missb89

Are there any other threads, or members that can share their successes of staying sober without AA. I am reading the Big Book, and although I do believe in God, something about this whole thing just doesn't sit right with me. I know this may push some peoples buttons and I truly am not aiming to offend anyone, but I don't buy into the whole AA is the only way thing and that anyone who quits AA is doomed to drink themselves to death. It just feels like you are absolutely required to believe everything there as fact, and that having your own opinions or maybe even a slightly different method is frowned upon. I have only been to one AA meeting. Any thoughts? I would really appreciate it as I am starting to feel frustrated because I was sure AA would be the answer but now I am starting to change my mind.

LexieCat

AA is great for lots of people (I'm one of them), but there are a lot of people on the this forum who have gotten sober and stayed that way without AA. AA originally came into being for those alcoholics for whom NOTHING else worked. That's its main claim to fame, and why it is so highly esteemed.

I don't know whether I could stay sober without AA, but I believe my life needs a major overhaul, and the Steps are a good way to do that. I feel it's a pretty good assurance, if I work the program as laid out in the BB, I won't go back to drinking.

Some people keep trying other things, and keep failing. I think those people would be WELL advised to just quit fighting it--drop all their objections, and do what's suggested in the BB. Heck, at some point it's a matter of life and death.

The reason for the perceived "dogmatism" about AA is that for those people for whom nothing else works, it is ESSENTIAL to do it exactly as it's spelled out in the book. If you're one of those who just wants to use AA as a kind of support group, that's fine. But I wouldn't make that recommendation to someone whose life depends on doing it EXACTLY as prescribed.

Dee74

I'm not an AA member but I'm surprised you got that impression from the Big Book - I didn't when I read it

I'm sorry if your one meeting was a bad one too. There must be good ones though I'm sure.
I always encourage anyone to give something new a fair chance.

Having said that - we do have a forum that is not 12 step - Secular Connections
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

- and we have a lost of resources that goes beyond 12 step
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I hope you'll find something there that can help you missb

D

ANGELINA243

Maybe try a few different meetings in your area before you decide. Each group has its own "personality"....sorry, can't think of another word to describe. Some groups are better than others..at least, that's been my experience. I do go to AA, as well as a few other recovery groups. SR offers different tyes of recovery support. I will see if I can find the link for you. Ultimately, whatever program you do decide upon, it is about you and your recovery. Pick something that will help you--something that you can stick with. Recovery is our goal.

-------------------

Thanks DEE! I see you beat me to it.

Spirit08

AA is the softer, easier way and it works. Forget the God stuff for now. Don't drink and go to meetings. It works.

Spirit08

Oh, and GOD can be Good Orderly Direction (sponsor), Group of Drunks (the Fellowship) and Good Orderly Design (the steps)

Anyway, it's your own conception of God. You can believe whatever you want.

missb89

I do believe in God, I just seem a little put off and I can't really explain why, just an underlying vibe I got I suppose. I guess googling AA dogma didn't help, lol. Lots of people seem to think it very comparable to a cult, I don't have an opinion on that yet. I will still go to more meetings and check it out, I am not completely shutting it off. I think that even if I don't agree 100% it could still be very valuable as a support group as someone mentioned, and as something to do on a Friday night if I feel the urge to go out and drink.

LexieCat

There are lots of anti-AA people with an axe to grind. I'm not sure why they feel threatened by it when nobody makes anyone go (well, some courts require alcohol treatment, though I think it's well settled by now that it doesn't have to be AA).

The goal of the AA program is to produce a "spiritual awakening," which the BB defines as a "personality change sufficient to bring about a recovery from alcoholism." So yes, there is an element of "brainwashing" involved (most of us needing to have our brains washed). But it is all up front and not hidden or covert. There also is no central leadership or governing body that has anything to gain, which makes it distinctly un-cultlike. The only thing anyone gets out of AA is sobriety.

Spirit08

Do you think that underlying vibe is FEAR?

Personally, I threw myself into AA with both feet. Don't know where the willingness came from but I do know I cannot do this alone.

