomorrow ASAP. Saying this out loud makes me feel calm, I have been restless all evening.

LexieCat

Good idea, MissB,

Going to meetings and listening never hurt anybody. Knowledge is power.