It's not a cult. haha It's a fellowship, it's a program and it works.

missb89

It probably is fear. I am the type of person that can get caught up in conspiracy theories too easily lol. I will try more AA meetings before I rule it out. I am definitely excited about living a life free of alcohol, so I'm not afraid of quitting. I want to be able to hold my head high and be able to face life without a cushion. I guess I'm more afraid of being disappointed if I don't like it or cannot completely agree with it or of getting shut down if I have some opinions that don't strictly adhere with AA. But I'll never know unless I try, right?

Spirit08

We can always refund your misery at the door

LexieCat

I went through some doubts and debates with myself and others about AA. The best I can suggest is to keep an open mind. My debates eventually resolved themselves. If I am perfectly honest, the world would be a much nicer, better place if EVERYONE practiced the principles in the 12 Steps. So, to my mind, it's a little silly to resist it. I can see no possible harm that can come from working the program--and there are promises of good things to come if we do.

LaFemme

Hi again missb...I already posted on your other thread. I agree with Lexis that I think everyone could benefit from spiritual and emotional work...it actually seems silly to me that everyone isn't working on themselves...that said I don't think it has to be the 12 steps. I believe in God, always have, and credit God with getting me sober...heck I prayed enough for it! Lol:-) one of the benefits of AA is that there is a program already in place...I had to figure out what worked for me on my own and that might have added time to the misery of my life while drinking. Now I work with a life coach about issues in my life that I need to resolve and I get support here at SR...I also benefit from learning about the scientific reasons for addiction. I don't white knuckle it...I don't use willpower...I am happy and healthy and getting more so all the time.

Give AA an honest shot, but don't despair if its not for you...there are alternatives out there:-)

missb89

Thank you!

TwelveSteps

Also remember that your higher power doesn't have to be God. I'm an atheist and my higher power is the collective strength of my AA fellows. Some people also envision their HP as time or the natural balance of the universe.

GG

stugotz

Its not a promise that if you quit AA you will die a drunk, but it is a promise that if you follow the suggestions of AA you will get sober.

"Thouroughly follow our path" comes to mind.

keithj

miss89,

You asked about AA alternatives. I can't help you with that, but many others can. There are some great examples on this forum of people who have gotten and stayed sober without accepting AA's program.

I can tell you that it's OK to not buy into everything in the AA Big Book right off the bat. I came into AA as a staunch atheist who thought that the idea of a higher power was a crutch for weak-minded people. Needless to say, I couldn't agree with the very foundation of the AA program.

But, through repeated failures at trying to get sober, every time things just getting worse, I had become convinced that my whole life was hopeless and futile. And I saw this AA thing work for so many others. So what choice did I have? Keep living as I was living, or accept the spiritual help offered in AA.

Because I couldn't living as I was, I worked the 12 Steps to the best of my ability, had a spiritual awakening, and recovered from alcoholism. I can no longer deny the conscious presence of this power working in my life.

AA works best for those that have used up all their other options and are desperate for sobriety. I know I spent a lot of time pursuing all the other options before I became willing to work the AA program like it's outlined in the book.

pongo

I was turned off by the strong patriarchal quality of AA meetings I attended years ago. I got sober using the principles of Women for Sobriety and regular attendance at those meetings. It is not as widespread or available, so I don't know that you could do "90 meetings in 90 days." However there are many more options these days, probably more accessible in urban areas, so I would check those out and maybe take an assortment.

justanothrdrunk

Remember too that the big book was written in the 30s and at that time there was no effective alternative.

Even though the book doesn't come right out and say it, I think it's reasonable to get the sort of drift that it's saying it's the only way. And at the time, it was.

Things have changed, and there's all sorts of alternatives out there. Find what works for you.

jamdls

Hi MissB, I tried AA and decided after a handful for meetings that the meetings weren't for me and continued on my journey on my own and I've been relieved of my need and deisire for alcohol for over 3 yrs. I did take cues from the 12 steps and applied them to my life as I saw fit, I also read lots of books/blogs/etc on recovery, and I prayed a lot. I have a wonderful friend who has been sober for over 25 yrs after drinking heavily for over 40 yrs who recovered on his own, we talked almost daily the first year I wasn't drinking then every other day and now about twice a week, having someone to talk to who understood where I'd been and what I was going through has been probably the most important aspect of my recovery and I think that is one of the most important benefits of AA.
I should also add that I was not an every day drinker, I never woke up needing/wanting a drink, I actually never had an actual craving for alcohol before nor after I stopped drinking.